As a mother who has been cancelled, I totally get this. The only word that comes to mind is simply "diabolical". Thank you for shining a light on this subject that is destroying the fabric of so many families.
You are right. The dismantling of the family comes directly from the Soviet playbook (Young Pioneers) and was done by another authoritarian regime during WWII, Germany (Hitler Youth). Once taken by the state they are indoctrinated into the state. Orwell's prophetic novel, "1984," exists as a warning when the core family values are broken and the children are wards of the State. Let us remember that you don't need jackboots to do this. Here is what that pillar of the nation, Michelle Obama, "The concept of the nuclear family, it's not really how we were designed to be."
“Gender dysphoria” is a code word for gay in boys, lesbian in girls.
It has no other meaning.
If that comes up the child should immediately be shuffled off to a gay or lesbian environment where other adults who have experience as a gay or lesbian child can give them the full facts before a delusional person does.
It used to be called something like gay uncle Al or lesbian aunt Rusty.
These characters have disappeared as family size has shrunk dramatically.
A psychotherapist or psychiatrist is no substitute.
Only real gays or lesbians can speak to the child as a peer.
No one should shuffle their child off, homo or heterosexual, to adult groomers. As one homosexual father told his child's school board, "the pride flag is a sexual flag". Children are not sexual, and teens are often confused during adolescence. Due in part to our sexually deviant media CULTure, many youth experiment with same sex experiences but grow into heterosexual adults. Counseling for childhood trauma should be available to homosexual & gender dysphoric youth without it being labeled "conversion therapy".
There are actually quite a number of girls who identify as “gay boys” (i.e. they are girls attracted to boys and are therefore straight in sane world) and men who identify as “lesbians” (same deal). My daughter is one of those girls. While I think the scenario you mention is quite common too, there are definitely other reasons why people identify as trans. I think for my daughter it started out because being gay was so much cooler, and she was bullied and made to feel ashamed for being a “cis-het” white girl from a middle class family.
I disagree. It would be fine if my daughter was a lesbian (at least if it were genuine and not a performance for internet disadvantaged identity points) but as she’s gotten older it’s completely obvious that she’s not - she is attracted at least primarily to males. She gets crushes on males, looks at guys, writes and thinks about and draws male characters. She doesn’t talk about girls the same way. Yet she says she’s a boy. A gay boy.
I don’t disagree with you that for many people, being same-sex attracted is the reason they decide they are the opposite sex. But I don’t understand how you can insist that it has to be the reason for everyone when there are clearly many people who transition who are not same-sex attracted. What about all the well-publicized cases of men who are trying to insist on joining lesbian groups and accusing women who won’t sleep with them of bigotry? Or the men in women’s prisons who are having sex with female prisoners? It seems obvious that these types didn’t start identifying as trans because they were same-sex attracted.
From everything I have read, being same-sex attracted is just one of MANY things that can cause a child to identify as trans. I really don't think it's that simple. Gay kids ARE being transed, but it's not limited to them.
This makes me profoundly sad. I see and feel it on a daily basis. Personally. And I know 3 others who have been cut off from one, or more of their children. And there's never a reason given, just estrangement, then no contact. It's also percolating to grown up siblings and lifelong friends. Cancel culture is a growing phenomenom that isn't defined by age. 2020 was the Year of Great Unraveling. We've never been the same.
EyesOpen (and all those who are reading my comment), have you read "Journeys by the Styx" substack? He lays out estrangement ideology that many families are going through even if they weren't hit by the trans cult. There is also a book called, "Forget Them Kids" by Vivian King, Phd. She also writes about therapeutic language and estrangement ideology seeping into families now. These helped me understand more broadly what is happening with younger Millenials and older Gen Z in cutting off their family.
“Parents are constantly berated for their failures. Kids are saying, ‘You owed me everything because you chose to have me. But I owe you nothing in return.’”
When my kid was 13, I saw a text she had sent a friend that read something like "my parents had no right or ownership to choose my name." They have no understanding of what it means to be a parent, because as with everything else, the culture has changed the definition.
Bravo for tackling this subject head on. Many authors here have touched on this, but not a deep dive like this. And it's so very important - not just with trans either. The incessant focus on trauma (and encouragement to almost wallow in it v. build resilience and move through it), the quizzes and articles asking "is your family member a narcissist?", the constant drumbeat of "toxic masculinity," the equating of loving discipline with abuse, has at some point got to come to a head. And yet, young people wonder why they feel so lonely. They don't realize they are victims of a grim experiment to destroy everything that is good about the human race.
Pope Leo XIV already seems to have honed in on this. I saw this quote from a day or two ago that is just fantastic:
Let us think of the isolation caused by rampant relational models increasingly marked by superficiality, individualism and emotional instability; of the spread of patterns of thought weakened by relativism; of the prevalence of rhythms and lifestyles in which there is not enough room for listening, reflection and dialogue, at school, in the family and, at times, among the peers themselves, with the resulting loneliness."
Yes, the cult of algorithmic identity has taken control of their minds, all this talk of breaking generational trauma whilst creating way deeper trauma than ever, the irony is glaring. This mass brainwashing by a million internet cults has created identities steeped in tik tok videos, victims, performers. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome via tech. We need to get back to talking about depth of character, integrity, family bonds, romantic love. Being born into this world is to believe that everyone is an enemy except those who say “come here I have the answers of your human emotions for you”….the equivalent for children in the old days was being lured by a stranger with sweets!
Yes: "And yet, young people wonder why they feel so lonely. They don't realize they are victims of a grim experiment to destroy everything that is good about the human race."
This is 100% spot on, my wife and I are victims, our daughter now breastless and bearded, we do talk sometimes but it is very rare, no Christmas, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Easter, Moms/Dads day, nothing...I woke up 2x this week at 3am and just prayed for her. Yep - I remember this one..."Kids are saying, ‘You owed me everything because you chose to have me. But I owe you nothing in return.’” and the name change, it is all so destructive and evil. The world is growing quite evil, ancient books of wisdom discuss what happens next. Only Jesus can save us, put your Hope and Trust in him, follow his ways as best you can, he never fails. Fight the good fight, run the good race. Love God, start today.
I agree, it’s shocking the amount of kids/young adults that are disowning their parents, not just trans, but largely over their ‘identities’. It is absolutely destructive for humanity & I am still stunned at how easily they are able to do it. It’s the most cruel thing to be discarded & dismissed in this way. And how on earth we get through our days hurt & angry whilst at the same time worried sick about them. It is the strangest most cowardly choice. And what’s hardest is that none of us want to badmouth our kids, because they were nice, were.
It's the therapists who are encouraging adult children to label their parents as "toxic", convincing them their perfectly typical upbringings were woefully deficient and that their lives will now be happier if they discard the people who always have, and always will, love them most in the world.
The definition of "abuse" just gets more and more petty. The younger generations are in therapy in ridiculous numbers, and they're all being encouraged to see themselves as "victims" of this or that. Are therapists being TRAINED in this now, or has it simply become fashionable? Or maybe it keeps clients coming through the doors?
When a child identifies as trans, it's even worse, of course. But the "no contact" nonsense is also happening in plenty of families that have nothing to do with trans.
All this family destruction won't lead to anyone's lasting happiness.
Trans has a living script they employ, they worship themselves, they think they are God, they are not, God has given them over to their abominations, it's happened before many, many years ago. We should all love God and his creations, love our neighbors as ourselves, be full of love and compassion and His truths. Only Jesus saves, true freedom is only found in Christ. Woe to the wicked, ready the millstones!
This is not a new phenomenon. Indeed, I am struck by the similarities with the upheavals of the 1960s and 1970s. Back then it was "finding yourself" or "self-actualization" and the facilitation was mostly drugs. And, yes, back then it was also all the fault of the 'communists'.
I think this kind of social contagion phenomenon happens regularly and is usually brought on by significant exogenous events. In the 1960 it was the Cold War and the fear of nuclear obliteration and, of course, Vietnam. "Turn on, tune in, drop out". I knew families torn asunder by 'hippie' and drug culture. It was serious ... and I would maintain that a lot more kids died or were maimed for life from drug overdoses than have likely been killed and injured by transgenderism so far (knock on wood). This time the transgender fad has been juiced by COVID and rapid changes in digital technology expressly electronic social media.
However, the 60s and 70s youth rebellion was driven by overdue culture changes and political polarization ... as bad as today in many respects. And while transgenderism is also driven by radical culture and Postmodern political theory, in the end this will pass because it is simple not objectively true and not rooted in science and reality. We had to work through the Civil Rights movement, the women's rights movement, and gay rights movements as necessary liberations and empowerments of people -- transgenderism is not like that at all -- it is not rooted in rights but by a twisted Postmodern Theory ideology founded on cynicism, nihilism, and rejection of reason and science (in those respects it is also mirrored in radical MAGAism).
So in spite of the struggle I am rather optimistic about the outcome of this battle over sex and gender because ultimately nothing can change the fact that sex in mammals is binary and immutable, period. Reality will not be mocked for long.
These days it's not just gender ideology/gender identity issues that are busting up families. This also happens in traditional religious families when a child decides not just to follow a different church or path, but feels the need to lecture the parents for taking them down the "wrong" path and going no-contact because of religious beliefs. It's like the Reformation all over again. The self-righteous cope of boundaries/no-contact is happening in all kinds of families.
A traditional, conservative and Christian family I know of in my town sent their daughter to Wheaton College in IL (an evangelical college.) She met a boy there, her parents threw her a lovely wedding, and then after they returned home the daughter informed them that she was resentful that her parents hadn't raised her in the correct religion, that she was now entirely with her new husband and his family, and that she didn't want to have a relationship with them again because of their mistaken religious beliefs. So, that's that! Raise a child, send her to the college of her choice, and receive precisely two mouthsful of ashes. Sickening and wrong.
Yep. My kids are 22 and 20, and all of our friends' kids are around this same age. Several of these families are experiencing some sort of seismic rift with one or more of their kids, at varying levels of severity. None have ended up in a no contact situation yet but they are all teetering on the brink, including our own. Our issue is trans; in other families, it's some other sort of unfair or incorrect treatment from childhood.
These are all solid, two-parent families, upper middle class, well educated, kids have been well provided for with no major dysfunction. Colleges, weddings, etc. paid for. A life and upbringing that many less fortunate children would dream of. And yet, here we all are.
We saw this family pathologizing and alienization first in the 1970's when therapists got caught up in the alcoholic family paradigm popularized by John Bradshaw and his ilk and then when the feminists pushed their feminist family therapy paradigm in the 1980's. Both theories pathologized the family and taught that people got better when they ejected themselves from their "dysfunctional families". We moved away from this junk in the 1990's but seemed to have re-entered the fray as the LGBT's got more influence. When victim political groups get influence they always pathologize prevailing societal norms. We can take some good from that but we often over-react as the purveyors start making a lot of money from their ideas and methods, as the trans groups do today.
"When victim political groups get influence they always pathologize prevailing societal norms." Yes, indeed. Norms are good, actually! Please, be normal. It's better for everyone, but most especially for children.
Having a child go no contact is worse than a death , because the child is still alive and choosing not to be with you . We are left trying to survive day by day wondering if they will ever come back to us. Unlike a child who has died and can’t come back our grieving process never comes to an end or at least an acceptance that our child has chosen to disown us. What pain could be worse for a parent or grandparent, brother, sister , aunt , uncle , friend, anyone who loved and cared for them ? They are creating trauma that they say we inflicted on them for not being a perfect parent , only the trauma is being inflicted on us, yes the very people who love them more than they will ever know. Unless you are a parent you can never know the depth of love that’s felt by a parent .
I agree with everything that has been said . Sadly !
As a mother who has been cancelled, I totally get this. The only word that comes to mind is simply "diabolical". Thank you for shining a light on this subject that is destroying the fabric of so many families.
You are right. The dismantling of the family comes directly from the Soviet playbook (Young Pioneers) and was done by another authoritarian regime during WWII, Germany (Hitler Youth). Once taken by the state they are indoctrinated into the state. Orwell's prophetic novel, "1984," exists as a warning when the core family values are broken and the children are wards of the State. Let us remember that you don't need jackboots to do this. Here is what that pillar of the nation, Michelle Obama, "The concept of the nuclear family, it's not really how we were designed to be."
I totally disagree.
Same with the Maoist Red Guard.
“Gender dysphoria” is a code word for gay in boys, lesbian in girls.
It has no other meaning.
If that comes up the child should immediately be shuffled off to a gay or lesbian environment where other adults who have experience as a gay or lesbian child can give them the full facts before a delusional person does.
It used to be called something like gay uncle Al or lesbian aunt Rusty.
These characters have disappeared as family size has shrunk dramatically.
A psychotherapist or psychiatrist is no substitute.
Only real gays or lesbians can speak to the child as a peer.
No one should shuffle their child off, homo or heterosexual, to adult groomers. As one homosexual father told his child's school board, "the pride flag is a sexual flag". Children are not sexual, and teens are often confused during adolescence. Due in part to our sexually deviant media CULTure, many youth experiment with same sex experiences but grow into heterosexual adults. Counseling for childhood trauma should be available to homosexual & gender dysphoric youth without it being labeled "conversion therapy".
Nobody should suffer their child off to someone who has no idea of what they’re taking about.
That easy.
My gender dysphoric son is married to a biological woman. He's traumatized and stubborn but not homosexual.
That’s one person, I speak of numbers. Gender dysphoria is a manufactured conditions which is not scientifically defined.
Children have had adolescent anxiety over their adult sexuality forever.
The research on the topic is overwhelming.
https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=pubertal+anxiety&oq=
When of comes to masculinity and feminity it is almost invariably gay or lesbian as a source.
Prove me wrong. Men begin homosexual behavior permanently at many stages in life.
There are actually quite a number of girls who identify as “gay boys” (i.e. they are girls attracted to boys and are therefore straight in sane world) and men who identify as “lesbians” (same deal). My daughter is one of those girls. While I think the scenario you mention is quite common too, there are definitely other reasons why people identify as trans. I think for my daughter it started out because being gay was so much cooler, and she was bullied and made to feel ashamed for being a “cis-het” white girl from a middle class family.
They don’t identify as trans; they are told they do. They don’t identify as the sexuality of their parents because they are gay or lesbian.
I disagree. It would be fine if my daughter was a lesbian (at least if it were genuine and not a performance for internet disadvantaged identity points) but as she’s gotten older it’s completely obvious that she’s not - she is attracted at least primarily to males. She gets crushes on males, looks at guys, writes and thinks about and draws male characters. She doesn’t talk about girls the same way. Yet she says she’s a boy. A gay boy.
I don’t disagree with you that for many people, being same-sex attracted is the reason they decide they are the opposite sex. But I don’t understand how you can insist that it has to be the reason for everyone when there are clearly many people who transition who are not same-sex attracted. What about all the well-publicized cases of men who are trying to insist on joining lesbian groups and accusing women who won’t sleep with them of bigotry? Or the men in women’s prisons who are having sex with female prisoners? It seems obvious that these types didn’t start identifying as trans because they were same-sex attracted.
Numbers don’t support that view.
From everything I have read, being same-sex attracted is just one of MANY things that can cause a child to identify as trans. I really don't think it's that simple. Gay kids ARE being transed, but it's not limited to them.
Are you gay?
This makes me profoundly sad. I see and feel it on a daily basis. Personally. And I know 3 others who have been cut off from one, or more of their children. And there's never a reason given, just estrangement, then no contact. It's also percolating to grown up siblings and lifelong friends. Cancel culture is a growing phenomenom that isn't defined by age. 2020 was the Year of Great Unraveling. We've never been the same.
EyesOpen (and all those who are reading my comment), have you read "Journeys by the Styx" substack? He lays out estrangement ideology that many families are going through even if they weren't hit by the trans cult. There is also a book called, "Forget Them Kids" by Vivian King, Phd. She also writes about therapeutic language and estrangement ideology seeping into families now. These helped me understand more broadly what is happening with younger Millenials and older Gen Z in cutting off their family.
“Parents are constantly berated for their failures. Kids are saying, ‘You owed me everything because you chose to have me. But I owe you nothing in return.’”
When my kid was 13, I saw a text she had sent a friend that read something like "my parents had no right or ownership to choose my name." They have no understanding of what it means to be a parent, because as with everything else, the culture has changed the definition.
Bravo for tackling this subject head on. Many authors here have touched on this, but not a deep dive like this. And it's so very important - not just with trans either. The incessant focus on trauma (and encouragement to almost wallow in it v. build resilience and move through it), the quizzes and articles asking "is your family member a narcissist?", the constant drumbeat of "toxic masculinity," the equating of loving discipline with abuse, has at some point got to come to a head. And yet, young people wonder why they feel so lonely. They don't realize they are victims of a grim experiment to destroy everything that is good about the human race.
Pope Leo XIV already seems to have honed in on this. I saw this quote from a day or two ago that is just fantastic:
Let us think of the isolation caused by rampant relational models increasingly marked by superficiality, individualism and emotional instability; of the spread of patterns of thought weakened by relativism; of the prevalence of rhythms and lifestyles in which there is not enough room for listening, reflection and dialogue, at school, in the family and, at times, among the peers themselves, with the resulting loneliness."
Yes, the cult of algorithmic identity has taken control of their minds, all this talk of breaking generational trauma whilst creating way deeper trauma than ever, the irony is glaring. This mass brainwashing by a million internet cults has created identities steeped in tik tok videos, victims, performers. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome via tech. We need to get back to talking about depth of character, integrity, family bonds, romantic love. Being born into this world is to believe that everyone is an enemy except those who say “come here I have the answers of your human emotions for you”….the equivalent for children in the old days was being lured by a stranger with sweets!
Yes: "And yet, young people wonder why they feel so lonely. They don't realize they are victims of a grim experiment to destroy everything that is good about the human race."
This is 100% spot on, my wife and I are victims, our daughter now breastless and bearded, we do talk sometimes but it is very rare, no Christmas, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Easter, Moms/Dads day, nothing...I woke up 2x this week at 3am and just prayed for her. Yep - I remember this one..."Kids are saying, ‘You owed me everything because you chose to have me. But I owe you nothing in return.’” and the name change, it is all so destructive and evil. The world is growing quite evil, ancient books of wisdom discuss what happens next. Only Jesus can save us, put your Hope and Trust in him, follow his ways as best you can, he never fails. Fight the good fight, run the good race. Love God, start today.
Harriet Learner has much to say about maturity and family structure.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-dance-of-connection/200904/your-dysfunctional-family
I agree, it’s shocking the amount of kids/young adults that are disowning their parents, not just trans, but largely over their ‘identities’. It is absolutely destructive for humanity & I am still stunned at how easily they are able to do it. It’s the most cruel thing to be discarded & dismissed in this way. And how on earth we get through our days hurt & angry whilst at the same time worried sick about them. It is the strangest most cowardly choice. And what’s hardest is that none of us want to badmouth our kids, because they were nice, were.
Thank you for writing this piece.
It's the therapists who are encouraging adult children to label their parents as "toxic", convincing them their perfectly typical upbringings were woefully deficient and that their lives will now be happier if they discard the people who always have, and always will, love them most in the world.
The definition of "abuse" just gets more and more petty. The younger generations are in therapy in ridiculous numbers, and they're all being encouraged to see themselves as "victims" of this or that. Are therapists being TRAINED in this now, or has it simply become fashionable? Or maybe it keeps clients coming through the doors?
When a child identifies as trans, it's even worse, of course. But the "no contact" nonsense is also happening in plenty of families that have nothing to do with trans.
All this family destruction won't lead to anyone's lasting happiness.
Trans has a living script they employ, they worship themselves, they think they are God, they are not, God has given them over to their abominations, it's happened before many, many years ago. We should all love God and his creations, love our neighbors as ourselves, be full of love and compassion and His truths. Only Jesus saves, true freedom is only found in Christ. Woe to the wicked, ready the millstones!
This is not a new phenomenon. Indeed, I am struck by the similarities with the upheavals of the 1960s and 1970s. Back then it was "finding yourself" or "self-actualization" and the facilitation was mostly drugs. And, yes, back then it was also all the fault of the 'communists'.
I think this kind of social contagion phenomenon happens regularly and is usually brought on by significant exogenous events. In the 1960 it was the Cold War and the fear of nuclear obliteration and, of course, Vietnam. "Turn on, tune in, drop out". I knew families torn asunder by 'hippie' and drug culture. It was serious ... and I would maintain that a lot more kids died or were maimed for life from drug overdoses than have likely been killed and injured by transgenderism so far (knock on wood). This time the transgender fad has been juiced by COVID and rapid changes in digital technology expressly electronic social media.
However, the 60s and 70s youth rebellion was driven by overdue culture changes and political polarization ... as bad as today in many respects. And while transgenderism is also driven by radical culture and Postmodern political theory, in the end this will pass because it is simple not objectively true and not rooted in science and reality. We had to work through the Civil Rights movement, the women's rights movement, and gay rights movements as necessary liberations and empowerments of people -- transgenderism is not like that at all -- it is not rooted in rights but by a twisted Postmodern Theory ideology founded on cynicism, nihilism, and rejection of reason and science (in those respects it is also mirrored in radical MAGAism).
So in spite of the struggle I am rather optimistic about the outcome of this battle over sex and gender because ultimately nothing can change the fact that sex in mammals is binary and immutable, period. Reality will not be mocked for long.
I’m glad you are optimistic it will pass. However, they are harming their bodies in the meantime & the family breakdown lasts for years
These days it's not just gender ideology/gender identity issues that are busting up families. This also happens in traditional religious families when a child decides not just to follow a different church or path, but feels the need to lecture the parents for taking them down the "wrong" path and going no-contact because of religious beliefs. It's like the Reformation all over again. The self-righteous cope of boundaries/no-contact is happening in all kinds of families.
A traditional, conservative and Christian family I know of in my town sent their daughter to Wheaton College in IL (an evangelical college.) She met a boy there, her parents threw her a lovely wedding, and then after they returned home the daughter informed them that she was resentful that her parents hadn't raised her in the correct religion, that she was now entirely with her new husband and his family, and that she didn't want to have a relationship with them again because of their mistaken religious beliefs. So, that's that! Raise a child, send her to the college of her choice, and receive precisely two mouthsful of ashes. Sickening and wrong.
Yep. My kids are 22 and 20, and all of our friends' kids are around this same age. Several of these families are experiencing some sort of seismic rift with one or more of their kids, at varying levels of severity. None have ended up in a no contact situation yet but they are all teetering on the brink, including our own. Our issue is trans; in other families, it's some other sort of unfair or incorrect treatment from childhood.
These are all solid, two-parent families, upper middle class, well educated, kids have been well provided for with no major dysfunction. Colleges, weddings, etc. paid for. A life and upbringing that many less fortunate children would dream of. And yet, here we all are.
I don’t actually “like” this comment, but it resonates. I’m so sorry for these families. I hope these kids pull their heads out of their asses.
"Every difficult relationship gets pathologized. Every mistake gets turned into a trauma label.” And families are easily discarded.
We saw this family pathologizing and alienization first in the 1970's when therapists got caught up in the alcoholic family paradigm popularized by John Bradshaw and his ilk and then when the feminists pushed their feminist family therapy paradigm in the 1980's. Both theories pathologized the family and taught that people got better when they ejected themselves from their "dysfunctional families". We moved away from this junk in the 1990's but seemed to have re-entered the fray as the LGBT's got more influence. When victim political groups get influence they always pathologize prevailing societal norms. We can take some good from that but we often over-react as the purveyors start making a lot of money from their ideas and methods, as the trans groups do today.
"When victim political groups get influence they always pathologize prevailing societal norms." Yes, indeed. Norms are good, actually! Please, be normal. It's better for everyone, but most especially for children.
Having a child go no contact is worse than a death , because the child is still alive and choosing not to be with you . We are left trying to survive day by day wondering if they will ever come back to us. Unlike a child who has died and can’t come back our grieving process never comes to an end or at least an acceptance that our child has chosen to disown us. What pain could be worse for a parent or grandparent, brother, sister , aunt , uncle , friend, anyone who loved and cared for them ? They are creating trauma that they say we inflicted on them for not being a perfect parent , only the trauma is being inflicted on us, yes the very people who love them more than they will ever know. Unless you are a parent you can never know the depth of love that’s felt by a parent .
I’m so sorry, Dionne.
Hollywood is ground zero of this contagion. Celebrities use their trans kids to seek attention. We must subvert their subversion: https://yuribezmenov.substack.com/p/celebrity-trans-kids