I am so pleased you are using the theories of the Enneagram and Myers Briggs to understand your relationships. I am in my 70’s and in my 40’s I went to the self help section of bookstore to find answers to the problems I was having at work and with family. There I found the books of Helen Palmer introducing the friendly versions of the Enneagram, especially “The Enneagram- Understanding Yourself and Others”. The information opened up a whole new world for me and made such a difference in my life and work thereafter.
I attended a couple of the annual Enneagram conferences before I was able to fully incorporate the learning into my daily experience. I was such an acolyte that I would scour used bookstores in NYC for cheap copies of the various books to share with family members and friends.
I am an Enneagram 8 and a Myers Briggs ENTP which is unusual for a female. You may be aware, but INTJ is most commonly associated with Enneagram 5 which lies next to Enneagram 6 that may better explain the ruminations. Enneagram 5 in stress also takes on some characteristics of 8.
It may be difficult to obtain a copy of the book mentioned above, but if your daughter has interest, it is just the best.
I have two granddaughters that mirror the path of your daughter and are of very similar age. My daughter and the two girls have all been labeled gifted. I often wonder if the intellectual gifted are misdiagnosed along the autism spectrum. Those so gifted have intersocial difficulties because their language and sense of humor is just different.
My heart breaks for my daughter (and you) as you ride the storms and watch the children suffer.
My oldest son, 64, outwardly in perfect health, suffered a massive heart attack last October. He survived, thank God, and is mending. However, the grief I had when this happened to my "child" even though he was a grown-assed man, was deep. I cannot imagine what all parents of these "trans" children are suffering. My heart goes out to you all and may this soon become a distant memory in our society.
This resonated with me. Aside from my best friend from college, no one outside my immediate family knows about my daughter identifying as transgender. I have moments when I'm out with other people who don't know and then it hits me - it's like someone dropped ice cold water on me and shocked me back to reality. It is a surreal feeling for sure.
The truth is that none of us have any control over our adult children. I’m sure your “perfect” sister has her own frustrations with her “perfect” kids. You have to forgive yourself for not being able to control the culture that has surrounded our kids for the past 15-20 years. Just keep up the loving connection with her.
We all know that none of the wicked “do-gooders” who led our kids down the trans trail will be there when they escape the cult. But as the mother of an autistic girl, you were probably ready to be on deck to parent her more intensively into her 20s anyway. Good luck & Godspeed—💕
I've wanted to kick some ass too.....in fact I took a note into the prescribing doctors office that said they had someone working there that was doing the devil's work (not sure exactly how I put it that was a few years ago). The best advice I ever got was from a pastor/prophet who prayed for my son a couple of times that told me to "give him to God". God knows the end from the beginning and none of this is a surprise to him.....and He loves them more than we do. The good news is that I totally believe this is coming to an end. The wicked will be removed as it says in Psalm 37:10 and the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the Glory of the Lord as it says in Habakkuk 2:14 and Isaiah 11:9. Hang in there.....as hard as it is and as dark as it seems now....it's always darkest before the dawn. The future is bright!
Thank you for this comment! My Catholic group and priest agree - give them all to God. He will win in the end. I am not Catholic and my group is kinda underground for me (out of town). Kathy watches Christians very carefully - high alert for hypocrisy - and honestly, Jesus will be the one to reach her. She loves Jesus.
"Especially, and here is the crux of the matter, especially when my child was influenced by a sick society and a school culture that allowed this wrongthink to persist in children."
I feel the loneliness into my soul. I’m the only one who knows and my child is an adult, has started hormones but hiding the changes well so far. I dread the day this comes to light and I know my sweet child is going to suffer the consequences of this decision. The consequences will be drastic and devastating. My momma heart can barely take the thought of additional pain and suffering but I also can’t stop the horrid choices being made either.
Ha ha! The “kick ass” vacation! I’ll go. I want to find the person who first talked to my daughter about being “non-binary” and pour syrup on him or her. For starters…
That person is most likely your daughter's peer, another confused girl, maybe a daughter of a fellow PITT parent. And chances are your daughter introduced another kid to this idea. In this evil cult, every victim is also a recruiter.
So sad and poignant. It sounds like Kathy is not medicalizing or you wouldn't be able to hide it from your family, am I correct? In that case, there is a good reason to be hopeful. She could have started 2 years ago! Hopefully, she will come to her senses soon enough. Maybe you should confide in someone in your family, perhaps your sister. Isn't that what sisters are for? Especially if you think your niece is at risk. Best of luck!
Yes—if she hasn’t medicalized that’s a good sign. Also, you seem to have a good relationship with Kathy—close and loving.
One tactic I’ve seen here at PITT is watching videos about cults with your trans-ID’d kid & talking over what you see. You can’t just show them detransitioner vids off the bat, although Maia Poet has a lot of good stuff on autism & trans identities among young adult women.
Correct, no medical stuff yet. Your point about sisters is a really, really good one.
I love Maia Poet! The autisma/ADHD hit so close to home that I got glimpses of my child's brain through Maia. Kathy knows that Maia is my favorite lesbian. I financially supported Maia for awhile :-) Wish I had more $$
Interesting read, I long to use my daughters name & was almost envious for a moment that you can use your daughters name.
But the lonliness & secrets how hard does this journey have to be!! I feel for you. Grieving the living is often not disclosed to many, but having to keep it a secret is another level.
Out of solidarity (I am Kathy's safe person for her autism), I use the typical "sweetheart, honey" and only her real name if I have to in front of family that she asked me not to tell. She can tell I play verbal gymnastics for her sake and I wonder what she'll say about that someday. By the "rules" of trans, I am showing kindness. Autism loves rules too much.
I am so pleased you are using the theories of the Enneagram and Myers Briggs to understand your relationships. I am in my 70’s and in my 40’s I went to the self help section of bookstore to find answers to the problems I was having at work and with family. There I found the books of Helen Palmer introducing the friendly versions of the Enneagram, especially “The Enneagram- Understanding Yourself and Others”. The information opened up a whole new world for me and made such a difference in my life and work thereafter.
I attended a couple of the annual Enneagram conferences before I was able to fully incorporate the learning into my daily experience. I was such an acolyte that I would scour used bookstores in NYC for cheap copies of the various books to share with family members and friends.
I am an Enneagram 8 and a Myers Briggs ENTP which is unusual for a female. You may be aware, but INTJ is most commonly associated with Enneagram 5 which lies next to Enneagram 6 that may better explain the ruminations. Enneagram 5 in stress also takes on some characteristics of 8.
It may be difficult to obtain a copy of the book mentioned above, but if your daughter has interest, it is just the best.
I have two granddaughters that mirror the path of your daughter and are of very similar age. My daughter and the two girls have all been labeled gifted. I often wonder if the intellectual gifted are misdiagnosed along the autism spectrum. Those so gifted have intersocial difficulties because their language and sense of humor is just different.
My heart breaks for my daughter (and you) as you ride the storms and watch the children suffer.
My oldest son, 64, outwardly in perfect health, suffered a massive heart attack last October. He survived, thank God, and is mending. However, the grief I had when this happened to my "child" even though he was a grown-assed man, was deep. I cannot imagine what all parents of these "trans" children are suffering. My heart goes out to you all and may this soon become a distant memory in our society.
This resonated with me. Aside from my best friend from college, no one outside my immediate family knows about my daughter identifying as transgender. I have moments when I'm out with other people who don't know and then it hits me - it's like someone dropped ice cold water on me and shocked me back to reality. It is a surreal feeling for sure.
The truth is that none of us have any control over our adult children. I’m sure your “perfect” sister has her own frustrations with her “perfect” kids. You have to forgive yourself for not being able to control the culture that has surrounded our kids for the past 15-20 years. Just keep up the loving connection with her.
We all know that none of the wicked “do-gooders” who led our kids down the trans trail will be there when they escape the cult. But as the mother of an autistic girl, you were probably ready to be on deck to parent her more intensively into her 20s anyway. Good luck & Godspeed—💕
I've wanted to kick some ass too.....in fact I took a note into the prescribing doctors office that said they had someone working there that was doing the devil's work (not sure exactly how I put it that was a few years ago). The best advice I ever got was from a pastor/prophet who prayed for my son a couple of times that told me to "give him to God". God knows the end from the beginning and none of this is a surprise to him.....and He loves them more than we do. The good news is that I totally believe this is coming to an end. The wicked will be removed as it says in Psalm 37:10 and the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the Glory of the Lord as it says in Habakkuk 2:14 and Isaiah 11:9. Hang in there.....as hard as it is and as dark as it seems now....it's always darkest before the dawn. The future is bright!
Thank you for this comment! My Catholic group and priest agree - give them all to God. He will win in the end. I am not Catholic and my group is kinda underground for me (out of town). Kathy watches Christians very carefully - high alert for hypocrisy - and honestly, Jesus will be the one to reach her. She loves Jesus.
"Especially, and here is the crux of the matter, especially when my child was influenced by a sick society and a school culture that allowed this wrongthink to persist in children."
1000%
I feel the loneliness into my soul. I’m the only one who knows and my child is an adult, has started hormones but hiding the changes well so far. I dread the day this comes to light and I know my sweet child is going to suffer the consequences of this decision. The consequences will be drastic and devastating. My momma heart can barely take the thought of additional pain and suffering but I also can’t stop the horrid choices being made either.
Ha ha! The “kick ass” vacation! I’ll go. I want to find the person who first talked to my daughter about being “non-binary” and pour syrup on him or her. For starters…
That person is most likely your daughter's peer, another confused girl, maybe a daughter of a fellow PITT parent. And chances are your daughter introduced another kid to this idea. In this evil cult, every victim is also a recruiter.
Very true.
Me too!!
Hot syrup
Very hot the moment they open their maw.
and sooo sticky
So sad and poignant. It sounds like Kathy is not medicalizing or you wouldn't be able to hide it from your family, am I correct? In that case, there is a good reason to be hopeful. She could have started 2 years ago! Hopefully, she will come to her senses soon enough. Maybe you should confide in someone in your family, perhaps your sister. Isn't that what sisters are for? Especially if you think your niece is at risk. Best of luck!
Yes—if she hasn’t medicalized that’s a good sign. Also, you seem to have a good relationship with Kathy—close and loving.
One tactic I’ve seen here at PITT is watching videos about cults with your trans-ID’d kid & talking over what you see. You can’t just show them detransitioner vids off the bat, although Maia Poet has a lot of good stuff on autism & trans identities among young adult women.
Correct, no medical stuff yet. Your point about sisters is a really, really good one.
I love Maia Poet! The autisma/ADHD hit so close to home that I got glimpses of my child's brain through Maia. Kathy knows that Maia is my favorite lesbian. I financially supported Maia for awhile :-) Wish I had more $$
Interesting read, I long to use my daughters name & was almost envious for a moment that you can use your daughters name.
But the lonliness & secrets how hard does this journey have to be!! I feel for you. Grieving the living is often not disclosed to many, but having to keep it a secret is another level.
Out of solidarity (I am Kathy's safe person for her autism), I use the typical "sweetheart, honey" and only her real name if I have to in front of family that she asked me not to tell. She can tell I play verbal gymnastics for her sake and I wonder what she'll say about that someday. By the "rules" of trans, I am showing kindness. Autism loves rules too much.