The Girl In The Tinkerbell Dress

Pushing back against the gender clinic saved our daughter

Our wee girl is 19 years of age now, so legally an adult I suppose. She is a great person, good soul, an animal lover, hugely creative, a multi-talented musician, very artistic always working on something.

She is also autistic. She spoke only jargon until early primary school. While she's very articulate now, she can still struggle to speak with people. She was hugely outgoing as a child, full of beans, hilarious, loved Disney princesses, Monster High dolls and practically lived in a Tinkerbell dress and fairy wings. If you tried to put those wings in the wash, she would fish them out of the basket and put them on again. She grew butterflies, looked after animals, practiced ballet, sang in the girls’ choir, knitted, crocheted, loved everything girly and wanted to marry David Hasselhoff because he was in the SpongeBob movie.

She was diagnosed autistic at nine years of age. She had a few friends at school, all female, but as her autism grew more apparent, they pretty much abandoned her. She was a lonely, wee soul for a long time.

As her teen years came on, she became very introverted and could barely speak to anyone. Even up until last year, she couldn't go into a shop and ask for anything or go on a bus by herself. Although she is 19 years old now, she is very young for her age. We would put her closer to about 14. She's never kissed a boy or a girl and doesn't even know which she prefers yet.

She started high school. To describe it as a pro-trans school would be an understatement. There are trans flags on the walls and corridors, rainbow lanyards everywhere and, as a result, many of the pupils identified as trans or non-binary. Our daughter joined a band with two other girls from her class, both who had changed their names and who presented as boys. They'd all been friends through childhood so we left her to it. She would come back from rehearsals muttering about "heteros" or "the patriarchy" but not ranting on a soapbox or anything typical of the TRAs, just wee bits here and there, very subtle. But she was obviously hearing the sermons during band practice.

Then she would start crocheting trans flags for her pals and making drawings of Dylan Mulvaney. She started watching a FTM Youtuber called Jammie Dodger, but she kept this all from us. She became very secretive, but that's always been a teenage thing, so we didn't pry. Just before turning 16, she came out to us with her trans announcement. I think she was expecting hearts and rainbows, like an episode of Heartstopper, when she told us she wanted to be a boy, but it didn’t go that way. Instead, we told her she wasn't a boy, that she was just going through puberty and experiencing all of the turmoil a teenage girl typically goes through. But, because navigating even a normal everyday experience is like climbing a mountain for her, the trials and tribulations of being in a female body experiencing sensory overload during periods or bodily development is amplified turned up to 11 for an autistic girl. We knew, if she could just ride it out and not do anything foolish, she would come out the other end unscathed.

She assured us she only wanted to pass as a boy, that she didn't want surgery or hormones, she just wanted to pass. She already dressed boyishly by this time and she's very tall, with a deep husky voice she inherited from her Mum, so we said congratulations you already pass. She was really disappointed our reaction wasn't the one she hoped for, so she didn't say any more about it, and just became even more withdrawn.

About six months later she said she wanted to change her name. Mum said no because we chose that name for her. She said no more about it.

Then I read online about a website called Thoughtful Therapists, a group of medical professionals fighting against gender ideology. We contacted them and they put us in touch with a lovely doctor who spent a few sessions chatting with our daughter. They got on well but, after a while, she decided she didn't really need to speak to anyone anymore. However, more on the good doctor in a minute.

Over the next few weeks, her confidence grew. She started hanging out with other folk from school, playing in a new band, got accepted to university to study Sound Design, her dream job. She started going into shops, going on busses everywhere on her own or with her pals. Everything was going great. Happy days! Until...

About a month ago, a letter arrived home from the Waterside Gender Clinic in Edinburgh, addressed to "Logan" but it was for our daughter, which is how we came to find out she had been seeking gender reassignment. The letter was giving her the green light to begin taking cross sex hormones with a view to getting a double mastectomy afterwards, followed by removal of her reproductive organs and whatever other surgical procedures they might have in store for her.

She had gone there unbeknownst to us. They'd spoken to her without consulting us or her GP or any of the medical professionals who have been dealing with her since she was a baby. This gender doctor's diagnosis barely mentioned her autism. There was a brief mention that her uncles "had experience of DVT", deep vein thrombosis. That is putting it mildly. Deep vein thrombosis is what killed her uncle at a young age. Her other uncle almost died of it last Christmas and is lucky to be alive today. Three of my cousins tested positive for it. I didn't but it is a huge risk factor in our family and I think the clinic downplayed that just as much as they did her autism. The short session she spent speaking with this doctor at the clinic just looked to me like a box ticking exercise.

She'd spun them a yarn about always feeling she was a boy, which isn't true at all. We have plenty of pictures and videos of her as a kid, happily running around in her manky, soup-stained Tinkerbell costume, playing with all her girly toys. She told them she played WWE Wrestling with her big brother. Her brother is an LGBT ally. He supports her with her gender issues but even he admitted the wrestling story wasn't true and acknowledges she was very much a girly girl. She told the clinic she wore her brother's hand-me-downs. Once she became a teen, she did start wearing his old, checkered shirts, just like pretty much every other teenager wears, girls and boys both. But any hand-me-downs she wore as a child came from her female cousin or from her Mum, not her brother.

The rest of the letter spoke of "Logan and he/his" bodily discomfort and "his" expressed desire to attain a masculine body. After briefly meeting with her, in a few short paragraphs, they recommended her for male hormones with a view to getting her breasts and reproductive organs removed, and whatever other procedures might come after that.

Reading the letter was like getting hit by a train. It was totally out of the blue. We spoke to her for hours. She said all her friends were going out socialising, dating, all of the things everyone wants to do as a teen. But she refused to apply for an Over-18 ID because she couldn't even write her own name as it’s a constant reminder to her she is a girl. So, if she became a boy, she would become more confident with her body and herself and would be able to go out and experience some nightlife and maybe even meet someone.

We felt so hurt for her and tried to explain that what she was doing would have the opposite effect. It wouldn't give her any confidence, it would destroy her body and her life, and her dating pool would be practically non-existent. She wouldn't listen. She was about to begin hormones a couple of weeks ago but her Mum talked her out of it. We spent every minute we could trying to get her to see the reality of the situation. She was unhappy. The clinic ignored all of my attempts to contact them and tell them about the dangers of her taking cross sex hormones. I just kept telling them to leave her alone. Her mum cried all the time and none of us slept. But far more important, we only want health and happiness for all of our kids. Going down the gender path would be taking both of those things away from our daughter. Her Mum suggested speaking to our doctor pal from Thoughtful Therapists again.

Sadly, for us anyway, he had retired and was no longer practicing. But he hadn't forgotten about her, and he asked if we knew about Genspect and a survey they had published which deals very thoroughly with our daughter's type of situation

We downloaded it and read it. Please (if you've read this far down) download it and read it yourself. It has sections to be filled in by parents, friends and family, and a couple of pages of intense and thorough questions for the gender clinic to fill in as well. It lists all of the side effects from puberty blockers, cross sex hormones and all the medical procedures, then asks if you still think it’s the correct path for the patient to take. It also asks the clinic a lot of scientific and reason-based questions and delves into the Hippocratic side of their profession. It asks all of the questions that should have been asked during our daughter's gender diagnosis, and a whole lot more.

We printed off several copies, got family and friends to fill them in while we completed the Parents section, and sent them all off to the clinic in a big fat envelope. There was LOTS of information for them to read and questions to answer in the sections about "Possible Co-Existing Conditions" and the "Questions To The Clinic". We sent the whole thing by registered mail and also emailed them a digital scan of the survey. We copied every family member who had taken part and we copied Genspect as well.

That was last week.

After all our previous, fruitless attempts at communication with the gender clinic, three days after they received the Genspect Survey, we received this email from them:

"Thank you for your email and letter. Unfortunately, we are unable to complete the third party request. However, having gained relevant consent, we are able to provide a limited update on the patient in question. We can confirm in this case Waterside Clinic is not proceeding with hormone treatment and will no longer be providing any medical input for the patient. Please note, this is the extent of the information we can provide. We will not be able to respond to any further communication from yourself or other third parties."

They were just about to put our daughter on the gender treadmill, jab her with hormones, mutilate her body and destroy her life, and charge her a hefty sum for the privilege. But as soon as they realised it wasn't just a vulnerable autistic girl they were dealing with, but she had people on her side and in her corner, medical professionals higher up the food chain than anyone at the gender clinic, they decided that was it. They dropped our daughter like a hot tattie. They told her they could no longer treat her and if she wished to continue down the gender path she should contact the NHS.

Anyone reading this, please, if you feel lost and helpless, bewildered, like we've been feeling, please do what we have done, no matter what stage of the gender path your family member is on, even if they've been through everything. Send the survey to the clinic, fill it in, get friends and family to fill it in. Keep Genspect in the loop and let the clinic know that Genspect are concerned about the person too. They may not get their claws out of your child right away and legally they don't have to fill in the Survey, but it’s very much a question of "If not, why not?". When everyone was copied and the clinic knew all eyes are on them, that was all it took for them to let go of our daughter.

We knew the clinic had spoken to her to give her the news, so we left it for a few days. Then her Mum spoke to her and asked what was happening with the gender clinic. Our daughter replied that they told her to go to the NHS but, she's been thinking about it, and she wasn't too bothered about the clinic saying that to her, and she wasn't really too bothered about going down the gender path. She's been going to the gym, and she says that will help with her confidence, and she has applied for her Driver license, she even wrote her own name on the application, which is a very big deal, believe me. And she's looking forward to going out socialising, going to gigs and meeting people, instead of watching life pass her by.

We realise that this was a skin of the teeth situation and, if the clinic hadn't been foolish enough to post that letter to our house, we would have been none the wiser, and we'd be telling you a completely different story today. We are thankful, and we hope if even one person reads this and does what we did, it will make a difference to their family’s situation too.

I hope PITT will let us give you an update in a few years. You never know what's around the corner, and she's not out of the woods yet, but after years of stress and heartache and wondering how it will all pan out, it’s nice just to wake up and see a bit of sunshine again.