67 Comments

I’m happy your daughter is moving back towards feminine dress. I hope she is sorting out the confusion and watching healthier role models on social media.

My stepdaughter continues to pretend that she is a trans person and we agreed to call her the boy name over a year ago. She has never been boyish and seemed to get the idea because people thought she was a boy when she had short hair as a child and then again at 12 when her biomom allowed her to severely cut her long hair into a boy cut.

She idolizes her older brother and hates her breasts. She binds them - her biomom bought binders for her. It surprises me because her biomom has always been fairly conservative like her ex and I.

All of her friend circle are on this LGBTQRSP spectrum and her closest friends identify as boys. She is allowed access to her electronics 100% of the day and night at her biomom’s house. We allow it part time and never in her bedroom.

Her dad knows he should speak with her about all of this gender confusion instead of relying on her mother to do so. Since her mother spends so much time on the internet ignoring her children I can’t imagine she is doing anything but worsening the situation by simply ignoring her daughter.

I have tried to be close to my stepdaughter and we were when she was 11, but her biomom seems to hate that we had a relationship and everything I’ve done since she began puberty has been twisted into something negative between mother and daughter. So I can’t be the one that speaks to her about her gender issues. Whatever I say will be mangled and make the situation worse. On the other hand, her dad is afraid to say anything since his daughter spends so little time at our house (every other weekend).

I suppose my biggest regret is that I agreed to call my stepdaughter the boy name. Only her brother refuses, saying he won’t do it until she legally changes it. He was smarter than all of us.

Have any of you reverted to calling your child by their natural name? It seems like that’s the correct choice even if it infuriates her. I’d love advice. She is 15 and has been confused for a couple of years now. Going into the tenth grade in the autumn. I want to help but don’t know how.

Thank you.

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To all the Dear Mothers and Fathers,

Who are experiencing this constant battle with the Cult of Transgender within their families. My heart goes out to each of you, it is certainly an enormous challenge you face, particularly when this behaviour is promoted throughout the schooling system, online grooming and now even Summer Schools.

We live in Western Australia and remember two American friends of ours who decided to live in this state for a few years. When they returned to the USA their daughter Annie became involved as a ten leader in Summer Schools, teaching children to ski and absolutely loving her experience. During that time there was not a hint of this Cult behaviour including grooming occurring, it all seemed to be a positive experience. So it has been so sad to hear of one you mother's negative experience.

As well as being a mother of six (thankfully well before this Cult behaviour emerged, I did a degree in Multidisciplinary Science including five years of Human Biology, developmental psychology, anthropology and sociology and would like to share with you some of the positive aspects of allowing for normal healthy development. Which I can see from your stories you are aiming to achieve.

Currently I have two of my family members experiencing ill health so my time is limited. However as soon as possible I will provide this information that hopefully may be of some help.

Bless you all, you have been most courageous during the extremely difficult challenges you face particularly when your children also face mental health issues that cloud their judgement to be more objective.

Joan

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Thanks for mentioning Bardbury's classic story, 'The Veldt.' In it, two harried (and somewhat bullied) parents outfit a room of their house with an extremely realistic form of virtual reality. The children become more and more sullen and demanding that they be allowed to spend much or most of their time in the room, and the parents are clearly panicked and losing control.

It's a fine and famous tale. Until today I did not see how it can be an apt metaphor for what some families struggling with the whole trans identity trend are going through. Thanks for making me see it anew; I plan to read it again tonight.

P.S. I was greatly privileged to get to spend time with Bradbury on four fantastic occasions in his later life. He was an ebullient man with a capacious mind and imagination, and I wept the day he died at age 92 in 2012. RIP Ray!

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You are lucky that you found out so early - my daughter was over 18 and legally changed her sex in Australia. It is all much harder to reverse. I am so glad that your daughter is enjoying being herself, instead of being taught self hate.

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Like the author I have known many lovely people in my life and have not cared about whether they were gay or straight. Thinking about all the obsession with Identity and things like "The Gummy Bear Cult" and the colorful jelly beans that were once presented to another child of mine (without my prior knowledge) to explain the ever expanding rainbow identities - I have concluded that we should retire all rainbow and rainbow related flags. I don't know how to get there... Maybe these flags were helpful in the 1970s. But, it's unnecessary and even toxic now. Do I need to think about sexuality every time I buy a cup of coffee? Is this having a positive effect on children? NO. On anybody? Currently it is working for pedophiles and intact adult men who insist they are lesbians like our US Assistant Health Secretary. See "Minor Attracted People" (MAPs) "Johns Hopkins U. hires academic who wants to ‘destigmatize’ pedophilia" https://www.thecollegefix.com/johns-hopkins-u-hires-academic-who-wants-to-destigmatize-pedophilia/ " She will be a postdoctoral fellow at the Johns Hopkins’ Moore Center for Prevention of Child Sexual Abuse!

Maybe we could take back the month of June - and all the twelve months could be for straight and gay people, some of whom might have a parade if they want. We've gone from "Gay Pride month" to "in your face invented nonsense" all the darn time. It strikes me that this has happened in part because of pretty widespread acceptance of actual homosexuality. Activists, fetished people, and mentally ill people have taken over "the movement". So, how about we all agree to remove those flags from public places permanently?

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Praying for your daughter to gain the strength and courage she needs to continue her life’s journey as the female she was born to be. Stay focused and keep her close to your heart. I am hoping for a fabulous outcome for all of you!

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Wow, what an incredibly stressful time for you all. I have 3 grandsons who will no doubt get caught up in this insanity. I'm really afraid for them.

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Thank you for sharing your story...it's far too familiar and I'm hoping and working toward a similar ending!

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Really enjoyed this story not only for the happy ending but the way she desisted almost secretly at first. I will be on the lookout for such signs. We have also mostly used the ignore and redirect method. It makes all of us a litter saner. Very happy for you!

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Congratulations! Your story is our family's story as well (minus the COVID-era pregnancy.)

I tell all parents of trans-ID'd kids to do exactly as you have done: don't affirm, use nicknames/avoid sexed pronouns, and get them active outdoors, emphasizing the benefits of self-care for bodies of all kinds: good food, exercise, fresh air, and good times with people we love.

TBH I think it's critical that your family, like mine, is intact/not divided by divorce and stepparents. The leveraging of a trans-ID'd kid by parents who have different opinions seems to dig the kids in, rather than helping them out of the cult. I have nothing but sympathy for these families of course--it seems inevitable that divorce would only make dealing with a trans-ID'd child more difficult.

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Glad to hear your daughter was brought back at least in part by a normal peer relationship. Children that struggle with peer relationships are usually not so lucky. They can find acceptance these days in the trans cult. I remember the 70s when other cults (Moonies, JWs, Hari Krishna’s...) would attract the same sort of personalities. But as destructive as those cults can be, they don’t promote medical alterations to be a member.

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If you live today in a foreign country which is not the UK or USA, what country is it? What is the trans environment there?

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So thrilled your story has a happy ending! I’m also so pleased that when this began for your daughter, there was already the plentiful amount of information out there letting you know that an affirmation only approach is not the only one available when your child comes to you announcing a trans identity. Best wishes for a smooth road ahead!!

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Make it stop

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Well done. This is what intentional, relational parenting looks like. So happy for you.

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The Gummy Bear Cult seems an accurate name. Brightly colored sticky "sweet" identical teenagers molding themselves to match their peers--afraid to be themselves, afraid to grow up.

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