174 Comments

Help :(

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We are struggling with some of our adult son's choices and distancing, although not on this level or for the same reasons. What you describe is a heart-rending process of picking up the threads of your life and building anew. I admire your tenacity, love, and determination to create a positive new chapter in your life with your husband. Ultimately, it is what we must do as parents. We raised them with wings to fly knowing that one day they would use them. We live in a time when they are influenced in many directions with which we disagree and which we fear will harm our beloved children. We can't control them; we can only love them whether they permit us to express it or not - and love them we will - always.

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Thank you! But We have to hope don’t we?

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Young women are just realizing that testosterone doesn’t make them young men. It’s makes them fat, bald 40 year old men.

G-d help us.

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Huge problem: These kids and young adults have tons of support from the White house down. In addition to support, they are encouraged to abandon their parents. When I see these “ transgendered “ purple haired kids ( mostly guys with make up in dresses) I wonder where their parents are and how they failed.

I am so happy you are all sharing your stories here. It’s clear you didn’t fail OR abandon your children. They are victims of a cult.

The brainwashing is universal now.

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It’s horrific

!

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This brought tears to my eyes! How can any parent lose a child and yet know they’re still there? How can a parent bear the pain of knowing that their child is harming herself irreparably? Drugs , alcohol, do harm , but there is a way back. Amputation of healthy body parts is irreversible...it should be a criminal offense for any doctor to do this..with years of jail time and loss of their medical license!

Thank you for posting this, and thank you for your courage ! You are to be admired for trying to find a new direction for your life. I wish you all the best!

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I could have written this, all down to the cards she used to give. Although I don’t have a daughter who feels she’s a man inside, I do have a daughter who feels we are bigots for not believing in this ideology and remains estranged to some degree. There are no longer cards, there are no longer hugs and thoughts of love and appreciation. I too must move forward. The pain is unbearable.

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My daughter won't call us "mom" and "dad" anymore because it is "gendered" language. It's been years since she has referred to either of us in that way. We still have a relationship...sort of....as long as we play by the rules and not every say anything too challenging or controversial.

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I’m so sorry that this evil cult has affected you !

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Heartbreaking. 😔 My two grown daughters have both decided that they're bisexual. My grand-daughter isn't sure what gender she is. I think my grown step-daughter decided she's bisexual, and her son is confused about something else. My oldest brother recently decided he's my sister. God help us all.

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Oh, Curtis...I'm sorry.

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Oh, how awful!

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I am so very sorry for your loss. Please keep speaking out and share any insights that you may have for other parents.

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Thank you and know that you are not alone. Estrangement seems so common and the "experts" don't seem to have a handle on what we are going through. My family stopped asking how our daughter is and our parents have serious health problems. This is definitely a cult. If you leave the cult, then you are forced to go back to your parents for help. That's a difficult thing to do. If you have been living in this identity, and know that your endocrine system is being wrecked, it's just time to stop and just admit a mistake. Everyone makes them, and this mistake has been promoted by media, gender clinics and therapists in a time of great depression and stress, which skews our sense of reality. In short, it's not their fault and only family can be trusted in the end to help them regain wholeness and a sense of self worth instead of self loathing. We need our own estrangement group, that's for sure.

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Unfortunately 'experts' are part of the problem. In many cases they drive estrangement. I sometimes refer to therapists and lawyers as the 'misery industry'. They can be helpful and in some cases necessary, but they also profit off hardship. It can be difficult to work things out with other people, but it is also a life skill. Learning to tolerate and love people with whom we disagree is part of being an adult. I see a great many people around me (not just young ones) who take it as a badge of honor to cut themselves off from people who have different opinions. This is corrosive to families, society, and personal growth.

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I love your letter. It is so level, so unpretentious and focus in your feelings but without drama, not added drama anyway. You don’t ask yourself in what you as parents did or failed or why did happen to you. Your letter is distinguished in that way, love this forum because I can see all the spectrum of damages made in society because this transgender agenda and this idea that humans can change their biological realities. You are not alone because you and many parents are going through the same, but you are alone because nobody can be in your place, your place is unique, you had a daughter and continue with that idea, you didn’t have a boy and you will never have. She has fallen for a deceptive and crazy world, the product of relativism, the product of Godlessness and I wish you to stand firm but love your daughter with all your strength, maybe she comes back, maybe not but live your life, how I would have wish that you mention prayer, but I understand, believe is a grace, so I ask God for that Grace for you , that Grace fall on you and God covers you with his love.

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I might be inclined to make a copy of the message she sent you on her 20th birthday and send it to her, and ask her to reflect on what changed over those five years...

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Thank you. I just wish the world knew the realities of this dreadful pandemic

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I admire your resiliency and courage. Good luck :)

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"I worry that, in moving on, I am also moving toward indifference. I don’t know how to stop hurting but not stop caring. I don’t know if letting go means I will give up on any future that includes her, or if I am giving up on her altogether."

Wow. This whole piece is so beautifully done, but these three sentences perfectly capture how I feel most days, even though my daughter is not yet estranged from us. My husband pushes me to "be less emotionally invested" and have this not rule my life, but it is a fine line to not cross over into indifference or not caring. You seem to be doing a good job of walking that tightrope thus far. You've inspired me with your words to at least try harder not to wallow in self-doubt and pain. Wishing you all the best for your family. I see nuggets of hope for you in your daughter's words and how much she clearly respects and loves you. Never let THAT go.

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She won’t read anything we recommend because we don’t have all the answers-she does. It is a cult and she is deeply immersed.

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