For parents of gender confused kids it’s a long game, full of ups and downs. A game of waiting for minds to change. My son has changed his mind a lot throughout his short life—as all kids and teens. As a toddler he loved red, then green, then yellow and then, finally, went back to red. As a senior in high school he dreamed of going to college for music, then animation, then film, then visual effects, then illustration, then back to music, all in a span of less than six months.
..."trans Identity is about power and control"...this hit me hard. I had a young friend...a teenage girl that used to babysit for me...that had gone through a 'cutting' stage. She suffered with a chronic illness of the pancreas and was in constant pain. She also went through a stage of anorexia, not surprisingly. This comes to mind because when I learned of her chronic illness and her bouts with cutting and anorexia I was easily able to understand...it was easy to draw a connection...she lived in so much pain. Her body seemingly not under her control. So she took control where she could. The control of restricting her food intake...the control of the cuts.
I think you are right on this...these kids are trying to find some control. Maybe I'm way off but did we in our pursuit to give our kids the world, raise a generation of people that cant handle the simplest of hard emotions? With our participation trophy's and zero tolerance policies they never had to feel bad about anything. We are not all winners. We are not all always enough. Life is full of ups and downs so now that they are no longer under our wings of protection, they are fumbling to control their worlds and protect themselves from pain.
Not trying to point fingers or place blame...just struggling to make sense of this insanity I live in...
My 15 yr old daughter came out two years ago as trans.Of course im the only one that doesnt support it.Im like wtf did she learn this from???This hurts so bad because my daughter is a woman and how can the school let her change her name without my permission.Course my ex supports it just to get back at me.
I agree 100% "trans identity is a long game, with many rolls of the dice, and right now, I don’t get a turn. Instead I will wait for my son to play a few more rounds and hope that he leaves his mind open to the growth and change that he needs to experience, and we will be here when he figures it out. "
I hope and pray that you get your son back. We must keep educating all parents and the public of the dangers of transgenderism. Thank you for your story.
I agree that it's about control for a lot of these kids. And it certainly is a long game - much longer and more painful than any of us might have realized at first. Your patience and love is a model to all.
The lad certainly sounds confused. And I don't doubt that all the shifting is, at least in part, an effort at control in a world that individuals can never fully control.
With some of these teen trans cases, I do wonder if it's not also an effort to "control" parents as well. If you can keep the ol' 'rents a-hoppin', after all, that must make you feel pretty powerful.
This is an excellent description of how someone so vehement and sure can flip back and forth, which means no one should trust any good to come from this cult. I so hope you all will be okay. It's so unfair for loving parents.
One key issue, which comes up over and over, is the term "trans". What is meant by "trans" and, more importantly, what are the "connotations" of the use of this term?
If we use this term, which has a glamour and a "sexy cachet", it gives the deluded kid an enhanced status.
There are other terms:
* Synthetic - if you are a male who is deluded into a female gender, you are a "synthetic female". This is a far better term, since it conveys the notion that a person has constructed a sexual identity, and that it is not natural. The term "synthetic" is an adjective which modifies the sex that is adopted synthetically. "Jim is a synthetic female".
* Gender-dysphoric - this is a traditional term. It modifies the natal sex. "Jim is a gender-dysphoric male".
Using the "trans" term further enables the delusion.
The term gender is itself problematic when used without context, or used as a synonymous for biological sex. Because gender means stereotypes behaviors and ways of being and acting, sexist social norms that is expected of a person according to their sex. gender is not natural, sex is biology. our sex does not determine our personality, our personality can change over time, our sex does not
Gender has always been used synonymously with sex. It is only when we allowed the Trans cult to change usage that it was thought to be different. Gender=sex.
What if you FEEL LIKE being a girl? What does that mean? Isn't being a girl just as much a social construct as being James Bond or Marilyn Monroe? People used to think they were Napoleon Bonaparte and be locked away with the others. Why make such a fuss about this just because it has to do with SEX?
We are who we are and we have to learn to live with that. That is the meaning of life. When you identify with God, you are a seeker, a mystic. When you identify with Christ, you are a Christian and when you identify with the other sex, you are a trans-person? But what about transitioning? How about letting that be a misguided attempt to transcend reality, like we all do when we dream up being something that we are not? It is just a silly game and those who take it too seriously die or commit suicide or mutilate their bodies and destroy their social potentiality. Parents should be very strict here and know who they are, responsible caregivers, observers and friends, nothing more, nothing less too. It is not an easy job, as we are quickly confused and triggered into blindness by our own generational and circumstantial traumas. We are just so small and they are big, alive and selfaware, but children. Weird and hopeless, thrown back upon ourselves and deprived of our parental privilege, we suffer a terrible loss. Let it be so. Talk with them from weakness, not from power. Be one in insecurity, but mature enough to know your limitations. Suffer and be honest about that, but do not use it to put pressure on them and try to create leverage. Instead stay open and curious, clear and focussed. Just be yourself, naked and alive.
Under this craziness: If someone wanted to self-identify as a Flat Rock...
Then you MUST fully support their delusions, otherwise, you are just a bigoted racist against igneous, sedimentary, and metamorphic persons!
Not all Leftists buy into this insanity, but it is primarily a movement overwhelmingly supported by people in the Leftwing, Democrats, and Liberals. You will not find many Rightwing, Republicans, or Conservatives in the mix!
Yes, but maybe that's irrelevant. A bird seekest its nest. When you as a parent identify with love, than your actions speak louder than any politician. Just be your childs friend, be honest and insecure with them. The world is full of strange fantasies, but the most ugly ones are in our own head unknowingly. See it for what it is, a game. What are the rules? Who do you want to be? The child needs an anchored personality to identify with, someone who lives in reality, which is pain. That is why you feel overwhelmed by all of this, because their game seems to be stronger than yours, but at the end of the day we are all mortals under God, whatever that is for you. Your highest ideal should be to communicate, not manipulate, to act, not to force your hand. So be an honest friend with all your insecurities. That may seem unattractive, but you attracted this soul once into your womb, now be sure the bird will smell the nest and find home in the heart of what matters, respect, simplicity and undogmatic faith. Just be a friend, but not a weakling. Know your might, parents! Be honest!
This may not be helpful but the NHS in England just stated that so-called trans is a phase for most young people. Moreover, Sweden, Finland, France, and the U.K. have put the brakes on transitioning young people. In spite of the Cass Interim Review in the U. K. and all of the evidence that shows that transitioning does not solve the person's problems/issues, and that the suicide rate actually increases post-transition (19x higher w/ matched controls), U.S. practitioners continue to endorse this utter lunacy.
For whatever it's worth, I offer some thoughts. Your son's vacillation may reflect a difficult internal conflict that he’s trying to resolve. He may not even know what it is. But we do know that for sure, he’s been seduced by trans ideology, which is promoted as a panacea: whatever we think is wrong with us, once we transition everything will be resolved and we'll be happy forever. Of course, this is nonsense, but its absolutism is very attractive to adolescents.
Indoctrinating adolescents and children and turning them into medical patients seems to be a primary purpose of the trans agenda. So it’s no wonder that legitimate psychotherapy is discouraged and even outlawed. If teenagers understood where their so-called gender dysphoria was coming from, they’d be far less likely to transition. Trans ideology calls drugs and surgery “affirmation,” and psychotherapy "conversion therapy.” This is upside-down. Thus, your son is deprived of the only tried-and-true method of discovering what’s really bothering him.
But there’s hope. So far, he's always desisted. His ambivalence indicates that he's unsure of his trans identification and is afraid of permanently damaging himself. As you astutely point out, the see-sawing is a form of control. The question is: what is he trying to control? Is it just the demands of adulthood, or is there something more? Hopefully, actual non-gender affirming therapy, which does exist, will be in his future. For now, your strength, constancy, and patience act as a bulwark for him. He cuts you out, but he always knows where you are. He knows you won't abandon him. The power of the parent-child bond is strong. Stay the course. You are his rock.
The next time he comes back to you, perhaps you might consider if medication might help him - particularly if the trans stuff rears it’s head when (it sounds to me) he’s depressed.
Hmmm, I would NOT be eager to do that. It medicalizes a mental process. This is about identity, not emotion. The emotion follows the confusion, which reflects the silly world we live in and his apparent inability to find his place in it. Start with what you know is true and work upwards from that.
I'm always taken aback at how they always distance themselves (often angrily) from their family. They have their peers, teachers, and even mental health providers telling them that their family won't understand. That is like an abusive husband/boyfriend or wife/girlfriend who makes them distance from their families.
It is more telling that he comes back when he isn't doing the trans thing, but leaves as soon as he is back on it.
..."trans Identity is about power and control"...this hit me hard. I had a young friend...a teenage girl that used to babysit for me...that had gone through a 'cutting' stage. She suffered with a chronic illness of the pancreas and was in constant pain. She also went through a stage of anorexia, not surprisingly. This comes to mind because when I learned of her chronic illness and her bouts with cutting and anorexia I was easily able to understand...it was easy to draw a connection...she lived in so much pain. Her body seemingly not under her control. So she took control where she could. The control of restricting her food intake...the control of the cuts.
I think you are right on this...these kids are trying to find some control. Maybe I'm way off but did we in our pursuit to give our kids the world, raise a generation of people that cant handle the simplest of hard emotions? With our participation trophy's and zero tolerance policies they never had to feel bad about anything. We are not all winners. We are not all always enough. Life is full of ups and downs so now that they are no longer under our wings of protection, they are fumbling to control their worlds and protect themselves from pain.
Not trying to point fingers or place blame...just struggling to make sense of this insanity I live in...
My 15 yr old daughter came out two years ago as trans.Of course im the only one that doesnt support it.Im like wtf did she learn this from???This hurts so bad because my daughter is a woman and how can the school let her change her name without my permission.Course my ex supports it just to get back at me.
I agree 100% "trans identity is a long game, with many rolls of the dice, and right now, I don’t get a turn. Instead I will wait for my son to play a few more rounds and hope that he leaves his mind open to the growth and change that he needs to experience, and we will be here when he figures it out. "
I hope and pray that you get your son back. We must keep educating all parents and the public of the dangers of transgenderism. Thank you for your story.
I agree that it's about control for a lot of these kids. And it certainly is a long game - much longer and more painful than any of us might have realized at first. Your patience and love is a model to all.
The lad certainly sounds confused. And I don't doubt that all the shifting is, at least in part, an effort at control in a world that individuals can never fully control.
With some of these teen trans cases, I do wonder if it's not also an effort to "control" parents as well. If you can keep the ol' 'rents a-hoppin', after all, that must make you feel pretty powerful.
This is an excellent description of how someone so vehement and sure can flip back and forth, which means no one should trust any good to come from this cult. I so hope you all will be okay. It's so unfair for loving parents.
One key issue, which comes up over and over, is the term "trans". What is meant by "trans" and, more importantly, what are the "connotations" of the use of this term?
If we use this term, which has a glamour and a "sexy cachet", it gives the deluded kid an enhanced status.
There are other terms:
* Synthetic - if you are a male who is deluded into a female gender, you are a "synthetic female". This is a far better term, since it conveys the notion that a person has constructed a sexual identity, and that it is not natural. The term "synthetic" is an adjective which modifies the sex that is adopted synthetically. "Jim is a synthetic female".
* Gender-dysphoric - this is a traditional term. It modifies the natal sex. "Jim is a gender-dysphoric male".
Using the "trans" term further enables the delusion.
The term gender is itself problematic when used without context, or used as a synonymous for biological sex. Because gender means stereotypes behaviors and ways of being and acting, sexist social norms that is expected of a person according to their sex. gender is not natural, sex is biology. our sex does not determine our personality, our personality can change over time, our sex does not
Gender has always been used synonymously with sex. It is only when we allowed the Trans cult to change usage that it was thought to be different. Gender=sex.
I agree with this comment. Gender should not be given any separated semantic space apart from sex.
I like synthetic.
Thankyou for sharing this 🖤
What if you FEEL LIKE being a girl? What does that mean? Isn't being a girl just as much a social construct as being James Bond or Marilyn Monroe? People used to think they were Napoleon Bonaparte and be locked away with the others. Why make such a fuss about this just because it has to do with SEX?
We are who we are and we have to learn to live with that. That is the meaning of life. When you identify with God, you are a seeker, a mystic. When you identify with Christ, you are a Christian and when you identify with the other sex, you are a trans-person? But what about transitioning? How about letting that be a misguided attempt to transcend reality, like we all do when we dream up being something that we are not? It is just a silly game and those who take it too seriously die or commit suicide or mutilate their bodies and destroy their social potentiality. Parents should be very strict here and know who they are, responsible caregivers, observers and friends, nothing more, nothing less too. It is not an easy job, as we are quickly confused and triggered into blindness by our own generational and circumstantial traumas. We are just so small and they are big, alive and selfaware, but children. Weird and hopeless, thrown back upon ourselves and deprived of our parental privilege, we suffer a terrible loss. Let it be so. Talk with them from weakness, not from power. Be one in insecurity, but mature enough to know your limitations. Suffer and be honest about that, but do not use it to put pressure on them and try to create leverage. Instead stay open and curious, clear and focussed. Just be yourself, naked and alive.
Under this craziness: If someone wanted to self-identify as a Flat Rock...
Then you MUST fully support their delusions, otherwise, you are just a bigoted racist against igneous, sedimentary, and metamorphic persons!
Not all Leftists buy into this insanity, but it is primarily a movement overwhelmingly supported by people in the Leftwing, Democrats, and Liberals. You will not find many Rightwing, Republicans, or Conservatives in the mix!
Yes, but maybe that's irrelevant. A bird seekest its nest. When you as a parent identify with love, than your actions speak louder than any politician. Just be your childs friend, be honest and insecure with them. The world is full of strange fantasies, but the most ugly ones are in our own head unknowingly. See it for what it is, a game. What are the rules? Who do you want to be? The child needs an anchored personality to identify with, someone who lives in reality, which is pain. That is why you feel overwhelmed by all of this, because their game seems to be stronger than yours, but at the end of the day we are all mortals under God, whatever that is for you. Your highest ideal should be to communicate, not manipulate, to act, not to force your hand. So be an honest friend with all your insecurities. That may seem unattractive, but you attracted this soul once into your womb, now be sure the bird will smell the nest and find home in the heart of what matters, respect, simplicity and undogmatic faith. Just be a friend, but not a weakling. Know your might, parents! Be honest!
This may not be helpful but the NHS in England just stated that so-called trans is a phase for most young people. Moreover, Sweden, Finland, France, and the U.K. have put the brakes on transitioning young people. In spite of the Cass Interim Review in the U. K. and all of the evidence that shows that transitioning does not solve the person's problems/issues, and that the suicide rate actually increases post-transition (19x higher w/ matched controls), U.S. practitioners continue to endorse this utter lunacy.
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/c15dc8da-53d2-11ed-b965-3a5f647316f8?shareToken=4aa4f15b25ea55953695610f8c8e6425
Excellent! Growing up is far rockier for some of us than for others. I wish the best for your family.
For whatever it's worth, I offer some thoughts. Your son's vacillation may reflect a difficult internal conflict that he’s trying to resolve. He may not even know what it is. But we do know that for sure, he’s been seduced by trans ideology, which is promoted as a panacea: whatever we think is wrong with us, once we transition everything will be resolved and we'll be happy forever. Of course, this is nonsense, but its absolutism is very attractive to adolescents.
Indoctrinating adolescents and children and turning them into medical patients seems to be a primary purpose of the trans agenda. So it’s no wonder that legitimate psychotherapy is discouraged and even outlawed. If teenagers understood where their so-called gender dysphoria was coming from, they’d be far less likely to transition. Trans ideology calls drugs and surgery “affirmation,” and psychotherapy "conversion therapy.” This is upside-down. Thus, your son is deprived of the only tried-and-true method of discovering what’s really bothering him.
But there’s hope. So far, he's always desisted. His ambivalence indicates that he's unsure of his trans identification and is afraid of permanently damaging himself. As you astutely point out, the see-sawing is a form of control. The question is: what is he trying to control? Is it just the demands of adulthood, or is there something more? Hopefully, actual non-gender affirming therapy, which does exist, will be in his future. For now, your strength, constancy, and patience act as a bulwark for him. He cuts you out, but he always knows where you are. He knows you won't abandon him. The power of the parent-child bond is strong. Stay the course. You are his rock.
The next time he comes back to you, perhaps you might consider if medication might help him - particularly if the trans stuff rears it’s head when (it sounds to me) he’s depressed.
Hmmm, I would NOT be eager to do that. It medicalizes a mental process. This is about identity, not emotion. The emotion follows the confusion, which reflects the silly world we live in and his apparent inability to find his place in it. Start with what you know is true and work upwards from that.
Inspired by your wisdom. Thank you for this essay! ❤️
I'm always taken aback at how they always distance themselves (often angrily) from their family. They have their peers, teachers, and even mental health providers telling them that their family won't understand. That is like an abusive husband/boyfriend or wife/girlfriend who makes them distance from their families.
It is more telling that he comes back when he isn't doing the trans thing, but leaves as soon as he is back on it.
It is a cult.
Cults always go after that age group because they know they are vulnerable. Adolescence has always been hard, but now it is treacherous.