I know how it is. My son has been estranged for four years. I miss him so much. I send emails telling him that I think of him and hope he is happy. I use his trans name though it's difficult. He never replies even when I was very ill. I hope so much to see him one day, but as you say, I have no idea how I will feel. You go through this time of anguish - is it your fault? What could you have done better? Then you get angry - and so hurt. After all the loving care, all the opportunities that have been lost because his needs were more important than yours, he has abandoned you and his whole life for something that you cannot believe in.
The description of your "imperfect peace" has touched me deeply. Acknowledging you long for something more but are grateful you have a connection of "some kind" shows a rare wisdom. Thank you for sharing.
I know many parents who challenge this as best they can, in a loving way. But when all of society celebrates our sons and daughters for suddenly deciding they are the opposite sex, our voices are drowned out.
Heavenly Father, I come to You today to lift up this child. Lord, You know their heart, and You know the voices, influences, and pressures trying to pull them away from Your truth.I pray that You would pierce through the darkness with Your light. Uproot every lie they have believed about themselves, about You, and about what is right and wrong.
I think you are right in believing that there was a fundamental truth in that hug you shared. The love remains, and indeed it goes both ways. He knows you’re there when he’s ready to return.
I too have held on to those glimpses, those windows into the soul of my daughter that she didn’t know were open. It makes all the difference. ♥️
For those of you that have your son’s back but still clinging to the identity, I am happy for you. But how are they doing, physically & mentally? The author writes that they visited him in hospital, was it to do with his ‘GAC’, years of wrong sex hormones? ❤️🩹
As I was reading, I kept holding my breath for a happy end... I hope it will come one day soon and you will write another essay here on PITT - or perhaps your son will.
I love this! It is so similar to our situation. The estrangement with our son is over. He lives close by again, I am able to visit with him, hug him, hear his voice and his laugh again, have meals together, etc. He knows we love him and we know he loves us. He still clings to the transgender ideology and believes he is a "trans woman", but I am more at peace now, my mother's heart is happy. I have my son back, though not completely. Still praying that God will bring him to complete restoration.
No, I do not and never could. He knows where I stand on that. I do try to be careful and not call him by his given name if I can help it, but it naturally slips out often. He, at least, isn't getting overly mad when I do. I feel things have moved in a good direction.
Thank you for answering. It seems that those who do. use the name & avoid pronouns are able to keep in some type of contact. I guess it depends on how rigid they are in their belief that it's all or nothing. I hope your son is moving out of the ideology! All the best to you & your family.
The gender madness is like the flood in the bible. I would like the dove to be our symbol of hope. According to Genesis 8:10–11, the dove returned in the evening “with a freshly plucked olive leaf in its beak,” which was a sign that the flood was receding. All the grieving parents are looking for a sign.
I hang onto every nuanced comment or story from my son that even in the slightest way may indicate he is having a change of heart. I know I'm being desperate and reading into his words. So much do I want my son out of this hell scape. I need so much. After nearly 10 years I still cannot believe this is happening to him, our family, and me as his mom. I think the dove sounds like a wonderful idea
Hugs from another Midwest mom whose son made it to the coast over a decade ago. We fear he too is not doing well but have no one to let us know if so. Rejoicing with you in this recent connection. May it be the beginning of the path out of this madness.
This sounds like our family. Our adult son is married with two small boys. His wife agrees/supports/encourages his delusion that he is a woman. He has changed his name, is taking estrogen and they consider themselves a lesbian couple. My husband and I have become estranged from him because we will not affirm his new identity. We still text and I send gifts for the children, but seeing him in person has become almost impossible. He would happily see us as long as we affirm his new identity. I devoted most of my life to him and now I have decided that my health needs to take priority. When we are with him, it takes us weeks to recover. (blood pressure sky rockets, I can't sleep, crying all the time) So we concentrate on our other two children and live with the sadness. I would have never believed that something so evil would invade our family, but here we are. I would have never believed that I would not want to see my own child but his choices have made having a relationship impossible. Transgenderism is a dangerous cult that must be stopped before it ruins more lives.
I just can’t imagine how his wife & childrens brains can process this. She married a man? Her kids have a father. This destabilizes me to my core. The human race cannot be altered in this way. It’s madness
Certainly, it's madness. The fact that many women support and encourage their spouses in this delusion isn't so surprising, when you consider that they are just as brainwashed as their spouses.
Thank you for your vulnerability and sharing the raw truth about what this ideology has done to your family. This is a Club Nobody wants to belong to, but I can honestly say I get it, I understand, me too. And the story isn’t over. Keep being a loving mom. I have to believe that Love will win.
We do grieve, especially when our children have estranged, but for more of us it's the constant revolving emotions of trying to find ANYTHING to bring our kids out of harms way which the "healthcare" & legal community is all to well to collude with a belief that is a lie and the absolute frustration at not be able to do anything or paralyzing fear that it will be the wrong thing. Thank you for your wisdom and writing about this. The more people who do, especially with credentials, perhaps we will protect another generation of harm.
Thank you for your understanding. I was inspired to try again to log into my blocked X account. It appears to be permanently shut down after I posted what may have been seen as a “transgender phobic” comment when X was Twitter.
I know how it is. My son has been estranged for four years. I miss him so much. I send emails telling him that I think of him and hope he is happy. I use his trans name though it's difficult. He never replies even when I was very ill. I hope so much to see him one day, but as you say, I have no idea how I will feel. You go through this time of anguish - is it your fault? What could you have done better? Then you get angry - and so hurt. After all the loving care, all the opportunities that have been lost because his needs were more important than yours, he has abandoned you and his whole life for something that you cannot believe in.
You are good people. Loving, but also practical. "Imperfect peace" is still a kind of peace, offering hope of more. Good luck to all of you!.
The description of your "imperfect peace" has touched me deeply. Acknowledging you long for something more but are grateful you have a connection of "some kind" shows a rare wisdom. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for sharing your story with all the other loving moms out here.
Maybe you have been too loving. But parents cope with things the way they know not the way they should or could. Hindsight is 20/20.
I know many parents who challenge this as best they can, in a loving way. But when all of society celebrates our sons and daughters for suddenly deciding they are the opposite sex, our voices are drowned out.
Thank you for sharing this. It does give me hope.
😥 I’m tearing up.
A mother’s heart and the pain it bears. 💔
Heavenly Father, I come to You today to lift up this child. Lord, You know their heart, and You know the voices, influences, and pressures trying to pull them away from Your truth.I pray that You would pierce through the darkness with Your light. Uproot every lie they have believed about themselves, about You, and about what is right and wrong.
Amen
I think you are right in believing that there was a fundamental truth in that hug you shared. The love remains, and indeed it goes both ways. He knows you’re there when he’s ready to return.
I too have held on to those glimpses, those windows into the soul of my daughter that she didn’t know were open. It makes all the difference. ♥️
For those of you that have your son’s back but still clinging to the identity, I am happy for you. But how are they doing, physically & mentally? The author writes that they visited him in hospital, was it to do with his ‘GAC’, years of wrong sex hormones? ❤️🩹
Do you mean GAC (Gender Affirming Care)? Or are these wrong hormones known to cause GCA (Giant Cell Arteritis)?
I meant GAC will edit the comment!
As I was reading, I kept holding my breath for a happy end... I hope it will come one day soon and you will write another essay here on PITT - or perhaps your son will.
I love this! It is so similar to our situation. The estrangement with our son is over. He lives close by again, I am able to visit with him, hug him, hear his voice and his laugh again, have meals together, etc. He knows we love him and we know he loves us. He still clings to the transgender ideology and believes he is a "trans woman", but I am more at peace now, my mother's heart is happy. I have my son back, though not completely. Still praying that God will bring him to complete restoration.
Do you use the name/pronouns or has he decided it's too much to ask of his parents?
No, I do not and never could. He knows where I stand on that. I do try to be careful and not call him by his given name if I can help it, but it naturally slips out often. He, at least, isn't getting overly mad when I do. I feel things have moved in a good direction.
Thank you for answering. It seems that those who do. use the name & avoid pronouns are able to keep in some type of contact. I guess it depends on how rigid they are in their belief that it's all or nothing. I hope your son is moving out of the ideology! All the best to you & your family.
Thank-you, I hope so too and I also wish you and your family the best. May God help us all.
🕊️❤️🩹
The gender madness is like the flood in the bible. I would like the dove to be our symbol of hope. According to Genesis 8:10–11, the dove returned in the evening “with a freshly plucked olive leaf in its beak,” which was a sign that the flood was receding. All the grieving parents are looking for a sign.
I hang onto every nuanced comment or story from my son that even in the slightest way may indicate he is having a change of heart. I know I'm being desperate and reading into his words. So much do I want my son out of this hell scape. I need so much. After nearly 10 years I still cannot believe this is happening to him, our family, and me as his mom. I think the dove sounds like a wonderful idea
Hugs from another Midwest mom whose son made it to the coast over a decade ago. We fear he too is not doing well but have no one to let us know if so. Rejoicing with you in this recent connection. May it be the beginning of the path out of this madness.
This sounds like our family. Our adult son is married with two small boys. His wife agrees/supports/encourages his delusion that he is a woman. He has changed his name, is taking estrogen and they consider themselves a lesbian couple. My husband and I have become estranged from him because we will not affirm his new identity. We still text and I send gifts for the children, but seeing him in person has become almost impossible. He would happily see us as long as we affirm his new identity. I devoted most of my life to him and now I have decided that my health needs to take priority. When we are with him, it takes us weeks to recover. (blood pressure sky rockets, I can't sleep, crying all the time) So we concentrate on our other two children and live with the sadness. I would have never believed that something so evil would invade our family, but here we are. I would have never believed that I would not want to see my own child but his choices have made having a relationship impossible. Transgenderism is a dangerous cult that must be stopped before it ruins more lives.
I'm sorry. I agree, it's a cult with the sanctity of the health care field and now law. Crazy.
I just can’t imagine how his wife & childrens brains can process this. She married a man? Her kids have a father. This destabilizes me to my core. The human race cannot be altered in this way. It’s madness
Certainly, it's madness. The fact that many women support and encourage their spouses in this delusion isn't so surprising, when you consider that they are just as brainwashed as their spouses.
Thank you for your vulnerability and sharing the raw truth about what this ideology has done to your family. This is a Club Nobody wants to belong to, but I can honestly say I get it, I understand, me too. And the story isn’t over. Keep being a loving mom. I have to believe that Love will win.
I am a clinical psychologist.
I am ashamed of my 'profession'.
I grieve for what was done to your family.
Here is my article about this.
I am so, so, sorry.
https://x.com/Psychgirl211/status/1816566075355730225
We do grieve, especially when our children have estranged, but for more of us it's the constant revolving emotions of trying to find ANYTHING to bring our kids out of harms way which the "healthcare" & legal community is all to well to collude with a belief that is a lie and the absolute frustration at not be able to do anything or paralyzing fear that it will be the wrong thing. Thank you for your wisdom and writing about this. The more people who do, especially with credentials, perhaps we will protect another generation of harm.
Thank you for your understanding. I was inspired to try again to log into my blocked X account. It appears to be permanently shut down after I posted what may have been seen as a “transgender phobic” comment when X was Twitter.
Hi there
You should try again.
X is very different now!