Two and a half years ago my daughter made the declaration that she believed herself to be a boy, a declaration that I would hear, sometimes seemingly verbatim, embedded in the stories of the plethora of parents with whom I now share an ill-begotten kinship.
This is great, sounds as though it was very strategic & a lot of work but ultimately led to success. My son cut me off very quickly, he was 22 & had left home anyway so there wasn’t much opportunity. By the time I got over some of the initial trauma & discovered PITT etc etc, it was too late. His brothers (not trans, but all affirming), had made their minds up that I was ignorant on the topic (which was partially true), knew better & absolutely dismissed Matt Walsh’s what is a woman. I would leave books lying around the house, they never acknowledged them. Sooo…get to your kids before they leave home!!
Well done! We took a slightly different route with our daughter, we left the US, hopefully for good. It is only week three but we are now surrounded by normalcy in our new town. Nary a trans person in sight though I know it’s lurking out there. What I’m relishing is the requirement to refer to her biological sex and given name everywhere she goes. No one is buying the ‘preferred’ name and ‘gender’ when it comes to government documents and opening accounts. She gets ‘misgendered’ daily because (shock!) she dresses and looks like a female! What we left behind was becoming just insane in our small town. The icing on the cake was when a detransitioned friend of a friend asked me to donate some of our items we were selling to help decorate her ‘sanctuary for trans people recovering from their surgeries and traumas’. Of course I said no.
I'd like to recommend content creator Exulansic as an excellent source of GC videos that are highly informative but also quite entertaining. She is a desister herself who also happens to have had some medical training (for work in speech therapy). She was introduced to the cult while taking gender studies at Berkeley; she managed to avoid medicalization but someone very close & dear to her did not (iirc the lady lost her young life due to multiple health complications), so she is very passionate- & compassionate- about the subject matter.
I love stories with a happy ending! And we see so few of them here ;(
If you can find them, maybe offer more with a happy ending? Because what worked with one kid might not work with another, and it would be good to know what different parents' strategies were - an arsenal of deprogramming, as they said of religious cult kids taken back by their families in the '60s and '70s...
Can I say I envy you? I feel like I’m a lousy mother as I don’t even mention the Trans word anymore in front of my daughter (19 declared her “identity” 18 months ago and started testosterone in Dec ‘23) her angry and sometimes vicious verbal attacks have crushed me into silence. I’ve got all the books you mentioned plus many more, I watch all the podcasts I can but she told me the other day she’s happy with where she is with “her” trans stuff (a deepening voice, facial hair and much hairier legs) I washed her latest chest binder the other day and didn’t realise what it was at first as it looks like a tank top (the old one looked like a midriff top.) She rants at me about freeing Palestine from the Israeli oppressors knowing I don’t agree and I support the Jewish People. I keep my mouth shut most of the time but occasionally lose it and she calls her older sister and tells her she wishes Dad would divorce me and she’d be glad if I died!
I always taught my daughter the evils of antisemitism. But now that we’re estranged and she’s blocked me from her instagram page I discovered the anti Jewish crap that her girlfriend was posting. I was shocked to the core. I’m worried that my daughter might have picked up antisemitic ideas from her. I hope not but all her friends seem pro Hamas 😡
Adult child should do her own laundry. I mean if she has a job and pays you to do it, I understand. But I doubt that is the case.
Edit to add, the Palestinian activism is Qatar paid for social media campaigns. If the kids were actually educated and concerned about genocide they'd talk about Darfur. https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/darfur
This thread is an awesome example of social media fueled lack of analysis. It is a panic over the Supreme Court taking up a pediatric medicalization ban. Any, even the slightest disagreement with the trans orthodoxy is condemned.
Congrats to the author for experimenting and finding ways (even if via bribery) to get her daughter into productive conversations. If there’s a way to get this to the daughter, perhaps she’d respond to this Reddit sub that has 54,000 members (and had under 50k when I discovered it six months ago) in which detransitioners speak for themselves and discuss detransition in an open and vulnerable way:
Stella O'Malley has an interesting statement about parents of trans kids needing to find their confidence in order to (hopefully) take back their captured children. She says in the 'blurb' before one of her YT videos: "There isn't one way out. There isn't one way into gender dysphoria, and there isn't one way out. You've got to find the authority in your house. You've got to find the kind of sense of confidence in yourself to figure out what your kid needs. You are the world expert on your kid." It distresses me to see so many parents in PITT who are feeling powerless and panicky in the face of trans --- and who can blame them? But it's precisely the time when parents need to keep their wits about them. I really like your approach of not bombarding your daughter, leading to her shutting down. Dropping a bit of truth here and there is a very smart move for keeping the lines of communication open. It seems obvious to me that you had a solid relationship with your daughter before all of this, and that can be what ultimately saves her.
And wow what an education for her, to learn at this age that our society at large is not always for you, not always truthful. Learning to question, to seek truth will serve her well.
My son can’t get a summer job this year and is looking for ways to make some extra $$$. I wonder if I could reel him in this way. I love how you have handled this and wish you all the best.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and approach! It sounds like you're making excellent progress with your daughter re: gender ideology etc. and also in strengthening your relationship with her! Your account is inspiring and gives me new ideas about how to approach gender issues with my own child.
Something I want to share with you -- Some years ago I read a book titled "Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy" by a psychologist, Michael Bradley. He says teens are "crazy" because different areas of their brains mature at different times, so they're constantly off-balance and "not playing with a full deck." But there's a big step forward right at age 18, when another critical brain area matures -- and now the kid *is* playing with a full deck, and is equipped to make much better decisions. (This change is reflected in our laws, that allow new rights and decision-making power for 18-year-olds.)
Your child says she'll go ahead with medical transition when she turns 18? I think there's a good chance she'll desist at 18 instead, because you've been working with her so carefully and skillfully to give her more accurate information, a broader perspective, and better critical thinking skills, and that will give her a good foundation for reevaluating her plans to transition.
I'm sure you're aware that kids can get pulled back into the gender/trans cult, though -- particularly if they go away to college. So being vigilant and maintaining your efforts will be a good idea even if your child does desist.
The full deck only happens at 25. This is why the Cass Review declared that now there will be a full review of adult gender services particularly concentrating on the 17-25 group 🤷🏻♀️
I actually agree with you that the full deck happens at 25; in my comment above, I was summarizing what Dr. Bradley says. I do think there's a big step forward at 18, though; I've seen it in my child and others.
I'm glad the Cass Review calls for a full review of adult services concentrating on 17-25. Right now I'm concerned that lifting restrictions on sex-change treatment on the day a child reaches 18 years old will result in many kids plunging into medical transition based on thinking they did before 18, when their brains were still "crazy" as Dr. Bradley says.
At a minimum, I think medical transition should not be available before age 19. Better yet, 26. But really, my opinion is more like "How about NEVER?"
I've been asking myself that same basic question- is it really okay for these doctors to carry out irreversible changes to the bodies of adults with mental health issues involving difficultly perceiving &/or reconciling with physical, biological reality???
The more I learn about what actually goes on, the less I'm inclined to think any of it is okay!
Yes. It makes me crazy that 18 is considered a legal adult. The stupid decisions I made even in my early twenties!!!! It’s something I’ve preached to all three of my kids: don’t make any life altering decisions until you are at least 25! Praying my 17 year old daughter keeps listening, as I’m terrified she will rush to start hormones, etc. as soon as she is 18.
This is great, sounds as though it was very strategic & a lot of work but ultimately led to success. My son cut me off very quickly, he was 22 & had left home anyway so there wasn’t much opportunity. By the time I got over some of the initial trauma & discovered PITT etc etc, it was too late. His brothers (not trans, but all affirming), had made their minds up that I was ignorant on the topic (which was partially true), knew better & absolutely dismissed Matt Walsh’s what is a woman. I would leave books lying around the house, they never acknowledged them. Sooo…get to your kids before they leave home!!
Well done! We took a slightly different route with our daughter, we left the US, hopefully for good. It is only week three but we are now surrounded by normalcy in our new town. Nary a trans person in sight though I know it’s lurking out there. What I’m relishing is the requirement to refer to her biological sex and given name everywhere she goes. No one is buying the ‘preferred’ name and ‘gender’ when it comes to government documents and opening accounts. She gets ‘misgendered’ daily because (shock!) she dresses and looks like a female! What we left behind was becoming just insane in our small town. The icing on the cake was when a detransitioned friend of a friend asked me to donate some of our items we were selling to help decorate her ‘sanctuary for trans people recovering from their surgeries and traumas’. Of course I said no.
I'd like to recommend content creator Exulansic as an excellent source of GC videos that are highly informative but also quite entertaining. She is a desister herself who also happens to have had some medical training (for work in speech therapy). She was introduced to the cult while taking gender studies at Berkeley; she managed to avoid medicalization but someone very close & dear to her did not (iirc the lady lost her young life due to multiple health complications), so she is very passionate- & compassionate- about the subject matter.
This is beautiful. Well done!
I love stories with a happy ending! And we see so few of them here ;(
If you can find them, maybe offer more with a happy ending? Because what worked with one kid might not work with another, and it would be good to know what different parents' strategies were - an arsenal of deprogramming, as they said of religious cult kids taken back by their families in the '60s and '70s...
Well done!
Those are great strategies. Thank you for sharing!
Can I say I envy you? I feel like I’m a lousy mother as I don’t even mention the Trans word anymore in front of my daughter (19 declared her “identity” 18 months ago and started testosterone in Dec ‘23) her angry and sometimes vicious verbal attacks have crushed me into silence. I’ve got all the books you mentioned plus many more, I watch all the podcasts I can but she told me the other day she’s happy with where she is with “her” trans stuff (a deepening voice, facial hair and much hairier legs) I washed her latest chest binder the other day and didn’t realise what it was at first as it looks like a tank top (the old one looked like a midriff top.) She rants at me about freeing Palestine from the Israeli oppressors knowing I don’t agree and I support the Jewish People. I keep my mouth shut most of the time but occasionally lose it and she calls her older sister and tells her she wishes Dad would divorce me and she’d be glad if I died!
I always taught my daughter the evils of antisemitism. But now that we’re estranged and she’s blocked me from her instagram page I discovered the anti Jewish crap that her girlfriend was posting. I was shocked to the core. I’m worried that my daughter might have picked up antisemitic ideas from her. I hope not but all her friends seem pro Hamas 😡
Adult child should do her own laundry. I mean if she has a job and pays you to do it, I understand. But I doubt that is the case.
Edit to add, the Palestinian activism is Qatar paid for social media campaigns. If the kids were actually educated and concerned about genocide they'd talk about Darfur. https://encyclopedia.ushmm.org/content/en/article/darfur
This thread is an awesome example of social media fueled lack of analysis. It is a panic over the Supreme Court taking up a pediatric medicalization ban. Any, even the slightest disagreement with the trans orthodoxy is condemned.
https://slate.com/comments/news-and-politics/2024/06/transgender-supreme-court-neil-gorsuch-john-roberts.html
For example Dr. Cass is a raging transphobe who recommend more trans medical treatment for children it's just an offense to logic.
Wow, it’s horrible
Congrats to the author for experimenting and finding ways (even if via bribery) to get her daughter into productive conversations. If there’s a way to get this to the daughter, perhaps she’d respond to this Reddit sub that has 54,000 members (and had under 50k when I discovered it six months ago) in which detransitioners speak for themselves and discuss detransition in an open and vulnerable way:
https://www.reddit.com/r/detrans/s/tEfcEth8Jt
Not bribery, a financial incentive plan.
The trans community has an insatiable need for external validation. The very existence of detrans regret is intolerable and must be destroyed.
Thanks for sharing your wonderful news!
Stella O'Malley has an interesting statement about parents of trans kids needing to find their confidence in order to (hopefully) take back their captured children. She says in the 'blurb' before one of her YT videos: "There isn't one way out. There isn't one way into gender dysphoria, and there isn't one way out. You've got to find the authority in your house. You've got to find the kind of sense of confidence in yourself to figure out what your kid needs. You are the world expert on your kid." It distresses me to see so many parents in PITT who are feeling powerless and panicky in the face of trans --- and who can blame them? But it's precisely the time when parents need to keep their wits about them. I really like your approach of not bombarding your daughter, leading to her shutting down. Dropping a bit of truth here and there is a very smart move for keeping the lines of communication open. It seems obvious to me that you had a solid relationship with your daughter before all of this, and that can be what ultimately saves her.
Well done!!! So encouraging!
And wow what an education for her, to learn at this age that our society at large is not always for you, not always truthful. Learning to question, to seek truth will serve her well.
Thank you for sharing.
My son can’t get a summer job this year and is looking for ways to make some extra $$$. I wonder if I could reel him in this way. I love how you have handled this and wish you all the best.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and approach! It sounds like you're making excellent progress with your daughter re: gender ideology etc. and also in strengthening your relationship with her! Your account is inspiring and gives me new ideas about how to approach gender issues with my own child.
Something I want to share with you -- Some years ago I read a book titled "Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy" by a psychologist, Michael Bradley. He says teens are "crazy" because different areas of their brains mature at different times, so they're constantly off-balance and "not playing with a full deck." But there's a big step forward right at age 18, when another critical brain area matures -- and now the kid *is* playing with a full deck, and is equipped to make much better decisions. (This change is reflected in our laws, that allow new rights and decision-making power for 18-year-olds.)
Your child says she'll go ahead with medical transition when she turns 18? I think there's a good chance she'll desist at 18 instead, because you've been working with her so carefully and skillfully to give her more accurate information, a broader perspective, and better critical thinking skills, and that will give her a good foundation for reevaluating her plans to transition.
I'm sure you're aware that kids can get pulled back into the gender/trans cult, though -- particularly if they go away to college. So being vigilant and maintaining your efforts will be a good idea even if your child does desist.
Best wishes to you and your child!
The full deck only happens at 25. This is why the Cass Review declared that now there will be a full review of adult gender services particularly concentrating on the 17-25 group 🤷🏻♀️
I actually agree with you that the full deck happens at 25; in my comment above, I was summarizing what Dr. Bradley says. I do think there's a big step forward at 18, though; I've seen it in my child and others.
I'm glad the Cass Review calls for a full review of adult services concentrating on 17-25. Right now I'm concerned that lifting restrictions on sex-change treatment on the day a child reaches 18 years old will result in many kids plunging into medical transition based on thinking they did before 18, when their brains were still "crazy" as Dr. Bradley says.
At a minimum, I think medical transition should not be available before age 19. Better yet, 26. But really, my opinion is more like "How about NEVER?"
I've been asking myself that same basic question- is it really okay for these doctors to carry out irreversible changes to the bodies of adults with mental health issues involving difficultly perceiving &/or reconciling with physical, biological reality???
The more I learn about what actually goes on, the less I'm inclined to think any of it is okay!
Yes. It makes me crazy that 18 is considered a legal adult. The stupid decisions I made even in my early twenties!!!! It’s something I’ve preached to all three of my kids: don’t make any life altering decisions until you are at least 25! Praying my 17 year old daughter keeps listening, as I’m terrified she will rush to start hormones, etc. as soon as she is 18.
Thank you! This is a so much awaited piece actionable advice. I can't wait to try it and report back.