A bit harsh spiky. My 'child' transitioned at 35 and immediately cut us off. He was super smart and probably 'neuro-atypical' but back in those days we didn't have those words. We helped him learn to get a along with others and excellent teachers kept him from being pigeon holed with any diagnoses. I did consult with folks about him and …
A bit harsh spiky. My 'child' transitioned at 35 and immediately cut us off. He was super smart and probably 'neuro-atypical' but back in those days we didn't have those words. We helped him learn to get a along with others and excellent teachers kept him from being pigeon holed with any diagnoses. I did consult with folks about him and was cautioned not to have him diagnosed but to let him be different. He was well liked through school and found his way in high school. So working hard to not have him diagnosed didn't benefit any of us either. He fell down the rabbit hole of the internet possibly because that form of communication came easily to him. Now he has diagnosed himself with all manner of letters and I suspect, although he hasn't told me, that he blames me for not having him diagnosed. Parenting these days, whether your child is 3 or 30 is not for the feint of heart. Being cut off by a child your adore, who you did your very best for, is excruciating.
I am harsh because so many people choose to remain stubbornly ignorant of the damage they do when they seek labels of this nature for themselves & their children. Labels - aka identities - are the lenses through which we view ourselves and the world, they are the essence of self-definition.
Lots of people will try to label a kid who stands out. Everyone knows that with labels like "loser" or "freak" you wouldn't say, "Yes, you're a freak and a loser, but today it's okay to be a freak and a loser, so don't worry." You would say something more like "Some kids lash out at other people to make themselves feel better. Don't worry about them at all." After your kid leaves your care he will lose your support, that's true, and many people will label him or try to get him to choose a label they would like him to choose - from discord to the street corner christian pamphleteer - but that's no reason to take that fundamental support away prematurely by othering him with an exogeneous label.
"Autistic" is a synonym for "freak and loser" among kids today. Whether you think it is an accurate descriptor or not absolutely does not matter. Even in the most acceptive environment, a kid being told he is fundamentally not like other people is no small thing, even if he already sensed it.
A bit harsh spiky. My 'child' transitioned at 35 and immediately cut us off. He was super smart and probably 'neuro-atypical' but back in those days we didn't have those words. We helped him learn to get a along with others and excellent teachers kept him from being pigeon holed with any diagnoses. I did consult with folks about him and was cautioned not to have him diagnosed but to let him be different. He was well liked through school and found his way in high school. So working hard to not have him diagnosed didn't benefit any of us either. He fell down the rabbit hole of the internet possibly because that form of communication came easily to him. Now he has diagnosed himself with all manner of letters and I suspect, although he hasn't told me, that he blames me for not having him diagnosed. Parenting these days, whether your child is 3 or 30 is not for the feint of heart. Being cut off by a child your adore, who you did your very best for, is excruciating.
I am harsh because so many people choose to remain stubbornly ignorant of the damage they do when they seek labels of this nature for themselves & their children. Labels - aka identities - are the lenses through which we view ourselves and the world, they are the essence of self-definition.
Lots of people will try to label a kid who stands out. Everyone knows that with labels like "loser" or "freak" you wouldn't say, "Yes, you're a freak and a loser, but today it's okay to be a freak and a loser, so don't worry." You would say something more like "Some kids lash out at other people to make themselves feel better. Don't worry about them at all." After your kid leaves your care he will lose your support, that's true, and many people will label him or try to get him to choose a label they would like him to choose - from discord to the street corner christian pamphleteer - but that's no reason to take that fundamental support away prematurely by othering him with an exogeneous label.
"Autistic" is a synonym for "freak and loser" among kids today. Whether you think it is an accurate descriptor or not absolutely does not matter. Even in the most acceptive environment, a kid being told he is fundamentally not like other people is no small thing, even if he already sensed it.