Since you are still in charge of her healthcare, can you try to get her to see a psychologist from the “Therapy First” network? They do not automatically affirm. I was fortunate enough to have one of them talk my daughter off the ledge at age 18 by presenting her with TWO PAGES of known side effects of testosterone. I’m still in limbo, but we have at least wrangled the commitment from my child to wait until 25, when her brain is done growing.
The other thing you could try, which may be difficult because you don’t see your daughter face to face anymore, is to try to make her understand that you are coming from a place of love and concern. That you are simply worried about the bodily harm that high dose testosterone wreaks on a female body.
We often assume the kids understand words like osteoporosis and vaginal atrophy. They do not! But if you tell your kid, that it might hurt to simply walk around wearing jeans, or that she could end up peeing herself constantly, that might sink in.
If we could do it over at 16, we would have taken away her phone and computer and pulled her out of public school. I don’t care how upset she would have gotten. At the time (2020-2023) there was a fear that she would somehow be socially stunted because phones/computers were her only connection to her peers during the pandemic but now we see how foolish we were.
When I was starting to rebel at 14 years old, my parents had the means to put me in an all-girls Catholic school. This was the 90’s. I’m sure they were afraid I’d run away, or rebel harder, but I actually didn’t. Sure, I threw a great big fit but then I settled into a safe environment and was actually able to cast aside all the “boy noise” and focus on academics, athletics and just being a teenage girl.
But even therapists warned us not to take away our daughter’s phone, and they affirmed her behind our backs and like idiots we trusted them. Now at 21 she’s been on testosterone for a year and almost unrecognizable.
Dont blame yourself. Nonaffirming psyciatrists told me, that in case of mental illness uprooting isnt healing. They offen just begin the same pass in a new environment. The only way is to adress the real problem.
To the author: I can relate to so much of this. I have a 17-year-old boy who thinks he's a girl and an affirming wife who went behind my back to sign him up for a gender clinic. I too have been able to block hormones for now but my son's 18th birthday looms large in the fall. I too have kept a bond alive with my son against all odds and, like you, it's what keeps me going. I've started to write about my experience here: https://messagesinbottles.substack.com/ . Please reach out via substack DM if you want to share stories and commiserate.
After the last finish study, which shows remarkable jump of psychiatric needs after transition, i cant understand how someone , who calls himself a doctor, can transition the youngs. They cant even say anymore that they coundnt know better. It is published and evaluated, that affirmation makes the things worse.
Doesn’t it just boggle the mind? I’d like to understand how someone who has access to knowledge via the internet can make such stupid, harmful decisions regarding young vulnerable kids.
I have more compassion for the kids. They were vulnerable for a myriad of reasons and came upon the cult. The algorithm feeds the same content brainwashing them or radicalizing them - this is the solution to your problem. They are not fully able to critically think especially because of the vulnerability, whereas those in the healthcare field should know better.
I have lost my compassion for the kids after our daughter claimed that we have ruined her life and went no contact. Someone with her grips could have thought the story better.
Young people today are being presented with incredibly impactful life decisions before they are even mature mentally and physically that were never even a decision in the past.
This is being pushed. It's all indoctrination and the powers of suggestion to a young mind that trusts sources that are in positions of authority.
If we were living in the 1930s in Nazi Germany she would be all in for Hitler and the Nazi Party. Or in 1949 in China she would be all in for Mao and communism.
You are fighting the school systems and the state.
It is incredible wreckage to view how far the education system has fallen and pulled down so many people and society with it. Politicians and the state have followed the education system for the votes and because most of them were also indoctrinated.
I would give anything if my son were 16 again. I don't care what it took. Pulling him out of school, taking away internet, phones, etc. I would find a way to let him know how precious and perfect he already was. You have two more years that she is still under your control. Even if I had to move away. I don't care where to, I would do it. I would do anything and everything it took to help them see that there is no such thing as "trans," even if I had to physically restrain him. Thats no different to me than keeping him from running into the street as a toddler. If their minds aren't mature enough to listen to reason, then they'll be treated as such. Treat this like her life depends on it, because it does.
I would give her a choice. Your mother or your gender cult. Then block her on your phone, and do all Tuscan to forget her. She’s gone.
Not the right answer.
Since you are still in charge of her healthcare, can you try to get her to see a psychologist from the “Therapy First” network? They do not automatically affirm. I was fortunate enough to have one of them talk my daughter off the ledge at age 18 by presenting her with TWO PAGES of known side effects of testosterone. I’m still in limbo, but we have at least wrangled the commitment from my child to wait until 25, when her brain is done growing.
The other thing you could try, which may be difficult because you don’t see your daughter face to face anymore, is to try to make her understand that you are coming from a place of love and concern. That you are simply worried about the bodily harm that high dose testosterone wreaks on a female body.
We often assume the kids understand words like osteoporosis and vaginal atrophy. They do not! But if you tell your kid, that it might hurt to simply walk around wearing jeans, or that she could end up peeing herself constantly, that might sink in.
If we could do it over at 16, we would have taken away her phone and computer and pulled her out of public school. I don’t care how upset she would have gotten. At the time (2020-2023) there was a fear that she would somehow be socially stunted because phones/computers were her only connection to her peers during the pandemic but now we see how foolish we were.
When I was starting to rebel at 14 years old, my parents had the means to put me in an all-girls Catholic school. This was the 90’s. I’m sure they were afraid I’d run away, or rebel harder, but I actually didn’t. Sure, I threw a great big fit but then I settled into a safe environment and was actually able to cast aside all the “boy noise” and focus on academics, athletics and just being a teenage girl.
But even therapists warned us not to take away our daughter’s phone, and they affirmed her behind our backs and like idiots we trusted them. Now at 21 she’s been on testosterone for a year and almost unrecognizable.
Dont blame yourself. Nonaffirming psyciatrists told me, that in case of mental illness uprooting isnt healing. They offen just begin the same pass in a new environment. The only way is to adress the real problem.
To the author: I can relate to so much of this. I have a 17-year-old boy who thinks he's a girl and an affirming wife who went behind my back to sign him up for a gender clinic. I too have been able to block hormones for now but my son's 18th birthday looms large in the fall. I too have kept a bond alive with my son against all odds and, like you, it's what keeps me going. I've started to write about my experience here: https://messagesinbottles.substack.com/ . Please reach out via substack DM if you want to share stories and commiserate.
After the last finish study, which shows remarkable jump of psychiatric needs after transition, i cant understand how someone , who calls himself a doctor, can transition the youngs. They cant even say anymore that they coundnt know better. It is published and evaluated, that affirmation makes the things worse.
Five letters. First is M, last is Y.
Doesn’t it just boggle the mind? I’d like to understand how someone who has access to knowledge via the internet can make such stupid, harmful decisions regarding young vulnerable kids.
Its mind boggling enough, that the kids, whom we call digital natives cant find reliable informations themselves.
I have more compassion for the kids. They were vulnerable for a myriad of reasons and came upon the cult. The algorithm feeds the same content brainwashing them or radicalizing them - this is the solution to your problem. They are not fully able to critically think especially because of the vulnerability, whereas those in the healthcare field should know better.
I have lost my compassion for the kids after our daughter claimed that we have ruined her life and went no contact. Someone with her grips could have thought the story better.
I wonder whether my daughter is intelligent or not. She was, then the cult happened. 💔
My heart goes out to you. (And to so many parents here at PITT.) I can't even imagine how painful this must be.
I am sorry for all your troubles.
Young people today are being presented with incredibly impactful life decisions before they are even mature mentally and physically that were never even a decision in the past.
This is being pushed. It's all indoctrination and the powers of suggestion to a young mind that trusts sources that are in positions of authority.
If we were living in the 1930s in Nazi Germany she would be all in for Hitler and the Nazi Party. Or in 1949 in China she would be all in for Mao and communism.
You are fighting the school systems and the state.
It is incredible wreckage to view how far the education system has fallen and pulled down so many people and society with it. Politicians and the state have followed the education system for the votes and because most of them were also indoctrinated.
I would give anything if my son were 16 again. I don't care what it took. Pulling him out of school, taking away internet, phones, etc. I would find a way to let him know how precious and perfect he already was. You have two more years that she is still under your control. Even if I had to move away. I don't care where to, I would do it. I would do anything and everything it took to help them see that there is no such thing as "trans," even if I had to physically restrain him. Thats no different to me than keeping him from running into the street as a toddler. If their minds aren't mature enough to listen to reason, then they'll be treated as such. Treat this like her life depends on it, because it does.
Slums anywhere in South Amerca could have hepled. To feel and solve real problems instead of gloryfying selfabuse.
The brain typically matures by 25-26, but mental illness often doesn’t show up until 28-30.
Is your ex ideologically committed to trans activism or is he simply desperate not to lose her?
"And my ex-husband, her father, consents. He even tried to go behind my back ..."
Seeing this theme so often in PITT stories makes me VERY grateful that my wife and I are on the same page.
Thank you for sharing your story. All of our stories are so similar it breaks my heart 💔🌷