Even though I’m doing my Jewish conversion yesterday I dreamt of a man showing me a room full of statues of the Virgin Mary and the statues were adorned with pearl necklaces - there were also lots of roses dedicated to her. I think this is a dream of the tears of motherhood as represented by the pearls - the roses presumably signify the purity of our love - we are pure in our love and heartbreak.
Well, I was brought up in Christianity and I believe that what we hear as children has a deep impact upon us hence the subconscious will always take us back to this period and this has come in my dreams. I also believe this was a dream about the holiness of motherhood and the genuineness of our tears.
Now I feel a great reverence for Judaism and for the matriarchs of Judaism. I will convert though, I love Judaism ✡️.
I feel the way that you have felt and I appreciate learning from you on how to rediscover my happiness, energy, peace, and expression of love and joy for my other children. The pain of losing and missing my son (and focusing on the harms of the trans movement) have been incessant.
"I started wrestling with guilt and shame, wondering if I should keep hanging on—praying with more intensity and frequency, thinking more about him, talking about him—so that he didn’t fade completely from us. I also began to worry that letting go of our son emotionally, as his mom and as a family, would make it nearly impossible for him to re-integrate if and when he was to renew contact with us."
As mothers, we believe we should never give up. We feel guilty if hours or days go by without pining for our lost children, beaming love out into the universe--where it is apparently never received.
I have told my daughter that the door is always open. We will always be her family.
Yet, as your counselor mentioned, you are wasting your life in pining for this lost child.
Thank you for this. It’s coming up on 2 years and I find she is occupying my mind less and less. I still don’t want anything to do with my sister and her husband who continue to affirm her delusion. I too have become an underground warrior against this ideology.
Thank you for sharing such a well expressed version of much of our grief journey...it has been over 3 years for us since our adult son made this decision and cut us off...I have worked almost 3 decades in some form of mental health...most often education, support and advocacy...But this is a crisis like no other! There is a spiritual element at work also, a very evil one...This is worldwide...With no prior warning for the majority! I am praying it ends even more abruptly than it's beginning! Every morning I pray healing and restoration for our children 🙏
Thank you for sharing. Your friend's words about changing your gaze resonated with me. Yes, after not having any word from our son for three years my gaze has changed. What I find difficult are the sudden shifts- just when the hollow doesn't seem so large something happens to increase the chasm. May all our hearts find the serenity and peace we seek.
Thank you. It’s 3 years for us since social workers arranged for my trans identifying daughter to run away from home leaving us shell shocked and traumatised. She has completely discarded us. I don’t particularly like the Prodigal Son because it says that dad only waited three months. If only. I prefer to think of Jacob who waited 22 years to see Joseph again. I have decided to make myself as healthy as possible to have a long life to live. In the meantime I will enjoy myself with the rest of my family
You’re right, I’ve got the stories mixed up. There are other similar tales in the Jewish midrash. I often think of Jacob’s long wait to cope with the panic of not seeing my daughter again 💔.
Wow I could so feel your emotion please feel the hug of a complete stranger. Gods hands are the best hands and you have a job to do with those who need you and want you. I pray that God will wrestle with your son, just like He did with Jacob, and that your son will be wounded but healed in the same way.
I am so happy for you! That is exactly what you should be doing for your family. They also mourn and they need you. Moms committed the mistake of taking all the drama for ourselves, it is too personal for us, but it is not fair for the rest members, many marriages get broken after a transgender kid. The transgender mind is selfish and they always portrait themselves as victims if you don't support them. In my experience, they get very manipulative if you support them too or partially support them, parents commit that mistake of supporting them so they don't lose them but parents are the last line of reality and protection and in general parents are not well prepared for this issue. They are against a society that has all the weapons as media and entertainment to push back, and the governments and schools that will remove the child from the home so we are alone. Bottom line as they are under 18, parents should have all the power to handle things in order to protect their children but the only option they have now and because of the outside forces to get to our children, it is "grab your family and flee during the night to Mexico or Croacia, or Istambul. Another option is isolate the young from internet, Cable and school, only homeschooling if they start to behave like they are being influenced with strange ideas. This extreme actions are due because of the unchangeable side effects of the use of hormones and surgeries, forget about their state of mind that with the proper therapy eventually they will overcome trauma, but the physical aspect is irreversible as any detransitioner attest. Parents who already "lost" their children to this cult can become advocates and fight back with all the means available at the moment.
I very much appreciate your essay. I too have let go of my daughter and reached a plateau of acceptance. My job is done. I was her parent and my job is done. I miss her terribly but my worry for her no longer consumes me. She may never open her eyes to the lies she followed. Or she may and suffer for it. She may never come back. I have faith she will, hope she does but If she does, our old relationship is forever over. Can we forge a new different one? If she comes back she will not be the same person. She will have been on a journey of her very own. It will leave scars. We all carry scars. If she ever needs my help or wants it. I will be there, full of love and as her mother. I give it to God daily as I had to let go of her. I reached the plateau of acceptance that there is no more that I can do
Thanks for your essay. I am working on acceptance / making my peace with my son's path away from myself, his father, and his sister -- and most sadly, HIM self. I, too, do not want to squander my life consumed by this loss. I, too, strive to live with a hollow ache as best I can.
Thank you for sharing some of your journey with us. I am so thankful your son has chosen to return to life as a man. I am sorry that he has yet to return to you, the family who has never stopped loving him or praying for him. I pray that there would be no barriers or obstacles to prevent him from reaching out to you. I pray that any shame, anger, disappointment or disillusionment he may be feeling would not come between you and that he would remember above all things your love. I pray for his healing - physical, emotional, spiritual. 🙏🏻
I also really appreciated your thoughts on grief and coming to a place of acceptance. When we shared with our pastor, (who is incredibly compassionate) what was happening to our son, he said something I’ve held onto tightly and continue to take to heart. He said, “Remember that life is for the living.” Yes, what my son has chosen is awful, it’s a kind of death, really. But we have a beautiful family we love and enjoy time with. We have a full life. I do my best to live my life with open hands and open heart. I am aware of what my son is missing out on and I feel sad at times and I recognize how much I miss him, but my husband and I have had to come to a place of accepting that this is how it is right now….and Life is for the living and the joy of the Lord is my strength.
Praying for each family represented here - for strength and defiant joy in the face of such challenging and painful circumstances.
I remember your first article on the Prodigal Son. I am about 8 years into this issue. I also have learned to not allow my son to completely monopolize my head space. He did for a while. I also have learned that he's a grown a$$ adult and is free to make his own choices. He doesn't need my approval nor I his. I pray daily for my son, I trust God will provide, and I too am moving toward joy. I am still in relationship with my son, but idk for how much longer. But honestly, the person I'm in relationship is not my son, it's someone who has been co-opted.
I pray every day for us parents and for our lost children to return home
Even though I’m doing my Jewish conversion yesterday I dreamt of a man showing me a room full of statues of the Virgin Mary and the statues were adorned with pearl necklaces - there were also lots of roses dedicated to her. I think this is a dream of the tears of motherhood as represented by the pearls - the roses presumably signify the purity of our love - we are pure in our love and heartbreak.
Our Blessed Mother wants you to come back to her I think
Well, I was brought up in Christianity and I believe that what we hear as children has a deep impact upon us hence the subconscious will always take us back to this period and this has come in my dreams. I also believe this was a dream about the holiness of motherhood and the genuineness of our tears.
Now I feel a great reverence for Judaism and for the matriarchs of Judaism. I will convert though, I love Judaism ✡️.
I feel the way that you have felt and I appreciate learning from you on how to rediscover my happiness, energy, peace, and expression of love and joy for my other children. The pain of losing and missing my son (and focusing on the harms of the trans movement) have been incessant.
Thank you for sharing.
Yes, exactly this:
"I started wrestling with guilt and shame, wondering if I should keep hanging on—praying with more intensity and frequency, thinking more about him, talking about him—so that he didn’t fade completely from us. I also began to worry that letting go of our son emotionally, as his mom and as a family, would make it nearly impossible for him to re-integrate if and when he was to renew contact with us."
As mothers, we believe we should never give up. We feel guilty if hours or days go by without pining for our lost children, beaming love out into the universe--where it is apparently never received.
I have told my daughter that the door is always open. We will always be her family.
Yet, as your counselor mentioned, you are wasting your life in pining for this lost child.
Wow. I feel tears and relief for you. Grief is not a straight line. Thank you.
Thank you for this. It’s coming up on 2 years and I find she is occupying my mind less and less. I still don’t want anything to do with my sister and her husband who continue to affirm her delusion. I too have become an underground warrior against this ideology.
You write so beautifully and powerfully. I hope the writing is as healing for you as the reading was for me. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing such a well expressed version of much of our grief journey...it has been over 3 years for us since our adult son made this decision and cut us off...I have worked almost 3 decades in some form of mental health...most often education, support and advocacy...But this is a crisis like no other! There is a spiritual element at work also, a very evil one...This is worldwide...With no prior warning for the majority! I am praying it ends even more abruptly than it's beginning! Every morning I pray healing and restoration for our children 🙏
This is spiritual warfare. But we will be strong in God. He will not abandon us
Amen...
Thank you for sharing. Your friend's words about changing your gaze resonated with me. Yes, after not having any word from our son for three years my gaze has changed. What I find difficult are the sudden shifts- just when the hollow doesn't seem so large something happens to increase the chasm. May all our hearts find the serenity and peace we seek.
Agree with you. We get used to a baseline of the new “normal”, but then something changes and it brings grief and anxious feelings again.
Thank you. It’s 3 years for us since social workers arranged for my trans identifying daughter to run away from home leaving us shell shocked and traumatised. She has completely discarded us. I don’t particularly like the Prodigal Son because it says that dad only waited three months. If only. I prefer to think of Jacob who waited 22 years to see Joseph again. I have decided to make myself as healthy as possible to have a long life to live. In the meantime I will enjoy myself with the rest of my family
Where does the story of the prodigal say 3 months? There’s no timeline in the original story of the prodigal son.
You’re right, I’ve got the stories mixed up. There are other similar tales in the Jewish midrash. I often think of Jacob’s long wait to cope with the panic of not seeing my daughter again 💔.
Wow I could so feel your emotion please feel the hug of a complete stranger. Gods hands are the best hands and you have a job to do with those who need you and want you. I pray that God will wrestle with your son, just like He did with Jacob, and that your son will be wounded but healed in the same way.
Amen 🙏
I am so happy for you! That is exactly what you should be doing for your family. They also mourn and they need you. Moms committed the mistake of taking all the drama for ourselves, it is too personal for us, but it is not fair for the rest members, many marriages get broken after a transgender kid. The transgender mind is selfish and they always portrait themselves as victims if you don't support them. In my experience, they get very manipulative if you support them too or partially support them, parents commit that mistake of supporting them so they don't lose them but parents are the last line of reality and protection and in general parents are not well prepared for this issue. They are against a society that has all the weapons as media and entertainment to push back, and the governments and schools that will remove the child from the home so we are alone. Bottom line as they are under 18, parents should have all the power to handle things in order to protect their children but the only option they have now and because of the outside forces to get to our children, it is "grab your family and flee during the night to Mexico or Croacia, or Istambul. Another option is isolate the young from internet, Cable and school, only homeschooling if they start to behave like they are being influenced with strange ideas. This extreme actions are due because of the unchangeable side effects of the use of hormones and surgeries, forget about their state of mind that with the proper therapy eventually they will overcome trauma, but the physical aspect is irreversible as any detransitioner attest. Parents who already "lost" their children to this cult can become advocates and fight back with all the means available at the moment.
I very much appreciate your essay. I too have let go of my daughter and reached a plateau of acceptance. My job is done. I was her parent and my job is done. I miss her terribly but my worry for her no longer consumes me. She may never open her eyes to the lies she followed. Or she may and suffer for it. She may never come back. I have faith she will, hope she does but If she does, our old relationship is forever over. Can we forge a new different one? If she comes back she will not be the same person. She will have been on a journey of her very own. It will leave scars. We all carry scars. If she ever needs my help or wants it. I will be there, full of love and as her mother. I give it to God daily as I had to let go of her. I reached the plateau of acceptance that there is no more that I can do
❤️🩹
Thanks for your essay. I am working on acceptance / making my peace with my son's path away from myself, his father, and his sister -- and most sadly, HIM self. I, too, do not want to squander my life consumed by this loss. I, too, strive to live with a hollow ache as best I can.
Thank you for sharing some of your journey with us. I am so thankful your son has chosen to return to life as a man. I am sorry that he has yet to return to you, the family who has never stopped loving him or praying for him. I pray that there would be no barriers or obstacles to prevent him from reaching out to you. I pray that any shame, anger, disappointment or disillusionment he may be feeling would not come between you and that he would remember above all things your love. I pray for his healing - physical, emotional, spiritual. 🙏🏻
I also really appreciated your thoughts on grief and coming to a place of acceptance. When we shared with our pastor, (who is incredibly compassionate) what was happening to our son, he said something I’ve held onto tightly and continue to take to heart. He said, “Remember that life is for the living.” Yes, what my son has chosen is awful, it’s a kind of death, really. But we have a beautiful family we love and enjoy time with. We have a full life. I do my best to live my life with open hands and open heart. I am aware of what my son is missing out on and I feel sad at times and I recognize how much I miss him, but my husband and I have had to come to a place of accepting that this is how it is right now….and Life is for the living and the joy of the Lord is my strength.
Praying for each family represented here - for strength and defiant joy in the face of such challenging and painful circumstances.
I love the picture of defiant joy! Thank you 🙏
I remember your first article on the Prodigal Son. I am about 8 years into this issue. I also have learned to not allow my son to completely monopolize my head space. He did for a while. I also have learned that he's a grown a$$ adult and is free to make his own choices. He doesn't need my approval nor I his. I pray daily for my son, I trust God will provide, and I too am moving toward joy. I am still in relationship with my son, but idk for how much longer. But honestly, the person I'm in relationship is not my son, it's someone who has been co-opted.