There is a wall between us
The wall that says You don’t love me, or if you loved me you would…
You forget that I was young once, that I understand what the maturing process looks like, for myself and all the friends and family around me.
You forget that I have degrees in education and child development.
If you remembered, you would perhaps desire to listen to my wisdom, not only as your mom but as a grown woman who has traveled through the times of childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, marriage and motherhood; and also through the places between love and loss, vindication and shame, triumph and disappointment.
I long to hear the stories of your experiences and understandings. Yet there is a wall between us, that keeps you from desiring to hear mine.
What I would want you to hear, first and foremost, is how much I love you. It is a love I had never realized until I had you. That was the time when I entered a new realm. The realm of real responsibility. The responsibility of a life itself. I have never taken this task lightly, perhaps for granted at times, yet never lightly.
I worked hard to show you the ways of the world. And then the world changed, the rules changed, our language changed, and consequently our institutions changed. The echos of the world (wide web) amplified these changes, and helped to build that wall. The normal rebellious wall of adolescence became something else. A rebellion of self, perhaps, or of society, yet built on fear and angst. I never in my wildest nightmares ever thought that the institutions I grew up having a high level of trust in would actively help to build that wall between us.
How shall we chip away at it together? Who will help?
I will help with every breath I have, I will not lie, no one one is born in the wrong body, biology is real, we are made either male of female, you do not get to choose. Love yourself the way you are. I will help you, many will help you, we are not your enemies.
My trust in institutions is now pretty much zero. I used to be a person that had fairly high trust in institutions. My trust in the education establishment and in the medical establishment is actually less than zero now. They are actively dangerous and I push hard against them. I don't see how the trust will be rebuilt. They are my enemy.