My daughter was always a good kid. Thoughtful, quiet, and artistic, she attended a public Montessori school. She had a close group of girlfriends, and an outspoken disdain for boys, who she found to be annoying and gross. Her favorite game was stuffed animals, all of whom were female, all with complex personalities and backstories. She had trouble paying attention in school, but got good grades anyway. She liked wearing dresses, but could not tolerate stiff fabric or scratchy seams. Art and music came easily to her, and she always participated in children’s choirs and school orchestras.
Thank you for that fabulous heart warming story. My child has gone through the same thing. But just not the second half. I have not affirmed, but I have also allowed her to buy her own binder and dress like a boy. I do not think any therapist or doctor should allow a definitive diagnosis of Trans, until Body dysmorphic disorder is addressed.
I have been given conflicting advice . "Don't fight her/him" "let them explore"
Yesterday I listened to the story of Rose , like so many of us who are progressive, but at some level know that our children are not trans . Perhaps gay or bisexual.
Listening to her experiencing of looking into the future of how it could turn out if she continued to affirm without questioning has really changed my perspective. Her children were younger. But I am really wondering if it is not time for setting some more definitive boundaries . I do not want to push my child away. But I do not want continued possibility of self harm to persist. She will exit middle school and go into high school next year. Both my husband and I were hoping it was just a phase. But with the schools , and the therapists, and the internet all reinforcing the mindset, ...... well it sets up to look like the bad cop.
My brother (was sister)45 yo , is now trans. This was much easier for me. She grew up wanting to be called boys names and dressing in boys clothes (suit and tie in kindergarten ) . He (was she) never wanted to be trans because of a self loathing or Body Dismorphic disorder . He just really felt like a boy from the youngest age I knew him.
My daughter on the other hand only wore dresses, watched princess movies etc. Until she got her period, boobs, the internet, COVID, the clubs at school. A very different history .
I really do not know what to do. But listening to your story gives me hope of helping my child find her own true human self.
You are an amazing mother. I can only imagine the trials and tribulations you’ve been through mentally and emotionally throughout the journey of fighting for your child’s safety and well-being in this very dangerous world. At the end of the day, a strong family unit trumps all other influences (and the media and government know this!! Hence want to destroy the family unit). Wishing you and yours all the best, continue to tread with strength and courage
This was the right approach! I also believe it when you said she got better when you pulled her away from that friend.. it's the medias and governments fault. They are experimenting with children when it comes to giving children hormone therapies and stuff. It isn't right! The LGBT+ community is riddled with people who have mental illness also, according to actual statistics.
What a wonderfully nuanced take. Thank you for sharing your story. Sending love to you and your daughter, and hope for the future to be a wonderful one full of blessing.
So very thankful for your discernment and commitment to your child's future. But I must point that this deeper issue of moral relativism and every having their own truth is exactly the cultural epidemic we've all been facing. I want to say up front as a 20 yr old male with no children, I pass no judgment on parents who've struggled through these challenges mentioned in these stories; however, I do observe that many of my peers are the products of Gen X or millennial parents who sought friendship with their kids and were far more lax than their parents were with them. I call this the parents who could never say no. Yes, there is absolutely a social contagion element, but I have also witnessed among peers in middle school and high school, that this trend was common. Much like Matt Walsh has stated so eloquently, I think people must take a hard line position. Either you can transition your sex or you can't. 17, 19, or 20 your child is still the sex they were when they were a minor it will not change because of psuedoscience harmful surgeries/therapies. Shame on Big Harma and doctors for preying on neuro divergent, depressed, and just identity seeking youth.
This was very touching. Though adults "transitioning" is still very tragic. Sure they are their own person, but being sucked into a dellusion is terrible whether they are children or grown. As a parent like you're protecting your child now you should have it as a goal to ensure as best you can that they dont "transition" later on in life. From protective point of view. A drug addiction is bad for children, but an adult dealing with a drug addiction is still bad.
PROUD MOMMA, you go!! I feel if you have a child living at home, and the strength to be a PARENT to fight this fight it is so worth it, I wish I could. My son, live in another state and I can NOT do anything, and he won't talk to me. So, parents you need to take control, it's hard, but please do it. I HIGH FIVE this MOM!! GOD BLESS HER!! She WON!!!
"I really do want my daughter to be her authentic self" is puzzling, since it's self-defined. If she does decide one day "as an adult, to identify as a boy" -- I'd step in and act, in your shoes. "I identify as" means "I imagine myself to be" and is a worthless, idiotic game that narcissists play. That's the real lesson we should all understand: This is ALL about the narcissism of a group of connected children.
Also, stop using the idiot language of the woke progressives, it's mind-numbingly stupid and obviously can have dire consequences. I am thankful that you did stop committing the 'appeal to authority' logical fallacy -- your daughter's health and growth are testimony, congratulations.
Always the "cool mom, ally, progressive" when it's someone else's kid..... Always the desperate, distraught, pleading parent when it's your own.
EVERY parent should commit to protecting EVERY kid. "Allyship" has consequences other parents then have to endure. They are not, in fact, trans friends. They are simply enemies of reality.
Bravissima, well done. Our daughter made her trans announcement back in 2015, and we were unprepared. We know so much more now, and if we had it to do over again, we would obviously pursue a strategy like yours. I pray she continues to learn and grow and love herself. You are an excellent mom.
Excellent. I'm from the same generation as you, and in my 20s (before I had children of my own) I had strong ideals about what kind of parent I wanted to be: a friend to my children, someone they trusted and didn't fear, etc. I came through the experience of having to face the reality of what the human life cycle is and what children need. If I had centered being "a cool dad" as a goal, I would not have arrived at the point where my daughter thinks so highly of me (after a time of thinking I was weird). We get to be good parents by following a good course, not by grasping after the approval of the fickle.
Thank you for that fabulous heart warming story. My child has gone through the same thing. But just not the second half. I have not affirmed, but I have also allowed her to buy her own binder and dress like a boy. I do not think any therapist or doctor should allow a definitive diagnosis of Trans, until Body dysmorphic disorder is addressed.
I have been given conflicting advice . "Don't fight her/him" "let them explore"
Yesterday I listened to the story of Rose , like so many of us who are progressive, but at some level know that our children are not trans . Perhaps gay or bisexual.
Listening to her experiencing of looking into the future of how it could turn out if she continued to affirm without questioning has really changed my perspective. Her children were younger. But I am really wondering if it is not time for setting some more definitive boundaries . I do not want to push my child away. But I do not want continued possibility of self harm to persist. She will exit middle school and go into high school next year. Both my husband and I were hoping it was just a phase. But with the schools , and the therapists, and the internet all reinforcing the mindset, ...... well it sets up to look like the bad cop.
My brother (was sister)45 yo , is now trans. This was much easier for me. She grew up wanting to be called boys names and dressing in boys clothes (suit and tie in kindergarten ) . He (was she) never wanted to be trans because of a self loathing or Body Dismorphic disorder . He just really felt like a boy from the youngest age I knew him.
My daughter on the other hand only wore dresses, watched princess movies etc. Until she got her period, boobs, the internet, COVID, the clubs at school. A very different history .
I really do not know what to do. But listening to your story gives me hope of helping my child find her own true human self.
You are an amazing mother. I can only imagine the trials and tribulations you’ve been through mentally and emotionally throughout the journey of fighting for your child’s safety and well-being in this very dangerous world. At the end of the day, a strong family unit trumps all other influences (and the media and government know this!! Hence want to destroy the family unit). Wishing you and yours all the best, continue to tread with strength and courage
This was the right approach! I also believe it when you said she got better when you pulled her away from that friend.. it's the medias and governments fault. They are experimenting with children when it comes to giving children hormone therapies and stuff. It isn't right! The LGBT+ community is riddled with people who have mental illness also, according to actual statistics.
What a wonderfully nuanced take. Thank you for sharing your story. Sending love to you and your daughter, and hope for the future to be a wonderful one full of blessing.
So well written, and so happy for you and your daughter.
Really beautiful story.
One of the most powerful and important pieces on this Substack, I think you really nailed how to handle it.
So very thankful for your discernment and commitment to your child's future. But I must point that this deeper issue of moral relativism and every having their own truth is exactly the cultural epidemic we've all been facing. I want to say up front as a 20 yr old male with no children, I pass no judgment on parents who've struggled through these challenges mentioned in these stories; however, I do observe that many of my peers are the products of Gen X or millennial parents who sought friendship with their kids and were far more lax than their parents were with them. I call this the parents who could never say no. Yes, there is absolutely a social contagion element, but I have also witnessed among peers in middle school and high school, that this trend was common. Much like Matt Walsh has stated so eloquently, I think people must take a hard line position. Either you can transition your sex or you can't. 17, 19, or 20 your child is still the sex they were when they were a minor it will not change because of psuedoscience harmful surgeries/therapies. Shame on Big Harma and doctors for preying on neuro divergent, depressed, and just identity seeking youth.
This was very touching. Though adults "transitioning" is still very tragic. Sure they are their own person, but being sucked into a dellusion is terrible whether they are children or grown. As a parent like you're protecting your child now you should have it as a goal to ensure as best you can that they dont "transition" later on in life. From protective point of view. A drug addiction is bad for children, but an adult dealing with a drug addiction is still bad.
PROUD MOMMA, you go!! I feel if you have a child living at home, and the strength to be a PARENT to fight this fight it is so worth it, I wish I could. My son, live in another state and I can NOT do anything, and he won't talk to me. So, parents you need to take control, it's hard, but please do it. I HIGH FIVE this MOM!! GOD BLESS HER!! She WON!!!
"I really do want my daughter to be her authentic self" is puzzling, since it's self-defined. If she does decide one day "as an adult, to identify as a boy" -- I'd step in and act, in your shoes. "I identify as" means "I imagine myself to be" and is a worthless, idiotic game that narcissists play. That's the real lesson we should all understand: This is ALL about the narcissism of a group of connected children.
Also, stop using the idiot language of the woke progressives, it's mind-numbingly stupid and obviously can have dire consequences. I am thankful that you did stop committing the 'appeal to authority' logical fallacy -- your daughter's health and growth are testimony, congratulations.
Always the "cool mom, ally, progressive" when it's someone else's kid..... Always the desperate, distraught, pleading parent when it's your own.
EVERY parent should commit to protecting EVERY kid. "Allyship" has consequences other parents then have to endure. They are not, in fact, trans friends. They are simply enemies of reality.
This is great.
So much easier when all parents are on board. Yes, parents need to parent, and you did great.
Bravissima, well done. Our daughter made her trans announcement back in 2015, and we were unprepared. We know so much more now, and if we had it to do over again, we would obviously pursue a strategy like yours. I pray she continues to learn and grow and love herself. You are an excellent mom.
Excellent. I'm from the same generation as you, and in my 20s (before I had children of my own) I had strong ideals about what kind of parent I wanted to be: a friend to my children, someone they trusted and didn't fear, etc. I came through the experience of having to face the reality of what the human life cycle is and what children need. If I had centered being "a cool dad" as a goal, I would not have arrived at the point where my daughter thinks so highly of me (after a time of thinking I was weird). We get to be good parents by following a good course, not by grasping after the approval of the fickle.