I have been a practicing psychologist for over two decades and this is, by far, the most difficult work I have ever engaged in. I can understand why many therapists do not feel equipped to work with young people who are convinced that the only way for them to live in their bodies is to transition socially and medically.
Thank you. You are so appreciated for your courage and conviction. I'm sorry you have been personally affected by this, but I know you understand the pain, grief and urgency. Thanks for not giving up when it gets hard.
We paid for sessions with a GETA therapist. Our daughter stopped wanting to go after 6 sessions, presumably because it wasn’t going the way she wanted. We were disappointed but, although we didn’t know the content of their discussions, we at least we felt confident that the therapist did no harm. I’m grateful that Thoughtful Therapists exist and hope they’ll all in time get the respect they deserve for being on the right side of history.
Working with parents of these trans-identified youth is some of the most devastating and rewarding work I've done in my 25 years of being a child and family therapist. It is sad that we who do --therapy first-- are the outliers. I am so pleased there are 400 clinicians in TherapyFirst. But, we need 40,000. This is a epidemic. That said, I am part of the problem. I have yet to market myself to primary care physicians and school counselors, stating clearly my position and approach. I fear the backlash. Therapists tend to be people who shy away from confrontation and conflict. So, this is a skillset we have to learn if we are ever going to change minds and turn this tide.
Thank you for your work. I understand shying away from conversations. As a parent I've done this for years for fear of confrontation. It's not easy. I hope you have good support around you too.
I am also working with a few parents of trans/gender questioning parents I agree 100% with this piece, I also work with the detransitioners through BeyondTrans.org and I have personal experience with male anorexia in my youth. This ideology is like a cancer to a family, our advice might not be 100% accurate but be assured we KNOW what is at stake.
Thank you Vincent for your work. I wish my son would see a BeyondTrans therapist because even though he has detransitioned he hasn't given up the trans/queer identity. He still lives in that community and defends them. I often wonder what kind of affirming therapy he has had in the past (2 or 3 therapists while trans) that never asked about his real issues relating to being on the autism spectrum. I fear he won't grow and move forward until he confronts them and makes peace with himself.
So hard to navigate as a parent and a clinician. Years of experience doesn’t help either, because this is a whole new thing happening in our culture. Old problem but new affirmation abounds.
"Someone who is exquisitely attuned to whether you participate in the culture and language of social justice and gender affirmation" is the politest description of a gender cult member I believe I've ever read. And 'vice-like grip" is perfection :-)
We can certainly understand some therapists' need to leave the profession or avoid taking on dysphoric clients altogether, but these therapists still have a vital role to play. Their voices are needed. The general population doesn't understand what's going on. You all have seen it and professionally lived it.
Please, for the sake of the kids (like my daughter) who are arriving at puberty and about to enter the high-risk age for cult indoctrination, band together and SPEAK UP. LOUDLY.
Many parents are doing what they can to protect their kids, but may have captured custodial co-parents and helping profession members to deal with.
Writing as an Orthopedic surgeon. You are 100% correct, this is a cult, a social contagion, a political movement, not a medical condition. That is why it brooks no disagreement. What they need is to be confronted with reality, not to keep coddling them. We do not affirm other kinds of delusions, why is this particular one sacred?
Thanks for your comment. Not sure if you're in the US, but if so do you know whether the American College of Surgeons has taken a position on top or bottom gender surgery for minors? I looked online and couldn't find anything.
I'm in sweden and am not a general surgeon so have no idea of the official position of the ACS.
When it comes to sweden our medical watchdog has pulled the brakes on surgical and medical transitioning and public perception is shifting fast. A popular investigative journalist made a several part documentary on de-transitioners which let the cat out of the bag, so there is a very public discussion ongoing.
Professionally I don't know how the discussion looks like among plastic surgeons, but if I am allowed to guess I believe that responsibility will be avoided by blaming psychiatry. 'They told us we had to do this or else the patient would suicide'. nothing will be said about our professional duty to verify the indication
There are many professionals who are speaking up and pushing back publicly. Others, like myself, choose to do the quiet and intense clinical work with individuals and families affected by this issue. Each desistance is a powerful blow to the core of the “transition or suicide” myth.
I just want to put in a 5-star plug for Therapy First. I was lucky to find a therapist for my daughter from this directory when it was just launched as GETA in December, 2021. The author is not wrong: the process takes time and trust. My daughter, now 20, still hasn't let go of the idea that she's 'trans,' but she has gradually backed away from plans to medicalize, and I believe she's slowly desisting. Our relationship has improved dramatically. Some credit for all this is due to competent exploratory therapy that values parent-child bonds.
I’m the author. I’ve said elsewhere that the parent-child relationship is the solvent into which this identification, this attempt to change without growing up, eventually dissolves.
I am sorry — I do not know what “solvent into which this attempt to change without growing up eventually dissolves” means. My kid also has come off the medicalization idea, but not the trans mindset. Perhaps you have tips for parents and that could be another article — your perspective on healthy responses by parents.
I looked for Christian therapy and I personally go for myself. I asked my son to go once and he did but won’t go back due to knowing it was Christian based.
I love my therapist as he knows it’s a cult. He is always open if my son is open to coming but I don’t ask anymore. I had to give my son and daughter in law to Jesus. I couldn’t handle the back and forth.
Now I’m at peace and go once a month to stay sane for myself. I have to let my son hit rock bottom cuz he’s an adult. I’ll always love him but I can’t control any of this and my son has lost so many friends and family over it. I just trust in the Lord. I’m glad you are a therapist who sees how wrong this whole movement it. God bless you.
As mom of an adult son who no longer IDs as female, but is still in the queer community, I understand. I think you're doing the right thing, seeing a Christian therapist that you feel supports and understands you, limiting your time with your son and daughter-in-law, and praying and giving it over to God. There's not a whole lot more we can do. His upbringing and how you taught him is in there somewhere, and hopefully it will eventually win out. Never give up hoping and praying, but take care of yourself. Some days it's a daily or hourly decision to fight for yourself, your sanity, taking care of yourself and your other children and husband, those you love. I know how all consuming this is. Remember that the shepherd left the 99 to go search for the lost one.
Amen. After almost 1 1/2 years of trying to talk to them, I finally had the power inside me say Give it to God. Pray for him and his wife and God will do the rest. I’m so much happier and the daily stressing is gone. I pray for them all the time but I don’t have the stress day and night. Thanks for your kind words. ❤️❤️
If you want Christian therapy for yourself, that's fine...but I understand why your son might not want to go. Esp if, and I don't know that you do this, you call TGism a cult. I would agree with you but...many Christians can be very culty too, and if I were in his shoes I might well feel the same way. He may feel that way about your Christian path, rightly or wrongly.
Would your son be open to seeing a non-Christian therapist *together* with you? Maybe cut back on the Christian therapist, make that just for yourself, so you can afford both?
No he just likes the LGBTQ clinic therapist cuz they provide the hormones and brainwash him. Until he discovers his real issues that are buried deep down inside it no one will help. His current therapist is only leading him in the cult.
Thank you for letting folks know that there are rational, skilled, research based therapists left in this “gender” ideology misstep taken by many professionals and their organizations. These are the very institutions and organizations which supposedly govern them, educated them and license them. As we’ve witnessed, professionals can be censured, suspended and/or lose their credentials if there are complaints that they did not provide gac or speak against it. I’ve tried to find professional continuing education opportunities and credits related to the gender critical subject, but none seem available. Anything related to gender ideology workshops is about affirmation. Tragic…
Question for the author or anyone here with insight: In reference to the therapist that a patient has to see in order to get approval for gender reassignment surgery: What do the therapists normally tell them about parents who do not want them to alter their bodies? Have many of them become so radicalized that they will tell the patient to reject even their non-affirming parents? Is there some kind of official or written protocol for this?
I seek answers because we were on reasonably good terms with our trans identifying son up until he started preparing for surgery. It was when he started seeing therapists that he turned against us, insulted us and cut us off.
I am so glad to be a part of Therapy First and excited at how it has grown! It has been disillusioning how many therapists have blindly affirmed and caused so much harm. Seeing groups like Therapy First and the bravery of therapists doing this work knowing the repercussions they could face gives me hope for the field! Keep up your hard and challenging work!
"...to first and foremost do no harm." Yes! Thank you for your essay, for being an honest person, and for being a much-needed therapist to families stuck in this crisis. Your knowledge and understanding of this trans-ideology lie will help many, you also give us all hope.
You directly helped my family and my daughter. Thank you!
Thank you so much for the work you do and all the risk you take on to do it.
Thank you. You are so appreciated for your courage and conviction. I'm sorry you have been personally affected by this, but I know you understand the pain, grief and urgency. Thanks for not giving up when it gets hard.
We paid for sessions with a GETA therapist. Our daughter stopped wanting to go after 6 sessions, presumably because it wasn’t going the way she wanted. We were disappointed but, although we didn’t know the content of their discussions, we at least we felt confident that the therapist did no harm. I’m grateful that Thoughtful Therapists exist and hope they’ll all in time get the respect they deserve for being on the right side of history.
Working with parents of these trans-identified youth is some of the most devastating and rewarding work I've done in my 25 years of being a child and family therapist. It is sad that we who do --therapy first-- are the outliers. I am so pleased there are 400 clinicians in TherapyFirst. But, we need 40,000. This is a epidemic. That said, I am part of the problem. I have yet to market myself to primary care physicians and school counselors, stating clearly my position and approach. I fear the backlash. Therapists tend to be people who shy away from confrontation and conflict. So, this is a skillset we have to learn if we are ever going to change minds and turn this tide.
Thank you for your work. I understand shying away from conversations. As a parent I've done this for years for fear of confrontation. It's not easy. I hope you have good support around you too.
I am also working with a few parents of trans/gender questioning parents I agree 100% with this piece, I also work with the detransitioners through BeyondTrans.org and I have personal experience with male anorexia in my youth. This ideology is like a cancer to a family, our advice might not be 100% accurate but be assured we KNOW what is at stake.
Thank you Vincent for your work. I wish my son would see a BeyondTrans therapist because even though he has detransitioned he hasn't given up the trans/queer identity. He still lives in that community and defends them. I often wonder what kind of affirming therapy he has had in the past (2 or 3 therapists while trans) that never asked about his real issues relating to being on the autism spectrum. I fear he won't grow and move forward until he confronts them and makes peace with himself.
So hard to navigate as a parent and a clinician. Years of experience doesn’t help either, because this is a whole new thing happening in our culture. Old problem but new affirmation abounds.
"Someone who is exquisitely attuned to whether you participate in the culture and language of social justice and gender affirmation" is the politest description of a gender cult member I believe I've ever read. And 'vice-like grip" is perfection :-)
We can certainly understand some therapists' need to leave the profession or avoid taking on dysphoric clients altogether, but these therapists still have a vital role to play. Their voices are needed. The general population doesn't understand what's going on. You all have seen it and professionally lived it.
Please, for the sake of the kids (like my daughter) who are arriving at puberty and about to enter the high-risk age for cult indoctrination, band together and SPEAK UP. LOUDLY.
Many parents are doing what they can to protect their kids, but may have captured custodial co-parents and helping profession members to deal with.
Thank you!
Writing as an Orthopedic surgeon. You are 100% correct, this is a cult, a social contagion, a political movement, not a medical condition. That is why it brooks no disagreement. What they need is to be confronted with reality, not to keep coddling them. We do not affirm other kinds of delusions, why is this particular one sacred?
Thanks for your comment. Not sure if you're in the US, but if so do you know whether the American College of Surgeons has taken a position on top or bottom gender surgery for minors? I looked online and couldn't find anything.
I'm in sweden and am not a general surgeon so have no idea of the official position of the ACS.
When it comes to sweden our medical watchdog has pulled the brakes on surgical and medical transitioning and public perception is shifting fast. A popular investigative journalist made a several part documentary on de-transitioners which let the cat out of the bag, so there is a very public discussion ongoing.
Professionally I don't know how the discussion looks like among plastic surgeons, but if I am allowed to guess I believe that responsibility will be avoided by blaming psychiatry. 'They told us we had to do this or else the patient would suicide'. nothing will be said about our professional duty to verify the indication
I do not believe it was psychiatry that created this mess.
There are many professionals who are speaking up and pushing back publicly. Others, like myself, choose to do the quiet and intense clinical work with individuals and families affected by this issue. Each desistance is a powerful blow to the core of the “transition or suicide” myth.
"Each desistance is a powerful blow to the core of the “transition or suicide” myth." YES
Thank you Magpie for doing the hard work.
Me too
Alas there are many more understandably remaining silent out of fear for their careers. But there is safety in numbers!
I just want to put in a 5-star plug for Therapy First. I was lucky to find a therapist for my daughter from this directory when it was just launched as GETA in December, 2021. The author is not wrong: the process takes time and trust. My daughter, now 20, still hasn't let go of the idea that she's 'trans,' but she has gradually backed away from plans to medicalize, and I believe she's slowly desisting. Our relationship has improved dramatically. Some credit for all this is due to competent exploratory therapy that values parent-child bonds.
I’m the author. I’ve said elsewhere that the parent-child relationship is the solvent into which this identification, this attempt to change without growing up, eventually dissolves.
I am sorry — I do not know what “solvent into which this attempt to change without growing up eventually dissolves” means. My kid also has come off the medicalization idea, but not the trans mindset. Perhaps you have tips for parents and that could be another article — your perspective on healthy responses by parents.
Have a listen to Wider Lens episodes 85 and 136. There I get into more depth and detail with the parenting side of things.
even for adult child?
Yes. Even for an adult child.
In that case, well, I'm a solvent (and so is dh) so there's that
I looked for Christian therapy and I personally go for myself. I asked my son to go once and he did but won’t go back due to knowing it was Christian based.
I love my therapist as he knows it’s a cult. He is always open if my son is open to coming but I don’t ask anymore. I had to give my son and daughter in law to Jesus. I couldn’t handle the back and forth.
Now I’m at peace and go once a month to stay sane for myself. I have to let my son hit rock bottom cuz he’s an adult. I’ll always love him but I can’t control any of this and my son has lost so many friends and family over it. I just trust in the Lord. I’m glad you are a therapist who sees how wrong this whole movement it. God bless you.
As mom of an adult son who no longer IDs as female, but is still in the queer community, I understand. I think you're doing the right thing, seeing a Christian therapist that you feel supports and understands you, limiting your time with your son and daughter-in-law, and praying and giving it over to God. There's not a whole lot more we can do. His upbringing and how you taught him is in there somewhere, and hopefully it will eventually win out. Never give up hoping and praying, but take care of yourself. Some days it's a daily or hourly decision to fight for yourself, your sanity, taking care of yourself and your other children and husband, those you love. I know how all consuming this is. Remember that the shepherd left the 99 to go search for the lost one.
Amen. After almost 1 1/2 years of trying to talk to them, I finally had the power inside me say Give it to God. Pray for him and his wife and God will do the rest. I’m so much happier and the daily stressing is gone. I pray for them all the time but I don’t have the stress day and night. Thanks for your kind words. ❤️❤️
If you want Christian therapy for yourself, that's fine...but I understand why your son might not want to go. Esp if, and I don't know that you do this, you call TGism a cult. I would agree with you but...many Christians can be very culty too, and if I were in his shoes I might well feel the same way. He may feel that way about your Christian path, rightly or wrongly.
Would your son be open to seeing a non-Christian therapist *together* with you? Maybe cut back on the Christian therapist, make that just for yourself, so you can afford both?
No he just likes the LGBTQ clinic therapist cuz they provide the hormones and brainwash him. Until he discovers his real issues that are buried deep down inside it no one will help. His current therapist is only leading him in the cult.
<sigh> Yeah unfortunately that's too true. 😕 Best of luck to you...
Thank you for letting folks know that there are rational, skilled, research based therapists left in this “gender” ideology misstep taken by many professionals and their organizations. These are the very institutions and organizations which supposedly govern them, educated them and license them. As we’ve witnessed, professionals can be censured, suspended and/or lose their credentials if there are complaints that they did not provide gac or speak against it. I’ve tried to find professional continuing education opportunities and credits related to the gender critical subject, but none seem available. Anything related to gender ideology workshops is about affirmation. Tragic…
Question for the author or anyone here with insight: In reference to the therapist that a patient has to see in order to get approval for gender reassignment surgery: What do the therapists normally tell them about parents who do not want them to alter their bodies? Have many of them become so radicalized that they will tell the patient to reject even their non-affirming parents? Is there some kind of official or written protocol for this?
I seek answers because we were on reasonably good terms with our trans identifying son up until he started preparing for surgery. It was when he started seeing therapists that he turned against us, insulted us and cut us off.
I've had that same experience. It's like the "medical authorities" hijacked my teen/just of "adult" age.
same! infuriating
I’m also a Therapy First clinician working with parents/family members struggling (not the child/ young person).
Amazingly thought out & written Lisa. Thank you!
I am so glad to be a part of Therapy First and excited at how it has grown! It has been disillusioning how many therapists have blindly affirmed and caused so much harm. Seeing groups like Therapy First and the bravery of therapists doing this work knowing the repercussions they could face gives me hope for the field! Keep up your hard and challenging work!
"...to first and foremost do no harm." Yes! Thank you for your essay, for being an honest person, and for being a much-needed therapist to families stuck in this crisis. Your knowledge and understanding of this trans-ideology lie will help many, you also give us all hope.