To those of you who have praised this mother despite the horrible thing she did, do not praise her. How is she going to truly repent with all this praise?
All these people calling someone brave for having common sense and doing the moral and right thing after realizing their horrible mistake. That's not bravery.
As the grandparent of a newly 'outed' granddaughter, who we're told IS trans, followed just months later by her younger brother who also IS trans (they're 15 and 10), I appreciate your candour. How refreshing to hear of someone stepping out of the ideological capture to provide a healthy support for their child.
Our child is completely taken in by the ideology, and she and her husband have provided the soil in which this weed grew and trapped their kids - drag story times, scoffing at the biological reality of secondary sex traits as irrelevant to their 'genders', allowing the kids to choose. And we're the bad guys because we expressed concern. Not hate, not disgust. We love those kids. But...we are cut off. Nothing short of enthusiastic embracing of who they are is acceptable. All this has been communicated via messages. It's appalling and tragic, all of it.
I am so sorry for you both, Beth. I cannot understand how the parents can willfully allow their children to be exposed to the potential irreversible damage or the destruction of the family. I have an adult daughter who is trans and we refuse to go along with any of the cults demands. She is very hostile to us and does not communicate with us ATM. I admire you both for sticking to the truth and the reality of the trans contagion. There will be reckoning one day but it will be too late for our daughter but I will pray for your grandchildren to return to you. Stay strong and know that we here are all with you in spirit. God bless all the suffering families.
Thank you. I'm standing with you with your own flesh and blood who is hostile to you.
Our daughter and her husband are strongly feminist, so this next step away from healthy sexuality is not surprising. They are not unkind (except to people who 'wrongly' disagree), work well together, are otherwise decent human beings, and speak openly with the kids about a lot of things. They chose to homeschool so the kids wouldn't be exposed to ideologies they disagree with. I would suggest that anything conservative, Christian, capitalist, climate realist, traditional family values holders, etc, would be what they were avoiding. Yet most schools would no longer represent any of those values.
We've been accused of deadnaming and misgendering (don't you just love the labels?), as well as being self-focussed, false martyrs, and of course unsafe. Despite nothing remotely offensive being said or done in our 15 years as grandparents, the children didn't want to let us know in person of their choices. Oh, but they're not choices...it's who they are. And it's our fault for the sudden loss of contact with their grandparents? We're apparently the ones making a big deal of this, even though we've had no conversation, just a few written exchanges in which we were very careful not to say anything to alienate them.
We were asked (rhetorically) what they, the parents, were supposed to do when their child said they were trans. That supposes it came completely out of the blue, which from our perspective it did. There has been nothing, even in hindsight, that we could say looked like gender dysphoria. If I could have a conversation with them, I would like to say that they ought not be teaching kids that they can change what's a biological reality. They have always allowed their son to choose to wear dresses, and he did from time to time. He is a slightly built, timid, long-haired lad, so as a pre-pubescent child wouldn't cause anyone to raise an eyebrow.
Whether or not they are considering medical or surgical transition, we don't know. All we do know is that our other children have been dragged into the issue with attempts to alienate them from us as well. Fortunately, they know that we aren't the evil people we're being painted as.
Interestingly, this family have been alienating themselves from other friends and family for years, so I feel they have no-one around them for support, or to gently (or not) bring them back to reality.
I know I’m late reading this article but honestly the author pisses me off. I appreciate the ability to recognize your faults but it’s folks like you that have caused so much heartache for so many families. How nice it is of you to have a happy ending when for so many of us we live in this never ending hell. It’s folks like you who enabled this is in my daughter and told her she couldn’t trust her parents and that we weren’t safe. It’s folks like you who turned their back on parents who didn’t immediately affirm their children and blasted them with verbal abuse and called us transphobic. It’s folks like you who kept secrets about our children and fed their delusion by telling them how brave they are.
Honestly, how dare you. And I really don’t understand why folks in the comments are calling you brave.
Brave is knowing that there is something wrong here and going against what everyone is telling you is the right thing to do when in your heart you know it’s not.
This is an incredible account that I hope will be distributed more broadly so as to reach other true believers with doubts in their hearts. My sister’s wife is a woman who says she is “nonbinary” and I went pretty far down the ideological road of “helping” my young kids understand how she doesn’t feel like a boy or a girl and well, those things are deep feelings, not realities…blah blah blah. It was part of that process (ie trying to make sense of it for my kids) that led me to start questioning and then go “peak trans” as they say. Proud TERF now. I admire your vulnerability and this is so well written. Your sons are lucky to have you.
Reading through this post, I wonder what you think of the idea of gender as a thing that can change? Currently, personally, I subscribe to the idea that gender is an aspect of identity, similar to a special interest, that can morph throughout time. This makes sense to me, because gender is intricately tied to identity, and takes a while to develop, and even someone like me who's stuck with his birth gender can admit that my view of myself as a man has changed dramatically throughout the years.
Maybe this is off-topic, and I am truly happy for your son's growing confidence. This is more of a wider transgender question, I guess, than just about your anecdote.
"I immediately began to feel the tensions inside of me between what I felt intuitively and instinctively as a mother, and what I 'should' be doing as a white anti-racist social justice parent. Because of my own experiences of perceived victimhood with my own parents' rejection of my sexuality, I wanted to make sure I would honor my children's 'authentic selves.' I was primed to look for any clues that might suggest they could be transgender."
The interesting thing to me about this quote from the article is that the author, having decided she was an "anti-racist social justice parent" assumed that looking for transgenderism in her children was the way to express that. What, for example, does being transgender have to do with being "anti-racist"? Why wasn't she looking for signs of racism in her boys instead of looking for transgenderism? Why wasn't she like some liberal parents who won't let their boys play with toy guns or other toys of violence?
It is a measure of the success of the trans movement that they have got liberal parents looking for transgenderism in their kids when there are many other things to watch out for when raising children. Somehow, trans activists have got us all convinced that the best way to liberate our children is to encourage them to start cross-dressing and/or to shoot them up with puberty-blockers and cross-sex hormones. Why oh why oh why has this one little minority managed to overpower all the other minorities and assume the place of "most important" among the oppressed? I think it is because they have managed to convince everyone (well, liberals) that living in the "wrong body" is the most painful of all human experiences. It isn't, of course. There are lots of other painful things that people experience which are just as bad. But no -- having to wear pants instead of a skirt is ABSOLUTE TORTURE!
As I read, I actually felt myself getting angry at the author, which really isn't fair of me since she eventually came to her senses. But what she was doing with her boys was essentially gaslighting and manipulating them to fulfill her own expectations and self-image. The author, to be blunt, had an agenda, and she was ready to burn her boys on the alter of that agenda. And that therapist! No good therapist in the world automatically affirms the neuroses of her patients. That is NOT what therapy is for.
In any event, thank you for giving me a look into the minds of liberal parents with agendas. I am, by the way, a liberal, but I never lost my common sense. [Common sense: male body = boy]
It is tied to intersectional feminism, viewing the world through the prism of the oppressor vs the oppressed, queer theory and the quest for collective liberation. These concepts (previously cordoned off in our Humanities departments) hijacked the worldview of the vast majority of Liberal women through social media and the broader culture in the wake of Trump's election in 2016. I am a man, but I also reactively picked up the mantle of these ideas as a show of support for my wife and the other women in my life, but the events of 2020 caused me to pause and critically assess my progressive beliefs.
It is tied to intersectional feminism, viewing the world through the prism of the oppressor vs the oppressed, queer theory and the quest for collective liberation. These concepts (previously cordoned off in our Humanities departments) hijacked the worldview of the vast majority of Liberal women through social media and the broader culture in the wake of Trump's election in 2016. I am a man, but I also reactively picked up the mantle of these ideas as a show of support for my wife and the other women in my life, but the events of 2020 caused me to pause and critically assess my progressive beliefs.
It’s so scary how ideology can lead parents to cause harm to our children. It’s a blessing that you were able to fight the cult & let your kids be kids. Bless you & your family
This is what happens when human beings place love and truth above conformity, when they listen to that inner voice and when it says something that contradicts their social tribe they dig deeper instead of recoiling, denying, and projecting on others who question tribal dogma.
Now imagine if, when you decided to detransition your son, his school had reported you to CPS for suspected "conversion therapy". We are not so far from that (if not there already) in some U.S. states.
To those of you who have praised this mother despite the horrible thing she did, do not praise her. How is she going to truly repent with all this praise?
All these people calling someone brave for having common sense and doing the moral and right thing after realizing their horrible mistake. That's not bravery.
This isn’t transphobic. This isn’t wrong. You as a parent just made a mistake, and your ability to correct that shows how strong you are. :)
As the grandparent of a newly 'outed' granddaughter, who we're told IS trans, followed just months later by her younger brother who also IS trans (they're 15 and 10), I appreciate your candour. How refreshing to hear of someone stepping out of the ideological capture to provide a healthy support for their child.
Our child is completely taken in by the ideology, and she and her husband have provided the soil in which this weed grew and trapped their kids - drag story times, scoffing at the biological reality of secondary sex traits as irrelevant to their 'genders', allowing the kids to choose. And we're the bad guys because we expressed concern. Not hate, not disgust. We love those kids. But...we are cut off. Nothing short of enthusiastic embracing of who they are is acceptable. All this has been communicated via messages. It's appalling and tragic, all of it.
I am so sorry for you both, Beth. I cannot understand how the parents can willfully allow their children to be exposed to the potential irreversible damage or the destruction of the family. I have an adult daughter who is trans and we refuse to go along with any of the cults demands. She is very hostile to us and does not communicate with us ATM. I admire you both for sticking to the truth and the reality of the trans contagion. There will be reckoning one day but it will be too late for our daughter but I will pray for your grandchildren to return to you. Stay strong and know that we here are all with you in spirit. God bless all the suffering families.
Thank you. I'm standing with you with your own flesh and blood who is hostile to you.
Our daughter and her husband are strongly feminist, so this next step away from healthy sexuality is not surprising. They are not unkind (except to people who 'wrongly' disagree), work well together, are otherwise decent human beings, and speak openly with the kids about a lot of things. They chose to homeschool so the kids wouldn't be exposed to ideologies they disagree with. I would suggest that anything conservative, Christian, capitalist, climate realist, traditional family values holders, etc, would be what they were avoiding. Yet most schools would no longer represent any of those values.
We've been accused of deadnaming and misgendering (don't you just love the labels?), as well as being self-focussed, false martyrs, and of course unsafe. Despite nothing remotely offensive being said or done in our 15 years as grandparents, the children didn't want to let us know in person of their choices. Oh, but they're not choices...it's who they are. And it's our fault for the sudden loss of contact with their grandparents? We're apparently the ones making a big deal of this, even though we've had no conversation, just a few written exchanges in which we were very careful not to say anything to alienate them.
We were asked (rhetorically) what they, the parents, were supposed to do when their child said they were trans. That supposes it came completely out of the blue, which from our perspective it did. There has been nothing, even in hindsight, that we could say looked like gender dysphoria. If I could have a conversation with them, I would like to say that they ought not be teaching kids that they can change what's a biological reality. They have always allowed their son to choose to wear dresses, and he did from time to time. He is a slightly built, timid, long-haired lad, so as a pre-pubescent child wouldn't cause anyone to raise an eyebrow.
Whether or not they are considering medical or surgical transition, we don't know. All we do know is that our other children have been dragged into the issue with attempts to alienate them from us as well. Fortunately, they know that we aren't the evil people we're being painted as.
Interestingly, this family have been alienating themselves from other friends and family for years, so I feel they have no-one around them for support, or to gently (or not) bring them back to reality.
I know I’m late reading this article but honestly the author pisses me off. I appreciate the ability to recognize your faults but it’s folks like you that have caused so much heartache for so many families. How nice it is of you to have a happy ending when for so many of us we live in this never ending hell. It’s folks like you who enabled this is in my daughter and told her she couldn’t trust her parents and that we weren’t safe. It’s folks like you who turned their back on parents who didn’t immediately affirm their children and blasted them with verbal abuse and called us transphobic. It’s folks like you who kept secrets about our children and fed their delusion by telling them how brave they are.
Honestly, how dare you. And I really don’t understand why folks in the comments are calling you brave.
Brave is knowing that there is something wrong here and going against what everyone is telling you is the right thing to do when in your heart you know it’s not.
You are definitely NOT one of the cool kids.
She didn't tell anyone else what to do with their kids. She just listened to other people telling her what to do
What? Did you read the article correctly?
I can't even tell what position you take because your writing is very confusing
This is an incredible account that I hope will be distributed more broadly so as to reach other true believers with doubts in their hearts. My sister’s wife is a woman who says she is “nonbinary” and I went pretty far down the ideological road of “helping” my young kids understand how she doesn’t feel like a boy or a girl and well, those things are deep feelings, not realities…blah blah blah. It was part of that process (ie trying to make sense of it for my kids) that led me to start questioning and then go “peak trans” as they say. Proud TERF now. I admire your vulnerability and this is so well written. Your sons are lucky to have you.
Reading through this post, I wonder what you think of the idea of gender as a thing that can change? Currently, personally, I subscribe to the idea that gender is an aspect of identity, similar to a special interest, that can morph throughout time. This makes sense to me, because gender is intricately tied to identity, and takes a while to develop, and even someone like me who's stuck with his birth gender can admit that my view of myself as a man has changed dramatically throughout the years.
Maybe this is off-topic, and I am truly happy for your son's growing confidence. This is more of a wider transgender question, I guess, than just about your anecdote.
"I immediately began to feel the tensions inside of me between what I felt intuitively and instinctively as a mother, and what I 'should' be doing as a white anti-racist social justice parent. Because of my own experiences of perceived victimhood with my own parents' rejection of my sexuality, I wanted to make sure I would honor my children's 'authentic selves.' I was primed to look for any clues that might suggest they could be transgender."
The interesting thing to me about this quote from the article is that the author, having decided she was an "anti-racist social justice parent" assumed that looking for transgenderism in her children was the way to express that. What, for example, does being transgender have to do with being "anti-racist"? Why wasn't she looking for signs of racism in her boys instead of looking for transgenderism? Why wasn't she like some liberal parents who won't let their boys play with toy guns or other toys of violence?
It is a measure of the success of the trans movement that they have got liberal parents looking for transgenderism in their kids when there are many other things to watch out for when raising children. Somehow, trans activists have got us all convinced that the best way to liberate our children is to encourage them to start cross-dressing and/or to shoot them up with puberty-blockers and cross-sex hormones. Why oh why oh why has this one little minority managed to overpower all the other minorities and assume the place of "most important" among the oppressed? I think it is because they have managed to convince everyone (well, liberals) that living in the "wrong body" is the most painful of all human experiences. It isn't, of course. There are lots of other painful things that people experience which are just as bad. But no -- having to wear pants instead of a skirt is ABSOLUTE TORTURE!
As I read, I actually felt myself getting angry at the author, which really isn't fair of me since she eventually came to her senses. But what she was doing with her boys was essentially gaslighting and manipulating them to fulfill her own expectations and self-image. The author, to be blunt, had an agenda, and she was ready to burn her boys on the alter of that agenda. And that therapist! No good therapist in the world automatically affirms the neuroses of her patients. That is NOT what therapy is for.
In any event, thank you for giving me a look into the minds of liberal parents with agendas. I am, by the way, a liberal, but I never lost my common sense. [Common sense: male body = boy]
It is tied to intersectional feminism, viewing the world through the prism of the oppressor vs the oppressed, queer theory and the quest for collective liberation. These concepts (previously cordoned off in our Humanities departments) hijacked the worldview of the vast majority of Liberal women through social media and the broader culture in the wake of Trump's election in 2016. I am a man, but I also reactively picked up the mantle of these ideas as a show of support for my wife and the other women in my life, but the events of 2020 caused me to pause and critically assess my progressive beliefs.
I guess that provides an explanation.
You accidentally posted your comment twice. You have the ability to delete the second comment.
It is tied to intersectional feminism, viewing the world through the prism of the oppressor vs the oppressed, queer theory and the quest for collective liberation. These concepts (previously cordoned off in our Humanities departments) hijacked the worldview of the vast majority of Liberal women through social media and the broader culture in the wake of Trump's election in 2016. I am a man, but I also reactively picked up the mantle of these ideas as a show of support for my wife and the other women in my life, but the events of 2020 caused me to pause and critically assess my progressive beliefs.
One day your son tells you that he's going to marry a man and don't mind AIDS, or he wants to marry his brother. You are a true believer or what?
It’s so scary how ideology can lead parents to cause harm to our children. It’s a blessing that you were able to fight the cult & let your kids be kids. Bless you & your family
Thank you for sharing your journey. And what a wonderful thing you have done for your sons.
I really hope with Trump (not my favorite leader) in power logic and common sense will prevail.
Thank you for your bravery
Your bravery is inspiring and contagious! You will undoubtedly help others heal from this too.
Thank you for YOUR courage. Courage calls to courage.
This is what happens when human beings place love and truth above conformity, when they listen to that inner voice and when it says something that contradicts their social tribe they dig deeper instead of recoiling, denying, and projecting on others who question tribal dogma.
Now imagine if, when you decided to detransition your son, his school had reported you to CPS for suspected "conversion therapy". We are not so far from that (if not there already) in some U.S. states.