I know I’m late reading this article but honestly the author pisses me off. I appreciate the ability to recognize your faults but it’s folks like you that have caused so much heartache for so many families. How nice it is of you to have a happy ending when for so many of us we live in this never ending hell. It’s folks like you who enabled this is in my daughter and told her she couldn’t trust her parents and that we weren’t safe. It’s folks like you who turned their back on parents who didn’t immediately affirm their children and blasted them with verbal abuse and called us transphobic. It’s folks like you who kept secrets about our children and fed their delusion by telling them how brave they are.
Honestly, how dare you. And I really don’t understand why folks in the comments are calling you brave.
Brave is knowing that there is something wrong here and going against what everyone is telling you is the right thing to do when in your heart you know it’s not.
This is an incredible account that I hope will be distributed more broadly so as to reach other true believers with doubts in their hearts. My sister’s wife is a woman who says she is “nonbinary” and I went pretty far down the ideological road of “helping” my young kids understand how she doesn’t feel like a boy or a girl and well, those things are deep feelings, not realities…blah blah blah. It was part of that process (ie trying to make sense of it for my kids) that led me to start questioning and then go “peak trans” as they say. Proud TERF now. I admire your vulnerability and this is so well written. Your sons are lucky to have you.
Reading through this post, I wonder what you think of the idea of gender as a thing that can change? Currently, personally, I subscribe to the idea that gender is an aspect of identity, similar to a special interest, that can morph throughout time. This makes sense to me, because gender is intricately tied to identity, and takes a while to develop, and even someone like me who's stuck with his birth gender can admit that my view of myself as a man has changed dramatically throughout the years.
Maybe this is off-topic, and I am truly happy for your son's growing confidence. This is more of a wider transgender question, I guess, than just about your anecdote.
"I immediately began to feel the tensions inside of me between what I felt intuitively and instinctively as a mother, and what I 'should' be doing as a white anti-racist social justice parent. Because of my own experiences of perceived victimhood with my own parents' rejection of my sexuality, I wanted to make sure I would honor my children's 'authentic selves.' I was primed to look for any clues that might suggest they could be transgender."
The interesting thing to me about this quote from the article is that the author, having decided she was an "anti-racist social justice parent" assumed that looking for transgenderism in her children was the way to express that. What, for example, does being transgender have to do with being "anti-racist"? Why wasn't she looking for signs of racism in her boys instead of looking for transgenderism? Why wasn't she like some liberal parents who won't let their boys play with toy guns or other toys of violence?
It is a measure of the success of the trans movement that they have got liberal parents looking for transgenderism in their kids when there are many other things to watch out for when raising children. Somehow, trans activists have got us all convinced that the best way to liberate our children is to encourage them to start cross-dressing and/or to shoot them up with puberty-blockers and cross-sex hormones. Why oh why oh why has this one little minority managed to overpower all the other minorities and assume the place of "most important" among the oppressed? I think it is because they have managed to convince everyone (well, liberals) that living in the "wrong body" is the most painful of all human experiences. It isn't, of course. There are lots of other painful things that people experience which are just as bad. But no -- having to wear pants instead of a skirt is ABSOLUTE TORTURE!
As I read, I actually felt myself getting angry at the author, which really isn't fair of me since she eventually came to her senses. But what she was doing with her boys was essentially gaslighting and manipulating them to fulfill her own expectations and self-image. The author, to be blunt, had an agenda, and she was ready to burn her boys on the alter of that agenda. And that therapist! No good therapist in the world automatically affirms the neuroses of her patients. That is NOT what therapy is for.
In any event, thank you for giving me a look into the minds of liberal parents with agendas. I am, by the way, a liberal, but I never lost my common sense. [Common sense: male body = boy]
It is tied to intersectional feminism, viewing the world through the prism of the oppressor vs the oppressed, queer theory and the quest for collective liberation. These concepts (previously cordoned off in our Humanities departments) hijacked the worldview of the vast majority of Liberal women through social media and the broader culture in the wake of Trump's election in 2016. I am a man, but I also reactively picked up the mantle of these ideas as a show of support for my wife and the other women in my life, but the events of 2020 caused me to pause and critically assess my progressive beliefs.
It is tied to intersectional feminism, viewing the world through the prism of the oppressor vs the oppressed, queer theory and the quest for collective liberation. These concepts (previously cordoned off in our Humanities departments) hijacked the worldview of the vast majority of Liberal women through social media and the broader culture in the wake of Trump's election in 2016. I am a man, but I also reactively picked up the mantle of these ideas as a show of support for my wife and the other women in my life, but the events of 2020 caused me to pause and critically assess my progressive beliefs.
It’s so scary how ideology can lead parents to cause harm to our children. It’s a blessing that you were able to fight the cult & let your kids be kids. Bless you & your family
This is what happens when human beings place love and truth above conformity, when they listen to that inner voice and when it says something that contradicts their social tribe they dig deeper instead of recoiling, denying, and projecting on others who question tribal dogma.
Now imagine if, when you decided to detransition your son, his school had reported you to CPS for suspected "conversion therapy". We are not so far from that (if not there already) in some U.S. states.
What a remarkable journey you four have been through. There is a worldview that affirms all sorts of silly things and we--even though intelligent--can be conned. Keep on keeping on in your efforts to protect your boys. As they say, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home."
Encouraging your kids to question their biology is not social justice. It's brainwashing and the worst sort of child abuse. That you awoke to that reality before surgery is a blessing. If you have a circle of friends that cheer-led you, dump every last one of them. They lack the judgement or the mental faculties to know right from wrong. That judgement is built into every last one of us but to access it you have to know how to listen to your conscience.
I read this story and it's a horror story - but I am so glad you stopped and have begun to heal and support your sons going in the right direction. However I admit it is hard to be truly happy for you. You are one of the people that has helped ruin my own son's life, our family, his future ... you've done this to so many people. Good for you that you've gotten a second chance ... so many of us out here that haven't.
I totally get your opinion. So much damage is done by ideology & cults. Parents are meant to do no harm as are health care professionals. It’s very hard to understand how a parent can play god with a child but thank god salinity prevailed.
I know I’m late reading this article but honestly the author pisses me off. I appreciate the ability to recognize your faults but it’s folks like you that have caused so much heartache for so many families. How nice it is of you to have a happy ending when for so many of us we live in this never ending hell. It’s folks like you who enabled this is in my daughter and told her she couldn’t trust her parents and that we weren’t safe. It’s folks like you who turned their back on parents who didn’t immediately affirm their children and blasted them with verbal abuse and called us transphobic. It’s folks like you who kept secrets about our children and fed their delusion by telling them how brave they are.
Honestly, how dare you. And I really don’t understand why folks in the comments are calling you brave.
Brave is knowing that there is something wrong here and going against what everyone is telling you is the right thing to do when in your heart you know it’s not.
You are definitely NOT one of the cool kids.
What? Did you read the article correctly?
I can't even tell what position you take because your writing is very confusing
This is an incredible account that I hope will be distributed more broadly so as to reach other true believers with doubts in their hearts. My sister’s wife is a woman who says she is “nonbinary” and I went pretty far down the ideological road of “helping” my young kids understand how she doesn’t feel like a boy or a girl and well, those things are deep feelings, not realities…blah blah blah. It was part of that process (ie trying to make sense of it for my kids) that led me to start questioning and then go “peak trans” as they say. Proud TERF now. I admire your vulnerability and this is so well written. Your sons are lucky to have you.
Reading through this post, I wonder what you think of the idea of gender as a thing that can change? Currently, personally, I subscribe to the idea that gender is an aspect of identity, similar to a special interest, that can morph throughout time. This makes sense to me, because gender is intricately tied to identity, and takes a while to develop, and even someone like me who's stuck with his birth gender can admit that my view of myself as a man has changed dramatically throughout the years.
Maybe this is off-topic, and I am truly happy for your son's growing confidence. This is more of a wider transgender question, I guess, than just about your anecdote.
"I immediately began to feel the tensions inside of me between what I felt intuitively and instinctively as a mother, and what I 'should' be doing as a white anti-racist social justice parent. Because of my own experiences of perceived victimhood with my own parents' rejection of my sexuality, I wanted to make sure I would honor my children's 'authentic selves.' I was primed to look for any clues that might suggest they could be transgender."
The interesting thing to me about this quote from the article is that the author, having decided she was an "anti-racist social justice parent" assumed that looking for transgenderism in her children was the way to express that. What, for example, does being transgender have to do with being "anti-racist"? Why wasn't she looking for signs of racism in her boys instead of looking for transgenderism? Why wasn't she like some liberal parents who won't let their boys play with toy guns or other toys of violence?
It is a measure of the success of the trans movement that they have got liberal parents looking for transgenderism in their kids when there are many other things to watch out for when raising children. Somehow, trans activists have got us all convinced that the best way to liberate our children is to encourage them to start cross-dressing and/or to shoot them up with puberty-blockers and cross-sex hormones. Why oh why oh why has this one little minority managed to overpower all the other minorities and assume the place of "most important" among the oppressed? I think it is because they have managed to convince everyone (well, liberals) that living in the "wrong body" is the most painful of all human experiences. It isn't, of course. There are lots of other painful things that people experience which are just as bad. But no -- having to wear pants instead of a skirt is ABSOLUTE TORTURE!
As I read, I actually felt myself getting angry at the author, which really isn't fair of me since she eventually came to her senses. But what she was doing with her boys was essentially gaslighting and manipulating them to fulfill her own expectations and self-image. The author, to be blunt, had an agenda, and she was ready to burn her boys on the alter of that agenda. And that therapist! No good therapist in the world automatically affirms the neuroses of her patients. That is NOT what therapy is for.
In any event, thank you for giving me a look into the minds of liberal parents with agendas. I am, by the way, a liberal, but I never lost my common sense. [Common sense: male body = boy]
It is tied to intersectional feminism, viewing the world through the prism of the oppressor vs the oppressed, queer theory and the quest for collective liberation. These concepts (previously cordoned off in our Humanities departments) hijacked the worldview of the vast majority of Liberal women through social media and the broader culture in the wake of Trump's election in 2016. I am a man, but I also reactively picked up the mantle of these ideas as a show of support for my wife and the other women in my life, but the events of 2020 caused me to pause and critically assess my progressive beliefs.
I guess that provides an explanation.
You accidentally posted your comment twice. You have the ability to delete the second comment.
It is tied to intersectional feminism, viewing the world through the prism of the oppressor vs the oppressed, queer theory and the quest for collective liberation. These concepts (previously cordoned off in our Humanities departments) hijacked the worldview of the vast majority of Liberal women through social media and the broader culture in the wake of Trump's election in 2016. I am a man, but I also reactively picked up the mantle of these ideas as a show of support for my wife and the other women in my life, but the events of 2020 caused me to pause and critically assess my progressive beliefs.
One day your son tells you that he's going to marry a man and don't mind AIDS, or he wants to marry his brother. You are a true believer or what?
It’s so scary how ideology can lead parents to cause harm to our children. It’s a blessing that you were able to fight the cult & let your kids be kids. Bless you & your family
Thank you for sharing your journey. And what a wonderful thing you have done for your sons.
I really hope with Trump (not my favorite leader) in power logic and common sense will prevail.
Thank you for your bravery
Your bravery is inspiring and contagious! You will undoubtedly help others heal from this too.
Thank you for YOUR courage. Courage calls to courage.
This is what happens when human beings place love and truth above conformity, when they listen to that inner voice and when it says something that contradicts their social tribe they dig deeper instead of recoiling, denying, and projecting on others who question tribal dogma.
Now imagine if, when you decided to detransition your son, his school had reported you to CPS for suspected "conversion therapy". We are not so far from that (if not there already) in some U.S. states.
What a remarkable journey you four have been through. There is a worldview that affirms all sorts of silly things and we--even though intelligent--can be conned. Keep on keeping on in your efforts to protect your boys. As they say, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home."
Encouraging your kids to question their biology is not social justice. It's brainwashing and the worst sort of child abuse. That you awoke to that reality before surgery is a blessing. If you have a circle of friends that cheer-led you, dump every last one of them. They lack the judgement or the mental faculties to know right from wrong. That judgement is built into every last one of us but to access it you have to know how to listen to your conscience.
It takes a lot of courage to share this story with so much vulnerability. Thank you.
I read this story and it's a horror story - but I am so glad you stopped and have begun to heal and support your sons going in the right direction. However I admit it is hard to be truly happy for you. You are one of the people that has helped ruin my own son's life, our family, his future ... you've done this to so many people. Good for you that you've gotten a second chance ... so many of us out here that haven't.
I totally get your opinion. So much damage is done by ideology & cults. Parents are meant to do no harm as are health care professionals. It’s very hard to understand how a parent can play god with a child but thank god salinity prevailed.
saltiness? I think you meant "sanity"
Thanks Perry, yes sanity!!