When my son was accepted to college, a professor told him that he was a prime candidate for an academic scholarship granted to students demonstrating high achievement.
We, too, worry that our child's rigid thinking is working against a potential U-turn out of trans. And the fact that she, like your son, has learned to play the trans card to access rewards . . .
Yet another devastating account of the way it is that I 💯 relate to. So captured, how do they get out. I so despise the enablers, the so called do gooders that do nothing but elevate themselves. Shame on isn’t good enough. Our kids are kids trajectories have been derailed, what a terrible waste. They would have been fine.
Rudolf Steiner, founder of Waldorf education, anthrposophic medicine and biodynamic farming, refers to adolescence as a “ prolonged 7 year illness.” “ Trans” presents itself as a cure for the very real suffering and confusion of adolescents. It's not, of course, but it makes sense why so many vulnerable kids are drawn to it. A good Waldorf school- and by “ good” I mean the teachers are trained in the pedagogy, the school operates independent of political, ideological or modern notions and stays true to anthrophosophical indications, is one way to help children safely and healthily navigate this time.
Wow. This is so well-written and full of clear insights. Thank you for sharing this.
Isn't it tragic that a parent - the person who really cares about the child and has their best interest in mind - can understand what has happened with so much depth and love, but, instead of trusting the parent, the child believes those who feed the child shallow/empty platitudes for their own selfish reasons?
How painful for you to have to watch him go down this misguided path.
Your son is so intelligent and my hope is that some untapped inner wisdom will spring up in him to allow him to see through the lies and instead see his own inherent value and worth the way you so clearly see it in him.
I hope this for all of our kids who are caught up in this.
This reminds me of my teaching career in the 2010s. So many bright students at my school were enticed by the victim narrative. So many teachers and guidance counselors colluded in the madness. Every younger teacher included unnecessary pronouns in their emails. Students in 9th grade were forced to sit through gender identity workshops. Madness.
great essay about a sad, sad story so familiar to many of us. As one with a kid in this for a long time— I’m so sorry!
I think your point at the end is brilliant—how DO we make the path back to reality rewarding? Outside of immediate families (which they’ve largely rejected), how do we cultivate a visible community of young people and un-glitter moms making it acceptable, trendy even, to walk the path back to their natal sex?
What you described shows us how sick is this society starting with its institutions and politics are involved too. When institutions get involved in the private and personal life of people or their private lives used to achieve “ things” there’s not place where we the “ normies” can go. It’s a vicious circle and we are left what we can do at home of with others that remain sane. The mental health of Americans has declined and the youth who are the more vulnerable, are paying the price. Only addressing the root problem we may have an opportunity to stop this.
Brilliant essay. You make many points that apply to bright students seeking the social cachet that they have been denied.
Our daughter took a similar path in college:
"because being invested in a victim narrative made him an attractive project for people seizing opportunities to virtue signal. This extends to institutions as well, since he informed me that he was granted gift aid for tuition, housing, and a stipend for other expenses. For the entire year."
This is brilliantly written and so similar to my story. Raising kids is a hard job. Raising a child who is not the average textbook case (e.g. intellectually advanced, or autistic, or learning disabilities, etc) is even harder. But raising that kid where the entire cultural ecosystem encourages, reinforces, and rewards maladaptive behaviour - to reinforce their own easy sense of virtue - becomes impossible. Victimhood is a dead end.
Alarmingly, the school where I work has instructed us to ignore merit based metrics when hiring. This trend is being entrenched.
Ouch. Sorry for the cliche, but yes I feel your pain. And sorry, Mom & Dad, but neither your path, nor the trans cult are your son's path. He has to find and walk his OWN PATH. Yes, the guideposts and traditions of the past are still valuable navigation aids to your son, if you show him the signs, and teach him to read and follow them himself. Show him how to look, tell him what to look for, and how to find it. But let him find his own path in life, with your guidance. This is my response, I hope it helps. Let the faith you have in him also be the faith he has in himself....
The essay is all about unpacking how he made the choice. It was not an epiphany that occurred in a vacuum.
I did not mention that of his tight circle of online acquaintances, with whom he originally connected with over a shared interest in academics, none initially identified as trans, and eventually four of the five did. For someone needing to belong, trans was less difficult and more rewarding than feeling alone.
I did not mention that when we initially setup counseling with a therapist (at his request), he specified remote sessions, and even then, communicated only via chat. During his sessions, he had Discord open and was being coached how to respond to the therapist. I know this because that was at the same time I first started having conversations with him about what changed in how he felt about himself. He wouldn’t engage until he opened his laptop to relay my questions to someone over Discord.
The thesis I present is that trans is actually less difficult than what some experience as consequences of social, behavioral and emotional factors, and the slow-motion trauma that some kids endure over several years. In that case, doing trans is comparatively easy. What I acknowledge as actually being quite difficult about trans is that it does not solve the underlying issues many young people struggle with. It presents a prescribed solution, which can be very appealing to a certain type of rigid thinker who thrives on rules, systems, and procedures. The difficulty I see is that the prescription is busywork that doesn’t acknowledge or address the deeper hurt.
If you don’t belong anywhere, claiming membership in a group whose defining characteristic is entitlement to accommodations is a win. It lets you trade the clinical, institutional labels you hate for one with social caché.
I asked my son what his goal with HRT was, since he doesn’t want surgery or has ever put any effort into cultivating a feminine appearance by any measure. He did not have an answer, as though he had never considered there should be an outcome from a medical therapy. Sustaining the regimen of self-medication was an end in itself. Trans is more about something he does than who he is. For him it’s as difficult as taking a daily vitamin.
We, too, worry that our child's rigid thinking is working against a potential U-turn out of trans. And the fact that she, like your son, has learned to play the trans card to access rewards . . .
Yet another devastating account of the way it is that I 💯 relate to. So captured, how do they get out. I so despise the enablers, the so called do gooders that do nothing but elevate themselves. Shame on isn’t good enough. Our kids are kids trajectories have been derailed, what a terrible waste. They would have been fine.
Rudolf Steiner, founder of Waldorf education, anthrposophic medicine and biodynamic farming, refers to adolescence as a “ prolonged 7 year illness.” “ Trans” presents itself as a cure for the very real suffering and confusion of adolescents. It's not, of course, but it makes sense why so many vulnerable kids are drawn to it. A good Waldorf school- and by “ good” I mean the teachers are trained in the pedagogy, the school operates independent of political, ideological or modern notions and stays true to anthrophosophical indications, is one way to help children safely and healthily navigate this time.
It doesn’t look like AWSNA got the memo.
AWSNA is totally captured.
Wow. This is so well-written and full of clear insights. Thank you for sharing this.
Isn't it tragic that a parent - the person who really cares about the child and has their best interest in mind - can understand what has happened with so much depth and love, but, instead of trusting the parent, the child believes those who feed the child shallow/empty platitudes for their own selfish reasons?
How painful for you to have to watch him go down this misguided path.
Your son is so intelligent and my hope is that some untapped inner wisdom will spring up in him to allow him to see through the lies and instead see his own inherent value and worth the way you so clearly see it in him.
I hope this for all of our kids who are caught up in this.
This reminds me of my teaching career in the 2010s. So many bright students at my school were enticed by the victim narrative. So many teachers and guidance counselors colluded in the madness. Every younger teacher included unnecessary pronouns in their emails. Students in 9th grade were forced to sit through gender identity workshops. Madness.
great essay about a sad, sad story so familiar to many of us. As one with a kid in this for a long time— I’m so sorry!
I think your point at the end is brilliant—how DO we make the path back to reality rewarding? Outside of immediate families (which they’ve largely rejected), how do we cultivate a visible community of young people and un-glitter moms making it acceptable, trendy even, to walk the path back to their natal sex?
What you described shows us how sick is this society starting with its institutions and politics are involved too. When institutions get involved in the private and personal life of people or their private lives used to achieve “ things” there’s not place where we the “ normies” can go. It’s a vicious circle and we are left what we can do at home of with others that remain sane. The mental health of Americans has declined and the youth who are the more vulnerable, are paying the price. Only addressing the root problem we may have an opportunity to stop this.
Very well written. This speaks volumes. I have read many articles, but this highlights valuable points I have never considered.
Brilliant essay. You make many points that apply to bright students seeking the social cachet that they have been denied.
Our daughter took a similar path in college:
"because being invested in a victim narrative made him an attractive project for people seizing opportunities to virtue signal. This extends to institutions as well, since he informed me that he was granted gift aid for tuition, housing, and a stipend for other expenses. For the entire year."
I am so sorry, may your son find his way back.
So many smart, quirky, shy boys are caught up in the trans cult. I hope he’s still talking with you - keeping the connection.
This is brilliantly written and so similar to my story. Raising kids is a hard job. Raising a child who is not the average textbook case (e.g. intellectually advanced, or autistic, or learning disabilities, etc) is even harder. But raising that kid where the entire cultural ecosystem encourages, reinforces, and rewards maladaptive behaviour - to reinforce their own easy sense of virtue - becomes impossible. Victimhood is a dead end.
Alarmingly, the school where I work has instructed us to ignore merit based metrics when hiring. This trend is being entrenched.
My heart breaks with you. I will pray for your son to once again find peace and self-acceptance in the beautiful qualities God place within him.
Ouch. Sorry for the cliche, but yes I feel your pain. And sorry, Mom & Dad, but neither your path, nor the trans cult are your son's path. He has to find and walk his OWN PATH. Yes, the guideposts and traditions of the past are still valuable navigation aids to your son, if you show him the signs, and teach him to read and follow them himself. Show him how to look, tell him what to look for, and how to find it. But let him find his own path in life, with your guidance. This is my response, I hope it helps. Let the faith you have in him also be the faith he has in himself....
The essay is all about unpacking how he made the choice. It was not an epiphany that occurred in a vacuum.
I did not mention that of his tight circle of online acquaintances, with whom he originally connected with over a shared interest in academics, none initially identified as trans, and eventually four of the five did. For someone needing to belong, trans was less difficult and more rewarding than feeling alone.
I did not mention that when we initially setup counseling with a therapist (at his request), he specified remote sessions, and even then, communicated only via chat. During his sessions, he had Discord open and was being coached how to respond to the therapist. I know this because that was at the same time I first started having conversations with him about what changed in how he felt about himself. He wouldn’t engage until he opened his laptop to relay my questions to someone over Discord.
The thesis I present is that trans is actually less difficult than what some experience as consequences of social, behavioral and emotional factors, and the slow-motion trauma that some kids endure over several years. In that case, doing trans is comparatively easy. What I acknowledge as actually being quite difficult about trans is that it does not solve the underlying issues many young people struggle with. It presents a prescribed solution, which can be very appealing to a certain type of rigid thinker who thrives on rules, systems, and procedures. The difficulty I see is that the prescription is busywork that doesn’t acknowledge or address the deeper hurt.
If you don’t belong anywhere, claiming membership in a group whose defining characteristic is entitlement to accommodations is a win. It lets you trade the clinical, institutional labels you hate for one with social caché.
I asked my son what his goal with HRT was, since he doesn’t want surgery or has ever put any effort into cultivating a feminine appearance by any measure. He did not have an answer, as though he had never considered there should be an outcome from a medical therapy. Sustaining the regimen of self-medication was an end in itself. Trans is more about something he does than who he is. For him it’s as difficult as taking a daily vitamin.