What’s so terrible about women That deserves to be hacked at and attacked? What’s wrong with curves, compassion, community? Are nurturing and multitasking revolting? What’s wrong with being Intelligent yet teachable, Beautiful yet humble, Fierce yet gentle? My beloved daughter, What’s so terrible about women?
I often wonder among the other torturous thoughts that swirl in my mind. Is self rejection another reasonmy daughter fell to this insanity . Is it my fault the little comments about being too fat , hating my hair ect. Little complaints about being overwhelmed with motherhood at times I thought she didn't hear but may have sensed . My being overly concerned about appearance . Maybe I didn't speak enough about how blessed I was to have the honor of raising my beautiful girls. Maybe we need to celebrate what is beautiful about being woman and not how much we are victimized. Maybe we need to celebrate our strength , the beauty of nurturing and the value of family . I wonder if maybe I had a part in the perception that womanhood is bad with every complaint , self criticism , moment of self pity . How I long to go back and right so many wrongs .
As a mom whose daughter all of the sudden rejected being female at the onset of puberty and bullying, I'm kind of offended that she thinks being female is bad. Aren't you?
I'm not saying all women fit these categories. Stereotypes exist for a reason - because, statistically, these traits are more often found in females than males. And there's nothing wrong with that. Men and women are biologically different and think differently. Here are just a few differences (one makes it much more likely for females to be able to multitask.)
Connectivity: Female brains tend to show more communication between hemispheres, whereas male brains often show more intense activity within each hemisphere.
Verbal/Memory: Females often excel in verbal memory tasks and language processing, often using both hemispheres.
Spatial/Motor: Males often demonstrate better spatial memory, such as mental rotation, and faster reaction times.
Lateralization: Male brains tend to be more lateralized, meaning hemispheres operate more independently, which may lead to "tunnel vision" when focused on a single task.
Or simply aren't by nature. That is _normal_ and must be _made known_. The cliches are cliches, and a loud, assertive woman is just as much of a woman as the quiet, gentle one. We don't help our daughters by just empathizing the cliche.
Agreed. It's hard because being gentle and non confrontational is also a safety mechanism for women and girls, that's why generally it's preferable. I know being loud and aggressive has gotten me in so much trouble.
Powerful piece. The way this usespoetry to cut through all the noise and get to something fundamental really works. It's interesting how framing these qualities as questions reveales how absurd the rejection of womanhood actually is. Reminds me of conversations I've had where simple reframing totally shifts what people are willing to see and acknowledge.
It's not just reframing, but erasing in this case. Because I can assure you, women aren't all soft curves and gentleness.
Gender ideology hooks in at exactly that point and convinces our girls that if they _aren't_ that, they're not "womaning correctly", and therefore non-binary or trans.
Imagine a rigidly thinking autistic girl, gay, at the edges of puberty, neither here nor there. She isn't the cliche, far from it. That was my daughter. And she _almost_ fell for it.
I don't think celebrating the cliches actually works for those girls. What works is showing them that the shadow-girl is _also_ female, and that not fitting this idealized, poetic version is no more or less woman than the little stick with barely a curve that gets all fluttery around her best friend, has a dang loud voice, and zero interest in gentleness or make up.
Simple but true. Our girls have been conditioned to hate everything about womanhood.
When my daughter was 13 and had newly come out as "non binary" (now she fully IDs as a boy) and wanted to remove her breasts, I said to her, " I didn't realize until I gave birth to your brother that women have incredible gifts. Our ability to bring life into this world is a superpower. Give it time and you will see this." It takes time, and unfortunately society is not giving them that.
The girls who come to believe they are "actually boys" or "nonbinary" are traumatized and want to escape what they believe to be the cause of that trauma: being female. They are unaware that they are being manipulated by a set of sex stereotypes. There is no one right way to be a boy or girl, man or woman.
These girls may have been sexually traumatized. They are likely to have been bullied for being different. Many of them are same-sex attracted. Many are neurodivergent. The current system of immediate, unquestioning affirmation of trans identities is transing away the gay and autistic girls. It is an inherently bigoted system.
The people who support trans conversion therapy love to bleat on about being "kind" and accepting people as they are. Except they really don't accept people as they are. They only accept people who loudly and shrilly echo their own beliefs.
Gender ideology has set equal treatment for women and for homosexuals of both sexes back decades. It also endangers neurodivergent young people who may be confused about their gender expression or sexuality. Imagine if they were told it's okay to be a masculine girl or feminine boy rather than being told they were born in the wrong body and cross-sex hormones and surgeries are the answer.
I would also add that they have been exposed to pornography (the case for my child) which has become increasingly violent and degrading. Exposure to pornography as a child IS. TRAUMA. It does not surprise me that girls want to "opt out" of womanhood because our culture's ideas about what sex is have been completely warped by a predatory, demonic industry that basically tells girls that men are going to want them to be brainless sex dolls who beg to be brutalized. The porn industry comes to us straight from the pits of Hell. This is not hyperbole. God help our precious girls (and boys of course, but their reaction to porn is often much different, but equally as damaging.)
But _all_ the things you list become horrible when perverted, and every single one of us has these shadows in one way or the other. Your daughter has them too, and in the company of people who only accept the positive version, someone who feels her own shadows can feel like they don't belong, don't represent the version the world wants.
The antidote is radical acceptance and shining light directly ON the shadows.
The curves that are too wide to fit in the prison of fashion.
The compassion that becomes suicidal empathy.
The community full of gossip and pressure to like what your peers like and be just like them.
The intelligence that becomes hubris.
The learning that becomes impressionable to the point of idiocy.
The vain beauty that is all but humble.
The ugliness we all feel someday.
The fierceness that becomes unjust.
The gentleness that is worn as a mask when we politely destroy another's self-esteem.
We all are that, too. We are not terrible. We are human, and allowing our daughters and ourselves to be fully human can be very, very painful. And healing. 🙏
I often wonder among the other torturous thoughts that swirl in my mind. Is self rejection another reasonmy daughter fell to this insanity . Is it my fault the little comments about being too fat , hating my hair ect. Little complaints about being overwhelmed with motherhood at times I thought she didn't hear but may have sensed . My being overly concerned about appearance . Maybe I didn't speak enough about how blessed I was to have the honor of raising my beautiful girls. Maybe we need to celebrate what is beautiful about being woman and not how much we are victimized. Maybe we need to celebrate our strength , the beauty of nurturing and the value of family . I wonder if maybe I had a part in the perception that womanhood is bad with every complaint , self criticism , moment of self pity . How I long to go back and right so many wrongs .
I have wondered if it is some kind of patriarchal conspiracy to remove the power of women, and to remove the feminine from the Divine.
As a mom whose daughter all of the sudden rejected being female at the onset of puberty and bullying, I'm kind of offended that she thinks being female is bad. Aren't you?
I'm not saying all women fit these categories. Stereotypes exist for a reason - because, statistically, these traits are more often found in females than males. And there's nothing wrong with that. Men and women are biologically different and think differently. Here are just a few differences (one makes it much more likely for females to be able to multitask.)
Connectivity: Female brains tend to show more communication between hemispheres, whereas male brains often show more intense activity within each hemisphere.
Verbal/Memory: Females often excel in verbal memory tasks and language processing, often using both hemispheres.
Spatial/Motor: Males often demonstrate better spatial memory, such as mental rotation, and faster reaction times.
Lateralization: Male brains tend to be more lateralized, meaning hemispheres operate more independently, which may lead to "tunnel vision" when focused on a single task.
Some women and girls don't want to be gentle, that might be some of it
Or simply aren't by nature. That is _normal_ and must be _made known_. The cliches are cliches, and a loud, assertive woman is just as much of a woman as the quiet, gentle one. We don't help our daughters by just empathizing the cliche.
Agreed. It's hard because being gentle and non confrontational is also a safety mechanism for women and girls, that's why generally it's preferable. I know being loud and aggressive has gotten me in so much trouble.
Powerful piece. The way this usespoetry to cut through all the noise and get to something fundamental really works. It's interesting how framing these qualities as questions reveales how absurd the rejection of womanhood actually is. Reminds me of conversations I've had where simple reframing totally shifts what people are willing to see and acknowledge.
It's not just reframing, but erasing in this case. Because I can assure you, women aren't all soft curves and gentleness.
Gender ideology hooks in at exactly that point and convinces our girls that if they _aren't_ that, they're not "womaning correctly", and therefore non-binary or trans.
Imagine a rigidly thinking autistic girl, gay, at the edges of puberty, neither here nor there. She isn't the cliche, far from it. That was my daughter. And she _almost_ fell for it.
I don't think celebrating the cliches actually works for those girls. What works is showing them that the shadow-girl is _also_ female, and that not fitting this idealized, poetic version is no more or less woman than the little stick with barely a curve that gets all fluttery around her best friend, has a dang loud voice, and zero interest in gentleness or make up.
Amen to all that.
EXACTLY!!! Let’s celebrate womanhood!!!
Simple but true. Our girls have been conditioned to hate everything about womanhood.
When my daughter was 13 and had newly come out as "non binary" (now she fully IDs as a boy) and wanted to remove her breasts, I said to her, " I didn't realize until I gave birth to your brother that women have incredible gifts. Our ability to bring life into this world is a superpower. Give it time and you will see this." It takes time, and unfortunately society is not giving them that.
The girls who come to believe they are "actually boys" or "nonbinary" are traumatized and want to escape what they believe to be the cause of that trauma: being female. They are unaware that they are being manipulated by a set of sex stereotypes. There is no one right way to be a boy or girl, man or woman.
These girls may have been sexually traumatized. They are likely to have been bullied for being different. Many of them are same-sex attracted. Many are neurodivergent. The current system of immediate, unquestioning affirmation of trans identities is transing away the gay and autistic girls. It is an inherently bigoted system.
The people who support trans conversion therapy love to bleat on about being "kind" and accepting people as they are. Except they really don't accept people as they are. They only accept people who loudly and shrilly echo their own beliefs.
Gender ideology has set equal treatment for women and for homosexuals of both sexes back decades. It also endangers neurodivergent young people who may be confused about their gender expression or sexuality. Imagine if they were told it's okay to be a masculine girl or feminine boy rather than being told they were born in the wrong body and cross-sex hormones and surgeries are the answer.
I would also add that they have been exposed to pornography (the case for my child) which has become increasingly violent and degrading. Exposure to pornography as a child IS. TRAUMA. It does not surprise me that girls want to "opt out" of womanhood because our culture's ideas about what sex is have been completely warped by a predatory, demonic industry that basically tells girls that men are going to want them to be brainless sex dolls who beg to be brutalized. The porn industry comes to us straight from the pits of Hell. This is not hyperbole. God help our precious girls (and boys of course, but their reaction to porn is often much different, but equally as damaging.)
The simple answer is obviously "nothing".
But _all_ the things you list become horrible when perverted, and every single one of us has these shadows in one way or the other. Your daughter has them too, and in the company of people who only accept the positive version, someone who feels her own shadows can feel like they don't belong, don't represent the version the world wants.
The antidote is radical acceptance and shining light directly ON the shadows.
The curves that are too wide to fit in the prison of fashion.
The compassion that becomes suicidal empathy.
The community full of gossip and pressure to like what your peers like and be just like them.
The intelligence that becomes hubris.
The learning that becomes impressionable to the point of idiocy.
The vain beauty that is all but humble.
The ugliness we all feel someday.
The fierceness that becomes unjust.
The gentleness that is worn as a mask when we politely destroy another's self-esteem.
We all are that, too. We are not terrible. We are human, and allowing our daughters and ourselves to be fully human can be very, very painful. And healing. 🙏
This is perfectly stated. Thank you!!!! ❤️