When Identity Is Shaped by Isolation and Influence
We’re seeing a growing number of young people who are highly intelligent, introverted, anxious, and deeply immersed in virtual environments — from gaming platforms to Reddit threads, Discord chats, Twitch streams, and other anonymous communities. These aren’t just hobbies or platforms — for many, they’re entire ecosystems of affirmation, ideology, and influence.
The danger isn’t necessarily in the interest itself (anime, games, etc.), but in the lack of counterbalance — a grounded support system, strong role models, and a clear sense of identity and purpose outside of the screen.
An empty, unguarded mind becomes fertile ground for whatever is planted.
If truth isn’t being sown, something else will be.
In these spaces, there’s often a constant encouragement to question everything — especially your identity. Who you are. What you are. Why you feel out of place. These questions, asked in isolation and echoed in groupthink environments, can spiral into deep confusion — especially for youth who are already struggling socially or emotionally.
And when someone who’s feeling unseen finally finds a community that says, “We see you. You belong here. Your feelings define your truth,” — that’s incredibly powerful. But it can also be deeply misleading.
What many forget is this: affirmation doesn’t always equal truth. And confusion is not clarity just because it’s widely echoed.
The transgender ideology, when introduced through these platforms without critical context or balanced perspectives, can become more than a personal journey — it becomes a trend, a tribal badge, or worse, a misdiagnosed solution to deeper issues like anxiety, trauma, loneliness, or a craving for belonging.
Sometimes I think about it this way: today, a young person may say they’re trans — not because it was an unshakable truth from within, but because that’s what their environment, their online culture, and their peer group consistently reflect and affirm.
But place that same young person on a quiet farm, surrounded by cowboys and cattle dogs, and they might just be wearing boots and a hat — never once questioning their identity.
That’s not to mock anyone. It’s to highlight how deeply identity can be shaped by the voices that surround us.
It’s not about blame.
It’s about awareness.
And it’s about asking: Are we giving our kids the tools they need to navigate a world that’s trying to redefine them every day?
Because if we don’t sow truth early — something else will take root.
This nails it. Something I find perplexing is how as therapists we are taught to consider systems’ influences on individuals- family, culture, community, etc- but for some reason with gender identity the “affirming” clinicians shove all curiosity about the client’s ecosystem in a locked box.
This morning I’m lamenting the loss of my best friend of 20 years. She is still alive; we just had a falling out 2 years ago over trans ideology. She is a librarian, our daughter spent a lot of time at her house playing with her children. Their bookshelves were full of children’s books like “Princess Boy” and queer literature. I never thought anything of it, in fact I was progressive, too.
When our girls hit their teens, hers became a they/them and mine, a little younger, became a he/him (along with so many of their peers in 2019-2020.) I didn’t affirm mine, she affirmed hers. They threw a birthday party for my daughter with her initial on the cake instead of her name. It was so uncomfortable.
When it came time for my daughter’s graduation party, I was so reluctant to invite certain people who would affirm and call her by that other name, so we kept it as small as we could and stuck to mostly family. My friend texted and asked when the party is, referring to my child as “X.”
I just felt so overwhelmed and sad and unsupported, I texted back, “Her name is _______.” Then I blocked my friend for a little while, a day or two. Unblocked but didn’t say anything until probably a year afterward. I just sent another “Hope all is well” text that I send every few months, but I’m pretty sure we’re done.
I know I didn’t handle it in the most adult way. I don’t even know how to handle it. I miss my friend and the others I’ve lost because of this trainwreck of a situation.
Sorry for dumping this here, but where else can it go? This is all so…STUPID.