We’re seeing a growing number of young people who are highly intelligent, introverted, anxious, and deeply immersed in virtual environments — from gaming platforms to Reddit threads, Discord chats, Twitch streams, and other anonymous communities.
"Why you feel out of place" even while you are "in groupthink environments" with "a tribal badge."
This is a cult in a nutshell: telling young people "you feel out of place. . .unless you join OUR groupthink with OUR tribal badge."
Teens in my day--the 1970s--could certainly feel out of place, if we weren't prom queens and kings and elected to the student council. But since that was the majority of us, nobody made a big deal out of it. I certainly felt out of place. I'd just spent three years overseas, missing out on three crucial years of social development. And yet I still managed to find friends with whom I had common ground. It wasn't about labeling ourselves as misfits. It was about finding the people among whom we fit in.
Fast-forward to the 21st century, and the biggest social tribe is now the self-labeled "misfit" tribe. Everyone who's anyone is in this tribe. Far from being "misfits," these teens live in lock-step with the majority of their peers--even to the extent of developing inappropriate emotional problems that are being deliberately groomed into them by online predators, not even remotely organic reactions to unhappy home lives.
The Trans panic has proliferated unchecked on social media in this biggest social tribe: the teenage "misfit" tribe.
Fortunately, adults are finally re-entering the room.
Thank you for an excellent perspective. It used to be that the "alternative" social groups kids got into (think greasers, beats, hippies, goths, punks, etc.) centered around social events, music, customs of dress and ornament--all mostly things that didn't make any permanent changes to their bodies (other than the tattoos that might have gone along with some of them).
As those kids matured, those groups could also morph and change, or give way to new friend groups formed in new circumstances. The difference with trans ideology is that it addresses "identity," not just friendship and belonging. And like you say here, the need for that is created by the fact that cyberspace has taken the place of real space for so many kids and adults too.
The fact that affirming this new "identity" is considered positive and moral by people and organizations that have historically been advocates for the underdogs of society makes it especially pernicious.
I'm wondering how those of us who see the problems here can help form real-world support for parents who are experiencing this in their kids, and are looking for a way to dis-affirm their child's "new identity" and at the same time affirm their love and support for the child.
I'm happy to see the court cases and laws, but what I see as even more needed is on-the-ground, face-to-face support groups for the parents and the kids themselves: real organizations that can give the lie to the idea that non-affirming parents are enemies of their "trans" children. We also need scholarship that can investigate the historical phenomena that trans ideologs claim as showing that the current "trans" trend has some kind of deep historic tenure. (After all, all those supposed "trans" figures from history didn't have access to the "gender affirming care" that's being demanded today.
Good points. Hope I get the opportunity to ask my daughter if she thinks Joan of Arc would have been a strong warrior if she had internal organ atrophy and relied on a cane because of testosterone use.
Thank you for this reminder so simple and yet so valuable. May we who struggle with our children turn for help to him who is the Way, the Truth and the Life. Because without the Way there's no going, without the Life there's no living, without the Truth there's no knowing. Amen.
So true, these emotionally vulnerable kids are targets for these predators online. My own child was socially awkward in school and later ended up in the cult. I wouldn't allow the things that were allowed in her father's house, so she eventually turned away from me and embraced another lifestyle. It all started with a cell phone at a young age and progressed to anime, furrys, and an adopted character of pansexuality (her term not mine). We were once very close, but now she is a totally different person, like a stranger. I pray that someday the spell (brainwashing) will be broken and my beautiful child will return just like the prodigal.
"But place that same young person on a quiet farm, surrounded by cowboys and cattle dogs, and they might just be wearing boots and a hat — never once questioning their identity."
I've often said to my son (only partly in jest) that the only sure cure for the trans poison was to move to Wyoming and have your child work on a horse ranch.
Very good points. It is indeed the influence and the isolation that captures the innocent. We have all been blind-sided by the trans-cult lies. Sad but true. None of us were prepared.
This is what happened to my son. During his school years he was way too busy with school, work, and tons of interests and activities to spend much time online. This began to change when he went to university as he was bright but struggled somewhat socially. By his third year of university, (no internet filters,) lots of the wrong influence and Covid isolation, he spent a lot of his time online and he got sucked into the trans ideology. He found that same community on campus and they were more than happy to affirm him and celebrate his new identity.
It is so so sad to see how such a wonderful young man has lost himself. I miss him.
Spot on. I used to think that the concepts of dehumanization, transhumanism and "atomization" were silly conspiracy theories I didn't need to worry about - until I did.
This morning I’m lamenting the loss of my best friend of 20 years. She is still alive; we just had a falling out 2 years ago over trans ideology. She is a librarian, our daughter spent a lot of time at her house playing with her children. Their bookshelves were full of children’s books like “Princess Boy” and queer literature. I never thought anything of it, in fact I was progressive, too.
When our girls hit their teens, hers became a they/them and mine, a little younger, became a he/him (along with so many of their peers in 2019-2020.) I didn’t affirm mine, she affirmed hers. They threw a birthday party for my daughter with her initial on the cake instead of her name. It was so uncomfortable.
When it came time for my daughter’s graduation party, I was so reluctant to invite certain people who would affirm and call her by that other name, so we kept it as small as we could and stuck to mostly family. My friend texted and asked when the party is, referring to my child as “X.”
I just felt so overwhelmed and sad and unsupported, I texted back, “Her name is _______.” Then I blocked my friend for a little while, a day or two. Unblocked but didn’t say anything until probably a year afterward. I just sent another “Hope all is well” text that I send every few months, but I’m pretty sure we’re done.
I know I didn’t handle it in the most adult way. I don’t even know how to handle it. I miss my friend and the others I’ve lost because of this trainwreck of a situation.
Sorry for dumping this here, but where else can it go? This is all so…STUPID.
I agree it is very difficult to lose a long time friend over this issue. It adds insult to injury so to speak. I am blessed that my closest friends agree that the transgender trend is stupid and dangerous. So they agree with not affirming. I think the one area they maybe don't understand is why I have been so sad about this for so long. And remain in a miserable place after 9 years. My son is 24 now and started at 15. They sort of say why can't you move on? You can not control what your son chooses to do. So don't affirm, but let it go. I can not seem to get these friends, who are parents, to quite empathize with the unique loss this is. This is so different from other decisions your adult child may make that you don't approve of. A special kind of loss and disappointment. A loss and danger to your adult child encouraged by so many around them. In regard to friends I have decided to not pursue any new friendships, or even casual relationships, with anyone who would go along with this nonsense. Don't want those people in my life.
I think you handled a hopelessly insane situation as well as one possibly could. And the fact that your friend had the absolute gall to refer to YOUR daughter as "X" --- when she knew you rejected the lie --- says it all. In my opinion that is in no way someone you should trust. As for not questioning the queer literature earlier, well, it took a good two-by-four upside the head to wake a whole lot of us up.
"And the fact that your friend had the absolute gall to refer to YOUR daughter as "X" --- when she knew you rejected the lie --- says it all."
Same here. This is when I discovered some people were not my friends and were actively bad for my daughter. Some called her X behind my back before I even knew about it.
I very much sympathize. I didn't realize the trans zealots used "X" as some kind of intermediate. I may be wrong, but I assume that the new, "authentic" name has already been chosen and is in use, and that they're just hesitant to use it when communicating with non-affirming parents.
My mistake. It's a sign of how morally superior and empowered they feel that they will actually refer to the child with the new, false name in communications with the parents. I suppose they think all parents will eventually cave to this perverse ideology. Like they did.
I really felt betrayed - by teachers and by moms of her pals who I thought were my friends. It was so shocking. Now, I guess it is commonplace.
"morally superior" - for sure. I bet most of us were supplied with National Geographic articles about how some people somewhere have always believed "born" in the "wrong body" because some guys were feminine - or something and different societies had names for that. Or, something.
So, lets call them the opposite sex with new names (cults do this - think Charles Manson), mess with their endocrine system with off label drugs and remove healthy body parts. Because?
That says it all. I am also a non-affirming parent, though I had no vote in any of this since my daughter hopped on the trans train in college.
We are finally seeing the dam break, as the story of grave medical malpractice spills out of mainstream media. Mainstream media is now reporting on the suicide myth, how it is promoted to parents. True.
Yet it is often the affirming parents that keep the trans train moving. They won't back down.
Some are parents of adults and teens. Others are parents of young children.
You’re so right, Melissa R. And others on the affirming train are the wackadoodle celebrities whose own lives suddenly become more “interesting” — to use actress Annette Bening’s phrase —when their children allegedly “choose” this alternative path. So these parents can softly pimp their children and increase their social cachet by jumping on the trans train. Their “ trans-kids” provide them with a personal ego boost and increased professional publicity at the same time. “Look at me! I’m so progressive and cool!” It’s all so sad to see.
Yes. Let's also not forget the affirming therapists and Frankenstein GAC doctors - oh, and ALL American medical associations - which are not getting off the trains train.
"Sorry for dumping this here, but where else can it go? This is all so…STUPID."
Please don't apologize. You are in the right place on PITT.
The people who need to apologize are in the schools, the clinics, the entire mental health and medical communities... the insurance companies for covering cross sex hormones...
As far as the isolation and influence piece goes…my God, does anyone remember around 2011 the articles about the Digital Divide? Propaganda about if you didn’t get these iPads and computers for your children, they’d be at such an academic disadvantage? Then schools shelled out thousands for children to get their own laptops and tablets, all for school of course. Meanwhile, Steve Jobs and his ilk wouldn’t allow their own children to have these! Well, we fell prey to that nonsense. We gave her the tablets and the computer and that $&(&! cellphone. Like mindless idiots: here you go, we trust you, here’s access to all kinds of horrific porn, grooming, God knows what else. Don’t think I totally blame the media…we GAVE her those devices. We didn’t monitor closely…because she was so smart, such a good kid, had such a good head on her shoulders. What pressure to put that expectation on a child, that they can monitor their own screen time—grown adults can’t!
We continued to send her to a public school with a GSA and “safe space” flags everywhere where all the misfits put themselves in the LGBTQ category. By the time we came to our senses, we were too late. If I could do it all over again, we would homeschool and we would have never given her unmonitored access to the internet. They do NOT need a smartphone, no matter what anyone says.
And like so many others, she dealt with the loneliness of adolescence (compounded by the pandemic) by hopping onto Discord and YouTube…same story as so many of you.
We are trying not to make the same mistake with our younger children.
All of us have so much regret and see things we would have done differently, but I just want to offer you some comfort. We did strictly monitor, (we're in tech) private Christian school with no phones allowed in classes and limited computer access. But our daughter fell into it in college. Don't beat yourself up. I think the biggest factor is most of us just didn't see the danger, we never saw this coming in society, so we couldn't warn our kids and prepare them in how to handle this when it came at them. It was a very fast social contagion. Like your daughter, mine was a good kid, intelligent, made good choices, Honors college, I never thought she would fall for something so irrational, but the colleges and society make it an esteemed path. I'm so very sorry that you are walking in this nightmare. I had a similar situation with losing my close friend, we raised our girls together. The betrayal really hurts. I'm glad you do have the chance to prepare your younger kids to face this. Hopefully this will lose it's appeal very soon.
All this. And in our public school district, they had to use Chromebooks (provided by the schools). Yes, theoretically with some kind of filters but I have no doubt our clever kids found workarounds as needed. And even in classrooms there was a fair amount of “use your cell phone to take a picture of X.”
My daughter mentioned not feeling a part of something and purpose. My words fell on deaf ears but apparently the cults words were heard loudly. It's been 3 years and 2 since drugs and a move to Sacramento. If I didn't have another adult child, I don't know what my purpose would be myself. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't cry. That I pause from happy moments recalling my once very close daughter is still out there but not really. That our entire family and community was turned upside down. Then I try to move on to the next moment and concentrate my efforts on my son, still close to his family.
For those who have lost touch with truth, they then build a life on lies. History is re-written and anything goes. Just make up more stuff and get others to join you in that life. That is what has happened to many of our kids.
This nails it. Something I find perplexing is how as therapists we are taught to consider systems’ influences on individuals- family, culture, community, etc- but for some reason with gender identity the “affirming” clinicians shove all curiosity about the client’s ecosystem in a locked box.
"Why you feel out of place" even while you are "in groupthink environments" with "a tribal badge."
This is a cult in a nutshell: telling young people "you feel out of place. . .unless you join OUR groupthink with OUR tribal badge."
Teens in my day--the 1970s--could certainly feel out of place, if we weren't prom queens and kings and elected to the student council. But since that was the majority of us, nobody made a big deal out of it. I certainly felt out of place. I'd just spent three years overseas, missing out on three crucial years of social development. And yet I still managed to find friends with whom I had common ground. It wasn't about labeling ourselves as misfits. It was about finding the people among whom we fit in.
Fast-forward to the 21st century, and the biggest social tribe is now the self-labeled "misfit" tribe. Everyone who's anyone is in this tribe. Far from being "misfits," these teens live in lock-step with the majority of their peers--even to the extent of developing inappropriate emotional problems that are being deliberately groomed into them by online predators, not even remotely organic reactions to unhappy home lives.
The Trans panic has proliferated unchecked on social media in this biggest social tribe: the teenage "misfit" tribe.
Fortunately, adults are finally re-entering the room.
It sounds like a cult.
Thank you for an excellent perspective. It used to be that the "alternative" social groups kids got into (think greasers, beats, hippies, goths, punks, etc.) centered around social events, music, customs of dress and ornament--all mostly things that didn't make any permanent changes to their bodies (other than the tattoos that might have gone along with some of them).
As those kids matured, those groups could also morph and change, or give way to new friend groups formed in new circumstances. The difference with trans ideology is that it addresses "identity," not just friendship and belonging. And like you say here, the need for that is created by the fact that cyberspace has taken the place of real space for so many kids and adults too.
The fact that affirming this new "identity" is considered positive and moral by people and organizations that have historically been advocates for the underdogs of society makes it especially pernicious.
I'm wondering how those of us who see the problems here can help form real-world support for parents who are experiencing this in their kids, and are looking for a way to dis-affirm their child's "new identity" and at the same time affirm their love and support for the child.
I'm happy to see the court cases and laws, but what I see as even more needed is on-the-ground, face-to-face support groups for the parents and the kids themselves: real organizations that can give the lie to the idea that non-affirming parents are enemies of their "trans" children. We also need scholarship that can investigate the historical phenomena that trans ideologs claim as showing that the current "trans" trend has some kind of deep historic tenure. (After all, all those supposed "trans" figures from history didn't have access to the "gender affirming care" that's being demanded today.
Good points. Hope I get the opportunity to ask my daughter if she thinks Joan of Arc would have been a strong warrior if she had internal organ atrophy and relied on a cane because of testosterone use.
Thank you for this reminder so simple and yet so valuable. May we who struggle with our children turn for help to him who is the Way, the Truth and the Life. Because without the Way there's no going, without the Life there's no living, without the Truth there's no knowing. Amen.
So true, these emotionally vulnerable kids are targets for these predators online. My own child was socially awkward in school and later ended up in the cult. I wouldn't allow the things that were allowed in her father's house, so she eventually turned away from me and embraced another lifestyle. It all started with a cell phone at a young age and progressed to anime, furrys, and an adopted character of pansexuality (her term not mine). We were once very close, but now she is a totally different person, like a stranger. I pray that someday the spell (brainwashing) will be broken and my beautiful child will return just like the prodigal.
"But place that same young person on a quiet farm, surrounded by cowboys and cattle dogs, and they might just be wearing boots and a hat — never once questioning their identity."
I've often said to my son (only partly in jest) that the only sure cure for the trans poison was to move to Wyoming and have your child work on a horse ranch.
Very good points. It is indeed the influence and the isolation that captures the innocent. We have all been blind-sided by the trans-cult lies. Sad but true. None of us were prepared.
Thank you for sharing. So true!
This is what happened to my son. During his school years he was way too busy with school, work, and tons of interests and activities to spend much time online. This began to change when he went to university as he was bright but struggled somewhat socially. By his third year of university, (no internet filters,) lots of the wrong influence and Covid isolation, he spent a lot of his time online and he got sucked into the trans ideology. He found that same community on campus and they were more than happy to affirm him and celebrate his new identity.
It is so so sad to see how such a wonderful young man has lost himself. I miss him.
Absolutely correct. Wonderful essay, well written and well argued. Thank you for writing and sharing.
Spot on. I used to think that the concepts of dehumanization, transhumanism and "atomization" were silly conspiracy theories I didn't need to worry about - until I did.
Hopefully this will resonate with new parents. I totally failed this one
This morning I’m lamenting the loss of my best friend of 20 years. She is still alive; we just had a falling out 2 years ago over trans ideology. She is a librarian, our daughter spent a lot of time at her house playing with her children. Their bookshelves were full of children’s books like “Princess Boy” and queer literature. I never thought anything of it, in fact I was progressive, too.
When our girls hit their teens, hers became a they/them and mine, a little younger, became a he/him (along with so many of their peers in 2019-2020.) I didn’t affirm mine, she affirmed hers. They threw a birthday party for my daughter with her initial on the cake instead of her name. It was so uncomfortable.
When it came time for my daughter’s graduation party, I was so reluctant to invite certain people who would affirm and call her by that other name, so we kept it as small as we could and stuck to mostly family. My friend texted and asked when the party is, referring to my child as “X.”
I just felt so overwhelmed and sad and unsupported, I texted back, “Her name is _______.” Then I blocked my friend for a little while, a day or two. Unblocked but didn’t say anything until probably a year afterward. I just sent another “Hope all is well” text that I send every few months, but I’m pretty sure we’re done.
I know I didn’t handle it in the most adult way. I don’t even know how to handle it. I miss my friend and the others I’ve lost because of this trainwreck of a situation.
Sorry for dumping this here, but where else can it go? This is all so…STUPID.
I agree it is very difficult to lose a long time friend over this issue. It adds insult to injury so to speak. I am blessed that my closest friends agree that the transgender trend is stupid and dangerous. So they agree with not affirming. I think the one area they maybe don't understand is why I have been so sad about this for so long. And remain in a miserable place after 9 years. My son is 24 now and started at 15. They sort of say why can't you move on? You can not control what your son chooses to do. So don't affirm, but let it go. I can not seem to get these friends, who are parents, to quite empathize with the unique loss this is. This is so different from other decisions your adult child may make that you don't approve of. A special kind of loss and disappointment. A loss and danger to your adult child encouraged by so many around them. In regard to friends I have decided to not pursue any new friendships, or even casual relationships, with anyone who would go along with this nonsense. Don't want those people in my life.
I think you handled a hopelessly insane situation as well as one possibly could. And the fact that your friend had the absolute gall to refer to YOUR daughter as "X" --- when she knew you rejected the lie --- says it all. In my opinion that is in no way someone you should trust. As for not questioning the queer literature earlier, well, it took a good two-by-four upside the head to wake a whole lot of us up.
"And the fact that your friend had the absolute gall to refer to YOUR daughter as "X" --- when she knew you rejected the lie --- says it all."
Same here. This is when I discovered some people were not my friends and were actively bad for my daughter. Some called her X behind my back before I even knew about it.
I very much sympathize. I didn't realize the trans zealots used "X" as some kind of intermediate. I may be wrong, but I assume that the new, "authentic" name has already been chosen and is in use, and that they're just hesitant to use it when communicating with non-affirming parents.
Oh, I think I communicated poorly. They were calling her the crazy boy name that I have never used.
My mistake. It's a sign of how morally superior and empowered they feel that they will actually refer to the child with the new, false name in communications with the parents. I suppose they think all parents will eventually cave to this perverse ideology. Like they did.
I really felt betrayed - by teachers and by moms of her pals who I thought were my friends. It was so shocking. Now, I guess it is commonplace.
"morally superior" - for sure. I bet most of us were supplied with National Geographic articles about how some people somewhere have always believed "born" in the "wrong body" because some guys were feminine - or something and different societies had names for that. Or, something.
So, lets call them the opposite sex with new names (cults do this - think Charles Manson), mess with their endocrine system with off label drugs and remove healthy body parts. Because?
"I didn't affirm mine, she affirmed hers."
That says it all. I am also a non-affirming parent, though I had no vote in any of this since my daughter hopped on the trans train in college.
We are finally seeing the dam break, as the story of grave medical malpractice spills out of mainstream media. Mainstream media is now reporting on the suicide myth, how it is promoted to parents. True.
Yet it is often the affirming parents that keep the trans train moving. They won't back down.
Some are parents of adults and teens. Others are parents of young children.
You’re so right, Melissa R. And others on the affirming train are the wackadoodle celebrities whose own lives suddenly become more “interesting” — to use actress Annette Bening’s phrase —when their children allegedly “choose” this alternative path. So these parents can softly pimp their children and increase their social cachet by jumping on the trans train. Their “ trans-kids” provide them with a personal ego boost and increased professional publicity at the same time. “Look at me! I’m so progressive and cool!” It’s all so sad to see.
Yes. Let's also not forget the affirming therapists and Frankenstein GAC doctors - oh, and ALL American medical associations - which are not getting off the trains train.
"Sorry for dumping this here, but where else can it go? This is all so…STUPID."
Please don't apologize. You are in the right place on PITT.
The people who need to apologize are in the schools, the clinics, the entire mental health and medical communities... the insurance companies for covering cross sex hormones...
I second this.
PITT is the place to come and pour out your heartbreak. Everyone here understands and has felt your terrible, isolating pain.
That's what community is for.
There are so many secondary losses that come as a result of this ideology. I’m so sorry this friendship was one of them.
As far as the isolation and influence piece goes…my God, does anyone remember around 2011 the articles about the Digital Divide? Propaganda about if you didn’t get these iPads and computers for your children, they’d be at such an academic disadvantage? Then schools shelled out thousands for children to get their own laptops and tablets, all for school of course. Meanwhile, Steve Jobs and his ilk wouldn’t allow their own children to have these! Well, we fell prey to that nonsense. We gave her the tablets and the computer and that $&(&! cellphone. Like mindless idiots: here you go, we trust you, here’s access to all kinds of horrific porn, grooming, God knows what else. Don’t think I totally blame the media…we GAVE her those devices. We didn’t monitor closely…because she was so smart, such a good kid, had such a good head on her shoulders. What pressure to put that expectation on a child, that they can monitor their own screen time—grown adults can’t!
We continued to send her to a public school with a GSA and “safe space” flags everywhere where all the misfits put themselves in the LGBTQ category. By the time we came to our senses, we were too late. If I could do it all over again, we would homeschool and we would have never given her unmonitored access to the internet. They do NOT need a smartphone, no matter what anyone says.
And like so many others, she dealt with the loneliness of adolescence (compounded by the pandemic) by hopping onto Discord and YouTube…same story as so many of you.
We are trying not to make the same mistake with our younger children.
All of us have so much regret and see things we would have done differently, but I just want to offer you some comfort. We did strictly monitor, (we're in tech) private Christian school with no phones allowed in classes and limited computer access. But our daughter fell into it in college. Don't beat yourself up. I think the biggest factor is most of us just didn't see the danger, we never saw this coming in society, so we couldn't warn our kids and prepare them in how to handle this when it came at them. It was a very fast social contagion. Like your daughter, mine was a good kid, intelligent, made good choices, Honors college, I never thought she would fall for something so irrational, but the colleges and society make it an esteemed path. I'm so very sorry that you are walking in this nightmare. I had a similar situation with losing my close friend, we raised our girls together. The betrayal really hurts. I'm glad you do have the chance to prepare your younger kids to face this. Hopefully this will lose it's appeal very soon.
All this. And in our public school district, they had to use Chromebooks (provided by the schools). Yes, theoretically with some kind of filters but I have no doubt our clever kids found workarounds as needed. And even in classrooms there was a fair amount of “use your cell phone to take a picture of X.”
My daughter mentioned not feeling a part of something and purpose. My words fell on deaf ears but apparently the cults words were heard loudly. It's been 3 years and 2 since drugs and a move to Sacramento. If I didn't have another adult child, I don't know what my purpose would be myself. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't cry. That I pause from happy moments recalling my once very close daughter is still out there but not really. That our entire family and community was turned upside down. Then I try to move on to the next moment and concentrate my efforts on my son, still close to his family.
For those who have lost touch with truth, they then build a life on lies. History is re-written and anything goes. Just make up more stuff and get others to join you in that life. That is what has happened to many of our kids.
Truth
This nails it. Something I find perplexing is how as therapists we are taught to consider systems’ influences on individuals- family, culture, community, etc- but for some reason with gender identity the “affirming” clinicians shove all curiosity about the client’s ecosystem in a locked box.
Foundational tenets of progressive orthodoxy are not to be questioned.