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SadMom's avatar

Letting go sounds liberating and free. But it is far from it. Letting go is so, so difficult. We didn't ever try to use other pronouns or names or otherwise affirm. She was in college and began 'T', so when the first couple of visits showed up on our insurance statements, we cancelled her from our policy. Leaving her on it would have affirmed, which went against our beliefs. We have been estranged and not seen or talked to each other for over 11 years now (her choice). It is still heartbreaking, but either way, we have lost our daughter. Letting go was right for us. I hope you will find peace with it.

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Helene's avatar

It's called being done. And rightfully so.

You have done your job and you tried your very best.

Now you have the right to live your life free of emotional blackmail, proud of your beliefs and liberated from the torturous self destructive mental anguish that comes with constantly worrying about what the future holds for your kids. It's not sustainable, might shorten your life span and it's not fair for all the sacrificial love and tender care you have given your girls all those years.

You are right on when it comes to ceasing all financial and insurance support. Ditto with using her real name and (real) gender appropriate pronouns. No amount of compliance or coddling will ever get you affection or respect.

Actually the opposite. Make sure you let her know though, that 1) you'll always love her 2) you won't keep her in your insurance plan and support her financially like parents usually do since she doesn't perceive you as being her parents 3) You would have loved staying in touch and have fellowship times. But as a result of her constant ghosting and no contact behaviors towards you, you will not try contacting her unless initiated by her

There was nothing my dad could have done to get me out of the insanity. Only the" stick of reality" as you call it, did the trick after many years.

Wishing your husband and yourself a lot of peace and happiness as you start your new life.

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