This is the conclusion of a 3 part essay. You can find parts 1 and two at the following links: Part 1: A World Turned Upside Down, Part 2: A World of Live Daughters and Sons I am the mother of both an older teenage son and a young adult daughter. My son was diagnosed with leukemia two years ago and is still in active treatment. My daughter announced a transgender identity six months after my son’s diagnosis. Thankfully she seems to be desisting. Having one child with cancer and one with gender confusion has given me next level anxiety. There have been many days when I can barely get out of bed and function, and may not have except for how much care my son needs. To say that these past two years have been the hardest of my life might be the understatement of the century. In order to survive these ordeals I’ve had to compartmentalize my separate roles as a cancer mom and ROGD mom.
These three essays are so honest and well cited! As usual the PITT community shows what nuance, bravery and good parenting actually looks like! Thank you for sharing your story!
I learned this weekend of my daughter's friend having a double mastectomy and starting on testosterone. I had hoped that she wouldn't do that. Somehow, learning about it on Mother's Day made it worse. This friend is engaged to another "transman" (read: lesbian) and they're in a poly amorous relationship. I'm in Utah, as well.
Thank you for writing this awesome article. I'd like to get in touch privately since we're in the same state. I have some questions about the transgender issues here.
Incredible that you are still standing. Great piece. I actually read aloud to my husband the paragraph where you describe the gung-ho mother with the crying son, trying everything to convince her son to "comply" and get the puberty-blocker inserted . . . Yes, it's going to be very hard for parents on the affirming side to come to terms with what they have agreed to . . .
Yes, yes, yes. Most of the affirming parents will never admit to being wrong. But the ones who do? They'll become OUR best zealots. They'll be among those who sue the bejesus out of those arrogant clinicians.
Thank you so much for telling your story; it needs to be heard. You have the perfect set of circumstances to share from, with one child so definitely needing medical intervention and support and one who thinks she does. There are no surgical or medication protocols that will "cure" a mental health disorder, and I pray that your girl will emerge in the end as physically unscathed as she can. And yes, if you are forcing your "trans kid" into treatment, WTF is wrong with you?
"To “affirm” children sounds very positive, until you realize that all you are really doing is colluding with an immature brain that has come up with a false conclusion because you can’t be born in the “wrong” body." https://lucyleader.substack.com/p/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-parents
I hate that invented term "gender-affirming care", and the way the mainstream media has bought into it and is spreading it as established scientific fact with no questions asked.
There's nothing "affirming" about perpetuating a delusion. REAL gender-affirming care would be helping a child or teen become comfortable in the gender of the body they are in, to include exploration of why they felt uncomfortable with it in the first place.
From what I've been reading, young people are giving some pretty flimsy reasons for suddenly deciding they're trans -- if they can even articulate a reason at all. Instant affirmation in those cases is madness.
In bed now and so depressed that I can’t unlock my body from the bed. My daughter thinks she’s a transman when she’s really depressed. She’s with a psychopath who got her in so much trouble and I have no one to talk to because everyone’s crazy. I’m so scared for tomorrow. I can’t breathe. I can’t believe this is happening. She was so smart and healthy but ever since she became trans she’s sick and on so many pharmaceuticals and other drugs. How is this happening? How can people be this insanely cruel? It’s psychotic.
Beautifully written. Yes, anyone who wants it can have this experience. I’d gladly give it up. Very thankful that you’re on the other side of the worst of it with both of your precious children.
I have optimism. But I think it will get worse before it gets better. There is too much money in treatment. Too much social media control of the stories. The people who got mutilated by this and speak out are only covered on right of center news sources.
Really excellent. Thank you. I'm not so optimistic as to believe we're at the howling phase yet, but when I hear this from clear-headed people like you, it gives me hope that we will get there.
Thank you for writing this. I need all the prayers and support I can get. Next Tuesday,May 16 there is a final reading at the Nebraska State Legislature to ban surgeries on children under 19. I would like to see the medications gone but one step at time. They are making more stringent rules on how to get the drugs but we all know there are work arounds for those who really want them. Thanks again for writing how worlds collide because I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone.
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt story. You are clearly a devoted, strong-hearted, and clear-minded parent and the world needs more of you!!!
It struck me reading this that some of the affirming parents may be a bit like the Munchausen by Proxy moms, even if unintentionally. They want the struggle, the sympathy, the support group, much in the same way our ROGD kids want a place to fit in and feel special.
Great series. I hope we get to "the prosecution of the zealots", but I'm not optimistic -- too many extremely cheerleaders. The same institutions that are pushing this ideology today will close ranks and insist that they never did so when the consensus flips.
There has been no political accountability for defunding police. No military accountability for 20 years of lying in Afghanistan. No economic accountability for turning corporations into social justice vehicles. Mark my words: there will be no prosecutions. Which means it will fall to us (the non elites) to remember who did this and persecute them instead. A commenter here recently suggested a grassroots blacklist of people and entities that pushed the trans lunacy. That's a great start.
Thank you so much! Your essays were very insightful, tugged at my heart strings, infuriated me with the bare truth, and at times the detail descriptions of your sons chemo treatments was almost too difficult to read. God bless you and your family - I cannot imagine what you have endured. The message from the trans mother who forced her healthy child to take the puberty blockers was unbearable - shame on her and she deserves all the karma the world has to offer. The media is making such an ordeal about the "poor" trans and LGBQT movement that it is sickening. They are supporting a deadly cause and what's pathetic is when the tide turns and the prosecution of the monsters begins they will be right there supporting the monsters. We will win this war! The good guys always win!
Don't blame all LGBs--this is not done in their name. The 'trans' activists forced-teamed the T onto the LGB for greater acceptance of the T but they are not the same thing. But how else would the male, heterosexual, cross-dresser sexual fetishists hoodwink people into thinking it was Gay 2.0 and the next civil right? Of course they would obfuscate and gaslight the public to legalize their paraphilias and sexual fetish play on the public stage. Lesbian feminists have been calling out the dangers of 'trans' and the sexual fetishists for decades and continue to do so and have been threatened and de-platformed and vilified for it. It is a dangerous, destructive ideology and movement and misogynist and homophobic to its core.
I hope the LGBs are soul searching a bit. It WAS done in their name- the first three letters of the alphabet soup.
I am forced to soul search how third wave feminism paved the way for this.
What the straight men must think I can only guess. They took a lot of flack for the last 30. The best amount them could not help but feel some schedenfeude to see women placed as oppressors.
I will tell you who does not need to 'soul' search and that is the lesbian feminists, the rad fems who have been calling out the dangers of 'trans' even before Janice Raymond, the lesbian feminist professor at the U of Mass, wrote her book, The Transsexual Empire, in 1979 (before the rebranding to 'transgender'). And the LGB legacy advocacy orgs and women's rights legacy orgs were bought out by the 'trans' money and the LGB orgs were parasitized to advance the 'trans' 'gender identity' agenda. And the 'trans' movement, unlike the LGB equality movement, was a top-down, astro-turfed enterprise.
The links below will give you an historical perspective. The activists did not represent the average LGB in promoting the 'trans' agenda but they could not stop the forced-teaming of the T onto the LGB. And most LGBs were just living their lives and were not aware of what the activists were doing b/c they were not part of any of the orgs.
But I will tell you what does give some LGBs some schadenfreude and that is that the primary drivers of the 'trans' agenda are the male, heterosexual, cross-dresser sexual fetishists, autogynephiles/transvestic fetishists--that is not on the LGBs. LGBs are the victims of the 'trans' movement especially children and young people who are lied to and told they were 'born in the wrong body' and need to be 'fixed' b/c they don't fit old sex stereotypes and/or are same-sex attracted. The pervy, porn-sick heterosexual male sexual fetishists who claim to be lesbian and shame lesbians for not sleeping w/ them are particularly insufferable (see the 'Cotton Ceiling'). These delusional men claim 'gender identity' is the next civil right--it is not--fetishes are not worthy of legal protection so predatory men can publicly parade their sexual fetishes and invade women's single-sex spaces and supplant women's sex-based rights and opportunities.
So helpful to have this re-iterated. It's hard to feel alone with all the propaganda. So, thank you, T Lister. Let's all keep getting this info out there. The LGB community is yet another casualty of the trans ideology.
I read all of the articles here to receive a dose of reality that I do not get in our world. Thank you all.
These three essays are so honest and well cited! As usual the PITT community shows what nuance, bravery and good parenting actually looks like! Thank you for sharing your story!
I learned this weekend of my daughter's friend having a double mastectomy and starting on testosterone. I had hoped that she wouldn't do that. Somehow, learning about it on Mother's Day made it worse. This friend is engaged to another "transman" (read: lesbian) and they're in a poly amorous relationship. I'm in Utah, as well.
Thank you for writing this awesome article. I'd like to get in touch privately since we're in the same state. I have some questions about the transgender issues here.
Incredible that you are still standing. Great piece. I actually read aloud to my husband the paragraph where you describe the gung-ho mother with the crying son, trying everything to convince her son to "comply" and get the puberty-blocker inserted . . . Yes, it's going to be very hard for parents on the affirming side to come to terms with what they have agreed to . . .
Yes, yes, yes. Most of the affirming parents will never admit to being wrong. But the ones who do? They'll become OUR best zealots. They'll be among those who sue the bejesus out of those arrogant clinicians.
Thank you so much for telling your story; it needs to be heard. You have the perfect set of circumstances to share from, with one child so definitely needing medical intervention and support and one who thinks she does. There are no surgical or medication protocols that will "cure" a mental health disorder, and I pray that your girl will emerge in the end as physically unscathed as she can. And yes, if you are forcing your "trans kid" into treatment, WTF is wrong with you?
"To “affirm” children sounds very positive, until you realize that all you are really doing is colluding with an immature brain that has come up with a false conclusion because you can’t be born in the “wrong” body." https://lucyleader.substack.com/p/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-parents
I hate that invented term "gender-affirming care", and the way the mainstream media has bought into it and is spreading it as established scientific fact with no questions asked.
There's nothing "affirming" about perpetuating a delusion. REAL gender-affirming care would be helping a child or teen become comfortable in the gender of the body they are in, to include exploration of why they felt uncomfortable with it in the first place.
From what I've been reading, young people are giving some pretty flimsy reasons for suddenly deciding they're trans -- if they can even articulate a reason at all. Instant affirmation in those cases is madness.
In bed now and so depressed that I can’t unlock my body from the bed. My daughter thinks she’s a transman when she’s really depressed. She’s with a psychopath who got her in so much trouble and I have no one to talk to because everyone’s crazy. I’m so scared for tomorrow. I can’t breathe. I can’t believe this is happening. She was so smart and healthy but ever since she became trans she’s sick and on so many pharmaceuticals and other drugs. How is this happening? How can people be this insanely cruel? It’s psychotic.
I am so sorry. We are here for you!
What a heart-rending and gut-wrenching story. May you have the strength to carry on and be that strength and love and care for your kids.
And for the daughters and the women in sports the deadline to comment is May 15th. https://womensliberationfront.salsalabs.org/titleixregulatorycommentsmay2023_correction?wvpId=0cb1f62f-1aff-4f24-8bb8-686702128b40
Best thing I’ve read on this site…and that’s saying something. Kudos and hugs to you….your children hit the mom lottery.
Beautifully written. Yes, anyone who wants it can have this experience. I’d gladly give it up. Very thankful that you’re on the other side of the worst of it with both of your precious children.
I have optimism. But I think it will get worse before it gets better. There is too much money in treatment. Too much social media control of the stories. The people who got mutilated by this and speak out are only covered on right of center news sources.
Really excellent. Thank you. I'm not so optimistic as to believe we're at the howling phase yet, but when I hear this from clear-headed people like you, it gives me hope that we will get there.
Thank you for writing this. I need all the prayers and support I can get. Next Tuesday,May 16 there is a final reading at the Nebraska State Legislature to ban surgeries on children under 19. I would like to see the medications gone but one step at time. They are making more stringent rules on how to get the drugs but we all know there are work arounds for those who really want them. Thanks again for writing how worlds collide because I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone.
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt story. You are clearly a devoted, strong-hearted, and clear-minded parent and the world needs more of you!!!
It struck me reading this that some of the affirming parents may be a bit like the Munchausen by Proxy moms, even if unintentionally. They want the struggle, the sympathy, the support group, much in the same way our ROGD kids want a place to fit in and feel special.
Interesting take..are affirming dyed-in-the-wool parents doing this to find a community, to meet their own social needs? Perhaps.
Yup
Great series. I hope we get to "the prosecution of the zealots", but I'm not optimistic -- too many extremely cheerleaders. The same institutions that are pushing this ideology today will close ranks and insist that they never did so when the consensus flips.
There has been no political accountability for defunding police. No military accountability for 20 years of lying in Afghanistan. No economic accountability for turning corporations into social justice vehicles. Mark my words: there will be no prosecutions. Which means it will fall to us (the non elites) to remember who did this and persecute them instead. A commenter here recently suggested a grassroots blacklist of people and entities that pushed the trans lunacy. That's a great start.
Thank you so much! Your essays were very insightful, tugged at my heart strings, infuriated me with the bare truth, and at times the detail descriptions of your sons chemo treatments was almost too difficult to read. God bless you and your family - I cannot imagine what you have endured. The message from the trans mother who forced her healthy child to take the puberty blockers was unbearable - shame on her and she deserves all the karma the world has to offer. The media is making such an ordeal about the "poor" trans and LGBQT movement that it is sickening. They are supporting a deadly cause and what's pathetic is when the tide turns and the prosecution of the monsters begins they will be right there supporting the monsters. We will win this war! The good guys always win!
Don't blame all LGBs--this is not done in their name. The 'trans' activists forced-teamed the T onto the LGB for greater acceptance of the T but they are not the same thing. But how else would the male, heterosexual, cross-dresser sexual fetishists hoodwink people into thinking it was Gay 2.0 and the next civil right? Of course they would obfuscate and gaslight the public to legalize their paraphilias and sexual fetish play on the public stage. Lesbian feminists have been calling out the dangers of 'trans' and the sexual fetishists for decades and continue to do so and have been threatened and de-platformed and vilified for it. It is a dangerous, destructive ideology and movement and misogynist and homophobic to its core.
I hope the LGBs are soul searching a bit. It WAS done in their name- the first three letters of the alphabet soup.
I am forced to soul search how third wave feminism paved the way for this.
What the straight men must think I can only guess. They took a lot of flack for the last 30. The best amount them could not help but feel some schedenfeude to see women placed as oppressors.
I will tell you who does not need to 'soul' search and that is the lesbian feminists, the rad fems who have been calling out the dangers of 'trans' even before Janice Raymond, the lesbian feminist professor at the U of Mass, wrote her book, The Transsexual Empire, in 1979 (before the rebranding to 'transgender'). And the LGB legacy advocacy orgs and women's rights legacy orgs were bought out by the 'trans' money and the LGB orgs were parasitized to advance the 'trans' 'gender identity' agenda. And the 'trans' movement, unlike the LGB equality movement, was a top-down, astro-turfed enterprise.
The links below will give you an historical perspective. The activists did not represent the average LGB in promoting the 'trans' agenda but they could not stop the forced-teaming of the T onto the LGB. And most LGBs were just living their lives and were not aware of what the activists were doing b/c they were not part of any of the orgs.
But I will tell you what does give some LGBs some schadenfreude and that is that the primary drivers of the 'trans' agenda are the male, heterosexual, cross-dresser sexual fetishists, autogynephiles/transvestic fetishists--that is not on the LGBs. LGBs are the victims of the 'trans' movement especially children and young people who are lied to and told they were 'born in the wrong body' and need to be 'fixed' b/c they don't fit old sex stereotypes and/or are same-sex attracted. The pervy, porn-sick heterosexual male sexual fetishists who claim to be lesbian and shame lesbians for not sleeping w/ them are particularly insufferable (see the 'Cotton Ceiling'). These delusional men claim 'gender identity' is the next civil right--it is not--fetishes are not worthy of legal protection so predatory men can publicly parade their sexual fetishes and invade women's single-sex spaces and supplant women's sex-based rights and opportunities.
https://meghanmurphy.substack.com/p/its-the-funding-stupid ; https://karadansky.substack.com/p/who-is-behind-the-trans-agenda? ; https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BkIQTu7BV2nifZ3sbSFpS7spWb9od3YU/view ; https://www.thedistancemag.com/p/conservative-men-in-conservative? And See LGB United, Reduxxdotinfo, The 11th Hour Blog, Women's Liberation Front, Women's Declaration International US, LGB Alliance, gays against groomers, 4thwavenow, great interview w/ Helen Joyce, author of "Trans, When Ideology Meets Reality" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xUrtNW6Fzo
So helpful to have this re-iterated. It's hard to feel alone with all the propaganda. So, thank you, T Lister. Let's all keep getting this info out there. The LGB community is yet another casualty of the trans ideology.
Oh! I hope there will be a decoupling then, of the LGB from the T. That will be something to look forward to this June for the Pride month.
Shout it from the rooftops. I totally get your points. Minus blaming men again.