This is the conclusion of a 3 part essay. You can find parts 1 and two at the following links: Part 1: A World Turned Upside Down, Part 2: A World of Live Daughters and Sons I am the mother of both an older teenage son and a young adult daughter. My son was diagnosed with leukemia two years ago and is still in active treatment. My daughter announced a transgender identity six months after my son’s diagnosis. Thankfully she seems to be desisting. Having one child with cancer and one with gender confusion has given me next level anxiety. There have been many days when I can barely get out of bed and function, and may not have except for how much care my son needs. To say that these past two years have been the hardest of my life might be the understatement of the century. In order to survive these ordeals I’ve had to compartmentalize my separate roles as a cancer mom and ROGD mom.
You should write a book to go public. You write beautifully and your voice needs to be heard. You speak for all of us and we all need to be heard. Love you friend ❤ and I pray your son is soon and always cancer free and your daughter becomes unafraid to be HER true self as a young woman. Perhaps she can one day join us in our fight for the truth.🙏
These three essays are so honest and well cited! As usual the PITT community shows what nuance, bravery and good parenting actually looks like! Thank you for sharing your story!
I learned this weekend of my daughter's friend having a double mastectomy and starting on testosterone. I had hoped that she wouldn't do that. Somehow, learning about it on Mother's Day made it worse. This friend is engaged to another "transman" (read: lesbian) and they're in a poly amorous relationship. I'm in Utah, as well.
Thank you for writing this awesome article. I'd like to get in touch privately since we're in the same state. I have some questions about the transgender issues here.
Incredible that you are still standing. Great piece. I actually read aloud to my husband the paragraph where you describe the gung-ho mother with the crying son, trying everything to convince her son to "comply" and get the puberty-blocker inserted . . . Yes, it's going to be very hard for parents on the affirming side to come to terms with what they have agreed to . . .
Yes, yes, yes. Most of the affirming parents will never admit to being wrong. But the ones who do? They'll become OUR best zealots. They'll be among those who sue the bejesus out of those arrogant clinicians.
Thank you so much for telling your story; it needs to be heard. You have the perfect set of circumstances to share from, with one child so definitely needing medical intervention and support and one who thinks she does. There are no surgical or medication protocols that will "cure" a mental health disorder, and I pray that your girl will emerge in the end as physically unscathed as she can. And yes, if you are forcing your "trans kid" into treatment, WTF is wrong with you?
"To “affirm” children sounds very positive, until you realize that all you are really doing is colluding with an immature brain that has come up with a false conclusion because you can’t be born in the “wrong” body." https://lucyleader.substack.com/p/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-parents
I hate that invented term "gender-affirming care", and the way the mainstream media has bought into it and is spreading it as established scientific fact with no questions asked.
There's nothing "affirming" about perpetuating a delusion. REAL gender-affirming care would be helping a child or teen become comfortable in the gender of the body they are in, to include exploration of why they felt uncomfortable with it in the first place.
From what I've been reading, young people are giving some pretty flimsy reasons for suddenly deciding they're trans -- if they can even articulate a reason at all. Instant affirmation in those cases is madness.
In bed now and so depressed that I can’t unlock my body from the bed. My daughter thinks she’s a transman when she’s really depressed. She’s with a psychopath who got her in so much trouble and I have no one to talk to because everyone’s crazy. I’m so scared for tomorrow. I can’t breathe. I can’t believe this is happening. She was so smart and healthy but ever since she became trans she’s sick and on so many pharmaceuticals and other drugs. How is this happening? How can people be this insanely cruel? It’s psychotic.
Yes & then you have to really wonder at the inhumanity of the medical personnel. They are not blind. They should be able to see the harm they are inflicting.
My conclusion: they lost their basic humanity at some point. Probably they lost it some place between taking their MCAT and when they deposited their salary paycheck after graduating medical school.
Hubris is an ancient human weakness. Doctors playing god are stupid. Plain & simple. Stupidity leads to evil.
To be fair, not all of them are monsters, some are fully-committed zealots like the parents, and couldn't bear to contemplate the idea that they were wrong all along. In some ways it's worse for them - it wasn't their own kids but they've harmed HUNDREDS of them not just one...
Beautifully written. Yes, anyone who wants it can have this experience. I’d gladly give it up. Very thankful that you’re on the other side of the worst of it with both of your precious children.
I have optimism. But I think it will get worse before it gets better. There is too much money in treatment. Too much social media control of the stories. The people who got mutilated by this and speak out are only covered on right of center news sources.
Really excellent. Thank you. I'm not so optimistic as to believe we're at the howling phase yet, but when I hear this from clear-headed people like you, it gives me hope that we will get there.
Thank you for writing this. I need all the prayers and support I can get. Next Tuesday,May 16 there is a final reading at the Nebraska State Legislature to ban surgeries on children under 19. I would like to see the medications gone but one step at time. They are making more stringent rules on how to get the drugs but we all know there are work arounds for those who really want them. Thanks again for writing how worlds collide because I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone.
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt story. You are clearly a devoted, strong-hearted, and clear-minded parent and the world needs more of you!!!
It struck me reading this that some of the affirming parents may be a bit like the Munchausen by Proxy moms, even if unintentionally. They want the struggle, the sympathy, the support group, much in the same way our ROGD kids want a place to fit in and feel special.
I read all of the articles here to receive a dose of reality that I do not get in our world. Thank you all.
You should write a book to go public. You write beautifully and your voice needs to be heard. You speak for all of us and we all need to be heard. Love you friend ❤ and I pray your son is soon and always cancer free and your daughter becomes unafraid to be HER true self as a young woman. Perhaps she can one day join us in our fight for the truth.🙏
These three essays are so honest and well cited! As usual the PITT community shows what nuance, bravery and good parenting actually looks like! Thank you for sharing your story!
I learned this weekend of my daughter's friend having a double mastectomy and starting on testosterone. I had hoped that she wouldn't do that. Somehow, learning about it on Mother's Day made it worse. This friend is engaged to another "transman" (read: lesbian) and they're in a poly amorous relationship. I'm in Utah, as well.
Thank you for writing this awesome article. I'd like to get in touch privately since we're in the same state. I have some questions about the transgender issues here.
Incredible that you are still standing. Great piece. I actually read aloud to my husband the paragraph where you describe the gung-ho mother with the crying son, trying everything to convince her son to "comply" and get the puberty-blocker inserted . . . Yes, it's going to be very hard for parents on the affirming side to come to terms with what they have agreed to . . .
Yes, yes, yes. Most of the affirming parents will never admit to being wrong. But the ones who do? They'll become OUR best zealots. They'll be among those who sue the bejesus out of those arrogant clinicians.
Thank you so much for telling your story; it needs to be heard. You have the perfect set of circumstances to share from, with one child so definitely needing medical intervention and support and one who thinks she does. There are no surgical or medication protocols that will "cure" a mental health disorder, and I pray that your girl will emerge in the end as physically unscathed as she can. And yes, if you are forcing your "trans kid" into treatment, WTF is wrong with you?
"To “affirm” children sounds very positive, until you realize that all you are really doing is colluding with an immature brain that has come up with a false conclusion because you can’t be born in the “wrong” body." https://lucyleader.substack.com/p/what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-parents
I hate that invented term "gender-affirming care", and the way the mainstream media has bought into it and is spreading it as established scientific fact with no questions asked.
There's nothing "affirming" about perpetuating a delusion. REAL gender-affirming care would be helping a child or teen become comfortable in the gender of the body they are in, to include exploration of why they felt uncomfortable with it in the first place.
From what I've been reading, young people are giving some pretty flimsy reasons for suddenly deciding they're trans -- if they can even articulate a reason at all. Instant affirmation in those cases is madness.
In bed now and so depressed that I can’t unlock my body from the bed. My daughter thinks she’s a transman when she’s really depressed. She’s with a psychopath who got her in so much trouble and I have no one to talk to because everyone’s crazy. I’m so scared for tomorrow. I can’t breathe. I can’t believe this is happening. She was so smart and healthy but ever since she became trans she’s sick and on so many pharmaceuticals and other drugs. How is this happening? How can people be this insanely cruel? It’s psychotic.
I am so sorry. We are here for you!
What a heart-rending and gut-wrenching story. May you have the strength to carry on and be that strength and love and care for your kids.
And for the daughters and the women in sports the deadline to comment is May 15th. https://womensliberationfront.salsalabs.org/titleixregulatorycommentsmay2023_correction?wvpId=0cb1f62f-1aff-4f24-8bb8-686702128b40
Thanks! I commented!
Best thing I’ve read on this site…and that’s saying something. Kudos and hugs to you….your children hit the mom lottery.
Yes & then you have to really wonder at the inhumanity of the medical personnel. They are not blind. They should be able to see the harm they are inflicting.
My conclusion: they lost their basic humanity at some point. Probably they lost it some place between taking their MCAT and when they deposited their salary paycheck after graduating medical school.
Hubris is an ancient human weakness. Doctors playing god are stupid. Plain & simple. Stupidity leads to evil.
To be fair, not all of them are monsters, some are fully-committed zealots like the parents, and couldn't bear to contemplate the idea that they were wrong all along. In some ways it's worse for them - it wasn't their own kids but they've harmed HUNDREDS of them not just one...
Beautifully written. Yes, anyone who wants it can have this experience. I’d gladly give it up. Very thankful that you’re on the other side of the worst of it with both of your precious children.
I have optimism. But I think it will get worse before it gets better. There is too much money in treatment. Too much social media control of the stories. The people who got mutilated by this and speak out are only covered on right of center news sources.
Really excellent. Thank you. I'm not so optimistic as to believe we're at the howling phase yet, but when I hear this from clear-headed people like you, it gives me hope that we will get there.
Thank you for writing this. I need all the prayers and support I can get. Next Tuesday,May 16 there is a final reading at the Nebraska State Legislature to ban surgeries on children under 19. I would like to see the medications gone but one step at time. They are making more stringent rules on how to get the drugs but we all know there are work arounds for those who really want them. Thanks again for writing how worlds collide because I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone.
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt story. You are clearly a devoted, strong-hearted, and clear-minded parent and the world needs more of you!!!
It struck me reading this that some of the affirming parents may be a bit like the Munchausen by Proxy moms, even if unintentionally. They want the struggle, the sympathy, the support group, much in the same way our ROGD kids want a place to fit in and feel special.
Interesting take..are affirming dyed-in-the-wool parents doing this to find a community, to meet their own social needs? Perhaps.
Yup