My only child, my son, is out there somewhere, lost in a mixed-up world and I can’t find him. I lost him about six years ago, at age 18, after his sudden announcement of a trans identity. He left the comfort of his home and the love of his family to pursue a life he thought he needed.
We had been estranged for about five months, just after he’d turned 20, when he legally changed his name, started on cross-sex hormones and cut me off. Don’t get me wrong, we’re not estranged now. We’re just a heartbroken family. He’s now nearly 25 but he feels like a total stranger. Gone are the amazing features he had. He was a very handsome young man. All we see now is a chubby face, long hair, pierced ears and breasts. Gone is the sweet natured, loving boy he always was. Hormones have put a stop to that. He’s snappy, rude at times and not somebody I recognise any longer.
Our time spent together as a family is now just a weekly telephone call and a brief visit at Christmas. He no longer sees uncles, cousins or any other family members, only me, his dad and grandmother. Nobody else knows. As sad as that sounds, I’m quite relieved as it breaks my heart seeing him now. I no longer recognise him. I gave birth to a son nearly 25 years ago and it’s as if he’s vanished, disappeared. I’m grieving for a son I no longer have. It’s like a death but with no closure.
Where is my funny, kind, loving, quirky autistic son?
If you find him, please send him home. We love and miss him x
Peace and love to all of you!!!
I too am in the same boat as all of you…after reading the comments I know I’m not alone…that’s comforting in an odd way…but the thought that keeps coming to my mind is; I wonder if this is even a tiny fraction of what our father in heaven feels when we stray from his truth!!! My god, I hurt, how does he feel?!