Where is My Son?
My only child, my son, is out there somewhere, lost in a mixed-up world and I can’t find him. I lost him about six years ago, at age 18, after his sudden announcement of a trans identity. He left the comfort of his home and the love of his family to pursue a life he thought he needed.
We had been estranged for about five months, just after he’d turned 20, when he legally changed his name, started on cross-sex hormones and cut me off. Don’t get me wrong, we’re not estranged now. We’re just a heartbroken family. He’s now nearly 25 but he feels like a total stranger. Gone are the amazing features he had. He was a very handsome young man. All we see now is a chubby face, long hair, pierced ears and breasts. Gone is the sweet natured, loving boy he always was. Hormones have put a stop to that. He’s snappy, rude at times and not somebody I recognise any longer.
Our time spent together as a family is now just a weekly telephone call and a brief visit at Christmas. He no longer sees uncles, cousins or any other family members, only me, his dad and grandmother. Nobody else knows. As sad as that sounds, I’m quite relieved as it breaks my heart seeing him now. I no longer recognise him. I gave birth to a son nearly 25 years ago and it’s as if he’s vanished, disappeared. I’m grieving for a son I no longer have. It’s like a death but with no closure.
Where is my funny, kind, loving, quirky autistic son?
If you find him, please send him home. We love and miss him x
It is like a death with no closure. There is a name for it, ambiguous loss. I don't recognize my daughter now either. Those of us who have lost our kids to gender ideology understand the feeling well. An ideology that creates this riff and grief is a tragedy. (And let's not forget the diminished health that the kids experience from cross-sex hormones). It is all so sad.
Let’s hope he’s in there and will surface one day. That he calls weekly tells you he’s not ready to be adrift completely. He doesn’t sound content or fulfilled. From what we’ve read, being trans is a difficult life with little joy. Your son, as all do, changes as life continues and the child you had and cherished exists in memories. And, he has them as well even if repressed. Stay hopeful. And pray for peace.