My only child, my son, is out there somewhere, lost in a mixed-up world and I can’t find him. I lost him about six years ago, at age 18, after his sudden announcement of a trans identity. He left the comfort of his home and the love of his family to pursue a life he thought he needed.
I too am in the same boat as all of you…after reading the comments I know I’m not alone…that’s comforting in an odd way…but the thought that keeps coming to my mind is; I wonder if this is even a tiny fraction of what our father in heaven feels when we stray from his truth!!! My god, I hurt, how does he feel?!
We call the particular grief experienced by parents of a trans identifying child "Fragmented Grief" - some have said it is worse than bereavement, for it has no closure.
I understand. My son went to prom as a female. I knew nothing. He stayed home for 3 years of college, started hormones without my knowledge - I found them. Trashed me, left mid covid lockdown. Long story short - he's far away in another State, been castrated, is a narcissist, cut me off when I was diagnosed with cancer. Is engaged to a nast lesbian. I love him, but he's totally changed. My handsome young man is not there.
II hope you will find him. While they are lost, we never know how long it will be. I know the pain. My son left at 23. But he came back almost a year ago at 26. A year later, little things come out about how the queer community (let me preface that by the current, woke, queer community, not people our age) tells them that they are all they need. Not their family. I pray your son will miss you and his dad, his aunts, uncles and cousins. That he will be exhausted of always having to try so hard. May I encourage you to try to go on with your life, do things with people (still sometimes so hard for me), do something interesting you can tell him about, something growth oriented a class or conference, so he can see you living. I know it's nearly impossible at times to think about pursuing joy. But your engaging in life can help him remember what he is missing. I'm very sorry. It hurts like no other offense or pain. Keep you head up, your eyes on your future, and keep hoping, and praying. We are here too.
I will do all I can to get him to not medicalize, but right now he is barely talking to us. I worry that if we go in too hard (he supressed this for a year because of our comments last time) he will just not talk to us. We are afraid of cutting off all support will just give hiim the validation to go all in without our voices being able to warn him. I tried to provide him with information and he debates and argues (again he is brilliant and scientific and an excellent debator and has researched this issue - mainly to prove he is right) and throws other information to me that says transition is the only solution. He says detransitioners are a low number. He will only read peer reviewed studies from me that say transition doesn't work (which are hard to find). He is depressed and self loathing. He can just go to planned parenthood and get HRT and we won't even know (which is the part that it is hard to fight against).
I remember explaining the concepts of the placebo effect and self fulfilling prophesy before everything went nuts. But those lessons appear to never have sunk in.
Not that it would work, because it won't, but I'd ask for long term studies showing the speedy affirmation only model is beneficial. They don't exist.
You'll get references to studies done before this took off on Tumblr but those are a different treatment model and extremely small.
One reason why it's referred to as a cult is actual scientific work on it will just be called transphobic and ignored.
I saw a theory yesterday that part of the push of this into social media came from 4chan posters trolling kids into doing it. If you read the recent WPATH stuff, there's a section that reads like some guy with a castration fetish wrote it.
The hospitals with their medical doctors harm babies in the womb and right after they're born. All these new "disabilities" like ADHD, Transgenderism (a lot of money behind that promotion)are inflicted on the very young. Another psychopathic war against the hospital born babies and drugs given to the mother plus physical and mental abuse of the innocent is crippling.
In 1960, they drugged my mother with morphine she told me later on that they shoved a mask on her face when she entered the hospital) when she was ready to give birth to me. She was unable to attach to me. I constantly acted recklessly and hurt myself as a child. Ran away from Mom many times. How could they drug a mother about to give birth? In my adulthood I was given a diagnosis of alphabet soup ADHD. I was never a lesbian but attached myself to one for many years. I feel deeply for these young people. They are surely suffering. When you haven't experienced your outcome of the satanic medical monopoly until older, when more regrets than successes fill ones heart, that is when it is too late to change your course. I hope these young adults read this and stop the self abuse. Get Right now! Don't waste your lives. You only have one life!
I don’t think I said it was “cruel to reject them”; I made the case to love the person we know they really are.
I think my point was that we miss the kids we know are trapped and deceived. It is a life in crisis that goes to these extremes. No, I do not allow my daughter who thinks she’s really a male disrespect me, be spiteful or rude to me. But that is boundary making & she knows our rules. I do not call her “he they them”or whatever and I do not very often use the preferred name. We have agreed that it is unreasonable to expect it from a parent we now have grace with each other. She doesn’t like it, nor does her partner but she knows we love her and do not want to be pushed out. We haven’t seen her in 3 years. They block us from going yo see them, not sure which one of them is, but we talk briefly every week. This hasn’t always been the case.By firm loving boundaries and refusing to give up on this beautiful person who was entrusted to us at birth and choosing to love this human, in spite of things, has opened some very good dialog and is rebuilding trust. I know her heart, and she is lost, and if she ever wants out of her prison we are ready with open arms. This is what I’m saying our children need to know. They innately know deep down what they are doing is wrong and self destructive. I won’t participate in hateful responses that are unproductive. It goes against my spirit. It doesn’t make me weak. I will never agree to what she’s done to her life. She is medically disabled from this. I don’t need you or anyone to agree, I need only to follow my conscience. When I brought her into this world I committed to a lifetime of unconditional love, even when it’s hard for her to accept that it means I won’t live a lie, or for me to have to let her have her freedom to live her lie. I am heartbroken, I carry a great burden, I feel compelled to sound the alarm to other parents, but also I will never give up hope and I will always believe in the strength of her spirit to rise again and find herself. There is enough rejection in this world without families rejecting their own.
Your story makes me so sad because it is my story too, although I haven't seen my son for over two years and I don't know how I would feel should I see him now. It must be soul destroying to see the damage that has been done to your son
I'm sorry you are having to endure such pain and anguish! I know too well your story. Prayers that our lost boys come back and remember who they really are!
Oh I feel your pain! I woke up this morning and cried in the shower because I miss my “baby girl” so much! She’s becoming a stranger, always on the verge of anger, never happy. I miss her sooo much and she lives in my house. It’s just incredibly soul detroyingly sad.
Thank you for this piece. It is beautifully written. My son is gone too. He left my home a year and a half ago, came home beginning of May for 1 month, I helped him get his drivers license (at 18) and, one day while I was at work he packed up and left again…. With only a very cryptic note. I am grieving all over again. There was no argument, nothing. He knows I don’t agree with him taking hormones but it was not something we talked about at all. Everything seemed copacetic. I’m confused and missing my son.
I'm so sorry that happened. I doubt it was something you did. He's confused and when we're there for them it challenges everything they convince themselves to believe. We love them unconditionally by telling the truth. Hugs ♡♡
Peace and love to all of you!!!
I too am in the same boat as all of you…after reading the comments I know I’m not alone…that’s comforting in an odd way…but the thought that keeps coming to my mind is; I wonder if this is even a tiny fraction of what our father in heaven feels when we stray from his truth!!! My god, I hurt, how does he feel?!
Your son is my son too 😢
This is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry.
We call the particular grief experienced by parents of a trans identifying child "Fragmented Grief" - some have said it is worse than bereavement, for it has no closure.
https://ourduty.group/education/fragmented-grief/
I understand. My son went to prom as a female. I knew nothing. He stayed home for 3 years of college, started hormones without my knowledge - I found them. Trashed me, left mid covid lockdown. Long story short - he's far away in another State, been castrated, is a narcissist, cut me off when I was diagnosed with cancer. Is engaged to a nast lesbian. I love him, but he's totally changed. My handsome young man is not there.
II hope you will find him. While they are lost, we never know how long it will be. I know the pain. My son left at 23. But he came back almost a year ago at 26. A year later, little things come out about how the queer community (let me preface that by the current, woke, queer community, not people our age) tells them that they are all they need. Not their family. I pray your son will miss you and his dad, his aunts, uncles and cousins. That he will be exhausted of always having to try so hard. May I encourage you to try to go on with your life, do things with people (still sometimes so hard for me), do something interesting you can tell him about, something growth oriented a class or conference, so he can see you living. I know it's nearly impossible at times to think about pursuing joy. But your engaging in life can help him remember what he is missing. I'm very sorry. It hurts like no other offense or pain. Keep you head up, your eyes on your future, and keep hoping, and praying. We are here too.
This cuts to the heart. I’m so sorry.
I will do all I can to get him to not medicalize, but right now he is barely talking to us. I worry that if we go in too hard (he supressed this for a year because of our comments last time) he will just not talk to us. We are afraid of cutting off all support will just give hiim the validation to go all in without our voices being able to warn him. I tried to provide him with information and he debates and argues (again he is brilliant and scientific and an excellent debator and has researched this issue - mainly to prove he is right) and throws other information to me that says transition is the only solution. He says detransitioners are a low number. He will only read peer reviewed studies from me that say transition doesn't work (which are hard to find). He is depressed and self loathing. He can just go to planned parenthood and get HRT and we won't even know (which is the part that it is hard to fight against).
I remember explaining the concepts of the placebo effect and self fulfilling prophesy before everything went nuts. But those lessons appear to never have sunk in.
The point of the Cass report is there's no evidence hormones and surgeries help. The other effects have actual studies. There are side effects to lupron here https://www.lupronprostatecancer.com/about-lupron-depot/common-side-effects
Not that it would work, because it won't, but I'd ask for long term studies showing the speedy affirmation only model is beneficial. They don't exist.
You'll get references to studies done before this took off on Tumblr but those are a different treatment model and extremely small.
One reason why it's referred to as a cult is actual scientific work on it will just be called transphobic and ignored.
I saw a theory yesterday that part of the push of this into social media came from 4chan posters trolling kids into doing it. If you read the recent WPATH stuff, there's a section that reads like some guy with a castration fetish wrote it.
The hospitals with their medical doctors harm babies in the womb and right after they're born. All these new "disabilities" like ADHD, Transgenderism (a lot of money behind that promotion)are inflicted on the very young. Another psychopathic war against the hospital born babies and drugs given to the mother plus physical and mental abuse of the innocent is crippling.
In 1960, they drugged my mother with morphine she told me later on that they shoved a mask on her face when she entered the hospital) when she was ready to give birth to me. She was unable to attach to me. I constantly acted recklessly and hurt myself as a child. Ran away from Mom many times. How could they drug a mother about to give birth? In my adulthood I was given a diagnosis of alphabet soup ADHD. I was never a lesbian but attached myself to one for many years. I feel deeply for these young people. They are surely suffering. When you haven't experienced your outcome of the satanic medical monopoly until older, when more regrets than successes fill ones heart, that is when it is too late to change your course. I hope these young adults read this and stop the self abuse. Get Right now! Don't waste your lives. You only have one life!
I don’t think I said it was “cruel to reject them”; I made the case to love the person we know they really are.
I think my point was that we miss the kids we know are trapped and deceived. It is a life in crisis that goes to these extremes. No, I do not allow my daughter who thinks she’s really a male disrespect me, be spiteful or rude to me. But that is boundary making & she knows our rules. I do not call her “he they them”or whatever and I do not very often use the preferred name. We have agreed that it is unreasonable to expect it from a parent we now have grace with each other. She doesn’t like it, nor does her partner but she knows we love her and do not want to be pushed out. We haven’t seen her in 3 years. They block us from going yo see them, not sure which one of them is, but we talk briefly every week. This hasn’t always been the case.By firm loving boundaries and refusing to give up on this beautiful person who was entrusted to us at birth and choosing to love this human, in spite of things, has opened some very good dialog and is rebuilding trust. I know her heart, and she is lost, and if she ever wants out of her prison we are ready with open arms. This is what I’m saying our children need to know. They innately know deep down what they are doing is wrong and self destructive. I won’t participate in hateful responses that are unproductive. It goes against my spirit. It doesn’t make me weak. I will never agree to what she’s done to her life. She is medically disabled from this. I don’t need you or anyone to agree, I need only to follow my conscience. When I brought her into this world I committed to a lifetime of unconditional love, even when it’s hard for her to accept that it means I won’t live a lie, or for me to have to let her have her freedom to live her lie. I am heartbroken, I carry a great burden, I feel compelled to sound the alarm to other parents, but also I will never give up hope and I will always believe in the strength of her spirit to rise again and find herself. There is enough rejection in this world without families rejecting their own.
Your story makes me so sad because it is my story too, although I haven't seen my son for over two years and I don't know how I would feel should I see him now. It must be soul destroying to see the damage that has been done to your son
I'm sorry you are having to endure such pain and anguish! I know too well your story. Prayers that our lost boys come back and remember who they really are!
Oh I feel your pain! I woke up this morning and cried in the shower because I miss my “baby girl” so much! She’s becoming a stranger, always on the verge of anger, never happy. I miss her sooo much and she lives in my house. It’s just incredibly soul detroyingly sad.
Sending love. I haven’t seen my baby girl in almost two years 😢
Me too.
Thank you for this piece. It is beautifully written. My son is gone too. He left my home a year and a half ago, came home beginning of May for 1 month, I helped him get his drivers license (at 18) and, one day while I was at work he packed up and left again…. With only a very cryptic note. I am grieving all over again. There was no argument, nothing. He knows I don’t agree with him taking hormones but it was not something we talked about at all. Everything seemed copacetic. I’m confused and missing my son.
I'm so sorry that happened. I doubt it was something you did. He's confused and when we're there for them it challenges everything they convince themselves to believe. We love them unconditionally by telling the truth. Hugs ♡♡
It’s heartbreaking. My journey has just begun.