As you all know, I send birthday or holiday greetings to my c
It was my son's birthday a few weeks ago, and I sent a "happy birthday, I love you (____)."
A couple weeks later I got a reply from him that started with "thank you and I love you too." 🩷🩷🩷🩷 As his mama who loves him dearly, I am of course thankful for any sort of contact and communication with my precious boy.🩷🩷🩷🩷
Given some of what he said in his text, It is clearly a burdensome quandary and a struggle for him, (as I'm sure it is for my two precious daughters as well) this self-chosen path of no contact. 😥🩵
The following is how he ended the text, and I'm curious, for those of you who do have contact with your transidentified / etc kids would you be willing to share anything with me, either here or in private message, about what my son says he's probably interested in hearing?
I KNOW there are plenty of real life examples (@averagedad I'd love to hear from you if you want to share?), and I also know that the world he surrounds himself with, in person and virtually, is filled with algorithms that of course would make it easy to say there are "real life examples are almost non-existent. "
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"So my only wish for you and dad remains that you both constantly pursue knowledge and growth for you individually and from other parents of not-straight children who have either had to learn to make peace with the consequences of their parenting choices, or have somehow been able to find a new common ground with their adult kids, based on mutual trust and commitment to acknowledging where we each are on our healing journey. If you ever find any of the latter, I'd probably be interested in hearing how they are navigating it because the real life examples of that happening I've found are almost nonexistent."
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Thank you friends, and my heart is with each of you who are anywhere on this painful road of gender stuff🩵🙏🩷
Your story resonated so much bc I too was able to hug my estranged trans son recently after many, many years apart. What a healing thing to palpably love your child and feel their love in return. And for them too! How dark a hole in their hearts where their parent’s love used to be!
In our case, it was the re-ignition of contact w our son, though he remains trans. I fervently hope that this is a new beginning for your family too. Our hearts are with yours. 🙏
Beautiful. Nothing makes Satan more angry than you not being angry. He wants you destroyed, he wants you to hate, he wants to steal your children forever, don't let him. Love until it hurts, forgive until there is nothing left to forgive, and never ever give up hope in the Lord, He will bring them back.
Amen amen and amen! I will be fine. I will weep and mourn but I will be fine. And I love my children more now than when they departed.... by God's grace! 🙏🩷 Thank you for your encouraging words
This is beautiful. And I hope for your family, this signals the beginning of something even more beautiful and healthy. I do believe that it is possible that we can emerge from this thing more whole than when we started.
Gender ideology, learned from social media, etc? ... A critical theory lens through which to view their growing up seems to help move young people the direction of concluding that walking away is what needs to happen? Differences in beliefs with "progressive" ideas. He told me he was gay. I said "I will always love you no matter what you do or what you believe or what you think." He said, "I knew you'd say that, Mom."
"Alternative lifestyles" and then all 3 identifying as queer...(NONE of which would cause us to move away from relationships with them)...
I know they have loved me. There was a LOT of happiness and love in our family. Lots of hugs. Lots of I love you's in our home. Cards, letters, Instagram and fb posts with clearly evident love. Words and deeds of love. As I said, NOT perfection. But SO. MUCH. GOOD, for which I am exceedingly thankful. I'm so, so thankful for the life God gave us together.
I might be overly naive, but I do believe they will be back. One by one.
Please take care of yourself. Burnout is real.
My daughter is ashamed of being white. The fact that her dad and I are immigrants and grew up poor and hungry doesn't change a thing. We are privileged and much hated middle class. If she could, she would have opted out of whiteness. She wishes she were born in a black family or, even better, in aboriginal (we are in Canada).
Like you, we were good parents. Not flawless, obviously. But good enough. We did a million things together, the house was full of laughter and music. We were attentive and caring. All that doesn't really matter, as it turned out, because of our terfy and somewhat conservative worldview. We are -phobes only for asking questions.
Seems that is happening with more regularity. I know several friends whose kids have "cut them off". Thank God for that moment. Seems you both needed that.
I'm so glad you had that moment, that long hug without letting go! I hope you son (and daughters) can lean into that and come back to be in relationship with you and your husband. So much hurt in these current trends!
I'm offering my sincere support and solidarity with you.
My two cents, for what its worth, is that the younger generations really need to re-visit the parable about the woman sentenced to death via stoning and Jesus intercedes, saying,
you who are without sin, cast the first stone. People need to relearn this very basic teaching.
I said before I stay away from reading stories on here about children hurting parents because I just can’t take it anymore, but I read yours and cried. I’ve lost one beloved son to transgendered estrangement, but I can’t imagine losing 3 children to estrangement, trans or not. It is truly a heartbreaking story. Thank you for writing it. I know writing our stories can be cathartic at times. I truly don’t know what is happening to these young people! Is it something in the water, do strangers have such power over their thoughts they can’t resist,I don’t know. I am a forgiving person. All the physical and emotional hurt my father caused my family and me throughout our lives, I have still forgiven him. Everyone has their demons and it’s often not their fault. I pray your children have an epiphany and realize that erasing their childhood and parents only erase part of them. Yes, it hurts parents but parents still have their good memories and love. I pray this all takes a radical turn back to sanity. Blessings to all of us suffering souls.
Thank you for reading 🩵😥🙏. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son 😭 oh the grief. Oh the suffering of heart for each mama and dad, too. May all the dads hold on to hope too!!!! I am thankful you have been able to forget my things, and pray that all of our estranged children by their way back to those who love them, and I love that sentence, blessings to all of us suffering souls. Yes! Blessings, and hope.
It’s a tough road we walk. I have not seen my daughters in almost 3 years. Texts, cards and gifts sent get no response. They have finally reached out to their grandma (my mom) but did ask about my husband or I. It’s a weird feeling to raise two humans and then never hear from them again.
I wonder if the son had been in therapy (as a ridiculous percentage of young people are today)? Because the therapists these days seem to encourage adult children to label their parents "toxic" and "go no contact" with them for reasons that in no way justify fracturing a family.
Not that I'm aware of, but fairly certain that the prevalence of gender ideology on social media, TV, movies, etc brought that influence in, and since then yes-and it doesn't appear to have done anything to help move toward reestablished connections 🩵🙏
I agree these therapists of this day and age are more interested in their pocketbooks than in helping any person mend families. I wonder if they could really see what they have caused if they would change their ways? ——Those who lead people astray would have better not have been born or have a millstone around their neck and drown in the sea… not the exact biblical words but something to ponder.
Kids don’t need to even go to therapy to get this idea, just look at SM feeds. The algorithm will “help” them find a therapist to follow who is spouting this. And then all the kids chime in how they feel so much better having boundaries.
Sending you so much love, mama. Have experienced just a fraction of what you’re talking about and it’s the worst pain ever ❤️🩹
As you all know, I send birthday or holiday greetings to my c
It was my son's birthday a few weeks ago, and I sent a "happy birthday, I love you (____)."
A couple weeks later I got a reply from him that started with "thank you and I love you too." 🩷🩷🩷🩷 As his mama who loves him dearly, I am of course thankful for any sort of contact and communication with my precious boy.🩷🩷🩷🩷
Given some of what he said in his text, It is clearly a burdensome quandary and a struggle for him, (as I'm sure it is for my two precious daughters as well) this self-chosen path of no contact. 😥🩵
The following is how he ended the text, and I'm curious, for those of you who do have contact with your transidentified / etc kids would you be willing to share anything with me, either here or in private message, about what my son says he's probably interested in hearing?
I KNOW there are plenty of real life examples (@averagedad I'd love to hear from you if you want to share?), and I also know that the world he surrounds himself with, in person and virtually, is filled with algorithms that of course would make it easy to say there are "real life examples are almost non-existent. "
---------
"So my only wish for you and dad remains that you both constantly pursue knowledge and growth for you individually and from other parents of not-straight children who have either had to learn to make peace with the consequences of their parenting choices, or have somehow been able to find a new common ground with their adult kids, based on mutual trust and commitment to acknowledging where we each are on our healing journey. If you ever find any of the latter, I'd probably be interested in hearing how they are navigating it because the real life examples of that happening I've found are almost nonexistent."
------
Thank you friends, and my heart is with each of you who are anywhere on this painful road of gender stuff🩵🙏🩷
Your story resonated so much bc I too was able to hug my estranged trans son recently after many, many years apart. What a healing thing to palpably love your child and feel their love in return. And for them too! How dark a hole in their hearts where their parent’s love used to be!
In our case, it was the re-ignition of contact w our son, though he remains trans. I fervently hope that this is a new beginning for your family too. Our hearts are with yours. 🙏
I am so thankful for you and for your family, in spite of him remaining trans🩵
Thank you🩵🙏
Beautiful. Nothing makes Satan more angry than you not being angry. He wants you destroyed, he wants you to hate, he wants to steal your children forever, don't let him. Love until it hurts, forgive until there is nothing left to forgive, and never ever give up hope in the Lord, He will bring them back.
Amen amen and amen! I will be fine. I will weep and mourn but I will be fine. And I love my children more now than when they departed.... by God's grace! 🙏🩷 Thank you for your encouraging words
Albert Mohler*
This is beautiful. And I hope for your family, this signals the beginning of something even more beautiful and healthy. I do believe that it is possible that we can emerge from this thing more whole than when we started.
Thank you so much 🩷
Hold on, trans stuff wasn't even directly involved? Just a bunch of woke nonsense?
That too.
Gender ideology, learned from social media, etc? ... A critical theory lens through which to view their growing up seems to help move young people the direction of concluding that walking away is what needs to happen? Differences in beliefs with "progressive" ideas. He told me he was gay. I said "I will always love you no matter what you do or what you believe or what you think." He said, "I knew you'd say that, Mom."
"Alternative lifestyles" and then all 3 identifying as queer...(NONE of which would cause us to move away from relationships with them)...
I know they have loved me. There was a LOT of happiness and love in our family. Lots of hugs. Lots of I love you's in our home. Cards, letters, Instagram and fb posts with clearly evident love. Words and deeds of love. As I said, NOT perfection. But SO. MUCH. GOOD, for which I am exceedingly thankful. I'm so, so thankful for the life God gave us together.
And I miss my three precious children so much. 🩵🙏
I might be overly naive, but I do believe they will be back. One by one.
Please take care of yourself. Burnout is real.
My daughter is ashamed of being white. The fact that her dad and I are immigrants and grew up poor and hungry doesn't change a thing. We are privileged and much hated middle class. If she could, she would have opted out of whiteness. She wishes she were born in a black family or, even better, in aboriginal (we are in Canada).
Like you, we were good parents. Not flawless, obviously. But good enough. We did a million things together, the house was full of laughter and music. We were attentive and caring. All that doesn't really matter, as it turned out, because of our terfy and somewhat conservative worldview. We are -phobes only for asking questions.
🩷 thank u
Ugggg... yup.
I'm sorry 😔🩵
Seems that is happening with more regularity. I know several friends whose kids have "cut them off". Thank God for that moment. Seems you both needed that.
🩵🩵🩵
Just shared tears and faith in God from me here in Canada.
Shared tears and shared faith in God... Thank you 🙏🩵
I'm so glad you had that moment, that long hug without letting go! I hope you son (and daughters) can lean into that and come back to be in relationship with you and your husband. So much hurt in these current trends!
Thank you.🩵🙏
I'm offering my sincere support and solidarity with you.
My two cents, for what its worth, is that the younger generations really need to re-visit the parable about the woman sentenced to death via stoning and Jesus intercedes, saying,
you who are without sin, cast the first stone. People need to relearn this very basic teaching.
I said before I stay away from reading stories on here about children hurting parents because I just can’t take it anymore, but I read yours and cried. I’ve lost one beloved son to transgendered estrangement, but I can’t imagine losing 3 children to estrangement, trans or not. It is truly a heartbreaking story. Thank you for writing it. I know writing our stories can be cathartic at times. I truly don’t know what is happening to these young people! Is it something in the water, do strangers have such power over their thoughts they can’t resist,I don’t know. I am a forgiving person. All the physical and emotional hurt my father caused my family and me throughout our lives, I have still forgiven him. Everyone has their demons and it’s often not their fault. I pray your children have an epiphany and realize that erasing their childhood and parents only erase part of them. Yes, it hurts parents but parents still have their good memories and love. I pray this all takes a radical turn back to sanity. Blessings to all of us suffering souls.
Thank you for reading 🩵😥🙏. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son 😭 oh the grief. Oh the suffering of heart for each mama and dad, too. May all the dads hold on to hope too!!!! I am thankful you have been able to forget my things, and pray that all of our estranged children by their way back to those who love them, and I love that sentence, blessings to all of us suffering souls. Yes! Blessings, and hope.
Thank you he’s still alive, just not speaking to me for years. So grieving while he’s still alive.
Yes. I understand. It is a very strange grief isn't it….🩵🙏🩵🙏
It’s a tough road we walk. I have not seen my daughters in almost 3 years. Texts, cards and gifts sent get no response. They have finally reached out to their grandma (my mom) but did ask about my husband or I. It’s a weird feeling to raise two humans and then never hear from them again.
It is so very sad. I'm so sorry and pray that eventually your daughters will come back to you 🩵🩵🩵🩵
I had a few tears in my eyes which I haven’t for a long time. I hope your children make their way back.
Thank you so much 🙏🩵
I wonder if the son had been in therapy (as a ridiculous percentage of young people are today)? Because the therapists these days seem to encourage adult children to label their parents "toxic" and "go no contact" with them for reasons that in no way justify fracturing a family.
Not that I'm aware of, but fairly certain that the prevalence of gender ideology on social media, TV, movies, etc brought that influence in, and since then yes-and it doesn't appear to have done anything to help move toward reestablished connections 🩵🙏
It was simply the unexpected sight of his beloved mother that cut through the lies and brought him back to the real world.
Now that he's felt that hug, he can't go back. He knows he loves you and could hug you forever. Now he knows.
I agree these therapists of this day and age are more interested in their pocketbooks than in helping any person mend families. I wonder if they could really see what they have caused if they would change their ways? ——Those who lead people astray would have better not have been born or have a millstone around their neck and drown in the sea… not the exact biblical words but something to ponder.
Kids don’t need to even go to therapy to get this idea, just look at SM feeds. The algorithm will “help” them find a therapist to follow who is spouting this. And then all the kids chime in how they feel so much better having boundaries.
Yes. So sad🩵
Gotta love those buzzwords!
"Boundaries"
"Toxic Parenting"
"Go no-contact"
and others.
😥🙏
😥
Beautiful, thank you!
🩵🙏🩷