My daughter was quite gender conforming for the first dozen years of her life. She delighted in sparkly dresses, jewelry, getting her hair and nails done, and her American Girl doll. Sure, she was the kind of little girl who wore a dress while sometimes climbing a tree, but that seemed like feminist progress. She loved playing dress up and went through the obligatory princess stage.
If there is someone out there that hasn't listened to "Gender, A wider lens" podcast - do that today. Start with episode 35 "Communicating about gender: Translating between parent and child". I cried big tears over this one. They really capture exactly how we as parents feel and how we think about all of this. This is also one that you can share with your dysphoric teen/child/young adult, etc...
I could write nearly the exact same essay. Unrequited love, the isolation of the pandemic, discomfort of puberty, disappointing male family figures all contributed to rogd.
This is so similar to my daughter's story, also. It's incanny how many parents are saying they have the same story. All the while, transactivists insist it has nothing to do with social contagion. Riiiiight.
I wish I'd raised my family in Idaho then. But, I expect it's coming to ID- especially if the so called "Equality Act" is passed. Unless of course the tide is turned.
My story is so similar, including a condition that kept my daughter fairly sedentary (and on-line) mid teens. I reminded my daughter of the rigorous process she went through before pediatric ortheopedic surgery, the concept of 'do no harm'. She's seeing a safe therapist and we're investigating an autism assessment. I let her know that progressive countries like Finland, Sweden, France are all advocating for the path that she is on - watchful waiting and understanding comorbidities. I let her know that leading clinicians in the field are all advocating caution. I'll keep at it...
That was good! Yep, so many girls the same. It is hard holding a line, but well worth it. I don't use any pronouns, but told mine I can avoid distressing language around you, but do you really want me to not be not authentic with you and use language that violates my conscience and what I see before me to appease you in the moment? Is that the right thing to try to force people to do? When the rest of the world is doing this...it is maddening fighting against the tide. Mine is 18 and has yet to do anything medical and has a good therapist dealing with ADHD and comorditities. As a minor the rule was anything non permanent, non harmful. Connection is the most important things as our kids struggle to find themselves and grow up. We will always be there for them...the cheerleaders of this cult mindset..not so much.
Our story is very similar. Although my daughter is just 13, she 'came out' as Trans early Jan, and wanted us to use her preferred boy name and he\him. I was pretty shocked, didn't really know what to do! I looked to the internet for advise and could only find advise from he Trans community who told me that I should be proud and affirm her wishes. Which we did for a week, but didn't feel right at all. I was totally lost with how to parent this. Until I came across this: https://lilymaynard.com/my-first-article-a-mums-voyage-through-transtopia/
which gave me the confidence to question, and challenge my daughter. I do believe her discomfort is genuine, but I can't see how she can be a boy! Anyhow I'm ok with the short boy haircut, and the bad clothes, and the way most people call her a boy when we are out and about. I just like you don't know where its going yet. 50/50 its a phase - we just don't know do we. But as parents we are so worried of doing the right thing. So hard. It does bring me comfort to read other peoples stories, as this can be a lonely journey for us parents.
It's both. They have all sorts of discomforts - including puberty. Most teenagers always have found it an uncomfortable time of life. And today, they have all sorts of extra stuff to feel uncomfortable about like the porn culture. And, they have the social media world. Then, there is something in the air that make the kids feel they need to be victims. Anyhow, they are certainly groomed into feeling/saying their assorted discomforts are "dysphoria". More recently that has been re-branded as Gender "euphoria". Like, "there is no Problem to see here. This is to be celebrated! They are sooo happy happy!!" But, they are not. And, the "euphoria" thing feels especially cult religion like.
Yea, that all makes sense. Society today definitely breeds victimhood, sadly. Look at the schools (I blame a lot on schools lol) with teaching opression this, oppression that. Kids probably want to be anything but the bad oppressors...so take on a victim status and voila, oppressed instead of the oppressor.
Social media is definitely a good point in this scenario.
That is so good. How many times do I need to see yet another almost identical version of my story and that of my daughter before I set myself on fire on the steps of the clinic that affirmed her and then turned her against me?
Your story is so disheartening because my daughter is the younger version of yours, and our family dynamics sound just like yours. We have a good relationship, but nothing can touch the gender identity. The discomfort with her breasts and periods and being a woman. The trauma of COVID isolation and the stress within our families. Nowhere to turn where she is not encountering celebration of her identity. I am working on showing her information about trauma and dissociation (I see ROGD as a form of dissociation), in the hope that it offers an alternative explanation. But it's hard to compete with the glitter and specialness of being trans.
We were hit by the GI cult pre-pandemic and had no clue how powerful and "supported" it (the cult not the kid) is. I tried all sorts of reasoning with our daughter and even had her read articles and books but it did no good. I found that you cannot reason someone - especially a teenager - out of a religion that is affirmed by everyone but you. She's been very close to both parents all of her life - except for when this gooming cult set her against us and altered her personality. For us, the best thing has been working on the relationship - doing and talking about nice things from the before times. The cult makes them have tunnel vision, turn inward, and obsess about themselves/their identity. Anything that can get them out of that and not even thinking about it is good. And, they really do rewrite their own histories. It's so weird.
You are right about not being able to reason with them...especially a teen though, because they haven't fully developed that part of their brain yet. They won't till their mid-20s. Which is why it is horrendous that children are allowed to make harmful decisions.
Following your suggestion, I have just reported to Google the fact that a search for "I think I'm Trans" ONLY returns links to websites which encourage people to believe that they ARE trans. I took a screenshot of the search results, so they can't deny the facts. I suggested that Google should instead be offering a balance of Trans and "gender-critical" or "watchful waiting" sites, so that that possibility is actually put in front of people, especially young people.
Thank you for your powerful words. I'm right there with you, my daughter is the same age as yours except she is a 'straight guy who likes girls'. What terrifies us is her doctors are pushing testosterone on us to 'solve' all her anxieties. We don't even feel safe taking our daughter to the doctor anymore!
Sounds like you're listening to your instincts. Too many have allowed our "expert" culture to create doubt and undermine us as parents. We need to stop handing over our power to a profit-driven behemoth medical complex. #NoThankYou
I have two daughters, 13 & 15, who have been lured down this path over the past two years. I feel sick to my stomach most of the time. I, too, initially had no clue how deep or pervasive the cult like aspects of this are and have always been loudly progressive. The only upside for me is that they started young enough that they won’t be able to do anything medically for a few years (I am praying that some mainstream media starts covering this before then).
I have two daughters (15 and 17) the 17 year old is the Non Binary and the 15 year old affirms her to no end....so many variables to this, right? We CAN get through this. <3
And I just woke up with a start right after I dreamed that I looked at my daughter and found stubble and I just slid down the wall and tried to scream, but I couldn't make a sound. This is when I get so incredibly furious at these people that affirm these girls that don't even read between the lines of this terrible movement.
I’ve read a few accounts of parents of college students finding charges on their health insurance accounts for T or other transition-related treatments. Can’t you remove cover for that sort of treatment specifically? Or are there other more affordable avenues for getting blockers and hormones and surgery if not covered by insurance. I’m in the UK so please excuse my ignorance of the US system but telling your insurer “I will not pay the premium for gender treatments, please remove it from my family’s policy” might make people think twice.
I think it's a good idea not to use college provided health insurance although I am no expert. And the university health clinic can refer them to Planned Parenthood which hands out "T" cheaply and with no gate keeping whatsoever. Abortions are down so it's their new revenue stream.
It is crazy that all sorts of insurance pays for this damage when it is hard to get them to pay for healthy things that are needed. Big money is being made here.
This resonates so much, I am ringing like a bell.
We’re going through this with our 14yo daughter. I simply cannot say ‘my son’, I can’t do it.
And I am heartbroken and grieving for the loss of my bright, clever and beautiful girl to this cult.
If there is someone out there that hasn't listened to "Gender, A wider lens" podcast - do that today. Start with episode 35 "Communicating about gender: Translating between parent and child". I cried big tears over this one. They really capture exactly how we as parents feel and how we think about all of this. This is also one that you can share with your dysphoric teen/child/young adult, etc...
I could write nearly the exact same essay. Unrequited love, the isolation of the pandemic, discomfort of puberty, disappointing male family figures all contributed to rogd.
This is so similar to my daughter's story, also. It's incanny how many parents are saying they have the same story. All the while, transactivists insist it has nothing to do with social contagion. Riiiiight.
You’re right - I could have written this word for word except she is in a local charter school and they don’t play these games in Idaho
Is there actually still a place like that in America?
If our families survive this maybe we could all move to ID or FL for the sake of our future grandchildren and great grandchildren:
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/mar/10/idaho-bill-trans-youth-treatment-ban-passes-house
But, I would like to save the whole country of children and families, not hide in a corner. :)
I wish I'd raised my family in Idaho then. But, I expect it's coming to ID- especially if the so called "Equality Act" is passed. Unless of course the tide is turned.
My story is so similar, including a condition that kept my daughter fairly sedentary (and on-line) mid teens. I reminded my daughter of the rigorous process she went through before pediatric ortheopedic surgery, the concept of 'do no harm'. She's seeing a safe therapist and we're investigating an autism assessment. I let her know that progressive countries like Finland, Sweden, France are all advocating for the path that she is on - watchful waiting and understanding comorbidities. I let her know that leading clinicians in the field are all advocating caution. I'll keep at it...
That was good! Yep, so many girls the same. It is hard holding a line, but well worth it. I don't use any pronouns, but told mine I can avoid distressing language around you, but do you really want me to not be not authentic with you and use language that violates my conscience and what I see before me to appease you in the moment? Is that the right thing to try to force people to do? When the rest of the world is doing this...it is maddening fighting against the tide. Mine is 18 and has yet to do anything medical and has a good therapist dealing with ADHD and comorditities. As a minor the rule was anything non permanent, non harmful. Connection is the most important things as our kids struggle to find themselves and grow up. We will always be there for them...the cheerleaders of this cult mindset..not so much.
Agree completely. You sound like me.
Our story is very similar. Although my daughter is just 13, she 'came out' as Trans early Jan, and wanted us to use her preferred boy name and he\him. I was pretty shocked, didn't really know what to do! I looked to the internet for advise and could only find advise from he Trans community who told me that I should be proud and affirm her wishes. Which we did for a week, but didn't feel right at all. I was totally lost with how to parent this. Until I came across this: https://lilymaynard.com/my-first-article-a-mums-voyage-through-transtopia/
which gave me the confidence to question, and challenge my daughter. I do believe her discomfort is genuine, but I can't see how she can be a boy! Anyhow I'm ok with the short boy haircut, and the bad clothes, and the way most people call her a boy when we are out and about. I just like you don't know where its going yet. 50/50 its a phase - we just don't know do we. But as parents we are so worried of doing the right thing. So hard. It does bring me comfort to read other peoples stories, as this can be a lonely journey for us parents.
Where are you? I'm in the UK.
I believe the discomfort is the only genuine part of it.
But is it discomfort truly ir only because they were groomed to feel it?
It's both. They have all sorts of discomforts - including puberty. Most teenagers always have found it an uncomfortable time of life. And today, they have all sorts of extra stuff to feel uncomfortable about like the porn culture. And, they have the social media world. Then, there is something in the air that make the kids feel they need to be victims. Anyhow, they are certainly groomed into feeling/saying their assorted discomforts are "dysphoria". More recently that has been re-branded as Gender "euphoria". Like, "there is no Problem to see here. This is to be celebrated! They are sooo happy happy!!" But, they are not. And, the "euphoria" thing feels especially cult religion like.
Yea, that all makes sense. Society today definitely breeds victimhood, sadly. Look at the schools (I blame a lot on schools lol) with teaching opression this, oppression that. Kids probably want to be anything but the bad oppressors...so take on a victim status and voila, oppressed instead of the oppressor.
Social media is definitely a good point in this scenario.
I blame a lot on schools as well.
That is so good. How many times do I need to see yet another almost identical version of my story and that of my daughter before I set myself on fire on the steps of the clinic that affirmed her and then turned her against me?
Your story is so disheartening because my daughter is the younger version of yours, and our family dynamics sound just like yours. We have a good relationship, but nothing can touch the gender identity. The discomfort with her breasts and periods and being a woman. The trauma of COVID isolation and the stress within our families. Nowhere to turn where she is not encountering celebration of her identity. I am working on showing her information about trauma and dissociation (I see ROGD as a form of dissociation), in the hope that it offers an alternative explanation. But it's hard to compete with the glitter and specialness of being trans.
We were hit by the GI cult pre-pandemic and had no clue how powerful and "supported" it (the cult not the kid) is. I tried all sorts of reasoning with our daughter and even had her read articles and books but it did no good. I found that you cannot reason someone - especially a teenager - out of a religion that is affirmed by everyone but you. She's been very close to both parents all of her life - except for when this gooming cult set her against us and altered her personality. For us, the best thing has been working on the relationship - doing and talking about nice things from the before times. The cult makes them have tunnel vision, turn inward, and obsess about themselves/their identity. Anything that can get them out of that and not even thinking about it is good. And, they really do rewrite their own histories. It's so weird.
You are right about not being able to reason with them...especially a teen though, because they haven't fully developed that part of their brain yet. They won't till their mid-20s. Which is why it is horrendous that children are allowed to make harmful decisions.
absolutely right
The children are not the bad guys/bad actors here.
Agreed. It is the teachers, therapists, doctors, politicians, etc that push and enable this.
Yes! And, lets not forget "journalists" and the media including medical journals selling out to unscientific trans ideology pushers.
Yes! Plenty of blame to go around. Lol
Following your suggestion, I have just reported to Google the fact that a search for "I think I'm Trans" ONLY returns links to websites which encourage people to believe that they ARE trans. I took a screenshot of the search results, so they can't deny the facts. I suggested that Google should instead be offering a balance of Trans and "gender-critical" or "watchful waiting" sites, so that that possibility is actually put in front of people, especially young people.
this is such a good idea!
You can do the same. It will be a different set of results. Thank you!
Nice work. Please keep us posted if you get any response.
Thank you for your powerful words. I'm right there with you, my daughter is the same age as yours except she is a 'straight guy who likes girls'. What terrifies us is her doctors are pushing testosterone on us to 'solve' all her anxieties. We don't even feel safe taking our daughter to the doctor anymore!
Sounds like you're listening to your instincts. Too many have allowed our "expert" culture to create doubt and undermine us as parents. We need to stop handing over our power to a profit-driven behemoth medical complex. #NoThankYou
Agreed! Sing it sister! I'm angry and taking over, no longer 'trusting the experts' as we've been told to do.
I have two daughters, 13 & 15, who have been lured down this path over the past two years. I feel sick to my stomach most of the time. I, too, initially had no clue how deep or pervasive the cult like aspects of this are and have always been loudly progressive. The only upside for me is that they started young enough that they won’t be able to do anything medically for a few years (I am praying that some mainstream media starts covering this before then).
Oh my gosh, two daughters going through this. I am so so sorry Suzyus. <3
In very different ways, but yes. It’s so hard. Thank you.
I have two daughters (15 and 17) the 17 year old is the Non Binary and the 15 year old affirms her to no end....so many variables to this, right? We CAN get through this. <3
Sidenote: does anyone else feel like they are on this strange teeter totter of "she could come back to us OR go full trans" every moment of the day?
Yes. OMG yes.
And I just woke up with a start right after I dreamed that I looked at my daughter and found stubble and I just slid down the wall and tried to scream, but I couldn't make a sound. This is when I get so incredibly furious at these people that affirm these girls that don't even read between the lines of this terrible movement.
Thank you for your story. Your story sounds a lot like mine, though my daughter says she is a man.
I’ve read a few accounts of parents of college students finding charges on their health insurance accounts for T or other transition-related treatments. Can’t you remove cover for that sort of treatment specifically? Or are there other more affordable avenues for getting blockers and hormones and surgery if not covered by insurance. I’m in the UK so please excuse my ignorance of the US system but telling your insurer “I will not pay the premium for gender treatments, please remove it from my family’s policy” might make people think twice.
I think it's a good idea not to use college provided health insurance although I am no expert. And the university health clinic can refer them to Planned Parenthood which hands out "T" cheaply and with no gate keeping whatsoever. Abortions are down so it's their new revenue stream.
It is crazy that all sorts of insurance pays for this damage when it is hard to get them to pay for healthy things that are needed. Big money is being made here.