I have been listening to the podcast Gender a Wider Lens. I highly recommend. I have learned a lot and the psychotherapists are gender critical and have experts that have been in the field for decades.
Thank you for sharing. Your existence right now seems exhausting and infuriating, and desperately sad. I have no advice but i hope your daughter gets through this and that you and your family can heal. I know it is of little comfort but stories like these can help other families inculcate their children against this insidious social contagion. We must talk openly and often about the dangers of this ideology.
Yes! Thank you. I’ve been looking for something akin to a support group. I’ve read Abigail Shirer’s book twice just to remind myself I’m not crazy. It took half a hot minute for this craze to mushroom. I’m walking around in a daze most days. There was zero dysphoria over anything for my sweet youngest daughter. And oh! How she loved her Mama!💔 She doesn’t talk to me about it and if I try, she shuns me for weeks. I do hope parents of younger children are actively educating their kids regarding this important issue. Then when they come across it on their own, whether by school, internet, or family and friends, they won’t feel like they’ve been presented with a gender menu, “So much to choose from!”
Wow! So much advice in these comments. Were you looking for advice when you agreed to share this entertaining piece that resonated so hard for so many on here? Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty, and for the humor you embed in your delightful writing. I loved this and remember being in much the same place you were when you wrote it. I hope you remember that you are the expert on your family. You got this.
Take away the phone, take her out of school. Our daughter started down the manufactured mental disorder and non-binary road in middle school. My husband and I told her that it’s all nonsense and made some big changes. Most importantly, we did not affirm any of it. Restricting online access was a huge help because so much of this is coming directly from YouTube and TikTok. You’re lucky that you and your husband are on the same page, but take the big actions. You’re in a hostage situation where your daughter is your captor.
Your last sentence is me every day. Why can't I bring myself to confront my own daughter. What am I afraid of. That she'll shut me out. She already seems to be doing that. So I'm trying my damdess to strengthen our relationship so that when I do say things she won't like to hear, she'll trust me that I'm being sincere and not against her. That's what I hope anyway. I need to start the conversation soon though because I'm running out of time. She'll be 18 years old in 20 months from now.
Yes. Well said. Damn thus requires so much strategy and careful thought. Always trying to anticipate reactions. Not knowing who to trust anymore in regards to this trans ideology issue is exhausting.
I feel for you. Do you have anyone close to you who can support you in these difficult conversations? Family or close friends who know your kid well and will back you up?
Thank you. I have a good friend who's 15 year old daughter is also caught up in this mess, so we are able to talk about it together. It's so terrifying because we can't trust people we would normally trust like our kids pediatrician, school counselors, teachers, and therapist. My daughter has only come out to me and best friend (different friend from the one mentioned above) who is a lesbian. She actually came out to my best friend first. Unfortunately my friend is in the progressive affirmative camp. I tried my best to explain to her why affirmation is not the best way to handle this, but she dismissed the articles and arguments I sent her, as being biased or having some other flaw. Her only argument to me was that she thinks affirming prevents suicide so she just can't get on board with not affirming. When I brought up ROGD, she referred to it as if it was something i made up. We will be visiting her in Alaska for her wedding in a few weeks, and if my daughter was not so excited about seeing my friends daughter Daisy, I would have canceled. Of course since my friend is affirming, my daughter feels that she's a "safe" person to talk to, and I'm not since I mentioned that trans identity might change one day. I'm working hard on strengthening my relationship with my daughter while not affirming so that hope we can have the difficult conversations without her feeling rejected.
Exactly. I don't understand the rush to medicalization which causes permanent physical changes. It's insane. I'm listening to "The End of Gender" by Dr Deborah Soh. I recommend it if you enjoy science and research based book's.
Thank you so much for your very thoughtful response. It very reassuring to know that people like my self are out there looking for the truth. I love what your psychologist told you. I'm going to remember that if the topic should come up. If you don't mind, I'd like to read the article that your psychologist wrote. I'm so tired of walking on eggshells around this topic with people when it comes up. We shouldn't be afraid to speak what we understand to be the truth with others. Even if it's uncomfortable for both people. Seems like an old fashioned conversation where two people can discuss a topic without hurt feelings or being canceled a thing of the past.
At first she dug her heels in. It was hard. Well that was back in May, but I started immediately taking Sasha Ayad's advice of focusing on our mother daughter relationship. I have made that my main priority and focus and have noticed a significant difference in her attitude towards me. We dont talk about the trans issue, but she seems a little more relaxed. I dont know whats going on in her head, but like you said the best way to get through to our kids is to make sure they understand that we have more love and support for them than any online community ever will. We will stand the test of time, and weather the storms. I have only used her chosen name once in text and it felt so wrong. I made it clear that I will not be using it. Thankfully I am the only family member she has "come out" to so calling her by her given name at home is not an issue. I refer to her as my daughter out in public and use she/ her pronouns. Someone has to remind her of who she is and keep her grounded. I think I wont bring up the trans subject unless she does, even though I want to so bad. I want to tell her the serious side effects of medicalization. I want to tell her about the detransition stories of regret, how these girls describe a story that is so similar to hers. How they were "so sure" they were trans, only to realize later it was a mistake. Some get lucky and realize it before medicalization, some have to live with the permanent changes that they have made to their bodies. I want to tell her that is an amazing girl, that she can embrace her masculine side and still be a girl. She does not need to conform to a stereo type. But I'll save that for another day when the time is right. She's 16.5 right now, so I am hoping to get through to her before she turns 18.
This is really valuable advice. I think thats what I have been doing. Mostly just working on reconnecting and strengthening my relationship with my daughter. We havent talked about the the trans issue since she first told me she was trans and felt like a boy (then promptly asked me to set up a doctors appt to pursue medicalization...sigh..). After that the only trans conversations that were had were through text message where she sent me videos of trans youtubers, and a link to the trans medical services our insurance provided. We had an argument over text one day when she was pressuring me to make the Dr appt, and I had to just say no. She was very upset about it, called me transphobic, chastized me for using her "deadname" (at school she has socially transitioned to her peers and teachers, sigh again).
Thanks for writing this. My case is very different but my shattered nerves, broken sleep and anxious dreams are exactly the same. Thank you - and others writing here - for enabling me to get up this morning knowing it's not me that's crazy.
I watch Exulansic’s videos as well over on the Odysee platform. Found her recently, but had no idea until more recently that she has her own lived experiences with believing she was trans.
And whoa- what she is discussing should be shouted to the rooftops!!!
The ADD was real enough but her misophonia is limited to my singing in the car. I gotta call her out on that. But if I’m wrong I’ll admit that too. Thank you!
I understand. Both of my kids hate my singing but it cheers me up so I must continue. The misophonia thing for me is always triggered by people chewing or drinking liquids and it’s bad enough that I self isolate. It’s really bad when people are chewing gum in college classes. It’s actually kinda debilitating. There is nothing that can be done about it. There have been times I wished my mom would take it more seriously because I find it hard to be around her when she is chewing gum. But I get it. It’s ridiculous for me to ask people not to chew, drink, or breathe around me, so…. Hopefully they figure out what the heck it is!
This made me cry. It’s like you were writing my feelings down. My daughter seems a little younger than yours and not as open about it at home. She only came out to me - she doesn’t want it to ruin her relationship with her dad although she knows I tell him everything?! I shut down the pronouns and name immediately. I also blocked discord and YouTube a little while ago, but there were other reasons for it - she was talking to strangers and lied about it. I like how you put it - I’m a gender atheist as well. I have to say I’m loving summer and having her away from her friends and the “helpful” teachers. It’s been very peaceful. I dread when it’s time to go back. I am working up my courage to confront her school about the name. But I truly believe she has to be the one to want to stop using the names and pronouns, otherwise she’ll find a way to use it despite me. I feel like the only thing I can do is keep talking with her.
I have been there. I finally realized that going along with what my daughter wants isn’t helping her, and it is killing me. So we said no more pronouns, no more mens room, no more discord, no more you tube on your phone. You’re going back to youth group and girls camp and we will call you by your middle name. There was drama the first few days, but right now we’re in a lull. I know teenagers are nuts, but daughter us being taken over by a crazy, ready to fight idiot who believes in nonsense. So I’m done. Doing nothing hasn’t helped her, so I’m doing what I think it best. And if I’m wrong, at least I tired. And at least the pit in my stomach that has been there since she came out is gone.
I could see us getting to that point where enough is enough. I am against letting kids lead so I understand. My mind changes hourly on how to navigate this minefield. All the best to you!
My english is not good... but my opinion.. the scool of my girl did not want to change anything and after a year my girl is feeling in bether psychical condition and the thema trans is much more fare...
I have read your story twice now. I say the next thing with love: Actions speak louder than words. You admit that the therapist is saying one thing, but when faced with the same situation with her own child she DID another. Which way got good results?
Thank you for reading twice! According to her, her kid was on her way out the door to the gender clinic and would not hear anything contradicting her belief. The situation had reached critical mass. We are not at that place with our daughter. Appreciate your concern!
I’ve been researching the man who started what we know as gender theory. John Money. You can’t research him without researching David Reimer. Like Kinsey his dangerous pseudo science ‘somehow’ seeped its way into academia to the point it became a feature of the prevailing zeitgeist. Also like Kinsey, if people would only scrutinize these men they’ll find very twisted sick people. How did the theories of such twisted sick individuals become normalized?
I think its partly because the last thing anyone wants to be called these days is judgemental, especially about sex. So, we quietly accept nonsense, telling ourselves it's "their thing, not ours," and anyway it's "in the privacy of their bedroom" and it's "not hurting anyone else." We don't want to judge and we let ourselves off the hook.
In the meantime they are hurting everyone, and it doesn't stay in their bedroom because they don't want it to and they are making it our thing, without our permission. Time to start judging.
Right. And there is a difference between being overly judgmental and throwing away any kind of good judgement. It brings us to "Minor Attracted People".
I agree - pure evil. And, he got away with it and was influential.
We need this teen/young adult "trans identified" thing to be relegated to one of those Sunday night Docudramas of the week like NXIVM. And, I won't be pleased until we rid our society of the whole GI cult.
And if this bill becomes a law I would like for the entire country to watch a case against it brought before the Supreme Court. It would give the "trans child" matter a good airing. Maybe it could raise awareness? I am no lawyer but I don't see how it could hold up.
"California pushes to be sanctuary state for transgender children"
"“I’ve been the lone voice in the wilderness crying out about this,” said Dr. Quentin Van Meter, the president of the American College of Pediatricians. “The system is the problem. It is a cult machine sucking these children in and putting them on a conveyor belt.”"
This stuff should be discussed in the culture at large but it isn't. You have probably come across Dr. Grossman who is a great resource. https://www.miriamgrossmanmd.com/
I must admit that, except for the last paragraph, this story horrifies me. It's very clear that the current path of Misgendering Jars and walking on eggshells IS making things worse. Time for Plan B.
This child is behaving like a tyrant, and why wouldn't she when you let her? Yes, things might get worse no matter what. But we still have choices:
(1) model confronting our struggles from a firm foundation based on truth, love, and the love of truth; or (2) model avoiding offense even if it means lying, suffering, and ultimately harming those we're afraid of offending.
Choice #2 never works. Trust me. I talk to so, so many families.
Choice #1 is hard, but at least it CAN work. She may be too late to save, and she'll certainly dig her heels in, since she's grown used to being capitulated to.
But if there's ANY hope that she'll overcome false ideology and embrace her REAL self, she HAS to see someone model that for her. If that someone isn't you, you'll be facing a whole extra layer of betrayals and disappointments down the road
Think about the person she'll become if she recovers. Can you face that person when she asks why you let her harm herself without fighting with everything you've got? It's good you've decided to stop fighting against yourself. It'll teach her to do the same.
Start by fighting those who are fighting against her. If that therapist makes you walk on eggshells, imagine what it's like to be a vulnerable child in their care.
Some things you can't shield her from, like those deluded kids walking down the street. You'll have to teach her how to keep her bearing when others don't. By keeping your bearing when she doesn't.
Good luck to you. Everyone here knows how hard it is, and aches for you. But you're built stronger than you think. Have some faith in yourself.
It’s not clear to me that my approach is making things worse. My daughter was offline for most of the day today and yesterday reading, drawing and writing. She and I worked out together and she’s been making her own meals. These are victories in our house and I will celebrate them. I am not dealing with a tyrant though yes she can be a total bitch. She’s 16. We exercise boundaries. We have limits. We have compromises. We are working together on this. I understand the alarm. Every time I read a horror story about a kid who transitions medically and cuts off their family I freak out. But I also trust my instincts and experience with my child that going full bore against everything is not the right move for now. If you’re right you can tell me because I will keep writing. All the best to you and thank you for commenting. 💙
I'm definitely a believer in parents trusting their instincts. You can put feelers out and get people's input, but only you will know in your heart which ring true or fall flat.
I also like that you asserted yourself with me. Sometimes it's easier to assert ourselves to strangers than to the ones we love. I hope that you give yourself leave to do more of that with your daughter, and that indignities like the misgendering jar will become a thing of the past.
I agree with you. At the same time you need to keep balance. Confront just enough and with lots of love, but not push to hard. I'm trying set some bounderies to restrict this trans craze like limit binding or internet. But when my girl runs out hurt and mad, crying, my heart aches in fear that she will self harm in response to her pain. So we need to chose our battels and timing right.
Then she needs to be taught emotional coping skills for dealing with her pain. 1. Sitting with the feelings and feeling them, breathing while feeling them, until they pass. If they're allowed to be felt, they will subside. And no matter how bad the pain feels, we will survive feeling it, if we allow ourselves to, until the feelings subside. 2. Developing a list of people to talk to. But 1. Really should come first. 3. Journaling. 4
. Going for a walk-and-talk with you, when topics are difficult.. apparently the walking outside really helps. Others on here will have othernideass, as well. Beat wishes.
I wonder...Do you have a teenage kid yourself? 😉 I do agree that these things would help. But to implement them requires time and maturity which my 14 year old doesn't have yet. So, yes, we drive-and-talk about difficult things. And I'm teaching her that aweful feelings and situations don't last forever. Working hard to be on the top of this list of people to talk to 😉 I need to beat a bunch of mentally unstable LGBT friends, but still trying.
Exactly - I have an 11 yo who needs to learn those coping mechanisms but she fiercely resists every suggestion that there is something she could do to help herself cope. She is extremely resistant to the idea these are problems which can be solved. She wants to think they are beyond her control and that medication will cure her distress. It’s magical thinking. I hope that with maturity she will come to accept that there are steps that she can and must take of her own initiative to overcome what feels like debilitating anxiety, distress, and sadness.
I have been listening to the podcast Gender a Wider Lens. I highly recommend. I have learned a lot and the psychotherapists are gender critical and have experts that have been in the field for decades.
Thank you for sharing. Your existence right now seems exhausting and infuriating, and desperately sad. I have no advice but i hope your daughter gets through this and that you and your family can heal. I know it is of little comfort but stories like these can help other families inculcate their children against this insidious social contagion. We must talk openly and often about the dangers of this ideology.
Yes! Thank you. I’ve been looking for something akin to a support group. I’ve read Abigail Shirer’s book twice just to remind myself I’m not crazy. It took half a hot minute for this craze to mushroom. I’m walking around in a daze most days. There was zero dysphoria over anything for my sweet youngest daughter. And oh! How she loved her Mama!💔 She doesn’t talk to me about it and if I try, she shuns me for weeks. I do hope parents of younger children are actively educating their kids regarding this important issue. Then when they come across it on their own, whether by school, internet, or family and friends, they won’t feel like they’ve been presented with a gender menu, “So much to choose from!”
Wow! So much advice in these comments. Were you looking for advice when you agreed to share this entertaining piece that resonated so hard for so many on here? Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty, and for the humor you embed in your delightful writing. I loved this and remember being in much the same place you were when you wrote it. I hope you remember that you are the expert on your family. You got this.
Thanks for this so much! My next piece is writing itself based on the comments! 😀 it’s a great exercise in navigating my plan and finding my center.
Take away the phone, take her out of school. Our daughter started down the manufactured mental disorder and non-binary road in middle school. My husband and I told her that it’s all nonsense and made some big changes. Most importantly, we did not affirm any of it. Restricting online access was a huge help because so much of this is coming directly from YouTube and TikTok. You’re lucky that you and your husband are on the same page, but take the big actions. You’re in a hostage situation where your daughter is your captor.
Your last sentence is me every day. Why can't I bring myself to confront my own daughter. What am I afraid of. That she'll shut me out. She already seems to be doing that. So I'm trying my damdess to strengthen our relationship so that when I do say things she won't like to hear, she'll trust me that I'm being sincere and not against her. That's what I hope anyway. I need to start the conversation soon though because I'm running out of time. She'll be 18 years old in 20 months from now.
You can do it. You’re describing a strategy in place. We’re playing a long con. You’re not alone. We’re all here with you. 💙
Yes. Well said. Damn thus requires so much strategy and careful thought. Always trying to anticipate reactions. Not knowing who to trust anymore in regards to this trans ideology issue is exhausting.
I feel for you. Do you have anyone close to you who can support you in these difficult conversations? Family or close friends who know your kid well and will back you up?
Thank you. I have a good friend who's 15 year old daughter is also caught up in this mess, so we are able to talk about it together. It's so terrifying because we can't trust people we would normally trust like our kids pediatrician, school counselors, teachers, and therapist. My daughter has only come out to me and best friend (different friend from the one mentioned above) who is a lesbian. She actually came out to my best friend first. Unfortunately my friend is in the progressive affirmative camp. I tried my best to explain to her why affirmation is not the best way to handle this, but she dismissed the articles and arguments I sent her, as being biased or having some other flaw. Her only argument to me was that she thinks affirming prevents suicide so she just can't get on board with not affirming. When I brought up ROGD, she referred to it as if it was something i made up. We will be visiting her in Alaska for her wedding in a few weeks, and if my daughter was not so excited about seeing my friends daughter Daisy, I would have canceled. Of course since my friend is affirming, my daughter feels that she's a "safe" person to talk to, and I'm not since I mentioned that trans identity might change one day. I'm working hard on strengthening my relationship with my daughter while not affirming so that hope we can have the difficult conversations without her feeling rejected.
Exactly. I don't understand the rush to medicalization which causes permanent physical changes. It's insane. I'm listening to "The End of Gender" by Dr Deborah Soh. I recommend it if you enjoy science and research based book's.
Thank you so much for your very thoughtful response. It very reassuring to know that people like my self are out there looking for the truth. I love what your psychologist told you. I'm going to remember that if the topic should come up. If you don't mind, I'd like to read the article that your psychologist wrote. I'm so tired of walking on eggshells around this topic with people when it comes up. We shouldn't be afraid to speak what we understand to be the truth with others. Even if it's uncomfortable for both people. Seems like an old fashioned conversation where two people can discuss a topic without hurt feelings or being canceled a thing of the past.
Love everything about this.
continued reply..
At first she dug her heels in. It was hard. Well that was back in May, but I started immediately taking Sasha Ayad's advice of focusing on our mother daughter relationship. I have made that my main priority and focus and have noticed a significant difference in her attitude towards me. We dont talk about the trans issue, but she seems a little more relaxed. I dont know whats going on in her head, but like you said the best way to get through to our kids is to make sure they understand that we have more love and support for them than any online community ever will. We will stand the test of time, and weather the storms. I have only used her chosen name once in text and it felt so wrong. I made it clear that I will not be using it. Thankfully I am the only family member she has "come out" to so calling her by her given name at home is not an issue. I refer to her as my daughter out in public and use she/ her pronouns. Someone has to remind her of who she is and keep her grounded. I think I wont bring up the trans subject unless she does, even though I want to so bad. I want to tell her the serious side effects of medicalization. I want to tell her about the detransition stories of regret, how these girls describe a story that is so similar to hers. How they were "so sure" they were trans, only to realize later it was a mistake. Some get lucky and realize it before medicalization, some have to live with the permanent changes that they have made to their bodies. I want to tell her that is an amazing girl, that she can embrace her masculine side and still be a girl. She does not need to conform to a stereo type. But I'll save that for another day when the time is right. She's 16.5 right now, so I am hoping to get through to her before she turns 18.
This is really valuable advice. I think thats what I have been doing. Mostly just working on reconnecting and strengthening my relationship with my daughter. We havent talked about the the trans issue since she first told me she was trans and felt like a boy (then promptly asked me to set up a doctors appt to pursue medicalization...sigh..). After that the only trans conversations that were had were through text message where she sent me videos of trans youtubers, and a link to the trans medical services our insurance provided. We had an argument over text one day when she was pressuring me to make the Dr appt, and I had to just say no. She was very upset about it, called me transphobic, chastized me for using her "deadname" (at school she has socially transitioned to her peers and teachers, sigh again).
Thanks for writing this. My case is very different but my shattered nerves, broken sleep and anxious dreams are exactly the same. Thank you - and others writing here - for enabling me to get up this morning knowing it's not me that's crazy.
That’s what it’s all for. Connection. All the best to you. 💙
Thank you. And to you, whatever your circumstances.
I watch Exulansic’s videos as well over on the Odysee platform. Found her recently, but had no idea until more recently that she has her own lived experiences with believing she was trans.
And whoa- what she is discussing should be shouted to the rooftops!!!
Yes!!
the misophonia might be real. I have that and it can actually drive a wedge between me and others.
The ADD was real enough but her misophonia is limited to my singing in the car. I gotta call her out on that. But if I’m wrong I’ll admit that too. Thank you!
I understand. Both of my kids hate my singing but it cheers me up so I must continue. The misophonia thing for me is always triggered by people chewing or drinking liquids and it’s bad enough that I self isolate. It’s really bad when people are chewing gum in college classes. It’s actually kinda debilitating. There is nothing that can be done about it. There have been times I wished my mom would take it more seriously because I find it hard to be around her when she is chewing gum. But I get it. It’s ridiculous for me to ask people not to chew, drink, or breathe around me, so…. Hopefully they figure out what the heck it is!
I am the same way! Working from home has been a HUGE relief.
It sounds awful! Hope you get the relief you seek! 💙💙💙
This made me cry. It’s like you were writing my feelings down. My daughter seems a little younger than yours and not as open about it at home. She only came out to me - she doesn’t want it to ruin her relationship with her dad although she knows I tell him everything?! I shut down the pronouns and name immediately. I also blocked discord and YouTube a little while ago, but there were other reasons for it - she was talking to strangers and lied about it. I like how you put it - I’m a gender atheist as well. I have to say I’m loving summer and having her away from her friends and the “helpful” teachers. It’s been very peaceful. I dread when it’s time to go back. I am working up my courage to confront her school about the name. But I truly believe she has to be the one to want to stop using the names and pronouns, otherwise she’ll find a way to use it despite me. I feel like the only thing I can do is keep talking with her.
My life
I have been there. I finally realized that going along with what my daughter wants isn’t helping her, and it is killing me. So we said no more pronouns, no more mens room, no more discord, no more you tube on your phone. You’re going back to youth group and girls camp and we will call you by your middle name. There was drama the first few days, but right now we’re in a lull. I know teenagers are nuts, but daughter us being taken over by a crazy, ready to fight idiot who believes in nonsense. So I’m done. Doing nothing hasn’t helped her, so I’m doing what I think it best. And if I’m wrong, at least I tired. And at least the pit in my stomach that has been there since she came out is gone.
I think you are right. She will know that you love her even if she does not always show it. Also, I would reject "coming out" in this context.
I could see us getting to that point where enough is enough. I am against letting kids lead so I understand. My mind changes hourly on how to navigate this minefield. All the best to you!
My english is not good... but my opinion.. the scool of my girl did not want to change anything and after a year my girl is feeling in bether psychical condition and the thema trans is much more fare...
Your words are clear. If you wish to check for the clarity of your writing, write in French, and then go thru Google translate.
Your insights are refreshing and inspiring. Such as your daughter 's secret happiness at your advice to her. It's encouraging.
Thank you!
I have read your story twice now. I say the next thing with love: Actions speak louder than words. You admit that the therapist is saying one thing, but when faced with the same situation with her own child she DID another. Which way got good results?
Thank you for reading twice! According to her, her kid was on her way out the door to the gender clinic and would not hear anything contradicting her belief. The situation had reached critical mass. We are not at that place with our daughter. Appreciate your concern!
And at least you have a hail Mary pass if things get to that point.
Exactly! I’m not killing flies with cannonballs.
I’ve been researching the man who started what we know as gender theory. John Money. You can’t research him without researching David Reimer. Like Kinsey his dangerous pseudo science ‘somehow’ seeped its way into academia to the point it became a feature of the prevailing zeitgeist. Also like Kinsey, if people would only scrutinize these men they’ll find very twisted sick people. How did the theories of such twisted sick individuals become normalized?
Great question!
Foucault is another one.
Thanks
I think its partly because the last thing anyone wants to be called these days is judgemental, especially about sex. So, we quietly accept nonsense, telling ourselves it's "their thing, not ours," and anyway it's "in the privacy of their bedroom" and it's "not hurting anyone else." We don't want to judge and we let ourselves off the hook.
In the meantime they are hurting everyone, and it doesn't stay in their bedroom because they don't want it to and they are making it our thing, without our permission. Time to start judging.
Right. And there is a difference between being overly judgmental and throwing away any kind of good judgement. It brings us to "Minor Attracted People".
Exactly. Use common sense, and think things through, do some research and then form an opinion from a place of reason. We have that right.
We don't need to make knee-jerk accomodations.
I remember seeing David Reimer on tv in the 80s was it? And reading his biography. What John money did to him and his twin brother was evil. Have you heard about the eunuch-WPATH connection? https://grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/genevieve-gluck-on-her-investigation?s=r&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&utm_source=direct Genevieve Gluck is the bomb.
I know. Apparently the trans theory derives from that bloke's butchery
OMG, I had not. Thank you for that.
I agree - pure evil. And, he got away with it and was influential.
We need this teen/young adult "trans identified" thing to be relegated to one of those Sunday night Docudramas of the week like NXIVM. And, I won't be pleased until we rid our society of the whole GI cult.
I am so looking forward to the GI docuseries. Family viewing at its finest.
Yes.
And if this bill becomes a law I would like for the entire country to watch a case against it brought before the Supreme Court. It would give the "trans child" matter a good airing. Maybe it could raise awareness? I am no lawyer but I don't see how it could hold up.
"California pushes to be sanctuary state for transgender children"
https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/restoring-america/equality-not-elitism/california-pushes-sanctuary-state-transgender-children
"“I’ve been the lone voice in the wilderness crying out about this,” said Dr. Quentin Van Meter, the president of the American College of Pediatricians. “The system is the problem. It is a cult machine sucking these children in and putting them on a conveyor belt.”"
This stuff should be discussed in the culture at large but it isn't. You have probably come across Dr. Grossman who is a great resource. https://www.miriamgrossmanmd.com/
I guess because pedophiles down the line took their cues and continue to do so until stopped
I must admit that, except for the last paragraph, this story horrifies me. It's very clear that the current path of Misgendering Jars and walking on eggshells IS making things worse. Time for Plan B.
This child is behaving like a tyrant, and why wouldn't she when you let her? Yes, things might get worse no matter what. But we still have choices:
(1) model confronting our struggles from a firm foundation based on truth, love, and the love of truth; or (2) model avoiding offense even if it means lying, suffering, and ultimately harming those we're afraid of offending.
Choice #2 never works. Trust me. I talk to so, so many families.
Choice #1 is hard, but at least it CAN work. She may be too late to save, and she'll certainly dig her heels in, since she's grown used to being capitulated to.
But if there's ANY hope that she'll overcome false ideology and embrace her REAL self, she HAS to see someone model that for her. If that someone isn't you, you'll be facing a whole extra layer of betrayals and disappointments down the road
Think about the person she'll become if she recovers. Can you face that person when she asks why you let her harm herself without fighting with everything you've got? It's good you've decided to stop fighting against yourself. It'll teach her to do the same.
Start by fighting those who are fighting against her. If that therapist makes you walk on eggshells, imagine what it's like to be a vulnerable child in their care.
Some things you can't shield her from, like those deluded kids walking down the street. You'll have to teach her how to keep her bearing when others don't. By keeping your bearing when she doesn't.
Good luck to you. Everyone here knows how hard it is, and aches for you. But you're built stronger than you think. Have some faith in yourself.
It’s not clear to me that my approach is making things worse. My daughter was offline for most of the day today and yesterday reading, drawing and writing. She and I worked out together and she’s been making her own meals. These are victories in our house and I will celebrate them. I am not dealing with a tyrant though yes she can be a total bitch. She’s 16. We exercise boundaries. We have limits. We have compromises. We are working together on this. I understand the alarm. Every time I read a horror story about a kid who transitions medically and cuts off their family I freak out. But I also trust my instincts and experience with my child that going full bore against everything is not the right move for now. If you’re right you can tell me because I will keep writing. All the best to you and thank you for commenting. 💙
I'm definitely a believer in parents trusting their instincts. You can put feelers out and get people's input, but only you will know in your heart which ring true or fall flat.
I also like that you asserted yourself with me. Sometimes it's easier to assert ourselves to strangers than to the ones we love. I hope that you give yourself leave to do more of that with your daughter, and that indignities like the misgendering jar will become a thing of the past.
Best to you and your family.
I agree with you. At the same time you need to keep balance. Confront just enough and with lots of love, but not push to hard. I'm trying set some bounderies to restrict this trans craze like limit binding or internet. But when my girl runs out hurt and mad, crying, my heart aches in fear that she will self harm in response to her pain. So we need to chose our battels and timing right.
100%
Then she needs to be taught emotional coping skills for dealing with her pain. 1. Sitting with the feelings and feeling them, breathing while feeling them, until they pass. If they're allowed to be felt, they will subside. And no matter how bad the pain feels, we will survive feeling it, if we allow ourselves to, until the feelings subside. 2. Developing a list of people to talk to. But 1. Really should come first. 3. Journaling. 4
. Going for a walk-and-talk with you, when topics are difficult.. apparently the walking outside really helps. Others on here will have othernideass, as well. Beat wishes.
I wonder...Do you have a teenage kid yourself? 😉 I do agree that these things would help. But to implement them requires time and maturity which my 14 year old doesn't have yet. So, yes, we drive-and-talk about difficult things. And I'm teaching her that aweful feelings and situations don't last forever. Working hard to be on the top of this list of people to talk to 😉 I need to beat a bunch of mentally unstable LGBT friends, but still trying.
Exactly - I have an 11 yo who needs to learn those coping mechanisms but she fiercely resists every suggestion that there is something she could do to help herself cope. She is extremely resistant to the idea these are problems which can be solved. She wants to think they are beyond her control and that medication will cure her distress. It’s magical thinking. I hope that with maturity she will come to accept that there are steps that she can and must take of her own initiative to overcome what feels like debilitating anxiety, distress, and sadness.
Is it ok if I offer a supportive, fierce hug? To Felice also. But only if appropriate.