I have been listening to the podcast Gender a Wider Lens. I highly recommend. I have learned a lot and the psychotherapists are gender critical and have experts that have been in the field for decades.
Thank you for sharing. Your existence right now seems exhausting and infuriating, and desperately sad. I have no advice but i hope your daughter gets through this and that you and your family can heal. I know it is of little comfort but stories like these can help other families inculcate their children against this insidious social contagion. We must talk openly and often about the dangers of this ideology.
Wow! So much advice in these comments. Were you looking for advice when you agreed to share this entertaining piece that resonated so hard for so many on here? Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty, and for the humor you embed in your delightful writing. I loved this and remember being in much the same place you were when you wrote it. I hope you remember that you are the expert on your family. You got this.
Take away the phone, take her out of school. Our daughter started down the manufactured mental disorder and non-binary road in middle school. My husband and I told her that it’s all nonsense and made some big changes. Most importantly, we did not affirm any of it. Restricting online access was a huge help because so much of this is coming directly from YouTube and TikTok. You’re lucky that you and your husband are on the same page, but take the big actions. You’re in a hostage situation where your daughter is your captor.
Your last sentence is me every day. Why can't I bring myself to confront my own daughter. What am I afraid of. That she'll shut me out. She already seems to be doing that. So I'm trying my damdess to strengthen our relationship so that when I do say things she won't like to hear, she'll trust me that I'm being sincere and not against her. That's what I hope anyway. I need to start the conversation soon though because I'm running out of time. She'll be 18 years old in 20 months from now.
Thanks for writing this. My case is very different but my shattered nerves, broken sleep and anxious dreams are exactly the same. Thank you - and others writing here - for enabling me to get up this morning knowing it's not me that's crazy.
I watch Exulansic’s videos as well over on the Odysee platform. Found her recently, but had no idea until more recently that she has her own lived experiences with believing she was trans.
And whoa- what she is discussing should be shouted to the rooftops!!!
This made me cry. It’s like you were writing my feelings down. My daughter seems a little younger than yours and not as open about it at home. She only came out to me - she doesn’t want it to ruin her relationship with her dad although she knows I tell him everything?! I shut down the pronouns and name immediately. I also blocked discord and YouTube a little while ago, but there were other reasons for it - she was talking to strangers and lied about it. I like how you put it - I’m a gender atheist as well. I have to say I’m loving summer and having her away from her friends and the “helpful” teachers. It’s been very peaceful. I dread when it’s time to go back. I am working up my courage to confront her school about the name. But I truly believe she has to be the one to want to stop using the names and pronouns, otherwise she’ll find a way to use it despite me. I feel like the only thing I can do is keep talking with her.
I have been there. I finally realized that going along with what my daughter wants isn’t helping her, and it is killing me. So we said no more pronouns, no more mens room, no more discord, no more you tube on your phone. You’re going back to youth group and girls camp and we will call you by your middle name. There was drama the first few days, but right now we’re in a lull. I know teenagers are nuts, but daughter us being taken over by a crazy, ready to fight idiot who believes in nonsense. So I’m done. Doing nothing hasn’t helped her, so I’m doing what I think it best. And if I’m wrong, at least I tired. And at least the pit in my stomach that has been there since she came out is gone.
My english is not good... but my opinion.. the scool of my girl did not want to change anything and after a year my girl is feeling in bether psychical condition and the thema trans is much more fare...
I have read your story twice now. I say the next thing with love: Actions speak louder than words. You admit that the therapist is saying one thing, but when faced with the same situation with her own child she DID another. Which way got good results?
I’ve been researching the man who started what we know as gender theory. John Money. You can’t research him without researching David Reimer. Like Kinsey his dangerous pseudo science ‘somehow’ seeped its way into academia to the point it became a feature of the prevailing zeitgeist. Also like Kinsey, if people would only scrutinize these men they’ll find very twisted sick people. How did the theories of such twisted sick individuals become normalized?
I must admit that, except for the last paragraph, this story horrifies me. It's very clear that the current path of Misgendering Jars and walking on eggshells IS making things worse. Time for Plan B.
This child is behaving like a tyrant, and why wouldn't she when you let her? Yes, things might get worse no matter what. But we still have choices:
(1) model confronting our struggles from a firm foundation based on truth, love, and the love of truth; or (2) model avoiding offense even if it means lying, suffering, and ultimately harming those we're afraid of offending.
Choice #2 never works. Trust me. I talk to so, so many families.
Choice #1 is hard, but at least it CAN work. She may be too late to save, and she'll certainly dig her heels in, since she's grown used to being capitulated to.
But if there's ANY hope that she'll overcome false ideology and embrace her REAL self, she HAS to see someone model that for her. If that someone isn't you, you'll be facing a whole extra layer of betrayals and disappointments down the road
Think about the person she'll become if she recovers. Can you face that person when she asks why you let her harm herself without fighting with everything you've got? It's good you've decided to stop fighting against yourself. It'll teach her to do the same.
Start by fighting those who are fighting against her. If that therapist makes you walk on eggshells, imagine what it's like to be a vulnerable child in their care.
Some things you can't shield her from, like those deluded kids walking down the street. You'll have to teach her how to keep her bearing when others don't. By keeping your bearing when she doesn't.
Good luck to you. Everyone here knows how hard it is, and aches for you. But you're built stronger than you think. Have some faith in yourself.
I have been listening to the podcast Gender a Wider Lens. I highly recommend. I have learned a lot and the psychotherapists are gender critical and have experts that have been in the field for decades.
Thank you for sharing. Your existence right now seems exhausting and infuriating, and desperately sad. I have no advice but i hope your daughter gets through this and that you and your family can heal. I know it is of little comfort but stories like these can help other families inculcate their children against this insidious social contagion. We must talk openly and often about the dangers of this ideology.
Wow! So much advice in these comments. Were you looking for advice when you agreed to share this entertaining piece that resonated so hard for so many on here? Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty, and for the humor you embed in your delightful writing. I loved this and remember being in much the same place you were when you wrote it. I hope you remember that you are the expert on your family. You got this.
Take away the phone, take her out of school. Our daughter started down the manufactured mental disorder and non-binary road in middle school. My husband and I told her that it’s all nonsense and made some big changes. Most importantly, we did not affirm any of it. Restricting online access was a huge help because so much of this is coming directly from YouTube and TikTok. You’re lucky that you and your husband are on the same page, but take the big actions. You’re in a hostage situation where your daughter is your captor.
Your last sentence is me every day. Why can't I bring myself to confront my own daughter. What am I afraid of. That she'll shut me out. She already seems to be doing that. So I'm trying my damdess to strengthen our relationship so that when I do say things she won't like to hear, she'll trust me that I'm being sincere and not against her. That's what I hope anyway. I need to start the conversation soon though because I'm running out of time. She'll be 18 years old in 20 months from now.
Thanks for writing this. My case is very different but my shattered nerves, broken sleep and anxious dreams are exactly the same. Thank you - and others writing here - for enabling me to get up this morning knowing it's not me that's crazy.
I watch Exulansic’s videos as well over on the Odysee platform. Found her recently, but had no idea until more recently that she has her own lived experiences with believing she was trans.
And whoa- what she is discussing should be shouted to the rooftops!!!
the misophonia might be real. I have that and it can actually drive a wedge between me and others.
This made me cry. It’s like you were writing my feelings down. My daughter seems a little younger than yours and not as open about it at home. She only came out to me - she doesn’t want it to ruin her relationship with her dad although she knows I tell him everything?! I shut down the pronouns and name immediately. I also blocked discord and YouTube a little while ago, but there were other reasons for it - she was talking to strangers and lied about it. I like how you put it - I’m a gender atheist as well. I have to say I’m loving summer and having her away from her friends and the “helpful” teachers. It’s been very peaceful. I dread when it’s time to go back. I am working up my courage to confront her school about the name. But I truly believe she has to be the one to want to stop using the names and pronouns, otherwise she’ll find a way to use it despite me. I feel like the only thing I can do is keep talking with her.
My life
I have been there. I finally realized that going along with what my daughter wants isn’t helping her, and it is killing me. So we said no more pronouns, no more mens room, no more discord, no more you tube on your phone. You’re going back to youth group and girls camp and we will call you by your middle name. There was drama the first few days, but right now we’re in a lull. I know teenagers are nuts, but daughter us being taken over by a crazy, ready to fight idiot who believes in nonsense. So I’m done. Doing nothing hasn’t helped her, so I’m doing what I think it best. And if I’m wrong, at least I tired. And at least the pit in my stomach that has been there since she came out is gone.
My english is not good... but my opinion.. the scool of my girl did not want to change anything and after a year my girl is feeling in bether psychical condition and the thema trans is much more fare...
Your insights are refreshing and inspiring. Such as your daughter 's secret happiness at your advice to her. It's encouraging.
I have read your story twice now. I say the next thing with love: Actions speak louder than words. You admit that the therapist is saying one thing, but when faced with the same situation with her own child she DID another. Which way got good results?
I’ve been researching the man who started what we know as gender theory. John Money. You can’t research him without researching David Reimer. Like Kinsey his dangerous pseudo science ‘somehow’ seeped its way into academia to the point it became a feature of the prevailing zeitgeist. Also like Kinsey, if people would only scrutinize these men they’ll find very twisted sick people. How did the theories of such twisted sick individuals become normalized?
I must admit that, except for the last paragraph, this story horrifies me. It's very clear that the current path of Misgendering Jars and walking on eggshells IS making things worse. Time for Plan B.
This child is behaving like a tyrant, and why wouldn't she when you let her? Yes, things might get worse no matter what. But we still have choices:
(1) model confronting our struggles from a firm foundation based on truth, love, and the love of truth; or (2) model avoiding offense even if it means lying, suffering, and ultimately harming those we're afraid of offending.
Choice #2 never works. Trust me. I talk to so, so many families.
Choice #1 is hard, but at least it CAN work. She may be too late to save, and she'll certainly dig her heels in, since she's grown used to being capitulated to.
But if there's ANY hope that she'll overcome false ideology and embrace her REAL self, she HAS to see someone model that for her. If that someone isn't you, you'll be facing a whole extra layer of betrayals and disappointments down the road
Think about the person she'll become if she recovers. Can you face that person when she asks why you let her harm herself without fighting with everything you've got? It's good you've decided to stop fighting against yourself. It'll teach her to do the same.
Start by fighting those who are fighting against her. If that therapist makes you walk on eggshells, imagine what it's like to be a vulnerable child in their care.
Some things you can't shield her from, like those deluded kids walking down the street. You'll have to teach her how to keep her bearing when others don't. By keeping your bearing when she doesn't.
Good luck to you. Everyone here knows how hard it is, and aches for you. But you're built stronger than you think. Have some faith in yourself.