18 Comments
User's avatar
⭠ Return to thread
TennesseeGirl4Life's avatar

My heart breaks for you. As a therapist myself, I urge you to beware of any therapist who tells you that they will not be affirming. They will lie to you. The APA code of “ethics” (how ironic) requires “affirmation” for “gender non-conforming individuals”. Look it up.

Expand full comment
Dr Maggie Goldsmith's avatar

Some of us are no longer members of the APA, not because we don’t subscribe to a code of ethics, but because our ethical standards are higher still. Here are some questions you can ask a potential therapist for your child: What is your stance on parental involvement in the therapeutic process? How frequently do you envision meeting with us, as parents? How open are you to us reaching out to you? Pushback on the idea of collaboration with parents (who are with the kid outside of the 45-50 minutes that the therapist spends with the kid each week), should send up red flags. Similarly, an expectation that the therapist can “fix” things in 50 minutes a week is unrealistic.

Expand full comment
BestRegards's avatar

What about for kids who have turned 18? What should we do? Thanks.

Expand full comment
Dr Maggie Goldsmith's avatar

In what sense? If the 18 year old is living at home with parents, some of the same things apply, although it gets more complicated.

Expand full comment
BestRegards's avatar

No they are in college and has picked his own affirming therapist. Not sure if parents are allowed to contact the therapist and let them know of their history or if it would make any difference. To let therapist know of his traumas and past history. Thanks.

Expand full comment
Dr Maggie Goldsmith's avatar

The primary concern then has to be to try to maintain any kind of positive connection that still exists with parents. One option might be to get a private practitioner from outside the college, e.g., the parent’s therapist, to contact the college therapist and simply provide information. You want something on file so that they can’t say they didn’t know.

Expand full comment
BestRegards's avatar

What do you mean “they didn’t know”? What did they didn’t know? The college therapist met twice with him and the found him a therapist online. Thank you.

Expand full comment
Dr Maggie Goldsmith's avatar

Who is paying for the online therapy?

Expand full comment
BestRegards's avatar

We are thru insurance. School counselor found someone who is in network.

Expand full comment
Dr Maggie Goldsmith's avatar

How is your relationship with your child? Are you able to communicate your concerns about the affirming therapist? It’s more likely that an in-network therapist is going to follow “standard practice” which is to affirm. Would your child be open to working with a different therapist if you offered such?

Expand full comment
BestRegards's avatar

No, we have exhausted too many therapists for being affirming but he really needs therapist for other issues as well. He is mad for pulling the plug on the others because they were too affirming. He wants affirming. All I know of this new therapist is that she is middle age as he put it- So I am hoping she is onboard with seeing this as a social contagion.. They only had one session so far. Once I get her name from bill I can look into her profile. But pulling him out of this therapist will strain our relationship even more and he needs help for depression anxiety and trauma. Idk what else to do. Thank you.

Expand full comment
TennesseeGirl4Life's avatar

Excellent questions. I am not a member. I don’t take insurance. I don’t use any type of electronic records. I could still face loss of license if someone reported me (which means next to nothing to me at this point in my career). The world of mental health is corrupt to the core. The insane are running the asylum.

Expand full comment
Dr Maggie Goldsmith's avatar

Same here. I often remind people that some years ago a few high ranking people at the APA were advising the government on the effectiveness of water boarding in rendering prisoners.

Expand full comment
GenderRealistMom's avatar

Is there nothing in the APA code of "ethics" about lying to the parents about what kind of service you are providing for their money?

Expand full comment
Dr Maggie Goldsmith's avatar

The main purpose of any institution is to insure its own propagation and viability into the future by collecting fees and regulating members’ professional behavior so that the ultimate beneficiary is the institution. Any real benefit to members or to the people served by professionals is a by-product of whatever benefits the institution, not a priority.

Expand full comment
TennesseeGirl4Life's avatar

Yes to this!!!

Expand full comment
TennesseeGirl4Life's avatar

The simple answer is “no”.

Expand full comment