By the time I came out as trans, I’d already made the decision to transition. I had planned my own death in excruciating detail to ensure success. I wasn’t depressed because of dysphoria. It was untreated depression my therapists thought was because of my dysphoria.
Thank you very much for writing this. It's vitally important that detransitioners tell their stories. I believe it will go a long way to helping turn the tide on this medical crisis.
I was thinking about the posts I sometimes see ridiculing trans-identifying males for their less than stellar housekeeping. I'm neither male nor trans-identifying, but I have ADHD and housekeeping has always been the bane of my existence. Highly intelligent males who are socially ostracized often seem to be on the autism spectrum and/or have ADHD. It would seem that helping someone learn coping skills that work for them would be best, but that doesn't put $$$ in the surgeon's pockets the way encouraging vulnerable populations to transition does.
Thanks for speaking out. I know it can be tough to admit that you made a mistake. Have you reached out to your affirming doctors to let them know that maybe a re evaluation of their methods is in order? I don't know if it would help, but it can't hurt.
I believe that many of these people think they are helping these kids. They don't believe the parents, who they think are motivated by bias. They are more likely to believe a patient reporting a bad outcome.
This is actually a pretty remarkable piece of writing I think. I wish/hope it could get published someplace big. The driving tragedy is how someone can see themselves so clearly and honestly now, but couldn't/didn't before surgery. Oof. I can't imagine what the author has been through, but this is the kind of piece historians will rediscover and use to explain What The Hell Happened in the 2020s. Thank you very much for posting, and please try to get it or something similar published in print!
An insightful courageous essay. However, I'm left wondering what triggered the post op regret that allowed this seeing through the veil of lies around "transition" being possible and how it did not address underlying issues.
I'm sorry for your experience. It should never have happened, particularly because your profile is one of the least appropriate for transition. Indeed it is the most inappropriate for males. You were a nonhomosexual adult male. No history of crossdressing. You considered having sex with men but only as a consequence of transition. You were depressed and you had body dysmorphia- these are not gender dysphoria even though they can occur comorbidly. There was no justification for you to be encouraged to transition.
Only the most extreme homosexuals should 'transition' - it's more like completion for them - and surgery, in all cases, should never be considered until the subject has spent at least 2 years living full time in the target gender. (If you can't do that pre-op, what makes you think you could do it post-op?) Others please be warned.
Teachers, psychologists, therapists, psychiatrists, doctors, and surgeons need to be stripped of licenses and jailed for life. These are "professions" in name only. They're destructive as they are; they could provide utility by digging ditches or paving roads.
Very powerful post. I wish you recovery and healing!
Sending you a load of love and a hug. You are brave and strong and have such an interesting way of seeing the world. We are out here supporting you, I hope you can feel it x
Thank you for having the courage to write this. It must have been difficult. I am sure you are not alone in that there will be many detransitioners. I hope you find help and support. I find the modern obsession with outward looks so sad. It is our inner being that matters. It is what really connects us to others. You seem thoughtful, intelligent and brave. I wish you well.
I love all of this analysis and self reflection done by the author. Especially the last paragraph and doubly especially the last sentence.. "You (were born) are a man (or woman) and always will be. No amount of surgeries will ever change that. Anybody that tells you they’re required for you to be yourself is lying to you and trying to manipulate you. Don’t let fear and depression cause you to give into them. You’re so much stronger than you think you are."
There are two crimes here: the medical/therapeutic clinicians who have become monsters and who failed you on an incomprehensible level, and the medical organizations and MSM working to ensure that your life story will never be heard beyond our safe spaces.
Thank you for writing this. It's easy to get discouraged and consider giving up the fight, but your words and the words of others harmed by this nightmare remind us that there is no rolling over.
You are so right about the "Fake Healers." I'm in a women's community with a massive amount of therapists (which I suspect is partly because it's a way to have a career with being able to choose hours for easy work and getting automatic respect) and I'm guessing most would be doing exactly what was done to you. I forget how many of them are here, thinking they are mini-gods.
A few years ago at a community brunch a discussion started about women in our community "transitioning." I said why I object to it and did not believe "body dysphoria" was the reason since most I knew were not what is considered "Butch" but very feminine. The one doing the most talking, who I later found out is a therapist, lectured me that I had no idea what it was like to grow up feeling like I didn't fit in.
Seriously? I was in shock because anyone looking at me would know I had never fit in, as a little naturally Butch girl who refused male-identified femininity, shoes that hurt, clothes that scratches my skin, dresses that exposed me and made me more injured when I fell, etc. As an adult I have have been insulted and attacked by strangers and neighbors, but also harmed by doctors because I'm not a traditional woman in patriarchy. (I was refused a strep test once by a smirking woman doctor who asked if I had AIDS when she was much more likely to have it than me since I'm at zero risk because I'm a Lesbian.) I didn't count to this therapist because she already had her lecture prepared and it didn't matter who she said it to. And this is in a community that theoretically is feminist. But the focus is all about supporting the trans cult and good luck to anyone who dares object or disagree. And therapists have become a kind of religious icon.
So what you wrote is very important. Besides your and others speaking out, the therapists need to be confronted and help accountable, on every level we can do it. They have power no one should have. Thank you.
I so agree. We are taught to trust them, but when I first found the Lesbian Feminist community, there was a lot of discussion about how many Lesbians had been harmed by therapists, including locked in mental hospitals for talking about being sexually assaulted by their fathers and other male relatives. Some would write "therapist" as "the rapist." But then a lot of feminists went into therapy though I started noticing that a lot of them seemed to have more mental/emotional problems than other women and were more likely to use their power to bully or be abusive. Not all since some really do care, but enough that it was disturbing. The harm so many are doing now is on a whole other horrific level.
"I didn’t fit in with the boys. I already had gender confusion."
If there had been more like you around you, clearly identical spirits, would that have made it easier knowing who you are?
I think that our deep self is beyond sex, gender and sexuality, but your body is now that of a man shaped to look like a woman. I seriously hope that you find a man who will love you the way you are. I am sure that there is someone for you out there.
I also deeply respect and appreciate the insight you provided in your writing. Thank you for that and I hope it may prevent others from making the mistakes you did. I am so sorry that you had to go through this and I wish you all the best finding your path in life. Be strong!
So heart rending to read. But beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you very much for writing this. It's vitally important that detransitioners tell their stories. I believe it will go a long way to helping turn the tide on this medical crisis.
I was thinking about the posts I sometimes see ridiculing trans-identifying males for their less than stellar housekeeping. I'm neither male nor trans-identifying, but I have ADHD and housekeeping has always been the bane of my existence. Highly intelligent males who are socially ostracized often seem to be on the autism spectrum and/or have ADHD. It would seem that helping someone learn coping skills that work for them would be best, but that doesn't put $$$ in the surgeon's pockets the way encouraging vulnerable populations to transition does.
Thanks for speaking out. I know it can be tough to admit that you made a mistake. Have you reached out to your affirming doctors to let them know that maybe a re evaluation of their methods is in order? I don't know if it would help, but it can't hurt.
stickers contains psilocybin
I believe that many of these people think they are helping these kids. They don't believe the parents, who they think are motivated by bias. They are more likely to believe a patient reporting a bad outcome.
Wonderful writing, and so tragically sad. I can feel the confusion and pain. Great description of OCD too.
This is actually a pretty remarkable piece of writing I think. I wish/hope it could get published someplace big. The driving tragedy is how someone can see themselves so clearly and honestly now, but couldn't/didn't before surgery. Oof. I can't imagine what the author has been through, but this is the kind of piece historians will rediscover and use to explain What The Hell Happened in the 2020s. Thank you very much for posting, and please try to get it or something similar published in print!
An insightful courageous essay. However, I'm left wondering what triggered the post op regret that allowed this seeing through the veil of lies around "transition" being possible and how it did not address underlying issues.
I'm sorry for your experience. It should never have happened, particularly because your profile is one of the least appropriate for transition. Indeed it is the most inappropriate for males. You were a nonhomosexual adult male. No history of crossdressing. You considered having sex with men but only as a consequence of transition. You were depressed and you had body dysmorphia- these are not gender dysphoria even though they can occur comorbidly. There was no justification for you to be encouraged to transition.
Only the most extreme homosexuals should 'transition' - it's more like completion for them - and surgery, in all cases, should never be considered until the subject has spent at least 2 years living full time in the target gender. (If you can't do that pre-op, what makes you think you could do it post-op?) Others please be warned.
Teachers, psychologists, therapists, psychiatrists, doctors, and surgeons need to be stripped of licenses and jailed for life. These are "professions" in name only. They're destructive as they are; they could provide utility by digging ditches or paving roads.
Very powerful post. I wish you recovery and healing!
That was powerful x
I can appreciate how much harder it is for men to tell these stories than women.
Sending you a load of love and a hug. You are brave and strong and have such an interesting way of seeing the world. We are out here supporting you, I hope you can feel it x
Thank you for having the courage to write this. It must have been difficult. I am sure you are not alone in that there will be many detransitioners. I hope you find help and support. I find the modern obsession with outward looks so sad. It is our inner being that matters. It is what really connects us to others. You seem thoughtful, intelligent and brave. I wish you well.
I love all of this analysis and self reflection done by the author. Especially the last paragraph and doubly especially the last sentence.. "You (were born) are a man (or woman) and always will be. No amount of surgeries will ever change that. Anybody that tells you they’re required for you to be yourself is lying to you and trying to manipulate you. Don’t let fear and depression cause you to give into them. You’re so much stronger than you think you are."
There are two crimes here: the medical/therapeutic clinicians who have become monsters and who failed you on an incomprehensible level, and the medical organizations and MSM working to ensure that your life story will never be heard beyond our safe spaces.
Thank you for writing this. It's easy to get discouraged and consider giving up the fight, but your words and the words of others harmed by this nightmare remind us that there is no rolling over.
You are so right about the "Fake Healers." I'm in a women's community with a massive amount of therapists (which I suspect is partly because it's a way to have a career with being able to choose hours for easy work and getting automatic respect) and I'm guessing most would be doing exactly what was done to you. I forget how many of them are here, thinking they are mini-gods.
A few years ago at a community brunch a discussion started about women in our community "transitioning." I said why I object to it and did not believe "body dysphoria" was the reason since most I knew were not what is considered "Butch" but very feminine. The one doing the most talking, who I later found out is a therapist, lectured me that I had no idea what it was like to grow up feeling like I didn't fit in.
Seriously? I was in shock because anyone looking at me would know I had never fit in, as a little naturally Butch girl who refused male-identified femininity, shoes that hurt, clothes that scratches my skin, dresses that exposed me and made me more injured when I fell, etc. As an adult I have have been insulted and attacked by strangers and neighbors, but also harmed by doctors because I'm not a traditional woman in patriarchy. (I was refused a strep test once by a smirking woman doctor who asked if I had AIDS when she was much more likely to have it than me since I'm at zero risk because I'm a Lesbian.) I didn't count to this therapist because she already had her lecture prepared and it didn't matter who she said it to. And this is in a community that theoretically is feminist. But the focus is all about supporting the trans cult and good luck to anyone who dares object or disagree. And therapists have become a kind of religious icon.
So what you wrote is very important. Besides your and others speaking out, the therapists need to be confronted and help accountable, on every level we can do it. They have power no one should have. Thank you.
I so agree. We are taught to trust them, but when I first found the Lesbian Feminist community, there was a lot of discussion about how many Lesbians had been harmed by therapists, including locked in mental hospitals for talking about being sexually assaulted by their fathers and other male relatives. Some would write "therapist" as "the rapist." But then a lot of feminists went into therapy though I started noticing that a lot of them seemed to have more mental/emotional problems than other women and were more likely to use their power to bully or be abusive. Not all since some really do care, but enough that it was disturbing. The harm so many are doing now is on a whole other horrific level.
"I didn’t fit in with the boys. I already had gender confusion."
If there had been more like you around you, clearly identical spirits, would that have made it easier knowing who you are?
I think that our deep self is beyond sex, gender and sexuality, but your body is now that of a man shaped to look like a woman. I seriously hope that you find a man who will love you the way you are. I am sure that there is someone for you out there.
I also deeply respect and appreciate the insight you provided in your writing. Thank you for that and I hope it may prevent others from making the mistakes you did. I am so sorry that you had to go through this and I wish you all the best finding your path in life. Be strong!