I’m directing this message to all parents of boys, in the hope that you don’t make the same mistake my parents did. Is your son considered “girly”? Does he show behaviors and mannerisms which are traditionally considered feminine? Does he have interests which are more commonly associated with girls? Congratulations! Your son is effeminate—maybe he will grow up gay.
Transgendering children (adults)is a total rejection of who they are. The community has acceptance backwards. If the family and medical community ( TEACHERS!) want to be accepting, then stop trying to change their bodies. Love them for who they are, body and soul. When you tell them that they are in the wrong body, this is rejection. There are only 2 ways out, surgery or suicide. Master manipulation.
I appreciate the article. Unfortunately you can't talk to your trans son that way if their suicidal. If we show any indication that he's a boy then all helI brakes loose. I hate what this world has done to him.
I have an effeminate 9 year old boy and I love him just the way he is. I let him express himself however he wants, which, for a while, meant wearing girl's clothes.
Rest assured, there are some parents out there that stand by there effeminate sons. I'm sorry you did not have that growing up.
I just subscribed to this young man's substack (which is well worth doing), and from there clicked through to his friend, Steven's, autobiographical essay, 'purification rites'. I'm posting this link to that essay because it demonstrates, in plain language, what is at stake for all the young people who get caught up in gender indoctrination and medical malpractice. I warn that it is a devastating read.
I disagree. I think you have to become a something before you become your own unique self.
I strongly believe boys should be formally trained in masculine styles, work, and patterns of thought. Not only in doing make patterns of activity, but also why they are important.
Then after having experience as a healthy adult male, one can alter plot their own path.
The true goal in parenting is not to follow childish whims. It is to install culture and structure into your child so they can be powerful and successful in the real world. We are both our unique selves AND a part of the times and culture and family we arrive in.
Parents should help children bridge the divide to become the best of both.
Furthermore clothes and styles are masculine and feminine. How do we know? Primarily by historical female mating choices. Female mating preferences are the core driver of society and culture.
People who want to be counter culture with their hair, dress or anything else are rebels. It’s fine to choose to be a rebel if you have the strength of character to handle the heat.
Expecting or demanding society change so rebels can feel comfortable is both narcissistic and insane. Not only will it not work, but it will harm millions caught in the middle. Delusions are harmful and result in insane things like gender surgery.
According to this comment I would consider myself a gender rebel then. I broke out of the narrow "man box" without transing again. Yes, I have long and well-groomed hair. I shave and wax, I'm basically hairless. I dress more fancy and feminine. Most men's clothing is boring anyway. My behavior and mannerisms are considered womanly. I see nothing wrong with this. I'm convinced that a specific amount of effeminacy is innate, it's not just socialization. My environment tried to "convert" and "cure" me, and they failed. I'm still homosexual and I still have my feminine qualities and I embrace them.
Of course I (we?) can't change societal view on gender norms and culture from today to tomorrow, but I can break out of them and live my best life possible. I and my future partner need to feel comfortable and whole, not everyone else around me/us.
Ah, I disagree. What we call feminine and masculine is a lot a social construct. Girls can do anything from girly girly to very masculine. Boys are stuck in horrid stereotypes.
You do need to help you kid learn that our culture is backwards but a woman's place is... everywhere. And so is a man's.
Hmm. Many cultures around the world have a third category for naturally effeminate males so that those more inclined toward "masculine styles, work, and patterns of thought" don't feel like they have to share their category with these more effeminate males--who do not believe themselves to be women but are allowed a more feminine role in the culture. Because this third category exists, these males aren't confused and convinced they are actually the opposite sex. As a result, one theory is that because we're so intolerant of feminine males in our culture, these boys feel they have little choice but to insist they're actually girls. And we have a medical market willing to experiment on them. I would also say "powerful and successful" doesn't always need to be the goal. I have no desire to be what our culture would define as "powerful and successful" and I live a very satisfying and meaningful life that I'm quite content with. I value the idea that there are lots of ways to be in the world. I would agree that if you're going to rebel it might be important to "have the strength of character to handle the heat" which usually develops from overcoming difficult things.
But we are very tolerant of feminine males today. We've never veen3more tolerant. Yet the transing stuff is new. (Except for a verryyyyy small few before)
Of course powerful and successful is the only loving goal for your children.
Otherwise you are saying they should be weak and failures.
Power does not mean physical dominance. Power does not mean abuse. Weak people abuse. Weak people shoot up schools. Power means able to complete tasks and reach goals in a social context. To achieve success within the reality of what society really is.
You can win in many contexts, but it makes the most sense to prepare your children for success in the broadest context; physically, intellectually, socially, sexually.
Just as females who are classically attractive and sexy have the largest range of choices in men, men who have classical skills, strength, and sexiness has the greatest choice among women.
People aren’t just who they are born to be. We are trained to act against our natures. We are taught to go to the bathroom in the toilet, we are taught math. Becoming social and successful is a large part about acting against our natural desires and inclinations. The ultimate power is to have a broad base of skills and then choose what works best for you. Acquiring that broad base requires discipline, some discomfort, and acting against your nature.
There may be some societies that have more effeminate men, some of those same societies also have a problem with child rape and commercialization.
I don’t have a problem with men who want to be effeminate. Nor do I have a problem with people who are counter culture. But if you choose to live that way you must do it from a position of internal strength and fortitude, not from a position of expecting society to mold itself to you.
The medical abuse you are speaking of is an entirely insane, abusive, and largely separate topic. When it comes to children, the researcher Money was proven wrong long ago and the vast majority of children will choose to live as their own sex after having therapy for trauma and reaching the age of puberty. The fact that this treatment isn’t standard is because of delusional activists manipulating the hand of the industry by claims of victimhood status.
I think there is a distinction to be made between boys who have an effeminate nature and to boys who see trans as a solution to self hated and depression but who not have an effeminate nature. The world is big enough for both of these phenomenon to be occurring.
This. I like to distinguish between natural effeminacy and forced feminization. The later can never work, because you can clearly recognize it in people who force it. It's specially noticeable when they didn't show traits of effeminacy since early childhood, like I did. Also worth mentioning. When you are effeminate by nature, it looks forced when you try to act stereotypical manly, since you are basically fighting against your natural personality. I was not allowed to embrace it. Transition seemed like a viable option to escape the expectations of being a man without compromising my personality.
Bravo👏 Very good points! If we let kids be kids without gender pressure or stereotypes then it is possible that a boy or girl will learn to be comfortable in the skin they were born in. If your son wants long hair and keeps it clean - why not? If your daughter wants short hair - that is fine. 45 years ago when I was in high school I wore my hair short - I was tired of the electric curlers, hair spray, mouse, frizzy ends! I grew up when guys grew their hair long and I loved it. No one put pressure on us back then about what gender we identified with or questioned “why” - pink is a great color on anyone, pets included! I think parents should encourage more and worry less - discuss “feelings” and make sure that your voice is heard about the dangers of transgendering at young ages. Kids/teens change their minds often which is normal. It drives us parents crazy but that is part of a child learning to become an adult. Testing the waters, taking a step back, rethinking Plan A and liking Plan B better, only to chose Plan C. Normal. Effeminate males and Tomboy girls are sometimes just that. Still praying every day!
He could also just be straight too. That's the beauty of a world not constricted by narrow suffocating gender stereotypes. I've dated many lovely effeminate males, gentle, caring, look great in guyliner (eye liner!) and skirts, many goth boys did this in my day, I miss them!
Transgendering children (adults)is a total rejection of who they are. The community has acceptance backwards. If the family and medical community ( TEACHERS!) want to be accepting, then stop trying to change their bodies. Love them for who they are, body and soul. When you tell them that they are in the wrong body, this is rejection. There are only 2 ways out, surgery or suicide. Master manipulation.
I appreciate the article. Unfortunately you can't talk to your trans son that way if their suicidal. If we show any indication that he's a boy then all helI brakes loose. I hate what this world has done to him.
I have an effeminate 9 year old boy and I love him just the way he is. I let him express himself however he wants, which, for a while, meant wearing girl's clothes.
Rest assured, there are some parents out there that stand by there effeminate sons. I'm sorry you did not have that growing up.
I just subscribed to this young man's substack (which is well worth doing), and from there clicked through to his friend, Steven's, autobiographical essay, 'purification rites'. I'm posting this link to that essay because it demonstrates, in plain language, what is at stake for all the young people who get caught up in gender indoctrination and medical malpractice. I warn that it is a devastating read.
https://cutdowntree.substack.com/p/purification-rites?s=r
(I hope it's ok to post the link here; not sure of the rules regarding reposts; will delete comment on request).
Bravo!!!! Thank you for saying what I have been thinking; this is all so f****** regressive! Let boys be boys, which is exactly however they are <3
And not to call girls “ Tom-boys “ but “ athletic.
Love your children how they were birthed and have faith in the way you raised them.
There's nothing wrong with the word tomboy though..
I disagree. I think you have to become a something before you become your own unique self.
I strongly believe boys should be formally trained in masculine styles, work, and patterns of thought. Not only in doing make patterns of activity, but also why they are important.
Then after having experience as a healthy adult male, one can alter plot their own path.
The true goal in parenting is not to follow childish whims. It is to install culture and structure into your child so they can be powerful and successful in the real world. We are both our unique selves AND a part of the times and culture and family we arrive in.
Parents should help children bridge the divide to become the best of both.
Furthermore clothes and styles are masculine and feminine. How do we know? Primarily by historical female mating choices. Female mating preferences are the core driver of society and culture.
People who want to be counter culture with their hair, dress or anything else are rebels. It’s fine to choose to be a rebel if you have the strength of character to handle the heat.
Expecting or demanding society change so rebels can feel comfortable is both narcissistic and insane. Not only will it not work, but it will harm millions caught in the middle. Delusions are harmful and result in insane things like gender surgery.
According to this comment I would consider myself a gender rebel then. I broke out of the narrow "man box" without transing again. Yes, I have long and well-groomed hair. I shave and wax, I'm basically hairless. I dress more fancy and feminine. Most men's clothing is boring anyway. My behavior and mannerisms are considered womanly. I see nothing wrong with this. I'm convinced that a specific amount of effeminacy is innate, it's not just socialization. My environment tried to "convert" and "cure" me, and they failed. I'm still homosexual and I still have my feminine qualities and I embrace them.
Of course I (we?) can't change societal view on gender norms and culture from today to tomorrow, but I can break out of them and live my best life possible. I and my future partner need to feel comfortable and whole, not everyone else around me/us.
Ah, I disagree. What we call feminine and masculine is a lot a social construct. Girls can do anything from girly girly to very masculine. Boys are stuck in horrid stereotypes.
You do need to help you kid learn that our culture is backwards but a woman's place is... everywhere. And so is a man's.
I love this post.
Hmm. Many cultures around the world have a third category for naturally effeminate males so that those more inclined toward "masculine styles, work, and patterns of thought" don't feel like they have to share their category with these more effeminate males--who do not believe themselves to be women but are allowed a more feminine role in the culture. Because this third category exists, these males aren't confused and convinced they are actually the opposite sex. As a result, one theory is that because we're so intolerant of feminine males in our culture, these boys feel they have little choice but to insist they're actually girls. And we have a medical market willing to experiment on them. I would also say "powerful and successful" doesn't always need to be the goal. I have no desire to be what our culture would define as "powerful and successful" and I live a very satisfying and meaningful life that I'm quite content with. I value the idea that there are lots of ways to be in the world. I would agree that if you're going to rebel it might be important to "have the strength of character to handle the heat" which usually develops from overcoming difficult things.
But we are very tolerant of feminine males today. We've never veen3more tolerant. Yet the transing stuff is new. (Except for a verryyyyy small few before)
Of course powerful and successful is the only loving goal for your children.
Otherwise you are saying they should be weak and failures.
Power does not mean physical dominance. Power does not mean abuse. Weak people abuse. Weak people shoot up schools. Power means able to complete tasks and reach goals in a social context. To achieve success within the reality of what society really is.
You can win in many contexts, but it makes the most sense to prepare your children for success in the broadest context; physically, intellectually, socially, sexually.
Just as females who are classically attractive and sexy have the largest range of choices in men, men who have classical skills, strength, and sexiness has the greatest choice among women.
People aren’t just who they are born to be. We are trained to act against our natures. We are taught to go to the bathroom in the toilet, we are taught math. Becoming social and successful is a large part about acting against our natural desires and inclinations. The ultimate power is to have a broad base of skills and then choose what works best for you. Acquiring that broad base requires discipline, some discomfort, and acting against your nature.
There may be some societies that have more effeminate men, some of those same societies also have a problem with child rape and commercialization.
I don’t have a problem with men who want to be effeminate. Nor do I have a problem with people who are counter culture. But if you choose to live that way you must do it from a position of internal strength and fortitude, not from a position of expecting society to mold itself to you.
The medical abuse you are speaking of is an entirely insane, abusive, and largely separate topic. When it comes to children, the researcher Money was proven wrong long ago and the vast majority of children will choose to live as their own sex after having therapy for trauma and reaching the age of puberty. The fact that this treatment isn’t standard is because of delusional activists manipulating the hand of the industry by claims of victimhood status.
I think there is a distinction to be made between boys who have an effeminate nature and to boys who see trans as a solution to self hated and depression but who not have an effeminate nature. The world is big enough for both of these phenomenon to be occurring.
This. I like to distinguish between natural effeminacy and forced feminization. The later can never work, because you can clearly recognize it in people who force it. It's specially noticeable when they didn't show traits of effeminacy since early childhood, like I did. Also worth mentioning. When you are effeminate by nature, it looks forced when you try to act stereotypical manly, since you are basically fighting against your natural personality. I was not allowed to embrace it. Transition seemed like a viable option to escape the expectations of being a man without compromising my personality.
Bravo👏 Very good points! If we let kids be kids without gender pressure or stereotypes then it is possible that a boy or girl will learn to be comfortable in the skin they were born in. If your son wants long hair and keeps it clean - why not? If your daughter wants short hair - that is fine. 45 years ago when I was in high school I wore my hair short - I was tired of the electric curlers, hair spray, mouse, frizzy ends! I grew up when guys grew their hair long and I loved it. No one put pressure on us back then about what gender we identified with or questioned “why” - pink is a great color on anyone, pets included! I think parents should encourage more and worry less - discuss “feelings” and make sure that your voice is heard about the dangers of transgendering at young ages. Kids/teens change their minds often which is normal. It drives us parents crazy but that is part of a child learning to become an adult. Testing the waters, taking a step back, rethinking Plan A and liking Plan B better, only to chose Plan C. Normal. Effeminate males and Tomboy girls are sometimes just that. Still praying every day!
Trying out clothing styles and friend groups. Does not require drugs or surgery.
He could also just be straight too. That's the beauty of a world not constricted by narrow suffocating gender stereotypes. I've dated many lovely effeminate males, gentle, caring, look great in guyliner (eye liner!) and skirts, many goth boys did this in my day, I miss them!