18th May, Tuesday It’s like I’m scared of her, scared of what she might do. Yes, I’m scared of her. Does she have any idea how much I love her? I must stop crying before she gets home. How to find the joy again? Please show me. She dreamt that she had a baby.
My attempt here is to find a shareable perspective for both parents and children that does not lead into the blackhole of ideological confrontation. As soon as we start to claim parts of the field spanned out between sex, gender and sexuality, we begin to be attracted towards the center where we lose contact and stand opposing eachother discussing truth or falsehood. That is not where you want to be as a family. So I say that our true identity is beyond sex, gender and sexuality. My definitions of the three are probably quite mainstream. Sex is biological, gender is more reflexive, and sexuality a personal choice based on what you notice your attention to do.
I think I would suggest that you can smell chromosomes and that subliminal information informs our intuition and common sense. I do not know if there is any scientific proof for that, but just assume it were true. Similar to smell our vision and ears might give us subtle clues. Maybe somebody is able to fool us a long way, but at some point, there will be a sign. Does it matter were along the approach vector we notice? After which threshold are we socially obliged to say a certain pronoun? That is why the transactivist wants you to know in advance and stick to it, because deep inside they know that they are lying. Is it a malicious lie? Or are we just engaging in an advanced form of role play? This is where the matter starts being interesting. Where to draw that silverlining? Why and how, and with whom by whom and to which effect? As such the collective dream that spreads through social media infects children more easily, because their minds are still less crystallised on that borderline between fantasy and adult reality. So as a parent, I think the challenge is in remaining open and perceptive instead of feeling a strong urge to form another being into your prefered forms. Be beyond that as long as you can afford without being dishonest to your perceptions. Try and remain free of such prejudices, that we all have more or less, when they do not serve your desire for unity as a family and society. Still remain steadfast in your understanding. This seems to be the bottom line, that medicine should heal and not mutilate. That is where our effective campaigns should aim at. You can say that God created our bodies perfectly, but that is often a burdening overload of connotations. Just think of health and be clear about that. Focus beyond the illusion so you stay fixed on your goal, unity.
One last thing. Our identity is the most subtle property we inhabit. That is why we should submit to the fact, that only I determine who I want to be. It is up to you to inspire me by your example, but stay the hell out of my mind. This is the feeling growing up provides, that you want to owe your own life and not be the projection of your parents ideals. Remember? As parents we become our childrens friends during puberty at best. They will and need to shed off the colors of the nest, the smell of family and become sovereign rulers of the kingdom of life. That is what makes them sexy and thus this is what we seek to admire in others. Scary, because it confronts us with our own mortality, our failed endeavors and the dullness of life. They can see through us, but they can not yet live without us. That is the transformation of puberty, to go from child to adult. Transcult is just an abomination in the light of missing culture. As such it is a sign of an evolution in our thinking. We have to adjust, but set healthy bounderies. Amen.
My daughter said that it was thinking about sex that started her on the road out of this. Thinking that, realistically, she would significantly reduce the 'pool' of potential people who'd be interested in having a sexual relationship with her if she medically transitioned. Probably her thoughts were triggered by watching her childhood friend go from having multiple boyfriends to a life of frustrating celibacy, all the while 'bragging' about her new 2-inch clitoris. Our daughters need to truly see and understand the brutal reality of the life they're setting themselves up for!
I was hoping that would work for my son. My husband and I are about 6 months in from our teen son’s identity revelation. When I asked him who he planned to date or have a relationship with, his reply was lesbian women. He obviously doesn’t understand that lesbian women aren’t attracted to guys. Even if those guys are dressed up like a girl.
Maybe we put to much pressure on kids when we ask them such question. In their minds this whole issue is just budding and when we force them to crystallize their feelings before they bloomed, we might fixate them in a weird form dependent on what they are just beginning to notice in their environment. Give them time to grow and trust that their natural inclinations will push through the fairytales of cult. Teach them that the internet is not reality.
“just apologised and referred to him as ‘her’ to appease her”
I’ve stopped doing this - I either don’t use pronouns (you get used to it) or tell the person that I am not a member of the trans religion and don’t share their beliefs.
If they push back on it not being a religion, refer them to the textbook definition of transgender which explicitly states it is a “strong belief”. I don’t doubt the sincerity of trans people (or, say, the 9/11 terrorists) but it doesn’t mean I share the beliefs.
We all draw the line somewhere, depending on so many different factors. I don't think there is one right solution of where that line is. Take-no-prisoners approach may not be strategically right for some of us (but may work for your child).
Agreed - btw it hasn’t particularly “worked” with my child, she won’t talk to us. I use this more for when I talk with other people. We all have to judge the situation - plenty of Jews pretended to be Christian during the Inquisition, because of the obvious consequences. It’s also why I and many others are here anonymously.
Yes, I too am curious to know where you are now, how your relationship has progressed & if your daughter has medicalized. And from what I can gather, there is no magic formula or words that can be said to stop the nightmare.
I myself am over a year & a half in. On some days my eyelids are so heavy. I limit my time with people so I avoid any talk of politics. It exacerbates the pain & loneliness but avoids further breakdown of relationships, family &/or friends. Like most on this forum I have always considered myself fairly liberal and am at odds with my loathing of the ignorant extremism supporting this ideology
Thank you for this. you captured the fragmented ROGD mom mind perfectly. it sounds like you still have a loving relationship with your daughter. you're keeping it alive. you're doing great. you love her more than anyone, and you know her better. I hope to read an update on your situation soon. ❤️
I also mean it as a perspective for us as parents to consume. We are not sex, gender or identity. Neither are we left or right. These are rather superficial layers of our being. What we are inside matters. It is how we feel and when we can connect on this level with our children, we become vulnerable and open objects in their world. That is how we pave the way to being allowed in. Maybe they choose to keep some parts of their life private, just as we do. That is, pun intended, why we call them 'private parts'. Then we have a common intersection where we can be humans together, beyond sex, gender and sexuality. These are roles we play in the world, based on what we bring along physically. Unfortunately the ideologues appropriate this intertwined game of inside and outside, by proposing that when you physically alter your body, that really changes who you are. But this is as true as it is when you cut your coat and make it into a bikini. It is a tricky dance. To accept the silverlining between these abstract ideas and the concrete material substrates of our life, is a challenge for our intellect. That is why I say, that you should try to be what is inside you instead of worrying to much about how you appear from the outside. Sorry, i hope this makes sense. It is a sort of meditation on true identity. Love.
Dear Mamma, you are not alone. I am a mother, too. I feel your pain. My heart breaks, too. I’m in the United States and life is just as overwhelming. This trans cult is killing our children and our parental rights. It’s wrong on every level. Morally, legally and scientifically. Ridiculous! These professionals are preaching nonsense and our kids don’t know any better. How can they when even the president of the US tells them how wonderful and accepted it is to change your body medically. Why nobody is advising them of the true side effects and permanent is beyond comprehension. So please, Mamma, stand your ground! I will never give up. My daughter is worth fighting for even though my mental health is taking a beating! This world has gone crazy! They will believe when their own children suffer the consequences down the long winding road of transgender brainwashing. Mark my words!
Yes, that's the reality I live in too. Constantly on alert like I expect Nazis to batter down my door any minute and drag us off. Always, always, always.
This is not sustainable. Some therapists need to start specializing in treating us parents. Our kids are drowning in this, but so are we.
You capture the rollercoaster that this experience is. A million different emotions and landmines we navigate every single day. We never can truly relax or let the mind be still. Wherever I go, whatever I do, even in the stillness just before I sleep, trans invades. It is an emotional cancer.
Thank you for sharing. Like many parents caught up in this cruellest of cults I can relate to your despair. When Graham Norton says people should listen to the parents of 'trans kids', I wonder, does he have any idea that most of us are watching in horror as our confused kids are groomed online into this garbage religion that destroys families? If only people WOULD listen to us, Graham Norton, instead of looking the other way or saying we are 'bigots' because we can see this destructive ideology for what it really is.
Thankyou for sharing your diary.
A brave thing to do and hopefully it may reassure others that they are not alone in their experiences.
Sending love and light to you and your daughter .🌟
Thank you for sharing your pain and your diary. I too ❤️ BSG. They collectively, and this includes you, help me beyond all measure. Thank you.
Great piece. Sounds a lot like my days. I laughed out loud when I got to the part about lucky rural areas without broad-band internet service!!
My attempt here is to find a shareable perspective for both parents and children that does not lead into the blackhole of ideological confrontation. As soon as we start to claim parts of the field spanned out between sex, gender and sexuality, we begin to be attracted towards the center where we lose contact and stand opposing eachother discussing truth or falsehood. That is not where you want to be as a family. So I say that our true identity is beyond sex, gender and sexuality. My definitions of the three are probably quite mainstream. Sex is biological, gender is more reflexive, and sexuality a personal choice based on what you notice your attention to do.
I think I would suggest that you can smell chromosomes and that subliminal information informs our intuition and common sense. I do not know if there is any scientific proof for that, but just assume it were true. Similar to smell our vision and ears might give us subtle clues. Maybe somebody is able to fool us a long way, but at some point, there will be a sign. Does it matter were along the approach vector we notice? After which threshold are we socially obliged to say a certain pronoun? That is why the transactivist wants you to know in advance and stick to it, because deep inside they know that they are lying. Is it a malicious lie? Or are we just engaging in an advanced form of role play? This is where the matter starts being interesting. Where to draw that silverlining? Why and how, and with whom by whom and to which effect? As such the collective dream that spreads through social media infects children more easily, because their minds are still less crystallised on that borderline between fantasy and adult reality. So as a parent, I think the challenge is in remaining open and perceptive instead of feeling a strong urge to form another being into your prefered forms. Be beyond that as long as you can afford without being dishonest to your perceptions. Try and remain free of such prejudices, that we all have more or less, when they do not serve your desire for unity as a family and society. Still remain steadfast in your understanding. This seems to be the bottom line, that medicine should heal and not mutilate. That is where our effective campaigns should aim at. You can say that God created our bodies perfectly, but that is often a burdening overload of connotations. Just think of health and be clear about that. Focus beyond the illusion so you stay fixed on your goal, unity.
(https://www.google.com/search?q=can+we+smell+chromosomes)
One last thing. Our identity is the most subtle property we inhabit. That is why we should submit to the fact, that only I determine who I want to be. It is up to you to inspire me by your example, but stay the hell out of my mind. This is the feeling growing up provides, that you want to owe your own life and not be the projection of your parents ideals. Remember? As parents we become our childrens friends during puberty at best. They will and need to shed off the colors of the nest, the smell of family and become sovereign rulers of the kingdom of life. That is what makes them sexy and thus this is what we seek to admire in others. Scary, because it confronts us with our own mortality, our failed endeavors and the dullness of life. They can see through us, but they can not yet live without us. That is the transformation of puberty, to go from child to adult. Transcult is just an abomination in the light of missing culture. As such it is a sign of an evolution in our thinking. We have to adjust, but set healthy bounderies. Amen.
My daughter said that it was thinking about sex that started her on the road out of this. Thinking that, realistically, she would significantly reduce the 'pool' of potential people who'd be interested in having a sexual relationship with her if she medically transitioned. Probably her thoughts were triggered by watching her childhood friend go from having multiple boyfriends to a life of frustrating celibacy, all the while 'bragging' about her new 2-inch clitoris. Our daughters need to truly see and understand the brutal reality of the life they're setting themselves up for!
I was hoping that would work for my son. My husband and I are about 6 months in from our teen son’s identity revelation. When I asked him who he planned to date or have a relationship with, his reply was lesbian women. He obviously doesn’t understand that lesbian women aren’t attracted to guys. Even if those guys are dressed up like a girl.
Maybe we put to much pressure on kids when we ask them such question. In their minds this whole issue is just budding and when we force them to crystallize their feelings before they bloomed, we might fixate them in a weird form dependent on what they are just beginning to notice in their environment. Give them time to grow and trust that their natural inclinations will push through the fairytales of cult. Teach them that the internet is not reality.
There are no magic words, but we have to keep believing that The Truth Will Out.
Tell the truth ALWAYS.
“just apologised and referred to him as ‘her’ to appease her”
I’ve stopped doing this - I either don’t use pronouns (you get used to it) or tell the person that I am not a member of the trans religion and don’t share their beliefs.
If they push back on it not being a religion, refer them to the textbook definition of transgender which explicitly states it is a “strong belief”. I don’t doubt the sincerity of trans people (or, say, the 9/11 terrorists) but it doesn’t mean I share the beliefs.
If they push back, you pulled too strong.
We all draw the line somewhere, depending on so many different factors. I don't think there is one right solution of where that line is. Take-no-prisoners approach may not be strategically right for some of us (but may work for your child).
Agreed - btw it hasn’t particularly “worked” with my child, she won’t talk to us. I use this more for when I talk with other people. We all have to judge the situation - plenty of Jews pretended to be Christian during the Inquisition, because of the obvious consequences. It’s also why I and many others are here anonymously.
Sorry about your daughter. I hope she comes to her senses soon. I hope they all do.
Yes, I too am curious to know where you are now, how your relationship has progressed & if your daughter has medicalized. And from what I can gather, there is no magic formula or words that can be said to stop the nightmare.
I myself am over a year & a half in. On some days my eyelids are so heavy. I limit my time with people so I avoid any talk of politics. It exacerbates the pain & loneliness but avoids further breakdown of relationships, family &/or friends. Like most on this forum I have always considered myself fairly liberal and am at odds with my loathing of the ignorant extremism supporting this ideology
Thank you for this. you captured the fragmented ROGD mom mind perfectly. it sounds like you still have a loving relationship with your daughter. you're keeping it alive. you're doing great. you love her more than anyone, and you know her better. I hope to read an update on your situation soon. ❤️
I also mean it as a perspective for us as parents to consume. We are not sex, gender or identity. Neither are we left or right. These are rather superficial layers of our being. What we are inside matters. It is how we feel and when we can connect on this level with our children, we become vulnerable and open objects in their world. That is how we pave the way to being allowed in. Maybe they choose to keep some parts of their life private, just as we do. That is, pun intended, why we call them 'private parts'. Then we have a common intersection where we can be humans together, beyond sex, gender and sexuality. These are roles we play in the world, based on what we bring along physically. Unfortunately the ideologues appropriate this intertwined game of inside and outside, by proposing that when you physically alter your body, that really changes who you are. But this is as true as it is when you cut your coat and make it into a bikini. It is a tricky dance. To accept the silverlining between these abstract ideas and the concrete material substrates of our life, is a challenge for our intellect. That is why I say, that you should try to be what is inside you instead of worrying to much about how you appear from the outside. Sorry, i hope this makes sense. It is a sort of meditation on true identity. Love.
Dear Mamma, you are not alone. I am a mother, too. I feel your pain. My heart breaks, too. I’m in the United States and life is just as overwhelming. This trans cult is killing our children and our parental rights. It’s wrong on every level. Morally, legally and scientifically. Ridiculous! These professionals are preaching nonsense and our kids don’t know any better. How can they when even the president of the US tells them how wonderful and accepted it is to change your body medically. Why nobody is advising them of the true side effects and permanent is beyond comprehension. So please, Mamma, stand your ground! I will never give up. My daughter is worth fighting for even though my mental health is taking a beating! This world has gone crazy! They will believe when their own children suffer the consequences down the long winding road of transgender brainwashing. Mark my words!
Yes, that's the reality I live in too. Constantly on alert like I expect Nazis to batter down my door any minute and drag us off. Always, always, always.
This is not sustainable. Some therapists need to start specializing in treating us parents. Our kids are drowning in this, but so are we.
You capture the rollercoaster that this experience is. A million different emotions and landmines we navigate every single day. We never can truly relax or let the mind be still. Wherever I go, whatever I do, even in the stillness just before I sleep, trans invades. It is an emotional cancer.
"emotional cancer" This is spot-on.
I totally agree.
Thank you for sharing. Like many parents caught up in this cruellest of cults I can relate to your despair. When Graham Norton says people should listen to the parents of 'trans kids', I wonder, does he have any idea that most of us are watching in horror as our confused kids are groomed online into this garbage religion that destroys families? If only people WOULD listen to us, Graham Norton, instead of looking the other way or saying we are 'bigots' because we can see this destructive ideology for what it really is.
I feel your pain and I could have written most of this. What a nightmare for us parents and most others have no clue what’s really going on.