This list is addressed only to women, not trans men. I had a good chuckle at most of these, starting with the first.
“Living as a girl” never gave me power, or camaraderie, or solidarity. It made me isolated, confused, repulsed, and vulnerable. While I struggled to relate to girls as a child, I watched all my male friends turn away from me as I became a girl. When puberty began I realized that being a tomboy wouldn’t stop me from becoming a woman, and I have not felt the peace that I knew as a child ever again. Fortunately I will not become a woman, but the girlhood that was imposed on me has left irreversible scars on my past and future, my body and my mind. Though I will never get to live the life I could have, I am glad I don’t wallow in the misery of a made up womanhood.
Another question I might add: Do you really want men to treat you like a man? Women might think that men can be unpleasant towards women, but they can be pretty unpleasant to other men too, usually in a much more openly violent manner and especially towards ones they perceive as weaker. If you want to 'pass' as a man, you can't then expect special treatment because you're trans
Good questions to ask. I highly recommend everyone listen to today’s episode of World and Everything in It. They covered the Supreme Court and interviewed the people outside. Great interviews with Detransitioners and parents affected. It was interesting to hear Chase Strangio’s obviously feminine voice make arguments for (the first trans lawyer to argue before the Supreme Court!). Excellent coverage. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-world-and-everything-in-it/id454755642?i=1000679318316
Another one for the list : Are you ok with lying to others 100% ? Are you ok with 90% of people just humoring you, lying to your face to be "nice"? You will never be seen as a man, only as "that adorable little trans guy".. at best. Ditto for men pretending to be women.
I find your questions very thoughtful and very thought provoking, all excellent points. I can't help but wonder what the psychiatric community is discussing when a young person presents in their office. I know that when my 30 something son went for therapy he was told by one therapist he should transition "right away". He went elsewhere but was still encouraged. They treat gender dysphoria as a final diagnosis, there is no other option to try and address it but transition. It's ludicrous and should be against their code of ethics.
Recognizing that children are incapable of giving informed consent on things like being sterilized, giving up orgasms for life or getting osteoporosis in their teens (because it’s impossible to be informed on things you have no experience with), let’s hope the SCOTUS reaches the right conclusion in the Skrmetti case so that these discussion points become hypothetical again.
I have some hope. Justice Alito cited the Cass Report during oral argument yesterday and got the ACLU’s lawyer to admit weaknesses in their “we need to avoid youth suicides” argument. Just seeing that one of the Justices is openly relying on the Cass Report was heartening for me.
I would add how your appearance may make it difficult to pursue certain careers. My friend’s daughter majored in fashion design—obviously an appearance-focused profession. She started identifying as male partway through her college career. Now she has long hair and a beard. She’s working in retail part-time after a very expensive education.
As a cancer survivor I had a mastectomy 15 years ago and I still feel the side effects of, "possible fathom pain, numbness, generalized pain, and tightness in your chest as a result?"
The side effect that is the most bothersome and constant is the "tightness in your chest." It is hard to make others understand this feeling. I do not regret what I did because I was 52 and it saved my life. However, if every time I felt "tightness in your chest" it reminded me I did this by choice I would be very depressed. I describe it by saying it feels like there is something there that is really not a part of me.
Good questions, all. I've often thought about the fact that most of these young women are ONLY thinking about their appearance as a YOUNG faux man. They think they'll look like Kpop star or a roided out dude with a wifebeater and a backwards baseball cap. They're not thinking about being in middle age or beyond, when time catches up with all of us. Except they won't be men, they'll be facsimiles of men with all of the health problems of women. The worst of both worlds.
For my child, definitely some Peter Pan stuff going on. She has always been super advanced intellectually, but extremely immature for her chronological age. She's going on 20 and still spending most of her money on cosplay, anime stickers (she literally has a sticker book), stuffed animals, etc. This is who is being encouraged to put a class 3 drug into her body.
I had a very liberal English teacher back in High School -- and I remember reading "Iron John" by Robert Bly. (Not sure what his politics were). But both of them echoed the same message.
We don't have an initiation process in our culture.
Like some difficult or challenging or important test or ritual by which you stop behind a child and become an adult.
The closest we have is earning your driver's license.
I had a bar-mitzvah, but I don't feel like it "meant" that much.
Instead, we worship youth.
When I think of my own youth -- okay, I was more spry. That was nice.
But I don't miss the inexperience or limited understanding of the world, even when I thought I knew it all.
Since my divorce (sadly) I started dating again. And though I might miss that my younger self didn't those grey hairs on the side of his head -- the experience and knowledge of human nature and people I gained since then is worth a thousand times that.
I think... we need to make growing up great again.
Couldn't agree more (and I'm so sorry about your divorce).
In kids' defense, why would they want to grow up these days (many of them, including my daughter, don't want to get their driver's license!)? As a cohort, they are told they will have a hard time finding a job, never afford a house, and they live in a racist and oppressive country that is full of dangers around every corner. If they're girls they're told men are all powerful and evil. If they're boys, they're told to be fearful of being accused of sexual assault. They have been pandered to, coddled, sheltered and given trophies for everything they've done as a child. They've had normal feelings pathologized into mental conditions, immutable characteristics called problematic, and told their innermost feelings should be broadcast to the world for social media engagement. I might be looking for an escape hatch, too. We can't put that genie back in the bottle for the current generation of kids, but we have to turn it around for the next. We can't continue this way. /end rant :)
You know I had a similar conversation on this topic on Facebook -- except they were talking about... oh... the changing style of Dungeons & Dragons and film and stuff like that.
A guy made an astute observation.
In the old days you'd have pretty simple fantasy stories. Say... Van Helsing kills dracula, or Bard kills Smaug the dragon, or Batman catches the Joker.
Then there was a bit of a subversion. What was it really like to be Dracula? Was he so bad? Did he choose to be a vampire? Was Smaug the dragon just following his nature? Is the Joker just a poor man with a mental illness? Maybe Van Helsing and Bard and Batman are the real bullies and bad guys?
This theme became more and more common. I haven't seen it, but I heard the latest iteration is "Wicked" which takes the same question to the Wizard of Oz. Was the wicked witch of the west really wicked? Did Glenda just manipulate Dorothy for her own ends?
The ultimate application to this is, I think, Howard Zinn's People's History of the United States. Zinn was a political radical. There are many holes in his history of "America is the villain" (there's a wonderful book debunking him by Mary Graber)
So okay... maybe America is not the great hero...
...but we can't even say America is like other countries but maybe a little better...
...no, we have to believe America is a blight on the face of humanity.
When you live in a world where they rip down everything to aspire to, of course you don't want to wake up!
But then realize -- it's a tactic.
You destroy these ideals because -- you want people to have no ideals. So when you subvert them, take them over, they'll surrender without a fight.
And the generation that rallied to war to save American freedom from Fascism -- well, convince them that America is fascist and they won't rally next time.
Having faith that there's nothing wrong with you -- or you may have your sins but you're working to improve -- and your system, while not ideal, is still plenty of good and can be fixed -- this faith can very well be transformative.
But I don't think they want that. They don't want boys become men who are empowered by their masculinity. They don't want girls become women who are empowered by their femininity.
They might say no to the wonderful plans set out for them.
That's why you have this relentless, unending deluge of "you're no good, and you'll never be any good. Now take the pills and watch Netflix and play video games, because you're good for nothing else."
Bravo! Well said. That very last sentence hits pretty hard. It feels like you have the foundation of a very good article of your own if you have a Substack!!!
The good news is that a lot of people seem to be catching on that things are very, very wrong with how our society has been functioning. There could be real critical mass around making some changes. That said, there are a lot of industries and people who will be pretty invested in making sure everyone stays compliant, quiet and resigned.
"Are you sure the people encouraging you to modify your body are true friends?" Oh, how I wish I didn't paint the world as full of kind, friendly people for my daughter when she was little. How I wish I taught her to trust her family first and foremost and be wary of everyone else.
Great article. Can we just hit print and plaster these questions in every girls washroom at every school? Love it that it’s from the women of the world.
I didn't have a sense of camaraderie with female friends growing up - quite the opposite, I had most of the girls in my year at school exclude me or bully me verbally or physically. The boys were way more inclusive and you didn't have to read between the lines when they spoke to you, they were much more honest and less gossipy.
I have obviously then never been to a restroom or locker room with my girlfriends - you can't miss what you've never had.
I would not miss playing on a women's sports team as I'm awful at sport and always picked last.
I would not miss womens clothing/ jewelry or accessories as womens fashion is uncomfortable and impractical a lot of the time (think skirts, crop tops, handbags and heels).
Really no. And my daughter would say the same, you see we are both autistic and don't present as your average woman or girl does, we've never had the privilege of fitting in, and my daughter (higher support needs than mine) may never have a relationship let alone bear a child or breastfeed. These are not even on her radar.
I don't quite know where I'm going with this except to say that the majority of these questions will mean very little to autistic girls.
I was going to make a similar comment. I’m not autistic, but I have ADHD, and I read this thinking, “The camaraderie of girlfriends and feminine solidarity? Where?” And despite being the mother of two daughters, I do not have the slightest idea what “the connection to the sacred feminine or Goddess energy” is.
Many of these girls probably don’t think they’ll miss the power of being a woman, because they don’t think there *is* any power in being a woman.
I think the idea is that this is a thought starter. I don't know if the author intended this for practical use (although I think it has much utility for many) so much as a condemnation of how much girls are not being told or how much they are not thinking through. A parent could pick and choose or modify the list to suit their own child.
I personally love it. All the things I would say to my 19 yo who just started testosterone, but of course she will only communicate via text and even that is on the verge of no contact. Great job!!
I came to write something similar. I think it is still a very good and important essay, but parents need to be prepared for pushback when they bring these points up to their daughters (and pick and choose carefully)
1. Comradery? They get their comradery from other spectrum-y girls, aka "trans guys" and one reason which makes it so hard for them to leave the cult is that they may be miss their "tribe"
2. Appearance? There is an absolutely ridiculous ftm femininity sub-subculture which encourages wearing feminine clothing as a guy - So, they pretend to be men who pretend to be women. (Yes, my brain hurts too) https://www.reddit.com/r/FTMfemininity/
3. Health? There is a completely erroneous belief in the community that the health risks just switch to the level of sex they pretend to be. ("Don't worry, your risk of heart disease will be just like cis man's risk" -- yeah, right)
4.Relationships? People who don't "affirm" them are awful people anyway.
You make a good point. you could make a list of the "good" things about being a girl. You can make a list of the "good" things about being a boy. And not everyone experiences those -- particularly those who are unhappy with where they are.
"Do you want to give up being on the winning football team?"
A lot of boys don't end up on the winning football team -- or any football team -- or any sports team -- or being good at sports at all-- and maybe that's why they feel they would be better off as girls.
And the flip side is also true. A girl thinking she'd be better off being a boy is probably not waxing romantically about putting on makeup with her girlfriends.
The value to being a man or a woman is more primal. More basic. It's not dressed up in the stereotypes and trappings.
The trappings is the siren's call that leads the transgendered astray. And like the siren, falling the call leads your ship to crash on the rocks.
I had gender confusion for a long time. The most masculine affirming thing I ever done -- it wasn't sports, it wasn't victory, it wasn't being an astronaut or something.
Not all questions will apply to all girls. Parents and others can pick and choose the ones that might be heard or considered with the personality of the girl they know. They are just ideas. Discard ones that don't fit, keep the ones that do fit.
Many autistic people do have problems with interoception (Google it if you don't already know) and feelings like pain, heat, cold, hunger and thirst are either under- or over- sensitive. Same with touch - for some it even feels like pain (my daughter pushes away from a light touch but enjoys deep hugs).
Many autistic people especially during puberty feel like they don't fit in, they're not a "proper" girl/boy, they don't know how to girl/boy good enough.
Sensory sensitivities may mean clothes in the "wrong" section are more comfortable or practical.
Like you I've spent years finding what clothes I like that are feminine and practical though, they do exist, thankfully!
Why in this day of awareness of polluting the environment would we encourage children to pollute their bodies with synthetic hormones (which also pollute the water supply).
I tell children that we take care of the earth-we are stewards of the earth. But the most important natural resource is YOU!!!
This list is addressed only to women, not trans men. I had a good chuckle at most of these, starting with the first.
“Living as a girl” never gave me power, or camaraderie, or solidarity. It made me isolated, confused, repulsed, and vulnerable. While I struggled to relate to girls as a child, I watched all my male friends turn away from me as I became a girl. When puberty began I realized that being a tomboy wouldn’t stop me from becoming a woman, and I have not felt the peace that I knew as a child ever again. Fortunately I will not become a woman, but the girlhood that was imposed on me has left irreversible scars on my past and future, my body and my mind. Though I will never get to live the life I could have, I am glad I don’t wallow in the misery of a made up womanhood.
Another question I might add: Do you really want men to treat you like a man? Women might think that men can be unpleasant towards women, but they can be pretty unpleasant to other men too, usually in a much more openly violent manner and especially towards ones they perceive as weaker. If you want to 'pass' as a man, you can't then expect special treatment because you're trans
Good questions to ask. I highly recommend everyone listen to today’s episode of World and Everything in It. They covered the Supreme Court and interviewed the people outside. Great interviews with Detransitioners and parents affected. It was interesting to hear Chase Strangio’s obviously feminine voice make arguments for (the first trans lawyer to argue before the Supreme Court!). Excellent coverage. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-world-and-everything-in-it/id454755642?i=1000679318316
Thank you, Running the Race. I didn't know about The World and Everything In It.
You’re welcome! It’s my favorite podcast now. Reminds me of NPR way back when but with a Biblical flair.
Another one for the list : Are you ok with lying to others 100% ? Are you ok with 90% of people just humoring you, lying to your face to be "nice"? You will never be seen as a man, only as "that adorable little trans guy".. at best. Ditto for men pretending to be women.
I find your questions very thoughtful and very thought provoking, all excellent points. I can't help but wonder what the psychiatric community is discussing when a young person presents in their office. I know that when my 30 something son went for therapy he was told by one therapist he should transition "right away". He went elsewhere but was still encouraged. They treat gender dysphoria as a final diagnosis, there is no other option to try and address it but transition. It's ludicrous and should be against their code of ethics.
Recognizing that children are incapable of giving informed consent on things like being sterilized, giving up orgasms for life or getting osteoporosis in their teens (because it’s impossible to be informed on things you have no experience with), let’s hope the SCOTUS reaches the right conclusion in the Skrmetti case so that these discussion points become hypothetical again.
I have some hope. Justice Alito cited the Cass Report during oral argument yesterday and got the ACLU’s lawyer to admit weaknesses in their “we need to avoid youth suicides” argument. Just seeing that one of the Justices is openly relying on the Cass Report was heartening for me.
I would add how your appearance may make it difficult to pursue certain careers. My friend’s daughter majored in fashion design—obviously an appearance-focused profession. She started identifying as male partway through her college career. Now she has long hair and a beard. She’s working in retail part-time after a very expensive education.
Very well written and thought provoking.
As a cancer survivor I had a mastectomy 15 years ago and I still feel the side effects of, "possible fathom pain, numbness, generalized pain, and tightness in your chest as a result?"
The side effect that is the most bothersome and constant is the "tightness in your chest." It is hard to make others understand this feeling. I do not regret what I did because I was 52 and it saved my life. However, if every time I felt "tightness in your chest" it reminded me I did this by choice I would be very depressed. I describe it by saying it feels like there is something there that is really not a part of me.
Good questions, all. I've often thought about the fact that most of these young women are ONLY thinking about their appearance as a YOUNG faux man. They think they'll look like Kpop star or a roided out dude with a wifebeater and a backwards baseball cap. They're not thinking about being in middle age or beyond, when time catches up with all of us. Except they won't be men, they'll be facsimiles of men with all of the health problems of women. The worst of both worlds.
Same the other way -- men crossdressing as women wanting to be fashion queens and not middle aged.
You ever wonder if -- a lot of this is sort of "Peter Pan" effect? A fear of growing up? And wanting to stay a child forever?
That is sort of the result of averting puberty, isn't it?
Jordan Peterson had a lot to say about the Peter Pan story. Pan's only model of adulthood was Captain Hook, and who wants to be like him?
For my child, definitely some Peter Pan stuff going on. She has always been super advanced intellectually, but extremely immature for her chronological age. She's going on 20 and still spending most of her money on cosplay, anime stickers (she literally has a sticker book), stuffed animals, etc. This is who is being encouraged to put a class 3 drug into her body.
I had a very liberal English teacher back in High School -- and I remember reading "Iron John" by Robert Bly. (Not sure what his politics were). But both of them echoed the same message.
We don't have an initiation process in our culture.
Like some difficult or challenging or important test or ritual by which you stop behind a child and become an adult.
The closest we have is earning your driver's license.
I had a bar-mitzvah, but I don't feel like it "meant" that much.
Instead, we worship youth.
When I think of my own youth -- okay, I was more spry. That was nice.
But I don't miss the inexperience or limited understanding of the world, even when I thought I knew it all.
Since my divorce (sadly) I started dating again. And though I might miss that my younger self didn't those grey hairs on the side of his head -- the experience and knowledge of human nature and people I gained since then is worth a thousand times that.
I think... we need to make growing up great again.
Couldn't agree more (and I'm so sorry about your divorce).
In kids' defense, why would they want to grow up these days (many of them, including my daughter, don't want to get their driver's license!)? As a cohort, they are told they will have a hard time finding a job, never afford a house, and they live in a racist and oppressive country that is full of dangers around every corner. If they're girls they're told men are all powerful and evil. If they're boys, they're told to be fearful of being accused of sexual assault. They have been pandered to, coddled, sheltered and given trophies for everything they've done as a child. They've had normal feelings pathologized into mental conditions, immutable characteristics called problematic, and told their innermost feelings should be broadcast to the world for social media engagement. I might be looking for an escape hatch, too. We can't put that genie back in the bottle for the current generation of kids, but we have to turn it around for the next. We can't continue this way. /end rant :)
You know I had a similar conversation on this topic on Facebook -- except they were talking about... oh... the changing style of Dungeons & Dragons and film and stuff like that.
A guy made an astute observation.
In the old days you'd have pretty simple fantasy stories. Say... Van Helsing kills dracula, or Bard kills Smaug the dragon, or Batman catches the Joker.
Then there was a bit of a subversion. What was it really like to be Dracula? Was he so bad? Did he choose to be a vampire? Was Smaug the dragon just following his nature? Is the Joker just a poor man with a mental illness? Maybe Van Helsing and Bard and Batman are the real bullies and bad guys?
This theme became more and more common. I haven't seen it, but I heard the latest iteration is "Wicked" which takes the same question to the Wizard of Oz. Was the wicked witch of the west really wicked? Did Glenda just manipulate Dorothy for her own ends?
The ultimate application to this is, I think, Howard Zinn's People's History of the United States. Zinn was a political radical. There are many holes in his history of "America is the villain" (there's a wonderful book debunking him by Mary Graber)
So okay... maybe America is not the great hero...
...but we can't even say America is like other countries but maybe a little better...
...no, we have to believe America is a blight on the face of humanity.
When you live in a world where they rip down everything to aspire to, of course you don't want to wake up!
But then realize -- it's a tactic.
You destroy these ideals because -- you want people to have no ideals. So when you subvert them, take them over, they'll surrender without a fight.
And the generation that rallied to war to save American freedom from Fascism -- well, convince them that America is fascist and they won't rally next time.
Having faith that there's nothing wrong with you -- or you may have your sins but you're working to improve -- and your system, while not ideal, is still plenty of good and can be fixed -- this faith can very well be transformative.
But I don't think they want that. They don't want boys become men who are empowered by their masculinity. They don't want girls become women who are empowered by their femininity.
They might say no to the wonderful plans set out for them.
That's why you have this relentless, unending deluge of "you're no good, and you'll never be any good. Now take the pills and watch Netflix and play video games, because you're good for nothing else."
Bravo! Well said. That very last sentence hits pretty hard. It feels like you have the foundation of a very good article of your own if you have a Substack!!!
The good news is that a lot of people seem to be catching on that things are very, very wrong with how our society has been functioning. There could be real critical mass around making some changes. That said, there are a lot of industries and people who will be pretty invested in making sure everyone stays compliant, quiet and resigned.
Great questions; very appropriate.
Thank you.
"Are you sure the people encouraging you to modify your body are true friends?" Oh, how I wish I didn't paint the world as full of kind, friendly people for my daughter when she was little. How I wish I taught her to trust her family first and foremost and be wary of everyone else.
Great article. Can we just hit print and plaster these questions in every girls washroom at every school? Love it that it’s from the women of the world.
Excellent. One small typo - "fathom pain" instead of "phantom pain". I would love to see an equivalent article for MtF as well.
God Bless.
Okay, Grandpa. Can you start penning one for the boys?
That Japanese proverb could have been tailor-written for the "trans train". I love it!
It's way too easy to jump on that train, and much too hard to get off of it.
I didn't have a sense of camaraderie with female friends growing up - quite the opposite, I had most of the girls in my year at school exclude me or bully me verbally or physically. The boys were way more inclusive and you didn't have to read between the lines when they spoke to you, they were much more honest and less gossipy.
I have obviously then never been to a restroom or locker room with my girlfriends - you can't miss what you've never had.
I would not miss playing on a women's sports team as I'm awful at sport and always picked last.
I would not miss womens clothing/ jewelry or accessories as womens fashion is uncomfortable and impractical a lot of the time (think skirts, crop tops, handbags and heels).
Really no. And my daughter would say the same, you see we are both autistic and don't present as your average woman or girl does, we've never had the privilege of fitting in, and my daughter (higher support needs than mine) may never have a relationship let alone bear a child or breastfeed. These are not even on her radar.
I don't quite know where I'm going with this except to say that the majority of these questions will mean very little to autistic girls.
I was going to make a similar comment. I’m not autistic, but I have ADHD, and I read this thinking, “The camaraderie of girlfriends and feminine solidarity? Where?” And despite being the mother of two daughters, I do not have the slightest idea what “the connection to the sacred feminine or Goddess energy” is.
Many of these girls probably don’t think they’ll miss the power of being a woman, because they don’t think there *is* any power in being a woman.
I think the idea is that this is a thought starter. I don't know if the author intended this for practical use (although I think it has much utility for many) so much as a condemnation of how much girls are not being told or how much they are not thinking through. A parent could pick and choose or modify the list to suit their own child.
Exactly. That was my intention (I'm the author): "A parent could pick and choose or modify the list to suit their own child."
I personally love it. All the things I would say to my 19 yo who just started testosterone, but of course she will only communicate via text and even that is on the verge of no contact. Great job!!
I came to write something similar. I think it is still a very good and important essay, but parents need to be prepared for pushback when they bring these points up to their daughters (and pick and choose carefully)
1. Comradery? They get their comradery from other spectrum-y girls, aka "trans guys" and one reason which makes it so hard for them to leave the cult is that they may be miss their "tribe"
2. Appearance? There is an absolutely ridiculous ftm femininity sub-subculture which encourages wearing feminine clothing as a guy - So, they pretend to be men who pretend to be women. (Yes, my brain hurts too) https://www.reddit.com/r/FTMfemininity/
3. Health? There is a completely erroneous belief in the community that the health risks just switch to the level of sex they pretend to be. ("Don't worry, your risk of heart disease will be just like cis man's risk" -- yeah, right)
4.Relationships? People who don't "affirm" them are awful people anyway.
You make a good point. you could make a list of the "good" things about being a girl. You can make a list of the "good" things about being a boy. And not everyone experiences those -- particularly those who are unhappy with where they are.
"Do you want to give up being on the winning football team?"
A lot of boys don't end up on the winning football team -- or any football team -- or any sports team -- or being good at sports at all-- and maybe that's why they feel they would be better off as girls.
And the flip side is also true. A girl thinking she'd be better off being a boy is probably not waxing romantically about putting on makeup with her girlfriends.
The value to being a man or a woman is more primal. More basic. It's not dressed up in the stereotypes and trappings.
The trappings is the siren's call that leads the transgendered astray. And like the siren, falling the call leads your ship to crash on the rocks.
I had gender confusion for a long time. The most masculine affirming thing I ever done -- it wasn't sports, it wasn't victory, it wasn't being an astronaut or something.
It was being a father. No more. No less.
Not all questions will apply to all girls. Parents and others can pick and choose the ones that might be heard or considered with the personality of the girl they know. They are just ideas. Discard ones that don't fit, keep the ones that do fit.
Yes, this one would be the main one for people like me:
If you don’t feel like you fit a typical female stereotype, can you embrace a different way and still remain a woman?
And give lots of good examples - including people who aren't famous.
Firstly what do you mean by WEIRD?
Secondly I can't speak for all autistic people.
Many autistic people do have problems with interoception (Google it if you don't already know) and feelings like pain, heat, cold, hunger and thirst are either under- or over- sensitive. Same with touch - for some it even feels like pain (my daughter pushes away from a light touch but enjoys deep hugs).
Many autistic people especially during puberty feel like they don't fit in, they're not a "proper" girl/boy, they don't know how to girl/boy good enough.
Sensory sensitivities may mean clothes in the "wrong" section are more comfortable or practical.
Like you I've spent years finding what clothes I like that are feminine and practical though, they do exist, thankfully!
Why in this day of awareness of polluting the environment would we encourage children to pollute their bodies with synthetic hormones (which also pollute the water supply).
I tell children that we take care of the earth-we are stewards of the earth. But the most important natural resource is YOU!!!
"the most important natural resource is YOU!!!" I am going to shamelessly steal this.