Last week, a detransitioner posted the following survey for parents: twitter.com/tullipr/status/1518552225353764866? s=21&t=Kj_aklqUPzqrOnEf1fEYxA There was no way for me to answer by the choices given, so I wrote this long form answer. My daughter has been evaluated, prodded, tested, psychoeducationalized and more since she was 4. After managing a pretty happy and stable childhood in a foreign country, we unfortunately moved back to the US. She soon received a diagnosis of ASD and we promptly entered the mental health industrial complex. Yes, like most parents with a struggling child, I sought the help of various doctors, therapists and specialized schools and clinicians- both for her and for our family. I found that most are ill-equipped to deal with escalated teen problems such as self-harm, self-hate, eating disorders, and of course, trans.
Thank you for your writing. These words resonated with me: "That nothing mattered more than building trust and connection. That this is not really about gender, but it is about being uncomfortable with yourself and your body. I realized that I am her mirror, and that when she looks at me, she must see love, hope, and acceptance." This is so very true - I am working on establishing trust and a positive connection with a family member caught up in the trans-ideology. Love, Hope and Acceptance.
I forgot to mention that when I went down to the LBGTQIA+ "shelter," I asked the somewhat creepy fellow there about 4 times what support did they have for parents. He didn't even answer the question. Then he said that "we are here for them," i.e., to convince them to go along with the medical charade.
Thank you so much for writing this. It is so relevant and helpful to many of us. I did not know about the word iatrogenesis. I learned something valuable right there too.
When my daughter decided she was trans after coming back from one semester of college and after high school, being on tumbler and deviant art- we got a therapist who warned us that she wanted to go straight to hormones. She was also fully supported by the therapist in her 'journey'. Hormones immediately gotten since she was 18 and then top surgery after she dropped out of school and moved out. Health professionals are not helping this dire situation regarding lost depressed teens looking for a 'fix' by joining a cult which cuts you off from your loving family.
My daughter came out about 2 1/2 years ago. In the meantime, she went to see a psychologist for another problem, like many people these days, she seems to have certain phobias. At some point that psychologist suggested to us that my daughter was “high potential,” which was no doubt true, but she also wanted to test her for autism. At the start, my wife and I decided that labeling her would not be a good idea. Perhaps it was a mistake, in the meantime though we are having her tested.
The problem is very simple: my daughter had already done her social transitioning in school, the school obviously didn't inform us, so the hook sat deep. Apparently she hadn't spoken to her psychologist about that either, and she was very interested in keeping us away from the psychologist, so we couldn't do a family sitting. The psychologist should have been a little bit more careful.
The real blow up came when the local shelter called us and some semi-hysterical man was trying to tell us that our daughter was close to suicide and was suffering deeply mainly because of her relationship with “her abusive mother.” I don't want to use a barnyard expression, but it was BS: no one is gentler than my wife, she can be a bit controlling at times, insisting on regular hours, getting enough sleep, eating well, taking supplements, the usual stuff, but she is also a good listener and a deeply caring person, a deep soul. At this point that we realized that something was deeply wrong and we hadn't noticed.
the real problem is this: all the psychologists in my city seem hell bent on the affirmative care model, which is essentially a conveyor belt to the operating table and a life of hormones. We found one psychiatrist (these are covered by our health insurance) who would have been willing to take her and who was not into that kind of thing, but rather more into systemic psychology and somatic problems, one who would have been willing to accompany my daughter for a while until she could figure out the most obvious thing, her body is not an enemy. My daughter looked her up online and found that she was a non-affirming therapist, and that was that.
There you have it in a nutshell. The trans cult has literally infected the city, the schools, everything. experts and psychologists who say something different are attacked here for being ”transphobic,” a perfectly meaningless word that has become the battle cry for the activists. I am hoping that a new psychologist will be a little bit more differentiated.
If there's anything that is positive, it said my daughter is terrific at school. If she does decide at some point to go through with the ritual of running her body, I hope she'll have a good life with her brains. I've also used some of the texts from the detransitioners for the simple reason that they are honest with their feelings and how things worked out for them. the local shelter, where I spent nearly two hours asking that fellow questions, believes that there is no such thing as a detransitioner and that all parents are tickled pink when their children finally transition, stuffed themselves full of hormones, have their genitals or breasts removed or adapted, and pretend to be the sex, which is fundamentally what they deny exists…, in other words when they really do start performing. I'm using my own brains right now to try and at least stimulate her into thinking a little harder about what it means. She doesn't seem to be suffering at all when we don't talk about it. she has friends, some of them who are pretending to be the opposite sex that they are, she goes out with them, I guess she has fun, maybe she understands that we have reached the end of our tether after nearly three years of worry.
What I understand, is that the tide is beginning to turn, and it is thanks to people like Sinead, Helena, Carey, Cat, and comedians like Ricky Gervais, Dave Chapelle, writers like Kathleen Stock, Helen Joyce, Even the many Twitter battles we have to fight daily show the activists to be mostly ignorant, rude, vulgar, spoiled drones. Every time a lecturer comes to town to present a book at the university and plead for patience and alternative approaches to the ultimate in conversion therapy, namely the affirmative care model, They are yelled at and even physically attacked. these incidents are important because they draw attention to this insane movement. I'm in touch with a few journalists, but there are cowards and probably underpaid. But a movement is building. I'm also in touch with other parents who are in the same predicament.
For years, I explained to my daughter what the problem with the Internet is. As such it is a phenomenal tool, but in combination with handheld devices, it allows the world outside, with all of its darkness, with all of its crazy salesmanship, with all of its ignorance and cheapness to penetrate the sacred walls or family. Some may argue that this was always the case, adolescence want to separate from their families. Sure: but never did they have such devastating tools to do so. The capacity to brainwash has become lethal.
Wow, this is a powerful post. I feel for your wife. I think I must be just like her. Then, all of a sudden I was viewed as some sort of anti-me. Someone (a narcissist) wanted a sibling to look for anything that could be seen/interpreted as "abuse" - like not getting our daughter hormones? If you have not seen it already I highly recommend the "What is a Woman?" movie. I wish it could be very widely viewed by teachers & therapists, & such. Walsh interviews all sorts of people including Marc/Marcy Bowers who does not come across well. I also saw an interview of WilLiaM Thomas. He really is a narcissist himself. He never mentions his teammates at all.
We non affirming mothers are often labelled as “unsupportive” as our teenage daughters with autism are misunderstood by therapists. I also was probably labelled “abusive” by some ignorant social worker who believed a suicide attempt was caused by “gender dysphoria”.
There is no logic as suicide attempts after transition are discounted. Hormones and social transition are no cure for an invented illness.
This is so good. I - and I suspect many others - would benefit so much if you could compile a list of some of the articles you read about ASD and identity formation
Please share more about fan fiction. My kid is constantly on wattpad, and what I've read is relatively innocuous, but who knows ...
Thank you for your writing. These words resonated with me: "That nothing mattered more than building trust and connection. That this is not really about gender, but it is about being uncomfortable with yourself and your body. I realized that I am her mirror, and that when she looks at me, she must see love, hope, and acceptance." This is so very true - I am working on establishing trust and a positive connection with a family member caught up in the trans-ideology. Love, Hope and Acceptance.
Thank you for articulating so well the journey that is familiar to an increasing number of parents
Excellent advice!
I forgot to mention that when I went down to the LBGTQIA+ "shelter," I asked the somewhat creepy fellow there about 4 times what support did they have for parents. He didn't even answer the question. Then he said that "we are here for them," i.e., to convince them to go along with the medical charade.
Thank you so much for writing this. It is so relevant and helpful to many of us. I did not know about the word iatrogenesis. I learned something valuable right there too.
Iatrogenesis is so extremely relevant in this nightmare epidemic. So important to understand.
Thank you for this story. So true it hurts.
When my daughter decided she was trans after coming back from one semester of college and after high school, being on tumbler and deviant art- we got a therapist who warned us that she wanted to go straight to hormones. She was also fully supported by the therapist in her 'journey'. Hormones immediately gotten since she was 18 and then top surgery after she dropped out of school and moved out. Health professionals are not helping this dire situation regarding lost depressed teens looking for a 'fix' by joining a cult which cuts you off from your loving family.
You are spot on. I am so sorry. - LM
My daughter came out about 2 1/2 years ago. In the meantime, she went to see a psychologist for another problem, like many people these days, she seems to have certain phobias. At some point that psychologist suggested to us that my daughter was “high potential,” which was no doubt true, but she also wanted to test her for autism. At the start, my wife and I decided that labeling her would not be a good idea. Perhaps it was a mistake, in the meantime though we are having her tested.
The problem is very simple: my daughter had already done her social transitioning in school, the school obviously didn't inform us, so the hook sat deep. Apparently she hadn't spoken to her psychologist about that either, and she was very interested in keeping us away from the psychologist, so we couldn't do a family sitting. The psychologist should have been a little bit more careful.
The real blow up came when the local shelter called us and some semi-hysterical man was trying to tell us that our daughter was close to suicide and was suffering deeply mainly because of her relationship with “her abusive mother.” I don't want to use a barnyard expression, but it was BS: no one is gentler than my wife, she can be a bit controlling at times, insisting on regular hours, getting enough sleep, eating well, taking supplements, the usual stuff, but she is also a good listener and a deeply caring person, a deep soul. At this point that we realized that something was deeply wrong and we hadn't noticed.
the real problem is this: all the psychologists in my city seem hell bent on the affirmative care model, which is essentially a conveyor belt to the operating table and a life of hormones. We found one psychiatrist (these are covered by our health insurance) who would have been willing to take her and who was not into that kind of thing, but rather more into systemic psychology and somatic problems, one who would have been willing to accompany my daughter for a while until she could figure out the most obvious thing, her body is not an enemy. My daughter looked her up online and found that she was a non-affirming therapist, and that was that.
There you have it in a nutshell. The trans cult has literally infected the city, the schools, everything. experts and psychologists who say something different are attacked here for being ”transphobic,” a perfectly meaningless word that has become the battle cry for the activists. I am hoping that a new psychologist will be a little bit more differentiated.
If there's anything that is positive, it said my daughter is terrific at school. If she does decide at some point to go through with the ritual of running her body, I hope she'll have a good life with her brains. I've also used some of the texts from the detransitioners for the simple reason that they are honest with their feelings and how things worked out for them. the local shelter, where I spent nearly two hours asking that fellow questions, believes that there is no such thing as a detransitioner and that all parents are tickled pink when their children finally transition, stuffed themselves full of hormones, have their genitals or breasts removed or adapted, and pretend to be the sex, which is fundamentally what they deny exists…, in other words when they really do start performing. I'm using my own brains right now to try and at least stimulate her into thinking a little harder about what it means. She doesn't seem to be suffering at all when we don't talk about it. she has friends, some of them who are pretending to be the opposite sex that they are, she goes out with them, I guess she has fun, maybe she understands that we have reached the end of our tether after nearly three years of worry.
What I understand, is that the tide is beginning to turn, and it is thanks to people like Sinead, Helena, Carey, Cat, and comedians like Ricky Gervais, Dave Chapelle, writers like Kathleen Stock, Helen Joyce, Even the many Twitter battles we have to fight daily show the activists to be mostly ignorant, rude, vulgar, spoiled drones. Every time a lecturer comes to town to present a book at the university and plead for patience and alternative approaches to the ultimate in conversion therapy, namely the affirmative care model, They are yelled at and even physically attacked. these incidents are important because they draw attention to this insane movement. I'm in touch with a few journalists, but there are cowards and probably underpaid. But a movement is building. I'm also in touch with other parents who are in the same predicament.
For years, I explained to my daughter what the problem with the Internet is. As such it is a phenomenal tool, but in combination with handheld devices, it allows the world outside, with all of its darkness, with all of its crazy salesmanship, with all of its ignorance and cheapness to penetrate the sacred walls or family. Some may argue that this was always the case, adolescence want to separate from their families. Sure: but never did they have such devastating tools to do so. The capacity to brainwash has become lethal.
Re the activists, I think their defining feature is good old-fashioned misogyny. I'm so sorry to hear of what you have been going through…
Wow, this is a powerful post. I feel for your wife. I think I must be just like her. Then, all of a sudden I was viewed as some sort of anti-me. Someone (a narcissist) wanted a sibling to look for anything that could be seen/interpreted as "abuse" - like not getting our daughter hormones? If you have not seen it already I highly recommend the "What is a Woman?" movie. I wish it could be very widely viewed by teachers & therapists, & such. Walsh interviews all sorts of people including Marc/Marcy Bowers who does not come across well. I also saw an interview of WilLiaM Thomas. He really is a narcissist himself. He never mentions his teammates at all.
We non affirming mothers are often labelled as “unsupportive” as our teenage daughters with autism are misunderstood by therapists. I also was probably labelled “abusive” by some ignorant social worker who believed a suicide attempt was caused by “gender dysphoria”.
There is no logic as suicide attempts after transition are discounted. Hormones and social transition are no cure for an invented illness.
I'm trying to tell that to my daughter, but that brilliant mind has affixed itself to a single solution for dysphoria (actually: dysmorphia)
Dead on.
This is so good. I - and I suspect many others - would benefit so much if you could compile a list of some of the articles you read about ASD and identity formation
I second that. I have a lot more reading I would like to do on ASD and would love some recommendations on this. A powerful article!