I am so very appreciative of this and the prior post. I wish so much I could have had this kind of support and that my son had been younger. I will save this because I will support any parent going through this if I come upon the occasion.
Thank you for breaking this down with two parts. Both were packed with great details (most of our stories have similarities, so it’s interesting to see timelines, interests and personality type). The way you walked her through makes sense. You are extremely perceptive and clearly understand your child so well.
If you have a moment to respond- how did you handle the cell phone, social media, YouTube access, as well as access to fantasy world things like anime and gaming? I know she got involved in other things, but I wonder if you took things away or just kept her too busy? Any advice on that?
Great strategies Mon and Dad! I know your situation with your daughter has not been easy by any means, but you seem to have made very good choices, decisions and maneuvered through the mine fields fairly safe. Good advice and great examples. I am hopeful that your daughter will stay desisted, and I look forward to reading more about your journey. Critical thinking seems to be very valuable when trying to communicate with a stubborn trans-thinking teenager. There are consequences in life for everyone and allowing a trans-thinking child to look at both sides of the equation and letting them contemplate what the outcome might or might not be is huge. Patience! Yes, that is the key to all parenting challenges but not always easy to manage on a daily basis. To all the PITT parents out there...keep up the fight. You are not alone.
> There were times when I had to say to her “This stuff didn’t exist 10 years ago."
We even have an exact date for when this stuff started: June 26, 2015. This was the day the Obergefell v. Hodges decision was handed down, and the people who had been pushing it immediately switched gears and started shoving a new, even more radical piece of societal change down everyone's throats, to keep opponents off-balance and make it difficult to push back against it. They simply took the existing outrage-and-pressure machinery that was already in place, slotted "transgender" into the slot that "gay" had previously occupied, and turned it loose upon an unsuspecting America.
If you were around back then and felt blindsided by the sudden onslaught of societal pressure to affirm transgenderism, feeling like it just appeared out of nowhere overnight... well, that's because it did.
Of course, the activists have always scoffed at the accusation that they have an agenda, but of course THEY DO. Now, I wonder what's next on their list after "trans rights"?
Not really. In fact, "trans" would gladly do away with the concept of lesbian and gay if they could. After all, if there are women who love women, then there must be some sort of definition of "women", and trans doesn't want definitions.
Complications from the Phalloplasty procedure where tissue is harvested from an arm or leg and has a catheter and a pump put into it and is grafted to the groin is the likely cause of death.
I linked to it because it has the Twitter/X threads about the event. It claims to be a site tracking Wikipedia, but seems to have a mishmash of various things, maps, politics, Russia Ukraine. Reads like a someone doing political analysis from the center left circa about 1990, although that's just a quick skim.
Thanks for sharing the great clip of the teacher helping a kid to learn critical thinking skills through analyzing the JK Rowling tweets. I think that could be super helpful for the teens still in high school. This kid, being not an idiot and having life experiences in his own sexed body and around many other people he has known through his entire life, admits that he must agree with the teacher that "sex is real." That is the whole basis of thought from gender critical feminists such as Rowling, as well as other people fighting this ideology. But as a young person encounters queer theory in college or on the internet, this dialectic approach will likely not work because queer theory is a whole 'nother game. "Queer theory" is not about rational critical thinking and is not even really a theory of any kind. The whole point is to use word games to actually SUBVERT rationality and critical thinking, which is also seen as connected to other bad things like colonialism and white supremacy. Queer theory starts with premises that cannot ever be questioned or analyzed, such as "trans women are women." In queer theory, sex is not real, it is a "social construct."
Thank you for your essays and especially the list of resources. Your approach is very similar to mine. My ROGD daughter has been “trans” since the beginning of 8th grade and yesterday I moved her into her freshman dorm. I had suggested to her that since nobody knows her she had a golden opportunity to let go of the trans identity without losing face. She hated this and rolled her eyes, etc. We live in Florida where in the public universities’ housing is based on sex, not gender identity. I said her roommates and their parents might be weirded out by her trans-identity (she looks like a sloppy not necessarily masculine female). To my absolute shock and delight she introduced herself with her real name. I heard her say it 5 or 6 times to different people we met. She also did not hang up her giant trans flag. Could this really be happening??? Sorry to get off-topic but I just had to share with people who I know will understand this.
That is a miracle! I am so happy for her to be able to do that, and to be able to hear your thoughts. She will be so much stronger in her character having been able to change her mind on something that so many think is unchangeable.
THIS: Do not mistake love with saying “yes”. Many times the most loving thing we can do is say “no” and give our reasons why.
I feel this way about my current government’s policies regarding “gender affirming care” for minors and vulnerable adults. Even the doctors, who should know better, agree to medications and procedures that cause irreversible harm, saying, “If it makes [the patient] happy for now, we do it.”
This is the polar opposite of what caring for adolescents ought to look and sound like. There can be no true compassion without boundaries.
Again, these are all great strategies that work on the younger teens. Once they get to college and get caught up in the "everyone is oppressed", colonialism/colonization caused the gender binary, and other cultures have 3rd spirit persons, it is so much harder to break them free. By the time they get to college, it's not so much about "trans" anymore....it converts to queer theory.
Sad but true. They are now joining the cult of queer and getting more attention for being as perverse as possible especially in public spaces. They seem to find their tribe and encourage each other once they leave home. 🫤😵💫😫
Not a clue! If I knew, I would write a PITT story. For now we wait...mine has been in now 4-5 years and estranged for 2yrs. I think living in the cold hard world and learning life lessons the hard way is the only way out for those that are ideologically captured when they are older and into queer theory. Getting a "dose of reality" from ones peers seems to be the wake up call for most. Those that medicalize are the saddest stories.
Very true. We have similar stories. It’s definitely a difficult battle. Unfortunately, when they go off on their own in the real world & struggle they blame their problems on their parents. They take no responsibility for their choices & actions. No gratitude. It’s parental abuse no one deserves.
I agree, but the strategy of asking questions without judgement is a key element to planting seeds. Cult experts talk about this in how to interact with your kid in a cult. Cult experts also say that we don’t let adults just assume that they are happy in a cult, we try to ask critical thinking questions, not giving them studies, etc. Another aspect they talk about is finding when your kid is in his old authentic self, not the cult mind and ask a question or make a comment. I am estranged from my son and trying to talk to my older ally now estranged son is nearly impossible. I am doing this solo, there are not any friends or relatives who want to help.
I really feel where you're at. My son blocked me when I could pass his trans tests. Still, I cannot stop thinking about how I might better be there for him, how I should interact. Who knows, things can change. They are young and may find that what feels like forever now becomes a transitory stage in their maturation.
I do hope so. And I hope they do so before they harm their body too much. It’s just madness that the medical community and therapists are going along with this.
I really like those points. Ask critical thinking questions. Do not throw evidence at them. Notice the difference between them being in cult mind and being in their own self, which I think also means the self that is the person that you've known all of their life.
I'm in your boat. It is nearly impossible to communicate at all when almost totally blocked. I did find one opening on Twitter. I can search his Account and read his posts and comments. I have dropped a heart here and there in reply to his comment to someone else. I haven't been blocked yet. Here's hoping...
Does he know it’s you? Someday, he will reach out. They say it’s rare for someone to stay in a cult forever. I can see my son’s post on a SM platform, but I don’t need an acct to do so. I can’t respond because they are mostly highly witty, sophisticated tech posts. I could post on the ones where he relays how he is not doing well. Frustrating for me, because I tried to lead him out of his anxiety and depression.
I believe he does, yes but I don't make it obvious and my 'handle' is anonymous. A good emoji only response is good, also anything you can agree with him on is also good. Stay away from being overly emotional. Good luck.
It's a case-by-case thing, really. Some kids will benefit from going away to college, where they can find new interests. Skipping college is a good idea when there is an actual plan of what to do instead (Simply getting a menial job will not necessarily help. Tons of trans identified young people work such jobs. Young people need positive goals.).
Glad you survived this successfully and can share what was helpful. It’s too late for us. We’ve been estranged with our daughter for 3.5 years, but we have hope that things will change.
I'm sorry. It's been 10 for me and still attempt communication however I can in a subtle way, like hearting his comments on Twitter, dropping packages at his house etc. Please don't give up.
Brilliant links. My girl is 24 and alienated. I love the calm explanations you gave. I have put them in my back pocket for a rainy day. Thank you.
Good luck!
I am so very appreciative of this and the prior post. I wish so much I could have had this kind of support and that my son had been younger. I will save this because I will support any parent going through this if I come upon the occasion.
Thank you for the resources! I’ll use them!
Thank you for breaking this down with two parts. Both were packed with great details (most of our stories have similarities, so it’s interesting to see timelines, interests and personality type). The way you walked her through makes sense. You are extremely perceptive and clearly understand your child so well.
If you have a moment to respond- how did you handle the cell phone, social media, YouTube access, as well as access to fantasy world things like anime and gaming? I know she got involved in other things, but I wonder if you took things away or just kept her too busy? Any advice on that?
Great strategies Mon and Dad! I know your situation with your daughter has not been easy by any means, but you seem to have made very good choices, decisions and maneuvered through the mine fields fairly safe. Good advice and great examples. I am hopeful that your daughter will stay desisted, and I look forward to reading more about your journey. Critical thinking seems to be very valuable when trying to communicate with a stubborn trans-thinking teenager. There are consequences in life for everyone and allowing a trans-thinking child to look at both sides of the equation and letting them contemplate what the outcome might or might not be is huge. Patience! Yes, that is the key to all parenting challenges but not always easy to manage on a daily basis. To all the PITT parents out there...keep up the fight. You are not alone.
> There were times when I had to say to her “This stuff didn’t exist 10 years ago."
We even have an exact date for when this stuff started: June 26, 2015. This was the day the Obergefell v. Hodges decision was handed down, and the people who had been pushing it immediately switched gears and started shoving a new, even more radical piece of societal change down everyone's throats, to keep opponents off-balance and make it difficult to push back against it. They simply took the existing outrage-and-pressure machinery that was already in place, slotted "transgender" into the slot that "gay" had previously occupied, and turned it loose upon an unsuspecting America.
If you were around back then and felt blindsided by the sudden onslaught of societal pressure to affirm transgenderism, feeling like it just appeared out of nowhere overnight... well, that's because it did.
You are so right.
Of course, the activists have always scoffed at the accusation that they have an agenda, but of course THEY DO. Now, I wonder what's next on their list after "trans rights"?
Queer Theory...which is what this is ALL about. And Queer Theory has absolutely nothing to do with LGB.
The glorification of LGB paved the way for this.
Not really. In fact, "trans" would gladly do away with the concept of lesbian and gay if they could. After all, if there are women who love women, then there must be some sort of definition of "women", and trans doesn't want definitions.
The gaslighting in "life saving" "affirmative" "care killed this kid:
https://www.currentobituary.com/obit/286384
Complications from the Phalloplasty procedure where tissue is harvested from an arm or leg and has a catheter and a pump put into it and is grafted to the groin is the likely cause of death.
the surgery was worth $450,000 to the surgeon.
https://genderdesk.wordpress.com/2024/08/17/affirmation-story/
God, what a horrible story. Curious, what is Gender Desk about?
A twitter/X user reposted from Griffin's social media feed here:
https://x.com/redcoast/status/1825277205934485721
Poor Griffin. Saddest thing.
This really is what we all fear for our kids. The original posts are a map to not let that fear take over. Things I wish I knew 4 years ago.
I linked to it because it has the Twitter/X threads about the event. It claims to be a site tracking Wikipedia, but seems to have a mishmash of various things, maps, politics, Russia Ukraine. Reads like a someone doing political analysis from the center left circa about 1990, although that's just a quick skim.
Just from reading their post about that young woman's death, it sounds like a good blog to follow. Thanks!
This was astoundingly good advice and ought to be offered to all parents of GD kids.
Great Essay, and I love the external references. I will listen to them ALL!
God Bless
Thanks for sharing the great clip of the teacher helping a kid to learn critical thinking skills through analyzing the JK Rowling tweets. I think that could be super helpful for the teens still in high school. This kid, being not an idiot and having life experiences in his own sexed body and around many other people he has known through his entire life, admits that he must agree with the teacher that "sex is real." That is the whole basis of thought from gender critical feminists such as Rowling, as well as other people fighting this ideology. But as a young person encounters queer theory in college or on the internet, this dialectic approach will likely not work because queer theory is a whole 'nother game. "Queer theory" is not about rational critical thinking and is not even really a theory of any kind. The whole point is to use word games to actually SUBVERT rationality and critical thinking, which is also seen as connected to other bad things like colonialism and white supremacy. Queer theory starts with premises that cannot ever be questioned or analyzed, such as "trans women are women." In queer theory, sex is not real, it is a "social construct."
How do we get them out of queer theory mindset? Any suggestions? Thanks.
Excellent!
Thank you for your essays and especially the list of resources. Your approach is very similar to mine. My ROGD daughter has been “trans” since the beginning of 8th grade and yesterday I moved her into her freshman dorm. I had suggested to her that since nobody knows her she had a golden opportunity to let go of the trans identity without losing face. She hated this and rolled her eyes, etc. We live in Florida where in the public universities’ housing is based on sex, not gender identity. I said her roommates and their parents might be weirded out by her trans-identity (she looks like a sloppy not necessarily masculine female). To my absolute shock and delight she introduced herself with her real name. I heard her say it 5 or 6 times to different people we met. She also did not hang up her giant trans flag. Could this really be happening??? Sorry to get off-topic but I just had to share with people who I know will understand this.
Good job, Mom!
This is good 😊. Hopefully her new peers are willing to giver much need affirmation of ‘her’ and her true self 🙏🏼
That is a miracle! I am so happy for her to be able to do that, and to be able to hear your thoughts. She will be so much stronger in her character having been able to change her mind on something that so many think is unchangeable.
I think you nailed it….how does someone back off a mistake without losing face.
Good she went to the Florida university! It shows what a difference public policy can make.
So happy for you!!
Wow! Thanks for sharing.
THIS: Do not mistake love with saying “yes”. Many times the most loving thing we can do is say “no” and give our reasons why.
I feel this way about my current government’s policies regarding “gender affirming care” for minors and vulnerable adults. Even the doctors, who should know better, agree to medications and procedures that cause irreversible harm, saying, “If it makes [the patient] happy for now, we do it.”
This is the polar opposite of what caring for adolescents ought to look and sound like. There can be no true compassion without boundaries.
Again, these are all great strategies that work on the younger teens. Once they get to college and get caught up in the "everyone is oppressed", colonialism/colonization caused the gender binary, and other cultures have 3rd spirit persons, it is so much harder to break them free. By the time they get to college, it's not so much about "trans" anymore....it converts to queer theory.
Sad but true. They are now joining the cult of queer and getting more attention for being as perverse as possible especially in public spaces. They seem to find their tribe and encourage each other once they leave home. 🫤😵💫😫
Any suggestions how to get them off of queer theory mindset? Thanks.
Not a clue! If I knew, I would write a PITT story. For now we wait...mine has been in now 4-5 years and estranged for 2yrs. I think living in the cold hard world and learning life lessons the hard way is the only way out for those that are ideologically captured when they are older and into queer theory. Getting a "dose of reality" from ones peers seems to be the wake up call for most. Those that medicalize are the saddest stories.
Very true. We have similar stories. It’s definitely a difficult battle. Unfortunately, when they go off on their own in the real world & struggle they blame their problems on their parents. They take no responsibility for their choices & actions. No gratitude. It’s parental abuse no one deserves.
I agree, but the strategy of asking questions without judgement is a key element to planting seeds. Cult experts talk about this in how to interact with your kid in a cult. Cult experts also say that we don’t let adults just assume that they are happy in a cult, we try to ask critical thinking questions, not giving them studies, etc. Another aspect they talk about is finding when your kid is in his old authentic self, not the cult mind and ask a question or make a comment. I am estranged from my son and trying to talk to my older ally now estranged son is nearly impossible. I am doing this solo, there are not any friends or relatives who want to help.
I really feel where you're at. My son blocked me when I could pass his trans tests. Still, I cannot stop thinking about how I might better be there for him, how I should interact. Who knows, things can change. They are young and may find that what feels like forever now becomes a transitory stage in their maturation.
I do hope so. And I hope they do so before they harm their body too much. It’s just madness that the medical community and therapists are going along with this.
I really like those points. Ask critical thinking questions. Do not throw evidence at them. Notice the difference between them being in cult mind and being in their own self, which I think also means the self that is the person that you've known all of their life.
I'm in your boat. It is nearly impossible to communicate at all when almost totally blocked. I did find one opening on Twitter. I can search his Account and read his posts and comments. I have dropped a heart here and there in reply to his comment to someone else. I haven't been blocked yet. Here's hoping...
Does he know it’s you? Someday, he will reach out. They say it’s rare for someone to stay in a cult forever. I can see my son’s post on a SM platform, but I don’t need an acct to do so. I can’t respond because they are mostly highly witty, sophisticated tech posts. I could post on the ones where he relays how he is not doing well. Frustrating for me, because I tried to lead him out of his anxiety and depression.
I believe he does, yes but I don't make it obvious and my 'handle' is anonymous. A good emoji only response is good, also anything you can agree with him on is also good. Stay away from being overly emotional. Good luck.
Yes, these are great ideas for connecting with a preteen or teen.
Once they launch to college, I agree with MLisa.
And I would say if your child is trans-identified in late high school, NB, tending to SJW stuff--skip college.
It's a case-by-case thing, really. Some kids will benefit from going away to college, where they can find new interests. Skipping college is a good idea when there is an actual plan of what to do instead (Simply getting a menial job will not necessarily help. Tons of trans identified young people work such jobs. Young people need positive goals.).
Agreed.
Most parents who have had their children medicate an identity at college did not see it coming.
If there is a good communication before college--all the better.
A gap year could be helpful for some.
Glad you survived this successfully and can share what was helpful. It’s too late for us. We’ve been estranged with our daughter for 3.5 years, but we have hope that things will change.
I'm sorry. It's been 10 for me and still attempt communication however I can in a subtle way, like hearting his comments on Twitter, dropping packages at his house etc. Please don't give up.
Are you still paying for health insurance?
Thanks for these sources, I will check them out.