I have a problem: a desistor's manifesto - part 5

This is the fifth segment of an essay in six parts. Part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4.

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I'm angry.

I have a hard time accepting that a big part of my youth was spent believing and living a lie. I was made to believe I was a mistake. I supposedly was born with the "wrong sex" in the "wrong body". I thought I was a problem that needed to be "fixed". I lived for years as someone I was not, a stranger to my authentic "true self", the girl I really was and would always be. And this, because of the misguided belief that "switching genders", incorrectly presented as "possible", would take care of my deep inner emotional chaos. It didn't. If anything, it made it worse.

I was deprived of an innocent and carefree childhood. And I can never get it back. And I have a problem with that.

On top, I'm not just angry, I'm broken - by a wicked cult whose doctrine blinds your mind, dismantles your body and fragments your soul to pieces. On top of ravaging your family and ruining your future.

Like in the song "train wreck", I wish I could "unchain the reactions", "unbreak the broken" and "unburn the ashes" of the wreckage I was blessed to have managed to pull out of.

But I can't. I have to live with it. In the “Scarlet Letter" by Nathanial Hawthorne, the heroine, Hester Prynne, is forced to wear a scarlet “A” (for adultery) on her clothes as a sign of shame. She is condemned by her neighbors, but she chooses to own her "sin" (though she didn’t commit it alone) and turns ugliness and shame into beauty and redemption. She adorns the letter she will have to wear for the rest of her life with artistic threads of gold, sending a message to her world that, despite what happened, she was going to make the best of her life and that living a ghostly existence as a recluse was not part of her plan.

I see some correlation with my life. I messed up. I know it. I take responsibility for my choices. In my defense, I was young and naive and trusting. I bought the lie that a gender change could bring happiness. I was scammed into making "choices" whose consequences I didn't fully grasp at the time. And though those who perpetrated harm want to put the blame squarely on our shoulders, I'm humbly asking that you don't fall for their shenanigans and instead, support victims of gender transition who fight back against the evil, greedy system that has damage them so deeply by selling them the lie of "lifesaving" procedures while turning them into lifelong patients. Though we live in different times from Hester Prynne, there is still a strong social stigma on detransitioners from both side of the spectrum. Many of us go through life afflicted with our own Scarlet Letter. One side sees us as traitors who don't deserve to live and the other sees us as idiots who "did it to themselves" and shouldn't be given the time of day. It's unfortunate that the Biblical teachings of forgiveness and mercy weren’t applied to Hester as eagerly and swiftly as condemnation and punishment were. We cannot change the past. So we have to reinvent the future. We have to make it through. We cannot let the cult destroy us.

There is a life after the gender madness, regardless of the extent of physical damage or the depth of brokenness in relationships. It takes creative effort, a willingness to forgive and receive forgiveness, and a renewed ability to love which you didn't know you had. But it's possible. The most famous stories, the biggest accomplishments in human history often come from very broken people who turned their brokenness into greatness.

Desistance has brought me freedom. I'm free from one of the worst cultural tyranny the world has ever known. Free from wearing my whole year-round Halloween costume, pretending to be someone I'm not, never were and never will be. And with freedom came peace (most of the time), clarity of mind (to a point) and reconciliation with my body and with my folks. And that's what really matters.

This is why I'm trying really hard to enjoy my freedom and not let my inner rage consume me and my brokenness paralyze me. I was a victim, but I will not live victimized. Sometimes, the "manure" of our past becomes fertilizer for purpose and significance in life.

I like the Bible verse "...when I'm weak then I'm strong because God's grace is sufficient...and His strength is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor.12:9-12). I find those words liberating. My faith in a personal, caring and concerned higher being (I call Him God) has saved me from delusion, self-destruction and death by despair. The word "suicide" is so overused and romanticized that it doesn't do justice to the horrible, tormented death one goes through when pushed to that extreme.

I also have a problem when bogus and biased data is thrown at parents to frighten them into submission, to get them to agree to hurt their kids. We all heard the shitty "better a living son than a dead daughter" or the other way around.

It is correct that trans identifying individuals attempt suicide at a rate seven times greater than the general population. This is the argument used to push the trans narrative of gender transition as a life saving measure. The truth is that a majority of those trans identifying kids attempting suicide have underlying mental issues and co-morbidities that are pushing them over the edge. Gender confusion exacerbates those pre-existing issues and are only part of the package, not the main or only reason for suicide, by far. Often hidden from families, the real scientific data shows that suicide ideation increases exponentially POST transition and the suicide rate for those undergoing sex reassignment surgeries is 19 times higher than the general population. Kayleigh Scott was a transgender flight attendant from Colorado who had been chosen to represent the openness of his company, United Airlines. He had fully transitioned, had the complete support of his family, the acceptance and recognition of his workplace, affirmation from friends and colleagues and despite all of it, he killed himself. His death was quickly buried in the news as it didn't fit the narrative.¹

I have a problem with the way this whole trans stuff is being handled by society and its "experts".

First, I' m appalled at how widely accepted is the deeply illogical, unscientific and hypocritical concept of non-binarism. When I belonged to the trans movement, I was hellbent on breaking traditional norms of gender expression and showing the world that those norms were a bunch of outdated BS - a vestige from an intolerant and non-inclusive worldview of the past that had to be eradicated like weeds. I also had an iron mindset, that, as I was told, sex was an irrelevant concept and gender, a social construct that could be as easily deconstructed.

To the question: "Can I be both trans and non-binary?", the same Planned Parenthood expert mentioned in my part 3 essay answered: " Someone who transitioned and see their transness as outside the gender binary might feel best saying they are a non binary trans woman or a non binary trans man". The problem I have is this: if sex is truly irrelevant and gender is a socially made-up changing concept, why is it that transgenders always end up becoming the exact opposite of their birth sex, therefore falling back into a very binary gender expression? Men "become" (trans)women and women "become" (trans(men). It sounds very binary to me.

Though trans individuals have usually a pretty vindictive rhetoric against sex binarism and gender stereotypes, their transition MTF (male to female) or FTM (female to male) -binary again- requires a succession of transformations that is achieved by modifying body features and outward appearance to match exactly the sex opposite to theirs. By doing that, they obliviously reproduce the exact same binarism they're claiming to escape and recreate a perfectly binary world in reverse. Ironically, transgenders make their very own parallel binary universe on the ashes of the one they have rejected. On top, if truly sex is irrelevant and gender a flexible social construct, why do you need to mutilate one to achieve the other? It makes no sense. I'll tell you why: It's because deep inside, buried within each of us, there is that innate knowledge, that naggingly inconvenient but unshakable conviction that everyone is either male or female and sex is unchangeable. The rest is just noise.

Second, it seems like when society is dealing with trans issues, sound judgement is critically in short supply. If a kid was to claim that he/she now identifies as a doctor and requests access to real life patients in order to feel "affirmed" in his/her "true self", it's unlikely that, even in our crazy society, it would fly, as it would threaten a patient's safety and right to quality care by a competent practitioner. But, if the same kid identifies as the opposite sex, all common sense goes out the window. Nobody in their right mind would tell a medical research team to quit searching for a cure so they can be "inclusive" and "kind" to people affected by that disease. The research is done so a cure can save them. Nobody "affirms" a cancer. You fight it. You don't let it take over your life and destroy you. Truly caring people don't "accept" a schizophrenic guy or an anorexic girl as their "true (sick) self". Doing so would lead to their demise or death. People who love them want them alive and well. And to stay alive, they need to heal. And to be able to heal, their "issue" needs to be recognized for what it is: a potentially deadly disease. But for some reason that defies all logic, gender dysphoria, considered a serious mental illness for the longest time, gets a pass.

When enraged trans activists scream the" right" of transgenders to "exist", what they're really asking for is to keep sick people wallowing in their poisonous and life ruining mental illness. People who get labeled "transphobe" are usually those who have the deepest care and concern for transgenders, often because they love someone who is trans identifying and don't want to watch those loved ones' lives devastated by a dangerous fad.

The same trans extremists claim that the world wants to "genocide" them. In my experience as a (former) transgender or more accurately a (former) transsexual, the only genocide trans people have to fear is a self- inflicted one. Many health problems are directly related to trans affirming surgeries and hormone therapies. Blood clots, strokes, bone density problems, cardiovascular diseases, chronic urinary tract infections, reproductive system issues and increased risk of some cancers, just to name a few, are plaguing the trans community and have already claimed young lives who were healthy before the lies settled in. Not to mention the harmful psychoactive effects of high doses of cross sex hormones for extended periods of time. They can cause psychiatric issues that range from mood swings to full blown psychosis. Studies have shown how female animals go bonkers when given testosterone. Interestingly, the Nashville school shooter, Audrey Hale, who killed 6 people in March 2023, was a transgender woman on T (testosterone).²

Side to side with education (or should I say indoctrination), mentioned in my part 4 essay, one of the biggest culprits in trans lies' propagation is the Media.

Pro trans media are saturating us with biased information, half-truths and shaky claims. A little girl was turned into the "star" of a pride parade in Canada because her mom announced that "she now identifies as a boy". At barely 5 years old, I wonder where she got that idea from...? Last year, in Florida, an 11-year-old gender confused boy was made the Grand Marshall of Orlando's pride parade. This boy had been convinced he was a girl because, according to mom, he "always gravitated around girls' stuff".

If he had "gravitated" around cats' stuff, would she have given him a litter and a bowl of kibble? Just wondering... Despite the media clamoring those children's mental confusion as widely accepted and celebrated, they are in fact isolated events of minority behaviors. By flooding our thinking skills with an overflow of constant, fast paced, confusing information, they purposely place us in a state of permanent mental frenzy. This is used to strategically bring people to such a daze that they are convinced of the worldwide consensus and invincible hegemony of the trans ideology. The goal is to subdue people into a defeated resignation and a docile acceptation of enormous lies that go against facts and logic. But the reality is very different. The trans agenda is the work of a toxic combination of money hungry corporations and fringe groups of disturbed people with allies in the high political spheres and deep pockets.

The large (silent) majority and most of the world just don't buy it.

To be continued…

1. "The transgender suicide epidemic", Mark Hodges, 8/18/2015, "Gender, Lies and Suicide": a whistleblower speaks out, Walt Heyer, 2013, "Danish studies finds transgenders attempt suicide 7.7 times more often...", Andreas Wailtzer, 6/30/2023

2. "Transgender cows and violence", Liberty Counsel, 4/5/2023