99 Comments

Yes, otherwise we're just off-putting. Everyone has the things they are invested in. And, we sound like another conspiracy theory. (advice: leave out trigger words like: groomer) But this trans cult is sliding in so insidiously that most people have just let it come in with little notice. My feeling is that it starts with the 'simple' pronoun. For years colleges have offered up pronoun pins upon arrival on campus. Those students mindlessly say, why not, sure. Who could it hurt? Then the diversity, gender and inclusion indoctrination begins, which is loaded with gender ideology. (and we all know that it has actually begun in their education long before they arrive on campus - they are already primed.)Then many of those students go on to become our teachers. And round and round it has gone for years. So, agreed, I try to 'plant' the idea of puberty blockers and any kind of gender reconstruction before the age of 18-25, as abusive. 'Where are the adults in the room . . .?' . I ask: when you were 18, how many times did you change your mind, about everything?!

Expand full comment

my home exactly, without the fathers input

Expand full comment

This description and lament really resonated with me. Fortunately my husband and I agree on most aspects of the ROGD phenomenon, but yes, we have self-censored A LOT in these years since our daughter made her announcement. I have done it to avoid explosions in our home. I have done it to try to make space for OTHER kinds of parent-child interaction. I have done it in the hope of remaining a point of reference in her life for the long term. Someone she can come back to, when and if that day ever comes. And yes, you put your finger on it: self-censoring makes me feel inauthentic, dishonest, disengaged. Which is worse -- tangling directly on the hard subject and getting written off as a transphobe, or staying mute on the issue and getting written off as distant and uninterested? I can only comfort myself in the knowledge that she will always know where we stood, that we were very worried about her health and wellbeing, and that we encourage her to desist before it's too late, and that we will be here for her without any "I told you so's" if she transitions and then decides to detransition.

Expand full comment

I’m with you sister my same dreadful wasting their useful years on that tuition of opposite gender belief; experience of life for the last two years. We must create positive rippling affects of change.

Is there a support group, online, anonymously, we all can meet up and talk!? A rally – grabbing media attention – we could start to bring further awareness of minor’s whom have been pediatric psychiatrist, diagnosed with ROGD with (opposite gender) ideology?? Demand government offer alternative GD alleviation options other than puberty blockers testosterone/surgeries. Government controlled and paid for Cognitive mental support for minors with GD to work towards been comfortably confident within—one’s own skin. 

Expand full comment

This sounds eerily similar to our home. Standing with you in support.

For parents with trans-identifying children, please complete this survey! They must see that we don't agree with gender-affirming care!

https://www.ustranssurvey.org/

Expand full comment

You must realize that most people in this discussion will not even begin to trust this survey. I looked at the site (whatever), saw the moderator and said, "Just hell no." The cheesy setting and back drop look like a setup. Who is running this "survey'? What is their affiliation? What are the guarantees that our opinions will not be used against us, as family members? I know there are transsexual people who are realizing that this current madness has turned into a cult, such as Blaire White, I would trust her/him. But, by the way, who are you? PITT, is this legit?

Expand full comment

perfect description of my home too...except that we do call our daughter by her birth name (though not in front of her friends)...I think the living by the code for something hopefully bigger is exactly it! Thank you

Expand full comment

Yep. Your last line says it all.

Sobering, to say the least.

I continue to think the answer is to keep telling creating awareness.

Like rape - don't stay silent. I shared my fears about this trans cult with a dear friend recently - her thoughts: 'I just don't think this is as big a deal as you're making it.' And, guess what, that's okay - I planted the seed. At least her antennae has now been alerted. I trust that every person to whom I bring attention to this - will actually start to hear and see it all around us. Once people are made aware of this insidious insanity, this outright abuse of our most precious cargo - I truly hold out hope that change will come. Thank you for your post. It is important. It matters.

Expand full comment

I agree with you, I think! It is VERY unpleasant interacting with friends who think I'm exaggerating what a big deal this is. Telling me hey, it's not a tragedy. For self-insulation I'd rather just delete a text or email that tells me something like that, but lately I've been taking your tack: trying to engage them, planting a seed, sharing a couple of statistics, underscoring the sterility angle, etc.

Expand full comment

I am trying this in another way.

My previous comment was a bullet. This one is a flower.

The harmony we seek.

To feel deeply,

like a well,

inside the water,

the light.

These stains,

upon my window,

no glass.

What you feel is what you get. In order to get to your daughter, be naked.

Beauty.

Love.

Be.

And be in the moment, like a dancer.

Bounce back when she pushes you,

pull, when she walks away.

Let her go,

when she needs you.

Show her that you care,

but love her for her independence.

Let God be.

Let these words be,

like a storm,

after a fire.

Like a reflection,

on a screen.

The light that hits your eyes,

touches softly,

touches through,

deep inside the core,

of what once was,

is and will be.

Words.

Softly spoken.

Just before sleep.

Dreaming.

The girl she is,

is the woman you are.

The father,

a man,

as good as he can.

Take him.

His line,

drawn in the sand,

washed away by the ocean.

Your clouds,

sometimes raining.

The thunderstruck,

he hides,

or rather,

his mirage,

the image he wants to present to the world,

he preserves,

despite the flashes,

or rather,

beyond, before and after them.

Two people,

father, mother,

parents.

One girl,

daughter,

flower.

The garden,

the beekeeper.

So what is on your mind?

Your last tear,

melting on your skin,

the rainbow,

behind you.

I wish you luck,

and a bit of freedom,

from yourself,

so you can be,

open.

Breathing.

I love you.

We all do.

You are not alone,

but lonely enough,

to surrender

and look her in the eyes,

calmly.

Expand full comment

Perfectly described my household. We live in fear, pain & agony every day. Thank you I don’t feel so alone

Expand full comment

What would be the worst outcome? What if you were to accept your children as trans? They may or may not persist.

Expand full comment
Nov 2, 2022·edited Nov 2, 2022

I can appreciate the spirit of your comment. However, I bristle with agreeing that there is a reality of a child as "trans" to "accept." "Trans" is a made up concept (cult speak). The degree to which I accept my son as "trans" is on par with accepting that his delusional self-concept is reality. That said, it is a tricky dance with my son around how we maintain even sparse contact, and estrangement is something I want to avoid if at all possible. It's a heartwrenching, individual dilemma for parents about how to maintain their own integrity and objection to the "trans" lies and at the same time not lose connection with their "trans" infected child - there is not a clear path to this painful, unnatural juncture that the cult imposes on parents.

Expand full comment

In what other area of life do we allow children to determine what is best for their "health"?

I'm astounded that so many pro-trans people seem to believe it's just fine for kids to make or influence decisions about their bodies that will potentially rob them of all sexual pleasure and the ability to have children in the future.

That said, I'm also repulsed by the many PITT commenters who regularly display their (usually) religiously inspired, reality-challenged views on homosexuality.

Expand full comment

Redbyrd, are you joking? You think permanent harms from blockers, increased cancer risk from wrong-sex hormones, a double mastectomy of healthy breasts, hysterectomy of a healthy uterus, and infertility are no big deal? Not to mention all the pain and misery, and loss of sexual pleasure of these routinely botched surgeries?

Expand full comment

ummmmm.... osteoporosis, chronic pain, stroke, heart disease, multiple sclerosis.....

Expand full comment

The worst outcome? Permanent disability, disfigurement, and misery. Infertility for sure. Precious, irretrievable time lost as a young person. Plus all the social ramifications you are reading about here. And this isn’t the “worst” outcome, but a likely one.

A lot of us would be less concerned if this wasn’t a “medicalized” cult - but this factor makes it truly potentially life destroying, as opposed to just a silly phase you abandon eventually.

Expand full comment

I feel your pain. I am so very sorry. My husband and I work through grief very differently. He is very active, keeps busy and rarely shows emotion. I am the exact opposite. I shut down, feel very deeply, and need to talk through my feelings. So, we do this "dance." I have been seeing a therapist for over a year until I recently had some surgery. I definitely will be going back to see her soon. Just know that I truly pray for you and all the families just like ours who are in a living nightmare. May you truly find some peace.

Expand full comment

I have experienced somewhat similar dynamics in our family. Though as I scroll through this substack, as I do every time there’s a new post, I am overcome with gratitude and humility that our daughter found her “way through” this after the pandemic years. It was touch and go there for a while, and there were moments when it became clear to my wife and me that they could legally come take our daughter away from us. This utterly radicalized me.

A life-long Democrat, an artist, as “lefty” as they come, I was totally blindsided by the callous disregard for my child’s welfare exhibited by institutions I had trusted all my life.

I am in complete sympathy and in utter horror at the reports I read here.

But continue to read them , I do.

The people here are among the most brave, most resilient people I’ve come across in my entire life.

My wife has had her “OMG, are you far right??” moments when I expressed my political realignment. But even she, of sturdy, steadfast loyalty to the part of the political spectrum we came up with, could not, despite her best efforts, conform to the unreality encroaching upon our daughter. I credit her loyalty to reality and to the welfare of our kids, with the outcome we experienced.

I hope the best for all here, too.

And please know that you are not alone.

Expand full comment
Nov 6, 2022·edited Nov 6, 2022

Thank you for your kind words. It hurts, and I, too, am finding myself battling the institutions I though had all our best interests in mind. Can you share when it was that your daughter found her way out? Was there a trigger? I am desperately trying to maintain hope that mine will see that the pain she carries is related to her trauma, the bullying, the 2 incidents of sexual assault, and that medical transitioning is not a panacea for her 17 year old self. As her parent I see this identity as a coping mechanism, and that she sees transitioning as a magic solution that will make her into someone different. I wish you and your family all the best, too. Thank you again.

Expand full comment

Not wanting your children mutilated and sexualized is far right? Wow. Your wife watches too much TV or spends too much time consuming anti-human propaganda.

"Far right" is a way to dehumanize people.

Expand full comment

This is my life as well! I wish I could grab a coffee with you and commiserate. I walk on eggshells everyday. Never did I imagine that my greatest dream would be for my daughter to snap out of this! People do not understand the trauma this issue causes families.

Expand full comment

That must be horrible.

Expand full comment

I too have walked this tightrope. Slightly different, where my husband started to dive in to right wing depths and would be, at times, passive aggressively cruel to our daughter. He would play those pod casts in her presence.

In the most raw stages of it all, we learned to censor. But through the censoring, we started to slowly learn to listen and speak objectively. And use “I” statements.

Our daughter now doesn’t argue when we call her her birth name and birth assigned gender pronouns. She understands where we stand. And we are careful to try to listen as she is learning to do the same.

I think we have all become a little more open-minded out of the rawness then self censorship.

Expand full comment

I feel your pain because I’m walking miles in your shoes. There is no harmony in the home. None. It’s a lose-lose situation for all of us. We’ve all become “roommates”, for lack of a better term. I’ve decided that you just can’t make sense of nonsense. This trans cult has sucked the life out of every parent in our shoes. All for the sake of a cult based on lies that go against common sense and science. They should be ashamed of themselves. I’m so sick of their bullshit and still have no clue how society goes along with it. Absolutely ridiculous! Life has become a science fiction movie with a tragic ending. Wake me when it’s over.

Expand full comment