When you are the parent of an ROGD kid, you need a support system. Unfortunately, not everyone’s family is up to the task and, when that happens, the feeling of hurt and betrayal is overwhelming and all consuming. In my case, my sister does not believe me. She doesn’t believe that “trans” is a new idea . She believes it could be innate, and that it could apply to my son. When I first confided in her 3 years ago, when my son first announced his trans identity to me, she listened and was horrified. After a time though, she was unable to prioritize her loyalty to me and my son over what she was reading in the news. She judged my parenting, blamed me, and scolded me for my feelings. I was so hurt, and I decided to pull away and not to engage in further conversations, first on the topic, then about anything at all. Now we haven’t spoken in a year. Recently she heard some new news about my son from other family members and reached out to me. Thinking things might be different, I responded. But she still doesn’t believe me.
My 20 year old daughter started taking testosterone. My sister congratulated her and said she is glad that she is being her authentic self. She is not just going along with calling her "he" and using a male or gender nuetral nickname, she is scolding my dad and I because we don't. It has made me so angry with her. My daughter suffers from anxiety and depression and I do wonder if she is on the autism spectrum. She now says she has always known on some level that she was trans but she was in denial. I know this is 100% false becuase I raised her and had a very close relationship with her from the time she was born up until she was about 17 years old. It started when she was 17 and it started during covid shut downs, and it started becuase of social media and internet friendships. Her dad unfortunately takes the gender affirming aproach as well. We are divorced and I do slightly wonder if he is using this situation as a way to become closer to her and edge me out. I can't be sure of what he is thinking but that has crossed my mind.
I always wonder why being one's "authentic self" must involve cross-sex hormones and body-altering surgeries. It seems to me that allowing oneself to be a masculine woman or feminine man would be more truly authentic, but what do I know? I'm just an uncool nearly 60-year-old TERF who "hates" transsexuals despite always having had sympathy for individuals with sex dysphoria.
In any case, I wish you luck with your daughter. It's truly concerning to see so many people struggling with this situation.
Excellent point! The phrase "being one's authentic self" seems to have devolved. There used to be a time when seeking "authenticity" almost always assumed healthy choices, or at least not choices that jeopardized one's longevity. I think society used to just assume that authenticity--which celebrates oneself--would include choices that supported one's health and well-being. True authenticity, therefore, wouldn't include, say, alcoholism, drug addiction, sitting on your butt and binging on cookies all day, etc. How can dismantling your body with surgeries and drugs be linked with true authenticity.
I agree, it's backwards. It's been said that we have to accept our children the way they are. Well, I do accept her and love her the way she is. She is not accepting herself and thinks she needs hormones to change herself because she can't accept herself as she is. It's heartbreaking that she doesn't understand that she is beautiful the way she is and doesn't need hormones. I pray that she doesn't do any surgeries to altar her body.
That's exactly how my sister reacted when I confided in her, too. Never mind, forget about him. It hurts to articulate this but I realized that my sister never loved me .
So sorry that you are yet another person dealing with this nonsense. Hold the line and stick to truth and victory will come, albeit perhaps a long time down the road.
I am guessing your sister is not a mother and therefore cannot put herself in your shoes. Just like the 20 something teacher in my daughter's school full of wokeness who has yet to have a child of her own. One day your sister will realize her mistake and she will regret how much she's hurting you now.
This makes me sad, but also angry on your behalf. You, who are a mama lion, trying so hard to protect your son. I am so sorry you have gone through this, so painful, so unnecessary! I have only experienced a sliver of what you and most parents here have experienced because I don't have a trans identified kid in my life. But it has shocked me to realize how little the bonds of friendship and even family sometimes mean against this bizarre indoctrination. I keep wondering why. Why does one family member or friend listen to you, respect you, give you the benefit of the doubt and take the time to dig in and understand--for herself? Why does another family member or friend not do so, parroting Democratic talking points as one commenter said? I think it must have to do with how much different people truly think for themselves, as well as how much they are willing to challenge their deepest assumptions. That's all I can think of. I guess my loyalty to the progressive tribe was not on the same order as others, but I didn't know that. Thus relationships are tested, and we grow with those who can meet us and support us. You don't need to cut off from her entirely, and maybe one day she will understand--but sadly, she believes strangers in the media more than her own sister. You are right to protect yourself. We believe you.
family are sometimes the biggest backstabbers, sabotagers and underminers. the sooner you break ties with someone like that the better. its useless to try to convince them. they are taking notes to gossip about you and paint you in a bad light to others. theres only one way to handle a narcissist - ignore them. this also applies to family who are not supportive or worse
In my wife's family the autistic, anime-obsessed teenage niece who got sucked into the trans cult was allowed to have hormone blockers and surgery by her "supportive" parents. She's now eighteen, what used to be thought of as a grown young woman, but she seems more like a thirteen-year-old, very odd boy. We are all expected to go along with the charade and horror as if nothing has happened, referring to her as "him" or "your son". There is no questioning, no discussion, no mentioning. I can't play this lunatic game, so I just stay away from them as much as possible.
They just don’t seem to ever grow up. Even into their mid twenties they are still able to perpetuate their immaturity, society supports it. There is help if they are not getting it from their parents. Charities, colleges, the workplace...everyone
I have been thinking about this aspect a lot lately. One of the effects of transgenderism is that it keeps individuals from becoming adults. It effects puberty and reproduction, which lead to adulthood on a physical level. It also seems to prohibit developing greater thinking of others, which is a hallmark of successful maturity. It seems to sabotage growing in wisdom and cooperation (other needed virtues in the adult world.) Also, Learning to accept and love oneself (learning to live with what we cannot change) is a big part of adulting--which, God willing, grows you into a compassionate person. I am almost 60 and am not crazy about some of the physical changes I am experiencing, but with self love and compassion I can continue to wake up and gratefully care for the people in my life. I am glad I am no longer as self-absorbed as I was at 15, at 23, at 27. At 30 I became a mom (to my dear son who says he's a girl and who hasn't spoken to me in 2 years) and he taught me to love; to think of someone else; to make sacrifices for someone more vulnerable than myself. Will our kids ever have this opportunity? I pray they do.
It’s so painful isn’t it. I too feel like I learned everything from having a child. Estrangement is one of the hardest things ever. You can’t stop being a parent & yet we are stopped from being parents. It’s hard to rationalize their ‘problem’ from the cruelty they impose. I just can’t say ‘great, so glad you’re happy being a girl now’. Because it’s a lie. I just don’t know how people can do it. I wish I wasn’t so devastated. I’m sorry, that was zero helpful
How awful for this poor young woman. I don't even know if I hope she will come to her senses under this scenario. If it has been done to her when she was so young, the truth may just be too cruel and crushing to realize. I honestly cannot fathom how anyone can see this as progressive and supportive.
Your writing clearly express the profoundly painful struggle to be believed. With my siblings as well, it has not been possible to truly open their eyes to the reality of how utterly horrid and wrong it is for my on the spectrum son to have started wrong sex hormones with one trip to Planned Parenthood (Planned Sterility). Parents whose child is preyed on by the trans cult suffer a lonely loss. The trans cult decimates the bodily and mental integrity of those it ensnares and the relational integrity of families. It's evil.
You're welcome. Naming the horror is integral to the solace of PITT. Though nothing truly soothes the loss of a child or young adult to this heinous cult.
I'm so sorry your sister can't be open to another way of looking at the issue. It's exhausting to always feel like you have to prove your point. The other side of this debate just gets to yell, scream, and say "be kind." We have to be armed with scientific studies and data and even then, few are convinced.
It is hard, especially at Christmas, the loneliest and most stressful time of year..
My sister did the same. I can see autistic traits in various family members who would not like to believe that they are vulnerable. The fact is they might have been drawn into the trans cult too. They would prefer to believe transgenderism is a healthy solution to the problem of unwanted fertility. My sister thinks it is great not to bring any more autistic people into the world. It is insane to not just sterilise girls but also claim they are men. We do not talk about that.
I wonder. It can not be progressive. It is a backward step. Autism is genetic, autistic people have historically been discouraged from having children. I am thinking about the intelligent autistic people whose genes are valuable. It is a nonsense and unethical to promote transgenderism to autistic people as this form of eugenics is simply wrong. I struggle to make sense of it all.
This is an important point. A child, age 12 has no problem to be sterilised according to his/her wish. A young woman without kids has a long journey to achieve the same.
I can totally relate & PITT is a source of comfort for that. The lack of interest/support from close family is horribly disappointing & only adds to the loneliness.
It's like "Inception". Once in the mind, it is unbelivebly hard to get rid of. The kids are horrified with the narative, that they must have been affirmed or they have to die. The adults are even more scared. This in my opinion is the root: if you dare to think, you wont survive. This ist the unconditional fear, that paralyzes the child, the familiy and even critical teachers. Noone wants to be guilty. I'm so sorry for the way your sister treats you.
Another painful story. Dear parent, I am so sorry. One thing we can do is to pass along your articulate narrative to persons we know who might in turn pass it along, and hope that at some point we get a critical mass of persons who see or begin to see what is really going on. In social movements, it’s the support and motivation from consciousness-raising that is key to making change. This is why PITT is important, why WOLF (Women’s Liberation Front) is important, why LGB Fight Back is important, and all the groups working hard to reveal the truths about trans ideology — regardless of whether or not you agree with EVERYTHING they have to say. We join together in our concern about the harms of the ideology to create this critical mass in order to call for discussion and transparency. Thank you so much for writing your clear and thoughtful piece. May you and your son and your sister find healing and reconciliation in the not too distant future.
Wonderfully put. We spend our evenings these days watching this police procedural series called Three Pines that is set outside Montreal (please bear with me till I get to the analogy). One of the running themes in the stories is about the horrors carried out in the past on the Indigenous population in the name of progress - children taken away from their parents, conversions in the name of civilization, and so on (there is a scene where a character is contemplating on a painting showing a flailing parent as her child is being taken away). For the first time, I could truly, genuinely relate - at the gut level. We are loving, caring parents whose lives have centered around our children. From the very first moment they were born, we held them and promised to save them, to the best of our ability, from all the dangers. And now we see our children being taken away by inhumane actors for some filthy lucre - and as they do, they are being praised by the "enlightened" for taking the children away from their "primitive" parents. If - and that's a big if - these children ever come back to us, they will be mutilated, scarred beyond recognition, and we will have to somehow nurse their broken bodies and minds for the rest of their lives. Nobody will take pity on our children then - they will be labeled as confused idiots who threw their lives away. There will be no retribution for the perpetrators for their vile acts. It will be just us and (if we are "lucky") our broken children - alone, grieving, and mourning for the rest of our lives. To all the Pied Pipers who led our children to their doom - the psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors, the peddlers of junk research with more holes than Swiss cheese, the influencers and the activists, the bystanders who feel virtuous by "standing with the children" - I hope someone has mercy on your souls. For I sure cannot.
Oh, I feel this so much..... I try to bring up the evidence that is so clearly mounting to occasional friends or family members, but it always starts a disagreement or feels tense, winding up with me being the one feeling like I'm out of line. I know some of the LGBT community (not the alphabet soup variety) is starting to speak up and work hard, as well as the growing detransitioners community, did sometimes I feel like I just need to leave it to them, maybe it's their area of expertise and I should stay in my lane.
My 20 year old daughter started taking testosterone. My sister congratulated her and said she is glad that she is being her authentic self. She is not just going along with calling her "he" and using a male or gender nuetral nickname, she is scolding my dad and I because we don't. It has made me so angry with her. My daughter suffers from anxiety and depression and I do wonder if she is on the autism spectrum. She now says she has always known on some level that she was trans but she was in denial. I know this is 100% false becuase I raised her and had a very close relationship with her from the time she was born up until she was about 17 years old. It started when she was 17 and it started during covid shut downs, and it started becuase of social media and internet friendships. Her dad unfortunately takes the gender affirming aproach as well. We are divorced and I do slightly wonder if he is using this situation as a way to become closer to her and edge me out. I can't be sure of what he is thinking but that has crossed my mind.
I always wonder why being one's "authentic self" must involve cross-sex hormones and body-altering surgeries. It seems to me that allowing oneself to be a masculine woman or feminine man would be more truly authentic, but what do I know? I'm just an uncool nearly 60-year-old TERF who "hates" transsexuals despite always having had sympathy for individuals with sex dysphoria.
In any case, I wish you luck with your daughter. It's truly concerning to see so many people struggling with this situation.
Excellent point! The phrase "being one's authentic self" seems to have devolved. There used to be a time when seeking "authenticity" almost always assumed healthy choices, or at least not choices that jeopardized one's longevity. I think society used to just assume that authenticity--which celebrates oneself--would include choices that supported one's health and well-being. True authenticity, therefore, wouldn't include, say, alcoholism, drug addiction, sitting on your butt and binging on cookies all day, etc. How can dismantling your body with surgeries and drugs be linked with true authenticity.
I agree, it's backwards. It's been said that we have to accept our children the way they are. Well, I do accept her and love her the way she is. She is not accepting herself and thinks she needs hormones to change herself because she can't accept herself as she is. It's heartbreaking that she doesn't understand that she is beautiful the way she is and doesn't need hormones. I pray that she doesn't do any surgeries to altar her body.
That's exactly how my sister reacted when I confided in her, too. Never mind, forget about him. It hurts to articulate this but I realized that my sister never loved me .
So sorry that you are yet another person dealing with this nonsense. Hold the line and stick to truth and victory will come, albeit perhaps a long time down the road.
I am guessing your sister is not a mother and therefore cannot put herself in your shoes. Just like the 20 something teacher in my daughter's school full of wokeness who has yet to have a child of her own. One day your sister will realize her mistake and she will regret how much she's hurting you now.
This makes me sad, but also angry on your behalf. You, who are a mama lion, trying so hard to protect your son. I am so sorry you have gone through this, so painful, so unnecessary! I have only experienced a sliver of what you and most parents here have experienced because I don't have a trans identified kid in my life. But it has shocked me to realize how little the bonds of friendship and even family sometimes mean against this bizarre indoctrination. I keep wondering why. Why does one family member or friend listen to you, respect you, give you the benefit of the doubt and take the time to dig in and understand--for herself? Why does another family member or friend not do so, parroting Democratic talking points as one commenter said? I think it must have to do with how much different people truly think for themselves, as well as how much they are willing to challenge their deepest assumptions. That's all I can think of. I guess my loyalty to the progressive tribe was not on the same order as others, but I didn't know that. Thus relationships are tested, and we grow with those who can meet us and support us. You don't need to cut off from her entirely, and maybe one day she will understand--but sadly, she believes strangers in the media more than her own sister. You are right to protect yourself. We believe you.
family are sometimes the biggest backstabbers, sabotagers and underminers. the sooner you break ties with someone like that the better. its useless to try to convince them. they are taking notes to gossip about you and paint you in a bad light to others. theres only one way to handle a narcissist - ignore them. this also applies to family who are not supportive or worse
In my wife's family the autistic, anime-obsessed teenage niece who got sucked into the trans cult was allowed to have hormone blockers and surgery by her "supportive" parents. She's now eighteen, what used to be thought of as a grown young woman, but she seems more like a thirteen-year-old, very odd boy. We are all expected to go along with the charade and horror as if nothing has happened, referring to her as "him" or "your son". There is no questioning, no discussion, no mentioning. I can't play this lunatic game, so I just stay away from them as much as possible.
They just don’t seem to ever grow up. Even into their mid twenties they are still able to perpetuate their immaturity, society supports it. There is help if they are not getting it from their parents. Charities, colleges, the workplace...everyone
It’s impossible
I have been thinking about this aspect a lot lately. One of the effects of transgenderism is that it keeps individuals from becoming adults. It effects puberty and reproduction, which lead to adulthood on a physical level. It also seems to prohibit developing greater thinking of others, which is a hallmark of successful maturity. It seems to sabotage growing in wisdom and cooperation (other needed virtues in the adult world.) Also, Learning to accept and love oneself (learning to live with what we cannot change) is a big part of adulting--which, God willing, grows you into a compassionate person. I am almost 60 and am not crazy about some of the physical changes I am experiencing, but with self love and compassion I can continue to wake up and gratefully care for the people in my life. I am glad I am no longer as self-absorbed as I was at 15, at 23, at 27. At 30 I became a mom (to my dear son who says he's a girl and who hasn't spoken to me in 2 years) and he taught me to love; to think of someone else; to make sacrifices for someone more vulnerable than myself. Will our kids ever have this opportunity? I pray they do.
It’s so painful isn’t it. I too feel like I learned everything from having a child. Estrangement is one of the hardest things ever. You can’t stop being a parent & yet we are stopped from being parents. It’s hard to rationalize their ‘problem’ from the cruelty they impose. I just can’t say ‘great, so glad you’re happy being a girl now’. Because it’s a lie. I just don’t know how people can do it. I wish I wasn’t so devastated. I’m sorry, that was zero helpful
it is helpful in that when we know we are heard it helps! I am devastated too. at least here we can say that.
How awful for this poor young woman. I don't even know if I hope she will come to her senses under this scenario. If it has been done to her when she was so young, the truth may just be too cruel and crushing to realize. I honestly cannot fathom how anyone can see this as progressive and supportive.
Your writing clearly express the profoundly painful struggle to be believed. With my siblings as well, it has not been possible to truly open their eyes to the reality of how utterly horrid and wrong it is for my on the spectrum son to have started wrong sex hormones with one trip to Planned Parenthood (Planned Sterility). Parents whose child is preyed on by the trans cult suffer a lonely loss. The trans cult decimates the bodily and mental integrity of those it ensnares and the relational integrity of families. It's evil.
“Parents whose child is preyed on by the trans cult suffer a lonely loss“ says it all. Thanks for expressing it so clearly.
You're welcome. Naming the horror is integral to the solace of PITT. Though nothing truly soothes the loss of a child or young adult to this heinous cult.
I'm so sorry your sister can't be open to another way of looking at the issue. It's exhausting to always feel like you have to prove your point. The other side of this debate just gets to yell, scream, and say "be kind." We have to be armed with scientific studies and data and even then, few are convinced.
We ARE being kind. It's not kind to mutilate our young.
Well put about the higher threshold for disputing the trans insanity. Yes, talking about reality to others can be exhausting (and utterly depressing.)
So much for Elon Musk's freedom of speech. You should be reinstated by now.
It is hard, especially at Christmas, the loneliest and most stressful time of year..
My sister did the same. I can see autistic traits in various family members who would not like to believe that they are vulnerable. The fact is they might have been drawn into the trans cult too. They would prefer to believe transgenderism is a healthy solution to the problem of unwanted fertility. My sister thinks it is great not to bring any more autistic people into the world. It is insane to not just sterilise girls but also claim they are men. We do not talk about that.
It's great not to bring any more autistic people into the world? Sounds like eugenics to me. When did eugenics become progressive and liberal?
I wonder. It can not be progressive. It is a backward step. Autism is genetic, autistic people have historically been discouraged from having children. I am thinking about the intelligent autistic people whose genes are valuable. It is a nonsense and unethical to promote transgenderism to autistic people as this form of eugenics is simply wrong. I struggle to make sense of it all.
since its inception.
This is an important point. A child, age 12 has no problem to be sterilised according to his/her wish. A young woman without kids has a long journey to achieve the same.
I can totally relate & PITT is a source of comfort for that. The lack of interest/support from close family is horribly disappointing & only adds to the loneliness.
It's like "Inception". Once in the mind, it is unbelivebly hard to get rid of. The kids are horrified with the narative, that they must have been affirmed or they have to die. The adults are even more scared. This in my opinion is the root: if you dare to think, you wont survive. This ist the unconditional fear, that paralyzes the child, the familiy and even critical teachers. Noone wants to be guilty. I'm so sorry for the way your sister treats you.
Another painful story. Dear parent, I am so sorry. One thing we can do is to pass along your articulate narrative to persons we know who might in turn pass it along, and hope that at some point we get a critical mass of persons who see or begin to see what is really going on. In social movements, it’s the support and motivation from consciousness-raising that is key to making change. This is why PITT is important, why WOLF (Women’s Liberation Front) is important, why LGB Fight Back is important, and all the groups working hard to reveal the truths about trans ideology — regardless of whether or not you agree with EVERYTHING they have to say. We join together in our concern about the harms of the ideology to create this critical mass in order to call for discussion and transparency. Thank you so much for writing your clear and thoughtful piece. May you and your son and your sister find healing and reconciliation in the not too distant future.
Wonderfully put. We spend our evenings these days watching this police procedural series called Three Pines that is set outside Montreal (please bear with me till I get to the analogy). One of the running themes in the stories is about the horrors carried out in the past on the Indigenous population in the name of progress - children taken away from their parents, conversions in the name of civilization, and so on (there is a scene where a character is contemplating on a painting showing a flailing parent as her child is being taken away). For the first time, I could truly, genuinely relate - at the gut level. We are loving, caring parents whose lives have centered around our children. From the very first moment they were born, we held them and promised to save them, to the best of our ability, from all the dangers. And now we see our children being taken away by inhumane actors for some filthy lucre - and as they do, they are being praised by the "enlightened" for taking the children away from their "primitive" parents. If - and that's a big if - these children ever come back to us, they will be mutilated, scarred beyond recognition, and we will have to somehow nurse their broken bodies and minds for the rest of their lives. Nobody will take pity on our children then - they will be labeled as confused idiots who threw their lives away. There will be no retribution for the perpetrators for their vile acts. It will be just us and (if we are "lucky") our broken children - alone, grieving, and mourning for the rest of our lives. To all the Pied Pipers who led our children to their doom - the psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors, the peddlers of junk research with more holes than Swiss cheese, the influencers and the activists, the bystanders who feel virtuous by "standing with the children" - I hope someone has mercy on your souls. For I sure cannot.
Oh, I feel this so much..... I try to bring up the evidence that is so clearly mounting to occasional friends or family members, but it always starts a disagreement or feels tense, winding up with me being the one feeling like I'm out of line. I know some of the LGBT community (not the alphabet soup variety) is starting to speak up and work hard, as well as the growing detransitioners community, did sometimes I feel like I just need to leave it to them, maybe it's their area of expertise and I should stay in my lane.
Don’t beat yourself up. We need to look after ourselves & stay strong. Accept & embrace help from those that care & that you trust