Thank you for sharing this deeply personal and heart-rending poetry. Our son is distancing for different reasons, but your anguish resonates deeply with me. He is living with a woman who is completely estranged from her family and he is becoming less tolerant of others the longer they are together. A young man who was always welcoming to…
Thank you for sharing this deeply personal and heart-rending poetry. Our son is distancing for different reasons, but your anguish resonates deeply with me. He is living with a woman who is completely estranged from her family and he is becoming less tolerant of others the longer they are together. A young man who was always welcoming to a variety of people has become negative, critical, and remote.
We are living at a time when the mental health industry and many others are cynically profiting off misery and division. Where in bygone days people encouraged one another to find common ground and love one another, now they are encouraged to break ties with those whom they consider 'toxic'. This social pattern goes back decades, but it has accelerated in recent years. Being capable of listening even when we disagree and loving unconditionally are essential skills in a family and a society. Too many of us are lacking those skills today, and I'm not just pointing fingers at the young generation. It took me until middle age to realize that I could listen with an open heart without agreeing with the other person.
Thank you for sharing your pain as well as your determination and your successes. I woke up this morning thinking that I need to reach out more to people, and then I read your poetry. The first ones I need to reach out to are my own family.
Your comments are deeply moving to me. I share your views, including that the one thing a family should be able to do is go through difficult periods, but not feel like you will lose your relationship with your loved one, or feel like you have to walk on egg shells or you might never see your child again. Yet this is the reality of modern day therapy.
Therapy isn't supposed to be used to separate loved ones, but to bring us closer together. It used to take serious abuse to end the relationship. Now it can be anything, but abuse. Just a difference of opinion. Parental wisdom isn't even acknowledged today. "Feelings" and "beliefs" are what matters. It's not healthy.
I have been having nearly the exact same conversation that you posted with my older children (from my 1st marriage). Walking away isn't an option. Working through the difficulties with love and forgiveness is the only way to find true redemption.
Family members don't always need to agree, but we must agree to protect the relationship. As long as there is no serious abuse of course.
I am trying to reset this wrong think with my three oldest children (26 to 31 years) and I believe I am starting to see change. I also had to change and I purposely do my best not to trigger my kids. It sounds so gobbledygook because when I was my kids age, this would have been considered ridiculous.
I do have boundaries that I have made clear to my older children that I expect them to respect. We've come a long way. I pray
Our shy older son was the one we worried about most, but he's turned the corner and no longer seems to think we're complete idiots. I will make a point of staying in closer touch with his younger brother to keep building the bridges. Cute kitten videos and pictures of the first snowflakes out the back window are uncontroversial ways to let him know we love him and think of him daily.
Thank you for sharing this deeply personal and heart-rending poetry. Our son is distancing for different reasons, but your anguish resonates deeply with me. He is living with a woman who is completely estranged from her family and he is becoming less tolerant of others the longer they are together. A young man who was always welcoming to a variety of people has become negative, critical, and remote.
We are living at a time when the mental health industry and many others are cynically profiting off misery and division. Where in bygone days people encouraged one another to find common ground and love one another, now they are encouraged to break ties with those whom they consider 'toxic'. This social pattern goes back decades, but it has accelerated in recent years. Being capable of listening even when we disagree and loving unconditionally are essential skills in a family and a society. Too many of us are lacking those skills today, and I'm not just pointing fingers at the young generation. It took me until middle age to realize that I could listen with an open heart without agreeing with the other person.
Thank you for sharing your pain as well as your determination and your successes. I woke up this morning thinking that I need to reach out more to people, and then I read your poetry. The first ones I need to reach out to are my own family.
Your comments are deeply moving to me. I share your views, including that the one thing a family should be able to do is go through difficult periods, but not feel like you will lose your relationship with your loved one, or feel like you have to walk on egg shells or you might never see your child again. Yet this is the reality of modern day therapy.
Therapy isn't supposed to be used to separate loved ones, but to bring us closer together. It used to take serious abuse to end the relationship. Now it can be anything, but abuse. Just a difference of opinion. Parental wisdom isn't even acknowledged today. "Feelings" and "beliefs" are what matters. It's not healthy.
I have been having nearly the exact same conversation that you posted with my older children (from my 1st marriage). Walking away isn't an option. Working through the difficulties with love and forgiveness is the only way to find true redemption.
Family members don't always need to agree, but we must agree to protect the relationship. As long as there is no serious abuse of course.
I am trying to reset this wrong think with my three oldest children (26 to 31 years) and I believe I am starting to see change. I also had to change and I purposely do my best not to trigger my kids. It sounds so gobbledygook because when I was my kids age, this would have been considered ridiculous.
I do have boundaries that I have made clear to my older children that I expect them to respect. We've come a long way. I pray
Our shy older son was the one we worried about most, but he's turned the corner and no longer seems to think we're complete idiots. I will make a point of staying in closer touch with his younger brother to keep building the bridges. Cute kitten videos and pictures of the first snowflakes out the back window are uncontroversial ways to let him know we love him and think of him daily.
It's a great start. Just keep a life line open is all you can do and pray for the best. 🙏