In the heart's abyss, the pain lingers on, For the ones I cherish most have been drawn. Months or years, or an eternity's spree, I won't forsake my role, nor my decree. Confused and torn, between parents, you stand, Yet our love for you flows, vast as the sand.
Thank you for sharing this deeply personal and heart-rending poetry. Our son is distancing for different reasons, but your anguish resonates deeply with me. He is living with a woman who is completely estranged from her family and he is becoming less tolerant of others the longer they are together. A young man who was always welcoming to a variety of people has become negative, critical, and remote.
We are living at a time when the mental health industry and many others are cynically profiting off misery and division. Where in bygone days people encouraged one another to find common ground and love one another, now they are encouraged to break ties with those whom they consider 'toxic'. This social pattern goes back decades, but it has accelerated in recent years. Being capable of listening even when we disagree and loving unconditionally are essential skills in a family and a society. Too many of us are lacking those skills today, and I'm not just pointing fingers at the young generation. It took me until middle age to realize that I could listen with an open heart without agreeing with the other person.
Thank you for sharing your pain as well as your determination and your successes. I woke up this morning thinking that I need to reach out more to people, and then I read your poetry. The first ones I need to reach out to are my own family.
Your comments are deeply moving to me. I share your views, including that the one thing a family should be able to do is go through difficult periods, but not feel like you will lose your relationship with your loved one, or feel like you have to walk on egg shells or you might never see your child again. Yet this is the reality of modern day therapy.
Therapy isn't supposed to be used to separate loved ones, but to bring us closer together. It used to take serious abuse to end the relationship. Now it can be anything, but abuse. Just a difference of opinion. Parental wisdom isn't even acknowledged today. "Feelings" and "beliefs" are what matters. It's not healthy.
I have been having nearly the exact same conversation that you posted with my older children (from my 1st marriage). Walking away isn't an option. Working through the difficulties with love and forgiveness is the only way to find true redemption.
Family members don't always need to agree, but we must agree to protect the relationship. As long as there is no serious abuse of course.
I am trying to reset this wrong think with my three oldest children (26 to 31 years) and I believe I am starting to see change. I also had to change and I purposely do my best not to trigger my kids. It sounds so gobbledygook because when I was my kids age, this would have been considered ridiculous.
I do have boundaries that I have made clear to my older children that I expect them to respect. We've come a long way. I pray
Our shy older son was the one we worried about most, but he's turned the corner and no longer seems to think we're complete idiots. I will make a point of staying in closer touch with his younger brother to keep building the bridges. Cute kitten videos and pictures of the first snowflakes out the back window are uncontroversial ways to let him know we love him and think of him daily.
Thank you for writing this. Tempting to print it out and send it in a Christmas card, which is like sending a card on a paper boat. The Christmas season is here. I put up the old tree, the friend who knew my daughter. Some old ornaments and pictures of her are there. It is the season of hope. So, let's not lose hope.
Please do! Print it out! I do this for anyone who wants to claim any poem I write. I am grateful that parents who are hurting can relate.
I haven't seen my Daughter going on 5 years in February. I can't take my Christmas tree down until we are reunited. It's in the living room and for the past 5 years it's been in the same place, like time stood still. It has for me. I say do what ever you need to do to heal as long as it's not addictive or illegal.
Ive been praying for the last 5 Christmas that my daughter will come home. She left at 18. Says I need to apologize that I was wrong about her transitioning...that it was the right thing to do. Her dad died and she never even went to his funeral. She has become stone cold. She told my oldest I need to stop inviting her. My heart aches for my husband and her every single day.
It's heartbreaking to hear about the cruelty of the divide in the relationship with your daughter, and especially after her father's passing. I want to reassure you that you are not alone in your sorrow. I believe in the power of healing and reconciliation, and I sincerely hope that, in time, your daughter will find her way back to you.
I'll keep you and your child in my thoughts and prayers this Christmas. The spirit of the season is about bringing hope to the hurting and to those how are lost.
I am sure the grief you feel after the loss of your husband makes this even more difficult without his support by your side. I pray you can find the strength to keep faith that one day the bonds that have been strained and perhaps even broken will mend. Wishing you comfort and solace during this difficult time. 💔😪🙏
Once again in tears. I’ve interacted professionally with a couple of dads whose teen daughters were sucked into the cult. I wanted so badly to hug them, to tell them many out here know they are suffering and are desperate to help. But it would have come out of left field and I didn’t want to embarrass them. Reading this, I wish I had. I hope your family is healed and restored❤️
Thank you ❤️ I accept and give hugs freely every day. The amazing people on this forum really helped me today. The timing of this poem (I didn't know when it was going to be out) couldn't have been better. It was a hard day. I know it was for many people here too. I am grateful for you all. 🙏
So beautifully written from the depths of your soul, from your broken heart. Your love is strong, unwavering, forgiving. I hope your child returns to your open arms. I pray for your reconciliation and healing. This evil cult has stolen too many innocent children, torn apart too many families, destroyed too many dreams. Do not give up your hope as it is the one thing this cult cannot take from all of us.
It is refreshing and enjoyable to read expressions in poetry.
I would like to hear what folks here believe is “unconditional love.” This is a term that our two wayward children used as a weapon against us for a long while before cutting us off in favor of this dreadful cult. They claimed that our love for them was conditional, which is not true. We believe one duty of genuine love is to correct and reject unacceptable behavior in clear terms. We remained firm in our standards, but never turned a child away or denied him or her support and succor. I would still take a bullet for any of them.
Through the years, it was easy to see the popular media take on this in its talk show pop psychology, trashy supermarket literature and TV PSAs. “Let your children be who they are” in its myriad forms was the constant slogan. Huge TV audiences would applaud this mantra wildly; millions of Americans imbibed this cheap message with gusto.
Our other two grown children, on the other hand, did not adopt this immature mentality, and thank God are around us for moral support.
You raised such an important truth! A transchild disrupts the parental bond between the other siblings and the targeted parent. My now 10 and 13 year olds have been so influenced by my now 15 year old "transboy" that the court stipulated parental consultant ordered my younger children to not speak with my 15 year old about me or trans idology. Of course it didn't work and I have seen school artwork of clay bowls, etc. In the "trans" colors, etc. made by my two younger children.
Even if kids are entitled to unconditional love by their parents they are not entitled to unconditional respect and support. I don't have to support stupid actions. Some ideas don't deserve respect. And frankly, I think any unconditional love has its limits. I am not sure I would feel love and affection for my child if she became, for example a doctor performing gender surgeries (or otherwise destroyed the lives of others for a living).
And my non-trans daughter who helped our son fulfill his dream of full stage surgery with financial and moral support is as bad as the mutilating surgeons. She is a harder person to love than the delusional son.
You make some very important distinctions between unconditional love and not supporting actions that do no align with your values, morals, or faith. I do not disagree with anything you said. I can only love unconditionally because Christ first loved me unconditionally. Many times I didn't deserve it, but without the love of Christ (especially, during the holidays) I don't believe I would be here today.
Thanks for your really good post. I appreciate the thought provoking gut level honesty. This is all so hard and loving the unlovable is sometimes the hardest thing to do (even when its your child telling you they hate you for not indulging in their fantasy). But, I belive as a Christian that is exactly the calling I have on my life. To love those who are hurting. That means to love myself too and forgive myself when I have made a mistake.
I agree with Brent. Unconditional love means you love the person no matter what they do, no matter if they make choices with which you disagree. It certainly does not mean going along with every destructive idea a person has and helping them to harm their body and mind. Frankly, it is clear to me that my daughter does not unconditionally love me, as she frequently threatens to withhold her love if I don't go along with the program. I would never give her such an ultimatem.
From every story I have read or heard from parents, the only time a child has ever been estranged from their family is when the child rejects the family out of hand for not agreeing that transition is wonderful and makes perfect sense for everyone. I've never heard of a parent throwing their child out of the house for seeking social or medical transition (it might have happened, but must be exceedingly rare). Perhaps lack of the ability to unconditionally love is one of the many weaknesses that can make some people susceptible to the desire to transition (not to say that all people who transition lack this ability).
Unconditional love is probably the strongest emotion people have, and the most beautiful. I hope it ultimately does some good against what's happening to our children.
I wanted to mention one more thing that stands out to me in your post. You do not believe your child loves you unconditionally. It maybe true, it probably isn't. I have an older son who is 31 and also in the trans cult. His "trans woman" partner even had surgery to remove his testicle.
When my son told me in 2016 of this relationship he tried to tell me he wasn't gay man because he was dating a "trans woman."
It might sound trite, but I was astounded that my son who has a greater than 130 I.Q. could believe an outrageous lie.
We went to counseling together and the therapist said if I didn't accept this lie, I likely won't see my son again.
They wanted me to bend love and logic for the sake of a lie. I refused. I said I love my son unconditionally, but because he was so self deceived I would believe what I knew to be true despite their opposition.
My son didn't speak with me after that therapy session.
I was once again heart broken. But, I didn't give up. Even though he is a man in is early 30's now, I believed he would be back in my life. I kept reaching out every month or two and simply text him that I love him and I want the very best for him.
After three years he called and we went out for dinner, just him and me.
He told me he loved me and that he indeed is a gay man and even though he is with a transwoman, he recognizes that it is a mental illness.
My son was completely honest not just with me. More importantly, he was finally being honest with himself.
We have our relationship completely restored. Some days he just comes over and hangs out with me. I love him dearly.
I don't know if he will be with this transwoman for ever. I see the pain on his face and his body after living with a very unstable person for the past 7 years. I do know he loves me and he knows I will always love him. Getting him to this point was hard. Deep down I know our kids loves us, no matter their age. We just have to keep the faith and remember to speak the truth in love.
Wow. Thank you for sharing that very personal story. I'm so happy for you that your son was able to come to that realization, and that your relationship was restored. It does give me hope. Deep down, I believe my daughter loves me unconditionally too. I just don't know if she will ever be able to access that part of her, or how long it might take. And, as to your shock that such a smart young man could believe such falsehoods, I have that same thought about my daughter on a daily basis. She's now 17, still young, but I thought she would be ready to see reality for what it is by now. I guess patience is the name of the game.
Keep writing. It helps you and it helps all of us as well.
Thank you for the feedback. I really do hope your 17 year old daughter wakes up to reality. I was never so happy to have a gay son than I was the day he finally admitted it. It was never about being gay or straight for me. Just keep loving your daughter no matter how badly it keeps tearing you up inside.
My children have made me a better father even after all of this because it forced me to really look deep inside myself and correct any hidden bias I had and it also helped me develop a love for those who are struggling. I say it often, People need to be gentle with themselves. We didn't chose this, we are just put in a place where we have to deal with it or simply give up.
I know many who give up and I will never blame them. This is a tough road to go down for most people.
I would love to see you write your story for PITT.
There is so much pain in the hearts of the parents here. When I wrote about my brother's six-year involvement in the Satanic panic and his eventual return to our family, I had so many people thank me for believing that this Trans panic will end and for helping them to believe it too.
Any little bit of sincere hope we can offer is balm. It really matters.
I am happy to hear that. I have been working on a few projects that tell the complex story of trans indoctrination from a crime perspective. My daughter had help and I was lied to over and over again by CPS, the mother, grandmother, my ex's lawyer, the therapists and even school. CPS even came after me twice! The courts were of no help, but my long term family court judge was fired.
I am hoping to use my many poems I wrote during those time, and list a poem at the beginning of each chapter that relates.
I have gone through so much in 7 years I feel like a different person. All our experiences are so similar that maybe it would help someone who is new to this horror show.
This is true, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of any parent kicking their child out of the house. If anything, the opposite, living daily in torturous conditions while they watch their child deteriorate before their eyes. I am estranged from my child too & the conditional/unconditional part only seems to flow in one direction. Follow the rules parents, or you are out of my life. Parents have no choice in deciding whether it’s conditional or unconditional in my opinion. We are hard wired to care no matter what they do, that is why it is so hard, & we suffer so much. Only your own flesh & blood can inflict so much pain, it is cruel & it is evil.
Beautifully said. I can assure you there are many people who do not know how to love. My Ex was never told by her father that he loved her. I knew by his actions that he did. He just couldn't verbalize it. When my Ex was 30 I went to her father and explained that his lack of speaking the words, "I love you" had a negative affect on my Ex and it was causing a problem in our family. To his credit he did tell his 30 year old daughter that he loved her. Unfortunately, I believe it came too late for her. We all need to tell those we care about how much we love them. All the time. Without conditions. With out ceasing.
Unconditional love does not take delight in reinforcing that which is unnatural, evil, or based on a lie. I struggle with this daily. I love my children unconditionally, but I refuse to accept a lie. That is not in conflict with the true definition of unconditional love. In other words, if you had a depressed child who is suicidal for whatever reason, assisting in the child's suicidal ideations is not unconditional love. Intervention and saving the child is unconditional love.
I raised my beloved only child by the motto: Firm but kind.
I would hold him all day long, while he cried over having to obey me. But he still had to obey me.
That's my unconditional love for him: to guide him and teach him how to get along in reality, while also empathizing with how hard it can be to accept reality when it's not what we want.
I know how he feels. Sometimes I cry over reality too.
I love it. I am very similar. Unfortunately, my Ex has significant issues and she was the catalyst for this destruction who works against everything I do. She has been found to have a "toxic" home and I've had two parental consultants testify that I have been alienated. I still lose in court because it's so corrupt. A lot to unpack, but it's coming out. The court has not enforced their own orders at all. I also cry a lot. How could a parent who loves their child not cry when your world is turned upside down and you see the child you love slip away into a deep mental illness. 🙏
I am so grateful to read your comments. I am always in awe of those who speak out, but I never knew what I write touches others. I am happy to hear it does.
Thank you for posting another one of my poems. I find writing poetry is the best way for me to figure out what is going on in my head. My heart has already been completely broken, but I won't let that happen to my brain.
Your kid is trans. They are not dead.
Thank you for sharing this deeply personal and heart-rending poetry. Our son is distancing for different reasons, but your anguish resonates deeply with me. He is living with a woman who is completely estranged from her family and he is becoming less tolerant of others the longer they are together. A young man who was always welcoming to a variety of people has become negative, critical, and remote.
We are living at a time when the mental health industry and many others are cynically profiting off misery and division. Where in bygone days people encouraged one another to find common ground and love one another, now they are encouraged to break ties with those whom they consider 'toxic'. This social pattern goes back decades, but it has accelerated in recent years. Being capable of listening even when we disagree and loving unconditionally are essential skills in a family and a society. Too many of us are lacking those skills today, and I'm not just pointing fingers at the young generation. It took me until middle age to realize that I could listen with an open heart without agreeing with the other person.
Thank you for sharing your pain as well as your determination and your successes. I woke up this morning thinking that I need to reach out more to people, and then I read your poetry. The first ones I need to reach out to are my own family.
Your comments are deeply moving to me. I share your views, including that the one thing a family should be able to do is go through difficult periods, but not feel like you will lose your relationship with your loved one, or feel like you have to walk on egg shells or you might never see your child again. Yet this is the reality of modern day therapy.
Therapy isn't supposed to be used to separate loved ones, but to bring us closer together. It used to take serious abuse to end the relationship. Now it can be anything, but abuse. Just a difference of opinion. Parental wisdom isn't even acknowledged today. "Feelings" and "beliefs" are what matters. It's not healthy.
I have been having nearly the exact same conversation that you posted with my older children (from my 1st marriage). Walking away isn't an option. Working through the difficulties with love and forgiveness is the only way to find true redemption.
Family members don't always need to agree, but we must agree to protect the relationship. As long as there is no serious abuse of course.
I am trying to reset this wrong think with my three oldest children (26 to 31 years) and I believe I am starting to see change. I also had to change and I purposely do my best not to trigger my kids. It sounds so gobbledygook because when I was my kids age, this would have been considered ridiculous.
I do have boundaries that I have made clear to my older children that I expect them to respect. We've come a long way. I pray
Our shy older son was the one we worried about most, but he's turned the corner and no longer seems to think we're complete idiots. I will make a point of staying in closer touch with his younger brother to keep building the bridges. Cute kitten videos and pictures of the first snowflakes out the back window are uncontroversial ways to let him know we love him and think of him daily.
It's a great start. Just keep a life line open is all you can do and pray for the best. 🙏
Thank you for writing this. Tempting to print it out and send it in a Christmas card, which is like sending a card on a paper boat. The Christmas season is here. I put up the old tree, the friend who knew my daughter. Some old ornaments and pictures of her are there. It is the season of hope. So, let's not lose hope.
Please do! Print it out! I do this for anyone who wants to claim any poem I write. I am grateful that parents who are hurting can relate.
I haven't seen my Daughter going on 5 years in February. I can't take my Christmas tree down until we are reunited. It's in the living room and for the past 5 years it's been in the same place, like time stood still. It has for me. I say do what ever you need to do to heal as long as it's not addictive or illegal.
Ive been praying for the last 5 Christmas that my daughter will come home. She left at 18. Says I need to apologize that I was wrong about her transitioning...that it was the right thing to do. Her dad died and she never even went to his funeral. She has become stone cold. She told my oldest I need to stop inviting her. My heart aches for my husband and her every single day.
It's heartbreaking to hear about the cruelty of the divide in the relationship with your daughter, and especially after her father's passing. I want to reassure you that you are not alone in your sorrow. I believe in the power of healing and reconciliation, and I sincerely hope that, in time, your daughter will find her way back to you.
I'll keep you and your child in my thoughts and prayers this Christmas. The spirit of the season is about bringing hope to the hurting and to those how are lost.
I am sure the grief you feel after the loss of your husband makes this even more difficult without his support by your side. I pray you can find the strength to keep faith that one day the bonds that have been strained and perhaps even broken will mend. Wishing you comfort and solace during this difficult time. 💔😪🙏
Sincerely,
Brent
Once again in tears. I’ve interacted professionally with a couple of dads whose teen daughters were sucked into the cult. I wanted so badly to hug them, to tell them many out here know they are suffering and are desperate to help. But it would have come out of left field and I didn’t want to embarrass them. Reading this, I wish I had. I hope your family is healed and restored❤️
Thank you ❤️ I accept and give hugs freely every day. The amazing people on this forum really helped me today. The timing of this poem (I didn't know when it was going to be out) couldn't have been better. It was a hard day. I know it was for many people here too. I am grateful for you all. 🙏
So beautifully written from the depths of your soul, from your broken heart. Your love is strong, unwavering, forgiving. I hope your child returns to your open arms. I pray for your reconciliation and healing. This evil cult has stolen too many innocent children, torn apart too many families, destroyed too many dreams. Do not give up your hope as it is the one thing this cult cannot take from all of us.
You have no idea how I needed to read your words this day. Thank you 🙏
It is refreshing and enjoyable to read expressions in poetry.
I would like to hear what folks here believe is “unconditional love.” This is a term that our two wayward children used as a weapon against us for a long while before cutting us off in favor of this dreadful cult. They claimed that our love for them was conditional, which is not true. We believe one duty of genuine love is to correct and reject unacceptable behavior in clear terms. We remained firm in our standards, but never turned a child away or denied him or her support and succor. I would still take a bullet for any of them.
Through the years, it was easy to see the popular media take on this in its talk show pop psychology, trashy supermarket literature and TV PSAs. “Let your children be who they are” in its myriad forms was the constant slogan. Huge TV audiences would applaud this mantra wildly; millions of Americans imbibed this cheap message with gusto.
Our other two grown children, on the other hand, did not adopt this immature mentality, and thank God are around us for moral support.
I welcome anyone’s thoughts.
So many of the siblings are forced to be allies or lose their relationship. Forced ally - ship reminds me of the youth Nazi camps.
You raised such an important truth! A transchild disrupts the parental bond between the other siblings and the targeted parent. My now 10 and 13 year olds have been so influenced by my now 15 year old "transboy" that the court stipulated parental consultant ordered my younger children to not speak with my 15 year old about me or trans idology. Of course it didn't work and I have seen school artwork of clay bowls, etc. In the "trans" colors, etc. made by my two younger children.
Even if kids are entitled to unconditional love by their parents they are not entitled to unconditional respect and support. I don't have to support stupid actions. Some ideas don't deserve respect. And frankly, I think any unconditional love has its limits. I am not sure I would feel love and affection for my child if she became, for example a doctor performing gender surgeries (or otherwise destroyed the lives of others for a living).
Yes! Well put.
And my non-trans daughter who helped our son fulfill his dream of full stage surgery with financial and moral support is as bad as the mutilating surgeons. She is a harder person to love than the delusional son.
You make some very important distinctions between unconditional love and not supporting actions that do no align with your values, morals, or faith. I do not disagree with anything you said. I can only love unconditionally because Christ first loved me unconditionally. Many times I didn't deserve it, but without the love of Christ (especially, during the holidays) I don't believe I would be here today.
Thanks for your really good post. I appreciate the thought provoking gut level honesty. This is all so hard and loving the unlovable is sometimes the hardest thing to do (even when its your child telling you they hate you for not indulging in their fantasy). But, I belive as a Christian that is exactly the calling I have on my life. To love those who are hurting. That means to love myself too and forgive myself when I have made a mistake.
I agree with Brent. Unconditional love means you love the person no matter what they do, no matter if they make choices with which you disagree. It certainly does not mean going along with every destructive idea a person has and helping them to harm their body and mind. Frankly, it is clear to me that my daughter does not unconditionally love me, as she frequently threatens to withhold her love if I don't go along with the program. I would never give her such an ultimatem.
From every story I have read or heard from parents, the only time a child has ever been estranged from their family is when the child rejects the family out of hand for not agreeing that transition is wonderful and makes perfect sense for everyone. I've never heard of a parent throwing their child out of the house for seeking social or medical transition (it might have happened, but must be exceedingly rare). Perhaps lack of the ability to unconditionally love is one of the many weaknesses that can make some people susceptible to the desire to transition (not to say that all people who transition lack this ability).
Unconditional love is probably the strongest emotion people have, and the most beautiful. I hope it ultimately does some good against what's happening to our children.
I wanted to mention one more thing that stands out to me in your post. You do not believe your child loves you unconditionally. It maybe true, it probably isn't. I have an older son who is 31 and also in the trans cult. His "trans woman" partner even had surgery to remove his testicle.
When my son told me in 2016 of this relationship he tried to tell me he wasn't gay man because he was dating a "trans woman."
It might sound trite, but I was astounded that my son who has a greater than 130 I.Q. could believe an outrageous lie.
We went to counseling together and the therapist said if I didn't accept this lie, I likely won't see my son again.
They wanted me to bend love and logic for the sake of a lie. I refused. I said I love my son unconditionally, but because he was so self deceived I would believe what I knew to be true despite their opposition.
My son didn't speak with me after that therapy session.
I was once again heart broken. But, I didn't give up. Even though he is a man in is early 30's now, I believed he would be back in my life. I kept reaching out every month or two and simply text him that I love him and I want the very best for him.
After three years he called and we went out for dinner, just him and me.
He told me he loved me and that he indeed is a gay man and even though he is with a transwoman, he recognizes that it is a mental illness.
My son was completely honest not just with me. More importantly, he was finally being honest with himself.
We have our relationship completely restored. Some days he just comes over and hangs out with me. I love him dearly.
I don't know if he will be with this transwoman for ever. I see the pain on his face and his body after living with a very unstable person for the past 7 years. I do know he loves me and he knows I will always love him. Getting him to this point was hard. Deep down I know our kids loves us, no matter their age. We just have to keep the faith and remember to speak the truth in love.
Wow. Thank you for sharing that very personal story. I'm so happy for you that your son was able to come to that realization, and that your relationship was restored. It does give me hope. Deep down, I believe my daughter loves me unconditionally too. I just don't know if she will ever be able to access that part of her, or how long it might take. And, as to your shock that such a smart young man could believe such falsehoods, I have that same thought about my daughter on a daily basis. She's now 17, still young, but I thought she would be ready to see reality for what it is by now. I guess patience is the name of the game.
Keep writing. It helps you and it helps all of us as well.
Thank you for the feedback. I really do hope your 17 year old daughter wakes up to reality. I was never so happy to have a gay son than I was the day he finally admitted it. It was never about being gay or straight for me. Just keep loving your daughter no matter how badly it keeps tearing you up inside.
My children have made me a better father even after all of this because it forced me to really look deep inside myself and correct any hidden bias I had and it also helped me develop a love for those who are struggling. I say it often, People need to be gentle with themselves. We didn't chose this, we are just put in a place where we have to deal with it or simply give up.
I know many who give up and I will never blame them. This is a tough road to go down for most people.
I would love to see you write your story for PITT.
There is so much pain in the hearts of the parents here. When I wrote about my brother's six-year involvement in the Satanic panic and his eventual return to our family, I had so many people thank me for believing that this Trans panic will end and for helping them to believe it too.
Any little bit of sincere hope we can offer is balm. It really matters.
I am happy to hear that. I have been working on a few projects that tell the complex story of trans indoctrination from a crime perspective. My daughter had help and I was lied to over and over again by CPS, the mother, grandmother, my ex's lawyer, the therapists and even school. CPS even came after me twice! The courts were of no help, but my long term family court judge was fired.
I am hoping to use my many poems I wrote during those time, and list a poem at the beginning of each chapter that relates.
I have gone through so much in 7 years I feel like a different person. All our experiences are so similar that maybe it would help someone who is new to this horror show.
This is true, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of any parent kicking their child out of the house. If anything, the opposite, living daily in torturous conditions while they watch their child deteriorate before their eyes. I am estranged from my child too & the conditional/unconditional part only seems to flow in one direction. Follow the rules parents, or you are out of my life. Parents have no choice in deciding whether it’s conditional or unconditional in my opinion. We are hard wired to care no matter what they do, that is why it is so hard, & we suffer so much. Only your own flesh & blood can inflict so much pain, it is cruel & it is evil.
Beautifully said. I can assure you there are many people who do not know how to love. My Ex was never told by her father that he loved her. I knew by his actions that he did. He just couldn't verbalize it. When my Ex was 30 I went to her father and explained that his lack of speaking the words, "I love you" had a negative affect on my Ex and it was causing a problem in our family. To his credit he did tell his 30 year old daughter that he loved her. Unfortunately, I believe it came too late for her. We all need to tell those we care about how much we love them. All the time. Without conditions. With out ceasing.
Unconditional love does not take delight in reinforcing that which is unnatural, evil, or based on a lie. I struggle with this daily. I love my children unconditionally, but I refuse to accept a lie. That is not in conflict with the true definition of unconditional love. In other words, if you had a depressed child who is suicidal for whatever reason, assisting in the child's suicidal ideations is not unconditional love. Intervention and saving the child is unconditional love.
I struggle with this daily too.
I raised my beloved only child by the motto: Firm but kind.
I would hold him all day long, while he cried over having to obey me. But he still had to obey me.
That's my unconditional love for him: to guide him and teach him how to get along in reality, while also empathizing with how hard it can be to accept reality when it's not what we want.
I know how he feels. Sometimes I cry over reality too.
It what it is.
Welcome to life, dear child.
I love it. I am very similar. Unfortunately, my Ex has significant issues and she was the catalyst for this destruction who works against everything I do. She has been found to have a "toxic" home and I've had two parental consultants testify that I have been alienated. I still lose in court because it's so corrupt. A lot to unpack, but it's coming out. The court has not enforced their own orders at all. I also cry a lot. How could a parent who loves their child not cry when your world is turned upside down and you see the child you love slip away into a deep mental illness. 🙏
God bless you.....
Thank you. I pray that God blesses all of us. This is such a hard journey that I would wish on no one.
How beautiful - expresses what many of us feel.
I am so grateful to read your comments. I am always in awe of those who speak out, but I never knew what I write touches others. I am happy to hear it does.
So beautiful. Thank you
Thank you for posting another one of my poems. I find writing poetry is the best way for me to figure out what is going on in my head. My heart has already been completely broken, but I won't let that happen to my brain.
So sorry for your pain! Thanks for sharing with us. Both writing and reading poetry is therapeutic.
Thank you for your kind words. I wish no one ever had to feel this way.