I’m so sorry. Nine years since our quiet, gentle son suddenly disappeared. We have learned he is 1800 miles away with four other “trans” men with no work history that all go by porn-star names. Not the name he picked when he came out. We are often concerned for his life as well.
I’m so sorry. Nine years since our quiet, gentle son suddenly disappeared. We have learned he is 1800 miles away with four other “trans” men with no work history that all go by porn-star names. Not the name he picked when he came out. We are often concerned for his life as well.
Nine years, same as twelve really. Too long, I’m so sad for you. I don’t know if it’s better to know where our sons are or what they’re doing. Impossible situation. We feel powerless. It’s even becoming more difficult to pray for him (but I still do). And not to even mention the effects on the whole family (we have three daughters…we don’t talk about “it”).
Yes, Dr Deedee, to not know which is better was my thought as well when I read your post. We facilitate a local support group. To hear what families go through makes me wonder if it is easier not to have to walk through the nightmare on the daily... I too am finding it harder to pray. It helps to make little requests such as to send a song their way that might awaken, comfort, or move them... And lastly, I also can relate to not talking about “it.” We have six children and at times it feels as though, to them, our estranged son never existed. The silence that comes after any mention of him hurts too much to make it worth speaking. Thanks for sharing your heart. I believe we could have a long good chat as we seem to have much in common. We have not reached the last chapter. Praying it is a redemptive one.
You sound almost exactly like us. My husband, who is very avoidant, and from whom our supposedly “trans” son may have inherited his Asperger Syndrome, has really never talked about it. And our three daughters…they also won’t talk about “it”. I wonder if one or all of them know where, and how, he is. So I’ve been dealing with this alone. In 2012, all alone I hired an attorney and a private investigator. No support except from siblings and a few friends. In 2019, I hired another PI who found him, but because he’s probably destitute and “couch-surfing”, the address wasn’t helpful. For now I’ve given up. I don’t think I’ll see him again in this life. I just pray he has a conversion before he dies. 😢🙏🏻
I too have accepted that I may never see him again; that death may be his deliverance from this bondage. His soul is my greatest concern as well. Up to the point that he disappeared he willingly attended church with us. He said he found it helpful. He loved the pastor and his family. But his battle with Asperger’s Syndrome was hard. I saw it in the poetry he wrote. This pernicious lie promised deliverance but instead took him prisoner.
Some say it’s just the worst form of Gay Conversion Therapy. I don’t deny that that is part of it, but God help us not to dismiss the large population of vulnerable “quirky kids” that wanted a way out. In my almost 10 years of contact with these families, ASD has been a huge part of it, especially in the early years. I believe the COVID lockdown and social media influencers brought in a newer cohort that Abigail Shrier addressed well in “Irreversible Damage.”
It seems our husbands are alike as well. I wonder what torment it is for them as they wrestle with their innate responsibility as fathers, knowing that the thief came to steal, kill, and destroy and they were powerless. My husband was a good father to him and did the best he could given that he too carries some of the traits of Asperger’s.
I learned about PITT when someone shared the estrangement survey request. Not realizing how large it was I quickly shared a condensed version of our story, “Trust Transferred from Parent to Predator.” I have never considered myself a writer but it is so therapeutic so I went on to write more. Since I have been facilitating a local support group since 2018, I wrote, “Gaslit Guardians: This is What Trans is All About For Us.” Then “Our Beautiful Boy” and “No Grief Allowed.” Faith is very important to me but I try to be respectful in this space as it’s a rare gem where people of all backgrounds find unity. I’m thankful for it.
I’m so sorry. Nine years since our quiet, gentle son suddenly disappeared. We have learned he is 1800 miles away with four other “trans” men with no work history that all go by porn-star names. Not the name he picked when he came out. We are often concerned for his life as well.
Nine years, same as twelve really. Too long, I’m so sad for you. I don’t know if it’s better to know where our sons are or what they’re doing. Impossible situation. We feel powerless. It’s even becoming more difficult to pray for him (but I still do). And not to even mention the effects on the whole family (we have three daughters…we don’t talk about “it”).
Yes, Dr Deedee, to not know which is better was my thought as well when I read your post. We facilitate a local support group. To hear what families go through makes me wonder if it is easier not to have to walk through the nightmare on the daily... I too am finding it harder to pray. It helps to make little requests such as to send a song their way that might awaken, comfort, or move them... And lastly, I also can relate to not talking about “it.” We have six children and at times it feels as though, to them, our estranged son never existed. The silence that comes after any mention of him hurts too much to make it worth speaking. Thanks for sharing your heart. I believe we could have a long good chat as we seem to have much in common. We have not reached the last chapter. Praying it is a redemptive one.
You sound almost exactly like us. My husband, who is very avoidant, and from whom our supposedly “trans” son may have inherited his Asperger Syndrome, has really never talked about it. And our three daughters…they also won’t talk about “it”. I wonder if one or all of them know where, and how, he is. So I’ve been dealing with this alone. In 2012, all alone I hired an attorney and a private investigator. No support except from siblings and a few friends. In 2019, I hired another PI who found him, but because he’s probably destitute and “couch-surfing”, the address wasn’t helpful. For now I’ve given up. I don’t think I’ll see him again in this life. I just pray he has a conversion before he dies. 😢🙏🏻
I too have accepted that I may never see him again; that death may be his deliverance from this bondage. His soul is my greatest concern as well. Up to the point that he disappeared he willingly attended church with us. He said he found it helpful. He loved the pastor and his family. But his battle with Asperger’s Syndrome was hard. I saw it in the poetry he wrote. This pernicious lie promised deliverance but instead took him prisoner.
Some say it’s just the worst form of Gay Conversion Therapy. I don’t deny that that is part of it, but God help us not to dismiss the large population of vulnerable “quirky kids” that wanted a way out. In my almost 10 years of contact with these families, ASD has been a huge part of it, especially in the early years. I believe the COVID lockdown and social media influencers brought in a newer cohort that Abigail Shrier addressed well in “Irreversible Damage.”
It seems our husbands are alike as well. I wonder what torment it is for them as they wrestle with their innate responsibility as fathers, knowing that the thief came to steal, kill, and destroy and they were powerless. My husband was a good father to him and did the best he could given that he too carries some of the traits of Asperger’s.
I learned about PITT when someone shared the estrangement survey request. Not realizing how large it was I quickly shared a condensed version of our story, “Trust Transferred from Parent to Predator.” I have never considered myself a writer but it is so therapeutic so I went on to write more. Since I have been facilitating a local support group since 2018, I wrote, “Gaslit Guardians: This is What Trans is All About For Us.” Then “Our Beautiful Boy” and “No Grief Allowed.” Faith is very important to me but I try to be respectful in this space as it’s a rare gem where people of all backgrounds find unity. I’m thankful for it.