Our family is with you, our daughter has estranged from us as well, no contact at all, she does speak with her grandmother some but what happens when that ends. We still reach out on her birthday and send her presents for Christmas via email (gift cards, leave presents at Grandmas) but we get zero in return, my greatest fear is that when she finally hits the bottom of this road will she remember that we still love her and that we can help her and heal her and will be there for her. It is so sad to see a person fully committed to quitting on their own genitals, once you can get people to call a a man a woman and vice versa there is no lie you could get them to believe. I feel like we need our own Vietnam War Memorial or something. Put our pictures up of our beloved ones lost to this madness. It's pure evil. Strength and courage to us all!
Being Trans is a mental illness solved with accepting ones body as is. Children cannot consent to cross sex hormones and sex change surgeries. Sexuality has no place around children they should never know their teachers sexual likes nor their politics. There are men and women, boys and girls, that's it, anything else is simply a mental delusion, a perversion. Trans people, especially the porn fueled men screaking wanting to wank off in women's bathrooms, take their trophies, take their scholarships, demanding to be in women's prisons, in women's shelters, in women's exclusive groups and spaces, are sick and demented and should stay as far away from children as possible. Propagating lies as the very first and the very last thing one does everyday, that one is not the man or woman that one was born as declared on their birth certificate, is the height of sickness. Forcing society to use preferred pronouns is absolute nonsense. Everyone knew all of this for thousands and thousands of years until 5 minutes ago when porn fueled men could no longer wank off to their sick fetishes successfully and had to venture out in public foisting their sickness on the naïve, the weak and the vulnerable. I can't wait to see how happy your life is 1, 2, 5, 10, 15, 20, 50 years from now I am sure it will work out for the best. God loves you and God made you perfectly well when you were in the womb, return to the person you were born as, I wish you the best, I pray you return top the way you were born and that you love your body you were born with ands that you do no further harm to yourself or anyone else.
I am so very sorry. I went to my daughter’s high school graduation yesterday. She was announced with male pronouns and her new male name. I was quiet. I chatted with her teachers and with other parents. My older daughter asked me at one point if I was okay. I told her I was keeping it all inside. That’s what I did, kept it inside. Then I went home and wept. I wept because I know what is coming. I wept because her school is staffed with people who do not understand the difference between being kind and feeling kind. And I am going to lose her unless I am willing to lie to her and participate in her destruction. So I wept because I can’t do that to hang on to her. It’s so very difficult to know how to go on without her.
It is precisely because you do know them, better than they know themselves at the moment, that they would try to make distance between you. Because when they look at you they would see their real true selves mirrored in your eyes. Hopefully they will be one of the cohort that walk away from this madness before/around the 7 year mark.
The latest GWL podcast is with Joshua Coleman, the estrangement expert. Sasha brings up that many parents have endured so much abuse from the child that they are ambivalent about even wanting contact. Coleman gives some helpful advice.
This is so beautifully written and so very heartbreaking. It's been about a year and a half, on and off again with my 15 year old daughter. She is currently not responding to anything I text her, and will not answer the phone. I do not affirm the gender ideology being pushed on our youth, and I committed the 'sin' of telling her so. Her father (my abusive ex-husband) however is very affirming, so guess where she's preferring to live? I know I have no control over this situation. I know this is a huge society-wide issue. I know families everywhere are being destroyed and impacted by this ideology. But it doesn't make it easier and it continues to hurt every day. I have researched queer theory and I know these vulnerable young people are just a pawn in a game they do not understand. No one will be there for them when things come crashing down around them. Except for us. Their parents. Who love them with all of our being and more than we could ever say. I feel so alone, but I know you are all out there fighting this battle too. The tide will turn. We need to stick together and support each other to get through this nightmare. There has to be a voice of light and truth amid the madness.
That's partially true. The Detransitioners very often say that they did realize that you love them by just making attempts to let them know. The issue is sometimes that parents expect some kind of response or acknowledgement from the communication and when not received, the efforts stop, getting angry with them, disowning them etc. Doing this with no expectations doesn't stop you from living your life.
Sharing your horrific, unnecessary pain author. Weirdly, my friend just today was talking about end of life hospice care for her father in law. It was an agonizing 6 days she said. Five years I thought to myself…it’s been like that for me
No he didn't. The people they cut off rarely deserve it. They've been programmed to look at those types of things as a betrayal and hate. It's a cult, that's how they work. Please tell your son that the sister is still her at her core and loves him. Right now he's dealing with a pod person.
It's been ten years for me. My poor husband died of a heart attack three months after our son announced he was the wrong gender. I've mourned and mourned and been ostracized by his/ her siblings. A patchwork repair with the daughter, yes we can have a relationship but I'm not to ever open my mouth against transgenderism. So, I listen while my daughter instructs her children that she's very comfortable if they should decide they might not have the body that matches who they are on the inside. It feels awful - not being able to say a word and watching an eleven year old having to decide such a thing at such a young age. I'm done with the mourning! I will allow myself now and again to recall beautiful sweet memories of the years my son was a son. And I'll continue to say out loud to the Universe, "This too is who you are and one day, I hope, you'll realize it." Then I'll ask the Universe to take that heart swelling of tender mother's love and deposit it into his life. It's always best if people sense they are truly loved for who they are. I'd encourage you to do the same. I've just started doing this and I'll let folks here know if there's a breakthrough.
Twelve years in with an estranged “trans” son…we have no idea where or how he is. Have tried private investigators in the past, without success. Two, five, twelve years…it doesn’t get easier. Pretty sure we’ll never see him again.
I’m so sorry. Nine years since our quiet, gentle son suddenly disappeared. We have learned he is 1800 miles away with four other “trans” men with no work history that all go by porn-star names. Not the name he picked when he came out. We are often concerned for his life as well.
Nine years, same as twelve really. Too long, I’m so sad for you. I don’t know if it’s better to know where our sons are or what they’re doing. Impossible situation. We feel powerless. It’s even becoming more difficult to pray for him (but I still do). And not to even mention the effects on the whole family (we have three daughters…we don’t talk about “it”).
Yes, Dr Deedee, to not know which is better was my thought as well when I read your post. We facilitate a local support group. To hear what families go through makes me wonder if it is easier not to have to walk through the nightmare on the daily... I too am finding it harder to pray. It helps to make little requests such as to send a song their way that might awaken, comfort, or move them... And lastly, I also can relate to not talking about “it.” We have six children and at times it feels as though, to them, our estranged son never existed. The silence that comes after any mention of him hurts too much to make it worth speaking. Thanks for sharing your heart. I believe we could have a long good chat as we seem to have much in common. We have not reached the last chapter. Praying it is a redemptive one.
You sound almost exactly like us. My husband, who is very avoidant, and from whom our supposedly “trans” son may have inherited his Asperger Syndrome, has really never talked about it. And our three daughters…they also won’t talk about “it”. I wonder if one or all of them know where, and how, he is. So I’ve been dealing with this alone. In 2012, all alone I hired an attorney and a private investigator. No support except from siblings and a few friends. In 2019, I hired another PI who found him, but because he’s probably destitute and “couch-surfing”, the address wasn’t helpful. For now I’ve given up. I don’t think I’ll see him again in this life. I just pray he has a conversion before he dies. 😢🙏🏻
I too have accepted that I may never see him again; that death may be his deliverance from this bondage. His soul is my greatest concern as well. Up to the point that he disappeared he willingly attended church with us. He said he found it helpful. He loved the pastor and his family. But his battle with Asperger’s Syndrome was hard. I saw it in the poetry he wrote. This pernicious lie promised deliverance but instead took him prisoner.
Some say it’s just the worst form of Gay Conversion Therapy. I don’t deny that that is part of it, but God help us not to dismiss the large population of vulnerable “quirky kids” that wanted a way out. In my almost 10 years of contact with these families, ASD has been a huge part of it, especially in the early years. I believe the COVID lockdown and social media influencers brought in a newer cohort that Abigail Shrier addressed well in “Irreversible Damage.”
It seems our husbands are alike as well. I wonder what torment it is for them as they wrestle with their innate responsibility as fathers, knowing that the thief came to steal, kill, and destroy and they were powerless. My husband was a good father to him and did the best he could given that he too carries some of the traits of Asperger’s.
I learned about PITT when someone shared the estrangement survey request. Not realizing how large it was I quickly shared a condensed version of our story, “Trust Transferred from Parent to Predator.” I have never considered myself a writer but it is so therapeutic so I went on to write more. Since I have been facilitating a local support group since 2018, I wrote, “Gaslit Guardians: This is What Trans is All About For Us.” Then “Our Beautiful Boy” and “No Grief Allowed.” Faith is very important to me but I try to be respectful in this space as it’s a rare gem where people of all backgrounds find unity. I’m thankful for it.
Same pain for us except it is a son and it has been 2 1/2 years no contact, not five.
I admire your realism and how you have managed your expectations.
I cannot do that. I continue to tell myself that our precious son will come to his senses. But with a sister and a culture that showers him with false affirmation, I see that it isn’t going to happen.
“Purgatory” implies something temporary, and something cleansing through the fire of pain. I am not there yet. For us this is hell eternal.
Our family is with you, our daughter has estranged from us as well, no contact at all, she does speak with her grandmother some but what happens when that ends. We still reach out on her birthday and send her presents for Christmas via email (gift cards, leave presents at Grandmas) but we get zero in return, my greatest fear is that when she finally hits the bottom of this road will she remember that we still love her and that we can help her and heal her and will be there for her. It is so sad to see a person fully committed to quitting on their own genitals, once you can get people to call a a man a woman and vice versa there is no lie you could get them to believe. I feel like we need our own Vietnam War Memorial or something. Put our pictures up of our beloved ones lost to this madness. It's pure evil. Strength and courage to us all!
Being Trans is a mental illness solved with accepting ones body as is. Children cannot consent to cross sex hormones and sex change surgeries. Sexuality has no place around children they should never know their teachers sexual likes nor their politics. There are men and women, boys and girls, that's it, anything else is simply a mental delusion, a perversion. Trans people, especially the porn fueled men screaking wanting to wank off in women's bathrooms, take their trophies, take their scholarships, demanding to be in women's prisons, in women's shelters, in women's exclusive groups and spaces, are sick and demented and should stay as far away from children as possible. Propagating lies as the very first and the very last thing one does everyday, that one is not the man or woman that one was born as declared on their birth certificate, is the height of sickness. Forcing society to use preferred pronouns is absolute nonsense. Everyone knew all of this for thousands and thousands of years until 5 minutes ago when porn fueled men could no longer wank off to their sick fetishes successfully and had to venture out in public foisting their sickness on the naïve, the weak and the vulnerable. I can't wait to see how happy your life is 1, 2, 5, 10, 15, 20, 50 years from now I am sure it will work out for the best. God loves you and God made you perfectly well when you were in the womb, return to the person you were born as, I wish you the best, I pray you return top the way you were born and that you love your body you were born with ands that you do no further harm to yourself or anyone else.
I am so very sorry. I went to my daughter’s high school graduation yesterday. She was announced with male pronouns and her new male name. I was quiet. I chatted with her teachers and with other parents. My older daughter asked me at one point if I was okay. I told her I was keeping it all inside. That’s what I did, kept it inside. Then I went home and wept. I wept because I know what is coming. I wept because her school is staffed with people who do not understand the difference between being kind and feeling kind. And I am going to lose her unless I am willing to lie to her and participate in her destruction. So I wept because I can’t do that to hang on to her. It’s so very difficult to know how to go on without her.
It is precisely because you do know them, better than they know themselves at the moment, that they would try to make distance between you. Because when they look at you they would see their real true selves mirrored in your eyes. Hopefully they will be one of the cohort that walk away from this madness before/around the 7 year mark.
Oh God this is sad 💔🥺 my heart goes out to you as i cry reading this.
What damage this tentacled demon has done to our children. It saddens and saddens me. MAY God be the judge🙏
One question I have always asked, is, "Why?" The answer is typically suppressed but is knowable.
I have found the following resources invaluable:
www.gapsdiet.com
https://www.davidmartin.world/
www.solari.com
www.newdiscourses .com
In response to past feedback, I suggest you evaluate these sources on their own merits, rather than the opinions of so-called "fact checkers".
God Bless.
Thanks!🙏
We are in the same crazy place !😞💔
The latest GWL podcast is with Joshua Coleman, the estrangement expert. Sasha brings up that many parents have endured so much abuse from the child that they are ambivalent about even wanting contact. Coleman gives some helpful advice.
This is so beautifully written and so very heartbreaking. It's been about a year and a half, on and off again with my 15 year old daughter. She is currently not responding to anything I text her, and will not answer the phone. I do not affirm the gender ideology being pushed on our youth, and I committed the 'sin' of telling her so. Her father (my abusive ex-husband) however is very affirming, so guess where she's preferring to live? I know I have no control over this situation. I know this is a huge society-wide issue. I know families everywhere are being destroyed and impacted by this ideology. But it doesn't make it easier and it continues to hurt every day. I have researched queer theory and I know these vulnerable young people are just a pawn in a game they do not understand. No one will be there for them when things come crashing down around them. Except for us. Their parents. Who love them with all of our being and more than we could ever say. I feel so alone, but I know you are all out there fighting this battle too. The tide will turn. We need to stick together and support each other to get through this nightmare. There has to be a voice of light and truth amid the madness.
Absolutely devastating. My heart goes out to you and your husband.
That's partially true. The Detransitioners very often say that they did realize that you love them by just making attempts to let them know. The issue is sometimes that parents expect some kind of response or acknowledgement from the communication and when not received, the efforts stop, getting angry with them, disowning them etc. Doing this with no expectations doesn't stop you from living your life.
Sharing your horrific, unnecessary pain author. Weirdly, my friend just today was talking about end of life hospice care for her father in law. It was an agonizing 6 days she said. Five years I thought to myself…it’s been like that for me
No he didn't. The people they cut off rarely deserve it. They've been programmed to look at those types of things as a betrayal and hate. It's a cult, that's how they work. Please tell your son that the sister is still her at her core and loves him. Right now he's dealing with a pod person.
It's been ten years for me. My poor husband died of a heart attack three months after our son announced he was the wrong gender. I've mourned and mourned and been ostracized by his/ her siblings. A patchwork repair with the daughter, yes we can have a relationship but I'm not to ever open my mouth against transgenderism. So, I listen while my daughter instructs her children that she's very comfortable if they should decide they might not have the body that matches who they are on the inside. It feels awful - not being able to say a word and watching an eleven year old having to decide such a thing at such a young age. I'm done with the mourning! I will allow myself now and again to recall beautiful sweet memories of the years my son was a son. And I'll continue to say out loud to the Universe, "This too is who you are and one day, I hope, you'll realize it." Then I'll ask the Universe to take that heart swelling of tender mother's love and deposit it into his life. It's always best if people sense they are truly loved for who they are. I'd encourage you to do the same. I've just started doing this and I'll let folks here know if there's a breakthrough.
I’m so sorry 😔
Change your will and leave everything to your preferred women’s rights/ GC support group
So heartbreaking. I wish you and your family strength, and for your daughter to one day come to her senses.
Twelve years in with an estranged “trans” son…we have no idea where or how he is. Have tried private investigators in the past, without success. Two, five, twelve years…it doesn’t get easier. Pretty sure we’ll never see him again.
I’m so sorry for your loss.😢
I’m so sorry
I’m so sorry. Nine years since our quiet, gentle son suddenly disappeared. We have learned he is 1800 miles away with four other “trans” men with no work history that all go by porn-star names. Not the name he picked when he came out. We are often concerned for his life as well.
Nine years, same as twelve really. Too long, I’m so sad for you. I don’t know if it’s better to know where our sons are or what they’re doing. Impossible situation. We feel powerless. It’s even becoming more difficult to pray for him (but I still do). And not to even mention the effects on the whole family (we have three daughters…we don’t talk about “it”).
Yes, Dr Deedee, to not know which is better was my thought as well when I read your post. We facilitate a local support group. To hear what families go through makes me wonder if it is easier not to have to walk through the nightmare on the daily... I too am finding it harder to pray. It helps to make little requests such as to send a song their way that might awaken, comfort, or move them... And lastly, I also can relate to not talking about “it.” We have six children and at times it feels as though, to them, our estranged son never existed. The silence that comes after any mention of him hurts too much to make it worth speaking. Thanks for sharing your heart. I believe we could have a long good chat as we seem to have much in common. We have not reached the last chapter. Praying it is a redemptive one.
You sound almost exactly like us. My husband, who is very avoidant, and from whom our supposedly “trans” son may have inherited his Asperger Syndrome, has really never talked about it. And our three daughters…they also won’t talk about “it”. I wonder if one or all of them know where, and how, he is. So I’ve been dealing with this alone. In 2012, all alone I hired an attorney and a private investigator. No support except from siblings and a few friends. In 2019, I hired another PI who found him, but because he’s probably destitute and “couch-surfing”, the address wasn’t helpful. For now I’ve given up. I don’t think I’ll see him again in this life. I just pray he has a conversion before he dies. 😢🙏🏻
I too have accepted that I may never see him again; that death may be his deliverance from this bondage. His soul is my greatest concern as well. Up to the point that he disappeared he willingly attended church with us. He said he found it helpful. He loved the pastor and his family. But his battle with Asperger’s Syndrome was hard. I saw it in the poetry he wrote. This pernicious lie promised deliverance but instead took him prisoner.
Some say it’s just the worst form of Gay Conversion Therapy. I don’t deny that that is part of it, but God help us not to dismiss the large population of vulnerable “quirky kids” that wanted a way out. In my almost 10 years of contact with these families, ASD has been a huge part of it, especially in the early years. I believe the COVID lockdown and social media influencers brought in a newer cohort that Abigail Shrier addressed well in “Irreversible Damage.”
It seems our husbands are alike as well. I wonder what torment it is for them as they wrestle with their innate responsibility as fathers, knowing that the thief came to steal, kill, and destroy and they were powerless. My husband was a good father to him and did the best he could given that he too carries some of the traits of Asperger’s.
I learned about PITT when someone shared the estrangement survey request. Not realizing how large it was I quickly shared a condensed version of our story, “Trust Transferred from Parent to Predator.” I have never considered myself a writer but it is so therapeutic so I went on to write more. Since I have been facilitating a local support group since 2018, I wrote, “Gaslit Guardians: This is What Trans is All About For Us.” Then “Our Beautiful Boy” and “No Grief Allowed.” Faith is very important to me but I try to be respectful in this space as it’s a rare gem where people of all backgrounds find unity. I’m thankful for it.
Same pain for us except it is a son and it has been 2 1/2 years no contact, not five.
I admire your realism and how you have managed your expectations.
I cannot do that. I continue to tell myself that our precious son will come to his senses. But with a sister and a culture that showers him with false affirmation, I see that it isn’t going to happen.
“Purgatory” implies something temporary, and something cleansing through the fire of pain. I am not there yet. For us this is hell eternal.