210 Comments

Just my opinion. I don’t like therapists and have never met one that helped me.

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As a therapist who works with adolescents, and as another therapist in the comments wrote, its critical for parents to understand that without the explicit consent of a client who is 18 years and older, it is illegal to speak with anyone else, including the parents. This means the therapist is unable to provide any and all information about the client to parents. Therapists can’t force an adolescent to provide consent even when they believe that maintaining a relationship with the parents is in the best interest of all involved. It is then up to the parents to make a decision about whether or not they agree to pay for the therapy under these terms. Some do, some don’t.

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If the therapist is willing to do family therapy once a month with the intent to reconcile the family and outline the dangers of medical transition, then continue. Call them out. Any therapist that has encouraged estrangement should be fired immediately and definitely report them and their group to the medical board in your state. I would not pay for any alone time with this therapist and your son. He can pay for that.

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This issue is not what the therapist is willing to do. It’s what the legal adult explicitly consents to. That a therapist will not violate this law does not mean they are encouraging estrangement.

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I'm a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in working with kids. My suggestion echoes others here - stop paying immediately, additionally I would suggest reporting them to the state licensing board because what they are doing is unethical. This therapist is not well, and the state licensing board needs to know that.

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The therapist is following the law. If he or she talked to parents without the explicit consent of their legally adult children, that would be not only unethical but also illegal. There is no basis on which to report the therapist to a licensing board.

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“Fact based metrics” do not necessarily reflect how someone feels. One can put on a good front for people yet be deeply despairing inside. It is clear to me that you do not understand the field or the human psyche. The judgement you express regarding those who have “real problems” vs those problems/feelings you’ve decided are superfluous and unimportant is quite stunning. I think it’s best to let this exchange come to an end. Peace.

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From an insider both as a ROGD parent & caring profession, I believe that children should NEVER be left alone with strangers, and Clinicians of any brand or type are strangers. I believe we need to educate parents NOT to use individual therapists with children. Only ever engage in family therapy. We as parents MUST always accompany children in psychological care and medical treatment. ALWAYS.

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Each state has its own licensing laws, all of them require licensing. If you are a licensed provider (you should not be seeing someone who is not licensed) you are required to inform your clients in written form regarding hippa. The only way you can violate hippa is with written consent from the client. If he hasn’t signed, she can’t talk. Method of payment (ie cash) has no bearing on abiding by the hippa laws.

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Just wanted to send you a hug. xoxo

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If the therapist is not discussing status with you, there is no way I would pay for it any longer. Because the therapist is obviously hiding something if they will not meet with you and discuss the current situation and progress made.

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The therapist is following the law that states that they are not allowed to speak with the parents at all without the clients explicit consent to do so.

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I have only met one therapist who seemed to care and was decent. The others were more messed up than anyone else I've known of. I really believe most are. One was a friend who happily told us secrets she got from clients in our community. When friends and exes went to therapists, it was like they were given license to be even more abusive than they already were. One manipulated her new therapist into crying for her, over how abused she was in our household, though she was living here rent-free and given massive support and she was the actual abuser. A friend's ex was a therapist who was still having phone sex with the older man who went after her when she was 17, 50 years ago. She was daily smoking cannabis while also taking 4 psychiatric drugs, yet she has the power to take children from their families as a psychiatric social worker. Most seem drawn to be therapists to work out their own messes and never do.

At this point, I blame a lot of the trans cult horror and most people's acceptance of what is nonsensical but also terribly destructive on therapists who are often treated as gods.

Much of this mess started with John Money at Johns Hopkins and his abuse of the Reimer twins he experimented on. They later both killed themselves.

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I didn't realize John Money was at Hopkins...no longer Hopkins was shut down until the surgeons came in and re-started this shitshow

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Jul 5, 2023·edited Jul 5, 2023

The "Dunning Kruger Effect" bears heavily on this situation - often, the people with the lowest levels of skill or knowledge will rate themselves as having the highest levels, because their skill or knowledge is so poor that they can't even assess themselves accurately. Meanwhile, people with average levels of skill or knowledge are able to accurately assess themselves as being average.

This means that if you are looking at a pool of people who have merely "identified as skilled" - such as therapists and self-identified writers & artists - rather than being tested according to any real skill - as doctors, baseball players and mechanics are - you will find that among the former group, there are a few very skilled people accurately assessing themselves as very skilled, and a heck of a lot of very unskilled people assessing themselves as very skilled. Yet artists & writers at least face critics - therapists are the final word in their own little universe..

I sincerely believe that a random person living a normal life, if tasked with talking empathetically to someone having a crisis, and helping them to feel better, would do a much better job than most self-identified therapists.

Psychology is a self-contradictory framework. On the one hand they find that people who consider themselves in charge of their own life & their own fate fare much better on achieving life goals and finding personal satisfaction. On the other hand they ask people to give their own charge of their life, or their child's, over to a therapist. It's nonsense. Changes not made yourself don't stick and realizations not arrived at yourself aren't real.

So the psychologists themselves have found that the very notion of someone else being responsible for your happiness is antithetical to happiness. Will they now return every penny they've sucked out of working people's pockets, having realized their entire field is malpractice outside of treating schizophrenics & the retarded?

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I am a licensed clinical social worker. I can only speak for the state of New York where I am living and working. In order to become licensed in NY I had to have six years of higher education (bachelor’s and masters), with concurrent internships. In order to then practice in New York I had to take a licensing exam after completing graduate school. Once employed in a clinic I was required by the state to have three additional years of supervised clinical practice (like a resident in the medical field), then another licensing exam in order to practice as a psychiatric social worker. An additional three years of supervised clinical experience is required after that to become reimbursable by insurance companies. That is essentially 12 years of education, 2 licensing exams and eight years of experience. I am not “self identified”, I am trained.

Affirmative care is the problem, it is not the theraputic field. A trained, licensed professional should be evaluating, exploring and questioning. If a therapist is affirming they are not exploring. Many in the field have been captured by the ideology. Do your homework and choose your therapist very, very carefully.

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Social workers do extremely important work with people who are in crisis. My mom was a social worker in New York for a number of years, actually. The people you work with, and the people she worked with, have what may be colloquially called "real problems."

Many people, likely most, who call themselves "therapists" are not qualified in such a way, Many don't have much real education to speak of - often an undergraduate degree in psychology at most.. Most of the people they treat do not have, again colloquially, "real problems", but rather the age-old ennui of affluence.

But the more-educated psychiatrists are also doing patently ridiculous things these days, even outside of genderism. Just as one example - by what logic are A students who never miss a day of school and participate in multiple sports & activities diagnosed as "depressed" and prescribed medication? I've seen it happen multiple times in my own family.

I suppose you're right, though, because that's another kind of "affirmation." Rather than pointing out that the "patient" has a notion that they are depressed, which does not comport with the reality that they're evidently living life to the fullest without issues, the psychiatrist "affirms" the depression. The psychiatrist places the patient's self-reporting of depression over the plain reality of whether this supposed "depression" is actually causing them any issues in their life, or has any other signs of existing in fact rather than in belief.

The analogy to "gender medicine" is obvious. Psychiatrists don't question whether someone "really has depression" because if they did end up self-harming, it would cast the psychiatrist in a bad light. So, to protect themselves, they always "affirm", and prescribe antidepressants to anyone who consistently reports depression, even if by all fact-based metrics they are living a full and happy life.

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Stop paying for anything unless he comes back into a healthy relationship with the family.

I made it clear to my over 18 year old daughters that I would not pay for anything once they move out and/or finish uni. Until then I will only pay for things that I think will help them lead healthy and happy lives, ie gym membership, singing lessons, driving lessons, camping gear etc.

So far the trans identified one has only socially transitioned among her friends (not extended family) but we’re constantly on tenterhooks.

I hate this absurd unreality that’s descended on the world.

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This was helpful to me as I try to decide whether to cut off our final lifeline- her cellphone plan. She hasn't responded to my husband nor I since April. She dropped out of college and won't visit with us, so why should we still be paying for her phone? We haven't even been allowed to have a conversation or ask questions to help us understand. Thanks for the "tough love" tip!

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Maybe pay for a plan without data?

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Let her get her own flip phone. They are very cheap and no Internet.

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Good luck. This is all so hard.

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Her cellphone is the conduit to the tranniw world. I'd yerminate .

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Stop payments.

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Stop payment. I have over eight years of experience with psychotherapists and psychologists and I worked in mental health with such persons as colleagues. They do not care anything as what you would imagine. They are simply breadwinners.

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It sounds like the therapist you are paying has made things worse, not better.

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He’s 18 year old grown man. Stop paying. Stop enabling. Pray daily for your son for Gods protection. God can perform a miracle for you.

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I am starting to feel estranged by the rest of my kids. One by one they are seeking therapy to cope with the division trans ideology has caused in our home. Our opinions as parents has been diminished as they talk to a third party. I no longer feel a role as their mother...used to be their ‘go to’ for everything. Devastated

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I'm so sorry. Anon - you are not alone.

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Thank you & unfortunately you are right. Too many in this group all suffering the same ❤️

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Why are you paying for these quacks to sow dissention into your family? Just say "no" and stop paying.

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In my case, I’m not paying. Wonderful, generous college counseling services, some with untrained interns. Out of my control. And that’s the whole problem isn’t it

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Are you paying for an indoctrination college for a no contact child? I would not, but I don’t know your circumstances.

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Jeez, that is completely nuts. Have you complained to the college? Are you paying tuition? It may be time for a little parental hardball.

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What college(s) is this?

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I don’t know how many sessions he will get for free, but the damage has been done in my mind. He is very happy with the service & is fully supportive of his brother’s decisions. No cause for complaint from his end. And I don’t know for sure what’s been said. Confidentiality & all that. As we all say, another example of how this is taking a hold & spreading.

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I will find out for sure. I think he was asked if he was ‘ok’ with a trainee

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So sad how much this trans cult has torn apart families… and trust is no longer trusted

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