I recently became a widow. My husband of 35 years passed away a few months ago after his long-term chronic illness suddenly became acute. He fought this illness with determination for many years. The end seemed to come so quickly and unexpected. In addition to great loss there is still lingering shock. Of course, the grief is ever present. And the adjustment to life alone is scary and at times comes with intense waves of sadness and emptiness. No one really understands the loss of a spouse until it actually happens to you. I certainly didn’t quite get it until this was on my doorstep.
Dearest one, I have watched your headline in my newsfeed, since the day you posted it on PITT. I could not bear to read it until now. As a widow, I knew full well what you were and are suffering. As the grandmother of 3 confused members of the cult of transgenderism, I guess I am in a different subset from you. Finally getting up the guts to read your courageous essay, I had to reach out to you. How your journey resonates with me. Thank you for articulating so beautifully, the madness that we as family members deal with. The hypocrisy, the sheer hypocrisy of so-called professionals, doctors, counselors, educators, takes the breath away. How dare they, who know nothing of the uniqueness of our loved ones, how dare they push this utter and complete nonsense, this made-up fantasy, as truth? Even as we know in the depths of our soul, that this is false, "professionals" tell us otherwise. Dear one, I will pray for your journey, as a widow, as a mother. There are many of us, whose hearts, though broken, will continue to out reality. We are not alone, and our ranks grow. Thank you for speaking out, and sharing your pain. Your story is invaluable to our children, our grandchildren, to the world's children. May God help us all.
This is so well written and powerful. I am sorry for your losses. I wish this, and every PITT essay, could be reprinted in the professional mental health journals. It makes me furious that they ignore you. Your grief is real, and compounded by the disenfranchising. Thank you for writing this.
So sorry ... so many kids caught up in this are on the autism spectrum, right? What a sad circle of injury ... a world of so many injections, pesticides, electromagnetic poisons contribute to the rise in autism (not making assumptions for any individual person) ... Then the rise in autism leaves children more vulnerable to indoctrination that drives them to conflate poisoning themselves with finding themselves .... https://www.transgendertrend.com/autism-gender-identity-introduction/
And the same media that gaslight about other poisons for children, are all in with this madness ...
I’ve lost a son two days after birth; I’ve lost countless pregnancies. I lost a son to schizophrenia that developed in his early twenties, my oldest son estranged himself from the family. And then, I lost my only daughter kidnapped to the evil Trans cult. She’s eighteen and started the medical transformation with testosterone cream. This one is the most painful. I can hardly stand to see her feminine beauty get washed away. I can hardly stand to hear her crackly voice. I can hardly sleep at night worrying for her future. This is a horrible nightmare that has no end. This is a horrible loneliness that has no friends. This is a horrible helplessness where medical institutions profit by destroying young people’s bodies and lives. This one is the hardest. The people who should be helping to heal and protect are the very ones ruining our lives! What the HELL is going on? This is a war with butcher knives and drugs. This is a war of manipulation and mutilation. This is a war against children’s lives. I hate this world.
I have definitely been through the ringer (in many ways) but not with the death of a spouse, but the loss of a marriage (my ex, who had had an aneurysm and survived, was having an affair - and we had a very young daughter - so I thought I was going to be a widow...instead, I ended up being a single mother), the death of both my parents, the estrangement of my older brother, and then the loss of a daughter to trans ideology and estrangement. It’s been well over 4 years since I’ve had a private conversation with her, seen her only once, and I’m still broken hearted.
And I am not doing that well currently. My will and motivation to live is waning, and it’s the worst time of the year (Christmas) because of past memories. I have been to GriefShare group meetings a few years back which were quite helpful.
It’s hard for so many of us parents and I’m hoping a change will happen soon. Best wishes to everyone who is suffering from this nonsensical situation.
(My current mood is muted since I have a migraine, so if I sound especially down, that’s why.)
Thank you for baring your soul. Your pain and loss is real for both your husband and your son and I want to validate you. I am so sad for your losses. I never found a lasting relationship as my marriage ended in divorce within a few years but we did have a daughter that I ended up raising on my own (my ex-husband was an alcoholic with mental illness and he could not be involved). But you and your husband were very involved with your son and this horrible gender cult caught him in their snare! This is not your fault. The same thing has happened to my dear sister and her husband whose only son also got caught up in the lie of gender ideology a few years ago. You wrote “It is profoundly cruel and maddening—an arbitrary decision made by the greater world of people who don’t even know him.” Yes, profoundly cruel and maddening indeed! Unfair and unimaginable, too. People who don’t even know him - yes - are filling his mind with lies and false hope in supporting this insane cult. Needless to say family and friends who DO know him are also supporting this cult by buying into the beliefs of people they do not know! It has become a vicious circle and I hate it! Stay strong. Grieve the loss of your husband and keep his memory alive - remember the 35 years and cherish the special moments. Grieve the loss of your son - the 15 years when he was your sweet boy - and remember and cherish the special moments. You are not alone in this horrible nightmare. I pray your son returns to you as your son which is what I also pray for my sister.
Thank you for writing. I don't have children. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I've been in a lesbian relationship for 35 years. I've written letters to the editor and opinion pieces to my church, Unitarian Universalist, but it appears to mostly deaf ears. I've been shouted down in our local lesbian Facebook group for posting factual articles. Our church is starting an LGBTQI+ group that is supposedly intergenerational. I emailed to be part of it with no response. It appears that only those with the right opinions are to be included. I'm so sad about it all.
Thank you both for sharing your stories. It seems that autistic children and gays and lesbians are the main targets of the trans cult. I don't want to involve Godwin's law, but the similarities are too obvious to ignore. It's time for our society to wake up.
What a heart rending story. All too common, sadly, in these days of the world gone mad. I do not know in what country or legal jurisdiction you live, but you do have legal rights of guardianship over your children until a certain age, different in different countries and states i.e., they legally are minors until 16, 18, or 21 years of age. If you do not agree with the proposed "gender affirming treatment", you can challenge the doctors in court. At least this will slow down the process and buy time for you and your son. We had our first ever win in court last month where the national self-proclaimed guru was stopped in her tracks of her intention to prescribe puberty blockers to an 11 year old. The tide is turning, all too slowly, but brave people need to speak our, speak up, and not be silenced by the politically woke and the utterly idiotic.
I don't have children who have been trapped in this mess. Both my children have friends who have been taken in. It has been hard on both of them. I'm grateful for this forum because I can see how to be more compassionate towards the parents dealing with this. Thank you for your goodness! 🙏💛
I lost my daughter to this trap at 14. Physically kidnapped and placed in a “acceptable foster home” by CT DCF , and her young mind hijacked.
The people who judged you are either mentally ill themselves, never had children , or both. Your feelings of loss and grief are 110% acceptable and 110% warranted. Don’t let any of these bankrupt individuals try to steal your intellect.
If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out anytime. Parents in our situation need to support each other.
Agreed. I don't even have any children of my own, yet I struggle to understand how so many can be so callous to those who have lost children to this soulless corporate cult. My heart goes out to all parents in this invidious position.
Because they lack empathy, lack real world life experiences, use edicts that state governments mandate upon them instead of common sense and most lack a human soul. Many are influenced and driven by dark forces. Even a dead fish can go with the flow. And that is exactly what many of the cultists in this death grip exactly are. Simply afraid of speaking up.
This hits me in the gut. First, I'm so sorry for your losses. We had a move and two major deaths in the family. Both our kids declared they were trans within a week of each other. It wasn't exploratory, it was the whole social thing name change, pronouns, etc.
The younger one realized it was basically a scam after about 9 months. The older one well, won't think beyond the online influencers. I have hope because the voice training seems to have ended
And every autistic advocacy organization is super-far-left, (probably because of Medicaid, etc., they don't want to fall out of favor with politicians and etc. who might get those things increased,) so there's nothing, nada, and squat. I can only pray that one day we look at how autistics have been treated, (including DNRs on autistic kids in some countries during the peak of Covid,) and feel a shame that society has currently lost.
You have articulated so well the difference between grief through death and grief through loss to trans identify. It's sort of a place of limbo where one experiences a profound loss but can never heal. Any other sort of grief is helped by their community and family around them. Grief through loss to trans identity is not met with support but quite the opposite. It is all so very painful.
Thank you for sharing your deeply moving story. You have articulated brilliantly what so many of us parents with trans identified children feel, caught in a limbo land of ambiguous grief, with our children physically present, though transformed, and emotionally and intellectually unreachable.
Dearest one, I have watched your headline in my newsfeed, since the day you posted it on PITT. I could not bear to read it until now. As a widow, I knew full well what you were and are suffering. As the grandmother of 3 confused members of the cult of transgenderism, I guess I am in a different subset from you. Finally getting up the guts to read your courageous essay, I had to reach out to you. How your journey resonates with me. Thank you for articulating so beautifully, the madness that we as family members deal with. The hypocrisy, the sheer hypocrisy of so-called professionals, doctors, counselors, educators, takes the breath away. How dare they, who know nothing of the uniqueness of our loved ones, how dare they push this utter and complete nonsense, this made-up fantasy, as truth? Even as we know in the depths of our soul, that this is false, "professionals" tell us otherwise. Dear one, I will pray for your journey, as a widow, as a mother. There are many of us, whose hearts, though broken, will continue to out reality. We are not alone, and our ranks grow. Thank you for speaking out, and sharing your pain. Your story is invaluable to our children, our grandchildren, to the world's children. May God help us all.
This is so well written and powerful. I am sorry for your losses. I wish this, and every PITT essay, could be reprinted in the professional mental health journals. It makes me furious that they ignore you. Your grief is real, and compounded by the disenfranchising. Thank you for writing this.
So sorry ... so many kids caught up in this are on the autism spectrum, right? What a sad circle of injury ... a world of so many injections, pesticides, electromagnetic poisons contribute to the rise in autism (not making assumptions for any individual person) ... Then the rise in autism leaves children more vulnerable to indoctrination that drives them to conflate poisoning themselves with finding themselves .... https://www.transgendertrend.com/autism-gender-identity-introduction/
And the same media that gaslight about other poisons for children, are all in with this madness ...
https://www.transgendertrend.com/articles-relating-to-bbc/
: (
I’ve lost a son two days after birth; I’ve lost countless pregnancies. I lost a son to schizophrenia that developed in his early twenties, my oldest son estranged himself from the family. And then, I lost my only daughter kidnapped to the evil Trans cult. She’s eighteen and started the medical transformation with testosterone cream. This one is the most painful. I can hardly stand to see her feminine beauty get washed away. I can hardly stand to hear her crackly voice. I can hardly sleep at night worrying for her future. This is a horrible nightmare that has no end. This is a horrible loneliness that has no friends. This is a horrible helplessness where medical institutions profit by destroying young people’s bodies and lives. This one is the hardest. The people who should be helping to heal and protect are the very ones ruining our lives! What the HELL is going on? This is a war with butcher knives and drugs. This is a war of manipulation and mutilation. This is a war against children’s lives. I hate this world.
My heart goes out to you for both your losses.
I have definitely been through the ringer (in many ways) but not with the death of a spouse, but the loss of a marriage (my ex, who had had an aneurysm and survived, was having an affair - and we had a very young daughter - so I thought I was going to be a widow...instead, I ended up being a single mother), the death of both my parents, the estrangement of my older brother, and then the loss of a daughter to trans ideology and estrangement. It’s been well over 4 years since I’ve had a private conversation with her, seen her only once, and I’m still broken hearted.
And I am not doing that well currently. My will and motivation to live is waning, and it’s the worst time of the year (Christmas) because of past memories. I have been to GriefShare group meetings a few years back which were quite helpful.
It’s hard for so many of us parents and I’m hoping a change will happen soon. Best wishes to everyone who is suffering from this nonsensical situation.
(My current mood is muted since I have a migraine, so if I sound especially down, that’s why.)
I'm so sorry that you have a migraine on top of everything else! ((HUGS))
Thank you for baring your soul. Your pain and loss is real for both your husband and your son and I want to validate you. I am so sad for your losses. I never found a lasting relationship as my marriage ended in divorce within a few years but we did have a daughter that I ended up raising on my own (my ex-husband was an alcoholic with mental illness and he could not be involved). But you and your husband were very involved with your son and this horrible gender cult caught him in their snare! This is not your fault. The same thing has happened to my dear sister and her husband whose only son also got caught up in the lie of gender ideology a few years ago. You wrote “It is profoundly cruel and maddening—an arbitrary decision made by the greater world of people who don’t even know him.” Yes, profoundly cruel and maddening indeed! Unfair and unimaginable, too. People who don’t even know him - yes - are filling his mind with lies and false hope in supporting this insane cult. Needless to say family and friends who DO know him are also supporting this cult by buying into the beliefs of people they do not know! It has become a vicious circle and I hate it! Stay strong. Grieve the loss of your husband and keep his memory alive - remember the 35 years and cherish the special moments. Grieve the loss of your son - the 15 years when he was your sweet boy - and remember and cherish the special moments. You are not alone in this horrible nightmare. I pray your son returns to you as your son which is what I also pray for my sister.
Thank you for writing. I don't have children. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I've been in a lesbian relationship for 35 years. I've written letters to the editor and opinion pieces to my church, Unitarian Universalist, but it appears to mostly deaf ears. I've been shouted down in our local lesbian Facebook group for posting factual articles. Our church is starting an LGBTQI+ group that is supposedly intergenerational. I emailed to be part of it with no response. It appears that only those with the right opinions are to be included. I'm so sad about it all.
Thank you both for sharing your stories. It seems that autistic children and gays and lesbians are the main targets of the trans cult. I don't want to involve Godwin's law, but the similarities are too obvious to ignore. It's time for our society to wake up.
What a heart rending story. All too common, sadly, in these days of the world gone mad. I do not know in what country or legal jurisdiction you live, but you do have legal rights of guardianship over your children until a certain age, different in different countries and states i.e., they legally are minors until 16, 18, or 21 years of age. If you do not agree with the proposed "gender affirming treatment", you can challenge the doctors in court. At least this will slow down the process and buy time for you and your son. We had our first ever win in court last month where the national self-proclaimed guru was stopped in her tracks of her intention to prescribe puberty blockers to an 11 year old. The tide is turning, all too slowly, but brave people need to speak our, speak up, and not be silenced by the politically woke and the utterly idiotic.
So very sorry for your losses.
I don't have children who have been trapped in this mess. Both my children have friends who have been taken in. It has been hard on both of them. I'm grateful for this forum because I can see how to be more compassionate towards the parents dealing with this. Thank you for your goodness! 🙏💛
I lost my daughter to this trap at 14. Physically kidnapped and placed in a “acceptable foster home” by CT DCF , and her young mind hijacked.
The people who judged you are either mentally ill themselves, never had children , or both. Your feelings of loss and grief are 110% acceptable and 110% warranted. Don’t let any of these bankrupt individuals try to steal your intellect.
If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out anytime. Parents in our situation need to support each other.
Agreed. I don't even have any children of my own, yet I struggle to understand how so many can be so callous to those who have lost children to this soulless corporate cult. My heart goes out to all parents in this invidious position.
Because they lack empathy, lack real world life experiences, use edicts that state governments mandate upon them instead of common sense and most lack a human soul. Many are influenced and driven by dark forces. Even a dead fish can go with the flow. And that is exactly what many of the cultists in this death grip exactly are. Simply afraid of speaking up.
Crawl back under your rock, snake.
I echo all the previous comments & extend my condolences to you.
This hits me in the gut. First, I'm so sorry for your losses. We had a move and two major deaths in the family. Both our kids declared they were trans within a week of each other. It wasn't exploratory, it was the whole social thing name change, pronouns, etc.
The younger one realized it was basically a scam after about 9 months. The older one well, won't think beyond the online influencers. I have hope because the voice training seems to have ended
And every autistic advocacy organization is super-far-left, (probably because of Medicaid, etc., they don't want to fall out of favor with politicians and etc. who might get those things increased,) so there's nothing, nada, and squat. I can only pray that one day we look at how autistics have been treated, (including DNRs on autistic kids in some countries during the peak of Covid,) and feel a shame that society has currently lost.
You have articulated so well the difference between grief through death and grief through loss to trans identify. It's sort of a place of limbo where one experiences a profound loss but can never heal. Any other sort of grief is helped by their community and family around them. Grief through loss to trans identity is not met with support but quite the opposite. It is all so very painful.
Thank you for sharing your deeply moving story. You have articulated brilliantly what so many of us parents with trans identified children feel, caught in a limbo land of ambiguous grief, with our children physically present, though transformed, and emotionally and intellectually unreachable.
Look up "complicated grief" -- much harder to get over, because of lack of a normal grief process.
I am sorry for your suffering.