I am the parent of a 9th grade girl – er, adolescent. My child no longer accepts the word daughter, just as she no longer accepts she/her pronouns. Her name, chosen thoughtfully by me and her father after much consideration, is dead to her. She cannot wait to turn 16 so she can change it legally to her new chosen name.
I could have written this. I am a super lefty, LGBTQ-supporting socialist. I have a son, almost 16, who says he cannot be happy unless he has breasts. He has Tourette's Syndrome, and has always been less emotionally mature than his peers, including being very suggestible. Two years ago, he was almost an incel because of things he saw on YouTube and things friends were telling him. Now, after the pandemic's social isolation and too much time online talking to strangers (we didn't really understand what was happening), he says he's a lesbian. I think he is just sensitive, and possibly on the spectrum. I feel like he is in a cult and needs to be deprogrammed.
Your comment about the medical profession acting in good faith is terrible misguided. The Academy of Pediatrics and Psychiatry have abandoned all science-based evidence and assimilated a progressive agenda to the detriment of the very patients they are oathed, to do no harm.
I’m here with you! Thank you for stating all that I feel so well! Our children deserve better from all of the people who are supposed to safe guard them as they develop between adolescence and adulthood. The language gymnastics of abiding by my sons request to be called by a new name only grows more challenging and difficult. Almost three years of this has worn me down so much. Until this is your child, it all seems quite distant and hard to believe this could happen, yet as parents we are living in a grey space with only hope to keep us afloat. It’s maddening. It’s a shame nobody cares about our mental health - those who love too much to lie. What will become of all of us?
My perspective comes from the fact that I'm a 69 year-old lesbian who has been out for 50 years. We old lesbians agree that if we had been born within the last 20 years, the more masculine ones among us, the former tomboys, would have ended up transitioning. Today, young butches feel like freaks, with no role models, and no place to go but male. Our once thriving lesbian community has been decimated by trans ideology.
To back up for a moment, the author says: “...we just don’t know enough—about the science, about the effects of medical interventions long term, about desistance….” But that’s not actually true. We know a great deal about the science and about the effects of medical interventions long term (it’s not good for females).
Literally all the academic research done on gender non-conforming children over the past 60 years or so, prior to the injection of trans ideology into the biological sciences, showed the same result: in any given group of subjects, most kids, if not pressured to conform, would reach puberty, resolve their dysphoria on their own, and come out as gay. The minority left over might go on to be trans, or not. Interestingly, most of the overtly gender non-conforming children who ended up in these studies were boys. As for the girls, we just suffered through childhood, reached puberty, and came out as lesbians. Transgenderism was primarily a male phenomenon. Trans ideologues have abandoned this knowledge, gleaned over decades of objective research. But the research is available.
And the new detransitioners’ study by Lisa Littman, MD: Individuals Treated for Gender Dysphoria with Medical and/or Surgical Transition Who Subsequently Detransitioned: A Survey of 100 Detransitioners. Littman L. (2021). Archives of Sexual Behavior.
Given that the author’s daughter’s gender non-conformity started early in life, she could very well be a lesbian. She appears to be on the autism spectrum, which is common for girls with gender dysphoria. The tragedy of her situation is that like so many before her, she may end up having a mastectomy and ruining her health and sex organs with testosterone before her brain matures and she realizes that she made a mistake. I wish there were some way this information could be imparted to her, such that it gives her pause, the operative word being "pause.” But it doesn't sound likely, at least not yet. Her mature brain is years away.
To the mom: I feel for you. I support your observation that powerful external, ideological forces stand between your daughter and her ability to accept herself as female, along with internal forces that we can't know about. She might turn out to be trans, but it will take years before she knows. In the interim, I can't help but wonder, why is it so important for the progressive teachers, therapists and do-gooders to encourage your daughter to see herself as male? What do they get out of it? Why does the erasure of female bodies feel so noble to them?
Is deceiving parents being a good progressive? I can't imagine any universe where calling a child by a different name or pronouns without checking with parents is OK.
Incidentally, FAIR, the Foundation Against Racism and Intolerance is holding a free Zoom webinar tomorrow evening on the topic of Gender Ideology: Problems and Pro-Human Solutions. The five panelists include Abigail Shrier. Here's the link:
I am so sorry to hear about your situation - now all too common. I would encourage you to use your daughter’s real name only, even if she has a fit. She is still very young and you can still help her. All of the best advice out there is not to affirm but calmly to uphold reality at home. Just because a young person rages does not mean she does not also appreciate the boundaries you set.
Like you I believe in an individual’s right to live according to his or her beliefs, so long as they do not harm others. But don’t force others to live according to them, too. The problem is that upending reality itself to indulge what is at core an autogynephilic fantasy is damaging an entire generation and likely our democracy. If you can force society to agree that "Trans Women Are Women," you can make them agree to anything. Anything. We have gone from wanting to be "non-judgmental" to having no judgment at all. I was always a "live and let live" sort. That’s not what this is.
And it is wrong and frightening for other people - especially in schools - to violate what parents want for their minor children by promoting an ideology (do we promote other religions behind a parent's back?) and use names & such that a child invented, often under the influence of groomers. The first lawsuits (Littlejohn, Florida) have begun.
Thank you for your beautifully written post; I am sorry for what your family is going through.
I too have thought of myself as liberal, and progressive. What changed me was the vitriol with which I was attacked when I questioned the trans ideology. I saw then that my "own side" was every bit as unscientific, in group-out group focused, and intolerant as the right. There is no way that there is not a social contagion going on and "my side" not only refuses to see it, they try to destroy the lives and careers of anyone who even considers it. We are supposed to know better. We are supposed to BE better.
No one who refuses to ALWAYS consider they could be wrong is not a good thinker.
I could have written this. I am a super lefty, LGBTQ-supporting socialist. I have a son, almost 16, who says he cannot be happy unless he has breasts. He has Tourette's Syndrome, and has always been less emotionally mature than his peers, including being very suggestible. Two years ago, he was almost an incel because of things he saw on YouTube and things friends were telling him. Now, after the pandemic's social isolation and too much time online talking to strangers (we didn't really understand what was happening), he says he's a lesbian. I think he is just sensitive, and possibly on the spectrum. I feel like he is in a cult and needs to be deprogrammed.
Your comment about the medical profession acting in good faith is terrible misguided. The Academy of Pediatrics and Psychiatry have abandoned all science-based evidence and assimilated a progressive agenda to the detriment of the very patients they are oathed, to do no harm.
I’m here with you! Thank you for stating all that I feel so well! Our children deserve better from all of the people who are supposed to safe guard them as they develop between adolescence and adulthood. The language gymnastics of abiding by my sons request to be called by a new name only grows more challenging and difficult. Almost three years of this has worn me down so much. Until this is your child, it all seems quite distant and hard to believe this could happen, yet as parents we are living in a grey space with only hope to keep us afloat. It’s maddening. It’s a shame nobody cares about our mental health - those who love too much to lie. What will become of all of us?
So it was fine for you until it was your child?
My perspective comes from the fact that I'm a 69 year-old lesbian who has been out for 50 years. We old lesbians agree that if we had been born within the last 20 years, the more masculine ones among us, the former tomboys, would have ended up transitioning. Today, young butches feel like freaks, with no role models, and no place to go but male. Our once thriving lesbian community has been decimated by trans ideology.
To back up for a moment, the author says: “...we just don’t know enough—about the science, about the effects of medical interventions long term, about desistance….” But that’s not actually true. We know a great deal about the science and about the effects of medical interventions long term (it’s not good for females).
Literally all the academic research done on gender non-conforming children over the past 60 years or so, prior to the injection of trans ideology into the biological sciences, showed the same result: in any given group of subjects, most kids, if not pressured to conform, would reach puberty, resolve their dysphoria on their own, and come out as gay. The minority left over might go on to be trans, or not. Interestingly, most of the overtly gender non-conforming children who ended up in these studies were boys. As for the girls, we just suffered through childhood, reached puberty, and came out as lesbians. Transgenderism was primarily a male phenomenon. Trans ideologues have abandoned this knowledge, gleaned over decades of objective research. But the research is available.
A review and critique of that research in light of the American Academy of Pediatrics' obfuscation of the data is here, by Dr. James Cantor: http://www.sexologytoday.org/2018/10/american-academy-of-pediatrics-policy.html
And the view of endocrinologists: https://segm.org/
And the new detransitioners’ study by Lisa Littman, MD: Individuals Treated for Gender Dysphoria with Medical and/or Surgical Transition Who Subsequently Detransitioned: A Survey of 100 Detransitioners. Littman L. (2021). Archives of Sexual Behavior.
https://link.springer.com/content/pdf/10.1007/s10508-021-02163-w.pdf
Given that the author’s daughter’s gender non-conformity started early in life, she could very well be a lesbian. She appears to be on the autism spectrum, which is common for girls with gender dysphoria. The tragedy of her situation is that like so many before her, she may end up having a mastectomy and ruining her health and sex organs with testosterone before her brain matures and she realizes that she made a mistake. I wish there were some way this information could be imparted to her, such that it gives her pause, the operative word being "pause.” But it doesn't sound likely, at least not yet. Her mature brain is years away.
To the mom: I feel for you. I support your observation that powerful external, ideological forces stand between your daughter and her ability to accept herself as female, along with internal forces that we can't know about. She might turn out to be trans, but it will take years before she knows. In the interim, I can't help but wonder, why is it so important for the progressive teachers, therapists and do-gooders to encourage your daughter to see herself as male? What do they get out of it? Why does the erasure of female bodies feel so noble to them?
Is deceiving parents being a good progressive? I can't imagine any universe where calling a child by a different name or pronouns without checking with parents is OK.
I have two questions. Who deleted my comment, and why was it deleted?
As mine was ROGD, I am not qualified to comment on other cases
Thank you.
Incidentally, FAIR, the Foundation Against Racism and Intolerance is holding a free Zoom webinar tomorrow evening on the topic of Gender Ideology: Problems and Pro-Human Solutions. The five panelists include Abigail Shrier. Here's the link:
https://fairforall.substack.com/p/fair-news-a-pro-human-approach-to?token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjozMzc2Mjc4MiwicG9zdF9pZCI6NDUwNjg3MDAsIl8iOiJVMlY0WCIsImlhdCI6MTYzOTUxMjc5MCwiZXhwIjoxNjM5NTE2MzkwLCJpc3MiOiJwdWItNDE1MjAwIiwic3ViIjoicG9zdC1yZWFjdGlvbiJ9.Mq5YWaS96rpCNDdf5MmT1cUjU7VwC2wnM1u04eP18GY
You have good reason to be scared. The transgender cult is a powerful force and your daughter is vulnerable. Be strong
I am so sorry to hear about your situation - now all too common. I would encourage you to use your daughter’s real name only, even if she has a fit. She is still very young and you can still help her. All of the best advice out there is not to affirm but calmly to uphold reality at home. Just because a young person rages does not mean she does not also appreciate the boundaries you set.
Like you I believe in an individual’s right to live according to his or her beliefs, so long as they do not harm others. But don’t force others to live according to them, too. The problem is that upending reality itself to indulge what is at core an autogynephilic fantasy is damaging an entire generation and likely our democracy. If you can force society to agree that "Trans Women Are Women," you can make them agree to anything. Anything. We have gone from wanting to be "non-judgmental" to having no judgment at all. I was always a "live and let live" sort. That’s not what this is.
And it is wrong and frightening for other people - especially in schools - to violate what parents want for their minor children by promoting an ideology (do we promote other religions behind a parent's back?) and use names & such that a child invented, often under the influence of groomers. The first lawsuits (Littlejohn, Florida) have begun.
Thank you for your beautifully written post; I am sorry for what your family is going through.
I too have thought of myself as liberal, and progressive. What changed me was the vitriol with which I was attacked when I questioned the trans ideology. I saw then that my "own side" was every bit as unscientific, in group-out group focused, and intolerant as the right. There is no way that there is not a social contagion going on and "my side" not only refuses to see it, they try to destroy the lives and careers of anyone who even considers it. We are supposed to know better. We are supposed to BE better.
No one who refuses to ALWAYS consider they could be wrong is not a good thinker.