As the holidays have finally passed and with them, perhaps, an easing the pain of loss and disconnection I came back to your words Redford. How do we go forward in pursuit? Learning, somehow, to go forward with the hole in my heart? Trying not to own the blaming arrows that have been thrown at me. It is excruciating for me to be cast in this oppressor role, but I try daily to remind myself that just because he says it doesn’t make it true. Our goal in this new year is to begin pursuit in whatever form that takes. New territory for parents who imagined a live interconnected to their adult children.
Ah, dearest Redford, you did it again. Gave me comfort, and reminded me to stand firm in my faith, where my strength comes from. A friend said to me the other day, " But, if she/he/they are happy?" (Talking about my 3 grandchildren.) It gave me pause, I must admit, always and forever doubting myself. Then I caught myself, knowing my friend does not really understand. How could she? Her grandchildren are not caught in the cult. She has escaped, so far. Though my grandchildren refuse to see me or let me see my great grandchildren; nothing will change the fact I know them. I helped raise them. I wiped snotty noses, I cleaned dirty little butts, I fed them, I read to them, I comforted them when they were sad or broken hearted. I helped them until I couldn't help them anymore. They grew up. They did not grow out of their hurts; the abuses were too deep, the illnesses too strong. The scars became overwhelming, and instead of healing, their scars became gaping wounds. Instead of turning to health, to recovery, to faith in a loving God, they fell. They are still falling. Someday the free-fall will end. Reality will someday happen, but the love and care my late husband and I gave them will never go away. They are facts in their lives. You said, dear Redford, "I am not entitled to happiness, only to the pursuit of happiness." Herein lies that huge key to our survival as family members. We can only pursue our own happiness. Yes, you will do everything in your power to protect and help your Carly and are currently doing that with all your heart. My heart goes to you, your family, all the children and the loving parents locked in the daily, hourly, minute by minute battle. I am praying that all who read your writings will heed what you say, "To help my daughter, I must help myself." We have to do this, to survive. Jesus says, "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." When I listen, I have peace. Love always, Indio
“Trans identities drive a knife into the heart of mothers who know and love their children better than the state ever can.” No truer words spoken. The level of anger and vitriol towards the family and particularly the mother is off the charts. The crime is for one who expresses any concern about the potential downsides of medical “transition” or that there may be any inconsistencies in their beliefs. Everything you say becomes twisted and relabeled as transphobia, abuse, cis ignorance, insensitivity and on and on. Everything is your fault and the child takes no responsibility. The expectation is for you to beg for forgiveness for your crimes but it is never enough. It almost feels like you will only and always be seen as the enemy just by your very existance as a “cis”, white mother who knows who you were and who you really are.
Well, socialism and communism are really forms of codependency that strip away any individuality and any individual desire for the so called vague masses of people. Free speech is a powerful antidote to codependency. There are all sorts of problems in the world, and though we can have empathy/understanding of these problems, it doesn't mean we must take on the emotional burden of these problems/sympathy. Sympathy is exhausting and your daughter's sympathy has been manipulated to this end.
Beautifully stated, thank you. I embrace a similar approach and I feel as though it is the best I can do at the moment. I watch and I wait and I love. I deeply, deeply love.
Yes. My 34 year old son sees himself as a transgender anarchist/socialist/Marxist. This is a common move for many adolescents but continue with it into adult hood is strange. He is white, privileged and 6'7". He has struggled to be in the world and chooses to destroy the world we offer him because he doesn't seem to be able to function in it. We don't care what he does for work....or how much money he ever makes. We have offered him a comfortable life with want for nothing. Now we are the enemy. There is nothing we can do or say now. If he comes back I will hold my seat and stand for myself and my right to be treated with love and respect no matter what you think of my politics. This Mama is angry.
Yes, and many of them probably have undiagnosed issues too. However, it’s sometimes hard to tell which issues are real and which are brought on by social contagion, a desire to label oneself, and a desire to be viewed as a victim who isn’t responsible for any of their own problems or future.
Loved and agreed with this soooo much! Bravo! To the Trannies, I am so sorry we all created such a wonderful society where anyone (and I mean anyone) could thrive if they pursued a proper path. You are taking a road that is known to lead to destruction, it is not new. Best of luck! We all await your return to sanity and will help you as much as we can. Love Dad.
I so needed that first line of yours! The victim Olympics is ruining the lives of a generation of young women, with many young men being pulled into the maelstrom as well.
My sister and I required our daughters to do volunteer work and get jobs. A year of tutoring at a Catholic grade school gave my daughter a distaste for people who would rather reorganize society than volunteer an hour a week. A few months of working at Starbucks taught my socialist-leaning niece that maybe there should be extra rewards for people who show up on time and do the most work.
I am praying for everyone on this site, every day. God bless you all!
One of the my greatest frustrations in my quest to protect my son from making the huge mistake of taking hormones and making other permanent changes to his body due to the social contagion that is the "trans rights" movement is that the bulk of the opposition comes from the right. As a women civil rights lawyer, I am disgusted by how the "trans rights" movement has twisted this good work and undermined successes such as Title IX requiring equal funding for women's sports. When I first saw a sign that said "protect trans kids" - I thought it meant helping to ensure they are not bullied and beat up - I had no idea it meant enabling puberty blockers, cross sex hormones and mutilating surgeries for children and young adults. Now that I am understand what it is and it's impacted my family - I do not support these so-called "trans rights." That said, I do not believe that single payer health care, worker safety laws and government regulation of banking lead to communism and I support same sex marriage and a woman's right to choose. The vast majority (something like 80%) of young people consider themselves left and Democrats, so they laugh off opposition to the "trans rights" movement coming from the right. The only way to do something about this atrocity is to wake up the woke to the fact that opposing permanent medical changes for young people is not reserved for the right.
Trans rights are human rights alright. How about the medical community stop subjecting them to violation of article 5 of human rights through barbaric amputation of healthy body parts?
“ I am not entitled to happiness, but I am entitled to its pursuit.”
Same here in my house, we don’t talk about it because it was two separated conversations all the time. So, why we fight if we Can love each other? She is not going to change her views because for her is a reality, and myself was completely unhappy, I didn’t change what I think but I make peace her thinking.
The most important thing right now is to keep her close
I loved this. I've been an avid and lifelong reader of the Tao Te Ching (Stephen Mitchell's translation is my favorite). I gave it to both my kids as end-of-(virtual)-schoolyear gifts in 2020. I've used it as a resource with my daughter to help guide us through her struggles with peers, especially when she was dealing with bullying.
I wish higher education would drop their obsession with Foucault and other radical philosophies that don't even ring true and spend that time delving into the Tao. The beauty is that it doesn't require that anyone else has to accept, obey, or do anything for it to be valid. It's just a higher level of consciousness that resonates timelessly and offers an adaptive way to view struggles and navigate through rough waters. Importantly, it can simply be a healthy guide to utilize as a coping strategy and thus be at least one good alternate to self-medicating with drugs, or alcohol like so many people end up doing because they lack awareness for better life-coping-skills.
Parents will just have to do what the schools won't. We can fill the voids ourselves. Frankly I think we benefit from it as much as our kids do.
One bright side to parents being isolated, neglected and demonized by society in the unprecedented way we're seeing now is that it has connected parents and we're helping and learning from each other. I know PITT parents never wanted the type of wisdom that grows out of the raw, deep, soul level suffering they've been forced to experience. Yet they have repeatedly harvested that wisdom and selflessly shared it with other parents to help give them a light in these incomprehensibly chaotic and dark times. I deeply *know* that those of us who listen and pay attention to what PITT parents have to say are better off for It. Thank you!
Just what the mom ordered. Thanks I needed this. It comes on the heals of just the other night my daughter calling me a fucking bitch. Telling me she hates me. I don't like you. All because at 11pm I said is time to put her phone up. She flipped out! I am grateful for the past 8 months of Buddhists meditation center training. Remaining calm as she spiraled out of control. Unfortunately we moms are the monsters. As she screamed I hate you. I calmly said " I love you." The depression and hurt usually kicks in a day or so later. The self hatred she has is frightening at times.
As the holidays have finally passed and with them, perhaps, an easing the pain of loss and disconnection I came back to your words Redford. How do we go forward in pursuit? Learning, somehow, to go forward with the hole in my heart? Trying not to own the blaming arrows that have been thrown at me. It is excruciating for me to be cast in this oppressor role, but I try daily to remind myself that just because he says it doesn’t make it true. Our goal in this new year is to begin pursuit in whatever form that takes. New territory for parents who imagined a live interconnected to their adult children.
Ah, dearest Redford, you did it again. Gave me comfort, and reminded me to stand firm in my faith, where my strength comes from. A friend said to me the other day, " But, if she/he/they are happy?" (Talking about my 3 grandchildren.) It gave me pause, I must admit, always and forever doubting myself. Then I caught myself, knowing my friend does not really understand. How could she? Her grandchildren are not caught in the cult. She has escaped, so far. Though my grandchildren refuse to see me or let me see my great grandchildren; nothing will change the fact I know them. I helped raise them. I wiped snotty noses, I cleaned dirty little butts, I fed them, I read to them, I comforted them when they were sad or broken hearted. I helped them until I couldn't help them anymore. They grew up. They did not grow out of their hurts; the abuses were too deep, the illnesses too strong. The scars became overwhelming, and instead of healing, their scars became gaping wounds. Instead of turning to health, to recovery, to faith in a loving God, they fell. They are still falling. Someday the free-fall will end. Reality will someday happen, but the love and care my late husband and I gave them will never go away. They are facts in their lives. You said, dear Redford, "I am not entitled to happiness, only to the pursuit of happiness." Herein lies that huge key to our survival as family members. We can only pursue our own happiness. Yes, you will do everything in your power to protect and help your Carly and are currently doing that with all your heart. My heart goes to you, your family, all the children and the loving parents locked in the daily, hourly, minute by minute battle. I am praying that all who read your writings will heed what you say, "To help my daughter, I must help myself." We have to do this, to survive. Jesus says, "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." When I listen, I have peace. Love always, Indio
Wonderful, insightful, and brilliant… Thank you
“Trans identities drive a knife into the heart of mothers who know and love their children better than the state ever can.” No truer words spoken. The level of anger and vitriol towards the family and particularly the mother is off the charts. The crime is for one who expresses any concern about the potential downsides of medical “transition” or that there may be any inconsistencies in their beliefs. Everything you say becomes twisted and relabeled as transphobia, abuse, cis ignorance, insensitivity and on and on. Everything is your fault and the child takes no responsibility. The expectation is for you to beg for forgiveness for your crimes but it is never enough. It almost feels like you will only and always be seen as the enemy just by your very existance as a “cis”, white mother who knows who you were and who you really are.
Or check out the episode on Ayn Rand, who wrote books on selfishness. People are taught not to think of themselves and to place the interest of others above their own. When there is a lack of sense of self, people manipulate them to all sorts of ends. Listen to this episode on building up your own necessary, sense of self and then it is much easier to find all sorts of insane communist ideology. https://open.substack.com/pub/justingaffneysamuels/p/read-ayn-rand-to-build-up-your-selfishness?r=6512g&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Well, socialism and communism are really forms of codependency that strip away any individuality and any individual desire for the so called vague masses of people. Free speech is a powerful antidote to codependency. There are all sorts of problems in the world, and though we can have empathy/understanding of these problems, it doesn't mean we must take on the emotional burden of these problems/sympathy. Sympathy is exhausting and your daughter's sympathy has been manipulated to this end.
https://open.substack.com/pub/justingaffneysamuels/p/free-speech-the-antidote-to-codependency?r=6512g&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Beautifully stated, thank you. I embrace a similar approach and I feel as though it is the best I can do at the moment. I watch and I wait and I love. I deeply, deeply love.
Amen to that sister!
Yes. My 34 year old son sees himself as a transgender anarchist/socialist/Marxist. This is a common move for many adolescents but continue with it into adult hood is strange. He is white, privileged and 6'7". He has struggled to be in the world and chooses to destroy the world we offer him because he doesn't seem to be able to function in it. We don't care what he does for work....or how much money he ever makes. We have offered him a comfortable life with want for nothing. Now we are the enemy. There is nothing we can do or say now. If he comes back I will hold my seat and stand for myself and my right to be treated with love and respect no matter what you think of my politics. This Mama is angry.
Yes, many of them are.
https://statsforgender.org/mental-health/
Yes, and many of them probably have undiagnosed issues too. However, it’s sometimes hard to tell which issues are real and which are brought on by social contagion, a desire to label oneself, and a desire to be viewed as a victim who isn’t responsible for any of their own problems or future.
Regardless of the reason, we are powerless to do anything about it.
Yes, I am in the same situation with my daughter, and there is truly nothing we can do.
Definitely.
yes! thank you! ❤️
Loved and agreed with this soooo much! Bravo! To the Trannies, I am so sorry we all created such a wonderful society where anyone (and I mean anyone) could thrive if they pursued a proper path. You are taking a road that is known to lead to destruction, it is not new. Best of luck! We all await your return to sanity and will help you as much as we can. Love Dad.
I so needed that first line of yours! The victim Olympics is ruining the lives of a generation of young women, with many young men being pulled into the maelstrom as well.
My sister and I required our daughters to do volunteer work and get jobs. A year of tutoring at a Catholic grade school gave my daughter a distaste for people who would rather reorganize society than volunteer an hour a week. A few months of working at Starbucks taught my socialist-leaning niece that maybe there should be extra rewards for people who show up on time and do the most work.
I am praying for everyone on this site, every day. God bless you all!
One of the my greatest frustrations in my quest to protect my son from making the huge mistake of taking hormones and making other permanent changes to his body due to the social contagion that is the "trans rights" movement is that the bulk of the opposition comes from the right. As a women civil rights lawyer, I am disgusted by how the "trans rights" movement has twisted this good work and undermined successes such as Title IX requiring equal funding for women's sports. When I first saw a sign that said "protect trans kids" - I thought it meant helping to ensure they are not bullied and beat up - I had no idea it meant enabling puberty blockers, cross sex hormones and mutilating surgeries for children and young adults. Now that I am understand what it is and it's impacted my family - I do not support these so-called "trans rights." That said, I do not believe that single payer health care, worker safety laws and government regulation of banking lead to communism and I support same sex marriage and a woman's right to choose. The vast majority (something like 80%) of young people consider themselves left and Democrats, so they laugh off opposition to the "trans rights" movement coming from the right. The only way to do something about this atrocity is to wake up the woke to the fact that opposing permanent medical changes for young people is not reserved for the right.
You should read, "The Law" by Frederick Bastiat.
Trans rights are human rights alright. How about the medical community stop subjecting them to violation of article 5 of human rights through barbaric amputation of healthy body parts?
https://www.un.org/en/about-us/universal-declaration-of-human-rights
“ I am not entitled to happiness, but I am entitled to its pursuit.”
Same here in my house, we don’t talk about it because it was two separated conversations all the time. So, why we fight if we Can love each other? She is not going to change her views because for her is a reality, and myself was completely unhappy, I didn’t change what I think but I make peace her thinking.
The most important thing right now is to keep her close
I loved this. I've been an avid and lifelong reader of the Tao Te Ching (Stephen Mitchell's translation is my favorite). I gave it to both my kids as end-of-(virtual)-schoolyear gifts in 2020. I've used it as a resource with my daughter to help guide us through her struggles with peers, especially when she was dealing with bullying.
I wish higher education would drop their obsession with Foucault and other radical philosophies that don't even ring true and spend that time delving into the Tao. The beauty is that it doesn't require that anyone else has to accept, obey, or do anything for it to be valid. It's just a higher level of consciousness that resonates timelessly and offers an adaptive way to view struggles and navigate through rough waters. Importantly, it can simply be a healthy guide to utilize as a coping strategy and thus be at least one good alternate to self-medicating with drugs, or alcohol like so many people end up doing because they lack awareness for better life-coping-skills.
Parents will just have to do what the schools won't. We can fill the voids ourselves. Frankly I think we benefit from it as much as our kids do.
One bright side to parents being isolated, neglected and demonized by society in the unprecedented way we're seeing now is that it has connected parents and we're helping and learning from each other. I know PITT parents never wanted the type of wisdom that grows out of the raw, deep, soul level suffering they've been forced to experience. Yet they have repeatedly harvested that wisdom and selflessly shared it with other parents to help give them a light in these incomprehensibly chaotic and dark times. I deeply *know* that those of us who listen and pay attention to what PITT parents have to say are better off for It. Thank you!
Just what the mom ordered. Thanks I needed this. It comes on the heals of just the other night my daughter calling me a fucking bitch. Telling me she hates me. I don't like you. All because at 11pm I said is time to put her phone up. She flipped out! I am grateful for the past 8 months of Buddhists meditation center training. Remaining calm as she spiraled out of control. Unfortunately we moms are the monsters. As she screamed I hate you. I calmly said " I love you." The depression and hurt usually kicks in a day or so later. The self hatred she has is frightening at times.