As the holidays have finally passed and with them, perhaps, an easing the pain of loss and disconnection I came back to your words Redford. How do we go forward in pursuit? Learning, somehow, to go forward with the hole in my heart? Trying not to own the blaming arrows that have been thrown at me. It is excruciating for me to be cast in this oppressor role, but I try daily to remind myself that just because he says it doesn’t make it true. Our goal in this new year is to begin pursuit in whatever form that takes. New territory for parents who imagined a live interconnected to their adult children.
Ah, dearest Redford, you did it again. Gave me comfort, and reminded me to stand firm in my faith, where my strength comes from. A friend said to me the other day, " But, if she/he/they are happy?" (Talking about my 3 grandchildren.) It gave me pause, I must admit, always and forever doubting myself. Then I caught myself, knowing my friend does not really understand. How could she? Her grandchildren are not caught in the cult. She has escaped, so far. Though my grandchildren refuse to see me or let me see my great grandchildren; nothing will change the fact I know them. I helped raise them. I wiped snotty noses, I cleaned dirty little butts, I fed them, I read to them, I comforted them when they were sad or broken hearted. I helped them until I couldn't help them anymore. They grew up. They did not grow out of their hurts; the abuses were too deep, the illnesses too strong. The scars became overwhelming, and instead of healing, their scars became gaping wounds. Instead of turning to health, to recovery, to faith in a loving God, they fell. They are still falling. Someday the free-fall will end. Reality will someday happen, but the love and care my late husband and I gave them will never go away. They are facts in their lives. You said, dear Redford, "I am not entitled to happiness, only to the pursuit of happiness." Herein lies that huge key to our survival as family members. We can only pursue our own happiness. Yes, you will do everything in your power to protect and help your Carly and are currently doing that with all your heart. My heart goes to you, your family, all the children and the loving parents locked in the daily, hourly, minute by minute battle. I am praying that all who read your writings will heed what you say, "To help my daughter, I must help myself." We have to do this, to survive. Jesus says, "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." When I listen, I have peace. Love always, Indio
“Trans identities drive a knife into the heart of mothers who know and love their children better than the state ever can.” No truer words spoken. The level of anger and vitriol towards the family and particularly the mother is off the charts. The crime is for one who expresses any concern about the potential downsides of medical “transition” or that there may be any inconsistencies in their beliefs. Everything you say becomes twisted and relabeled as transphobia, abuse, cis ignorance, insensitivity and on and on. Everything is your fault and the child takes no responsibility. The expectation is for you to beg for forgiveness for your crimes but it is never enough. It almost feels like you will only and always be seen as the enemy just by your very existance as a “cis”, white mother who knows who you were and who you really are.
Well, socialism and communism are really forms of codependency that strip away any individuality and any individual desire for the so called vague masses of people. Free speech is a powerful antidote to codependency. There are all sorts of problems in the world, and though we can have empathy/understanding of these problems, it doesn't mean we must take on the emotional burden of these problems/sympathy. Sympathy is exhausting and your daughter's sympathy has been manipulated to this end.
Beautifully stated, thank you. I embrace a similar approach and I feel as though it is the best I can do at the moment. I watch and I wait and I love. I deeply, deeply love.
Yes. My 34 year old son sees himself as a transgender anarchist/socialist/Marxist. This is a common move for many adolescents but continue with it into adult hood is strange. He is white, privileged and 6'7". He has struggled to be in the world and chooses to destroy the world we offer him because he doesn't seem to be able to function in it. We don't care what he does for work....or how much money he ever makes. We have offered him a comfortable life with want for nothing. Now we are the enemy. There is nothing we can do or say now. If he comes back I will hold my seat and stand for myself and my right to be treated with love and respect no matter what you think of my politics. This Mama is angry.
Yes, and many of them probably have undiagnosed issues too. However, it’s sometimes hard to tell which issues are real and which are brought on by social contagion, a desire to label oneself, and a desire to be viewed as a victim who isn’t responsible for any of their own problems or future.
Loved and agreed with this soooo much! Bravo! To the Trannies, I am so sorry we all created such a wonderful society where anyone (and I mean anyone) could thrive if they pursued a proper path. You are taking a road that is known to lead to destruction, it is not new. Best of luck! We all await your return to sanity and will help you as much as we can. Love Dad.
I so needed that first line of yours! The victim Olympics is ruining the lives of a generation of young women, with many young men being pulled into the maelstrom as well.
My sister and I required our daughters to do volunteer work and get jobs. A year of tutoring at a Catholic grade school gave my daughter a distaste for people who would rather reorganize society than volunteer an hour a week. A few months of working at Starbucks taught my socialist-leaning niece that maybe there should be extra rewards for people who show up on time and do the most work.
I am praying for everyone on this site, every day. God bless you all!
Well this is an interesting philosophy here and I agree with you that isolating her would not be productive in helping her realize that you get the body you get and not the one you wish you had, but I don't at all agree with the thesis that the pursuit of happiness is helpful or productive. To quote Viktor Frankl, "Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.”
Also - and this is a comment on the entire substack more generally - it is really fascinating to see the way trans people and their parents utilize the same ways of thinking even when they're completely at odds over literally every topic under the sun. If nothing else, y'all have clearly taught your trans children how to behave when they have a belief system, even if they rejected your particular one.
TarMiriel, And you have an interesting philosophy, as well. I'm not a PITT parent, but the children of PITT parents aren't "trans people". They are children and young adults vacuumed into an institutionally well-designed half-step toward cyberhumanism. These children were deliberately drawn into the globalist-funded gender cult.
Other people (adults) who present as the other sex whether full-time or part-time – people who YOU would call "trans people" – are comprised of a few other categories of people that aren't the purview of PITT.
I almost included a disclaimer in my original post that I believe sex is a material, observable reality that can't be changed. I suppose I ought to have left that in, and since you seem to have misunderstood me then I'll assume other people have, as well and reply even though you said you won't be back. So clarification:
I disagree, very specifically, with the idea that happiness is to be pursued. I think people need goals and direction, because goals and direction give us a sense of purpose and worth, which is not the same as happiness. Happiness is nice, but it is temporary and generally situational. I cared so much about happiness as a teenager and young adult and the result was depression. Deciding to care about goals and direction instead made a tremendous difference in my mental health although as you will see if you read further down it has not cured me of all ridiculous mental issues lol. I **agree* that trans is an ideology and not an inherent, authentic state of being for anyone. I agree that many vulnerable people in distress are sold the lie that this will solve their problems and that some of the people responsible are causing deliberate harm and this is bad and should not stand.
I disagree that the adults are necessarily different than the children - I have read the accounts of people who transitioned as teenagers. I have read the posts on this substack. So many of these kids have the same motivations (and hobbies and interests and psychiatric disorders....) as the middle aged people in my life who have taken the same path. And all those motivations and hobbies and interests and the Autism (but not the other frequently associated disorders) apply to me, also a middle aged adult. I am profoundly sad knowing that teen girls who are so very, very similar to my teen self are being sold this lie. If I were a teen today I would have been one of them - I remember wishing I could be a boy when I was in high school. Fantasizing that I could magically change. I did some hard work on my beliefs that women are inferior and then suddenly all my adult friends say "oh, we're not women anymore, haha" and it all came crashing back because....well, you know, it feels like they're confirming all those latent fears. They're escaping womanhood, rejecting it, because who wouldn't want to? Of course they would.
A part of me wishes that I did believe in gender, because it is such a **comforting** lie. That I could escape me as I am and become someone different and better (or, so my brain tries to tell me.) It would be so much easier than continuing to actively challenge myself when I find myself for the billionth time thinking "but men are simply BETTER, women are subhuman, I am subhuman" But gender is simply not true, and wishing for something impossible is a waste of time. And I think....I feel this way! As a middle aged woman who has spent time actively trying to work on those feelings. How could these teens stand a chance? It is a tragedy, and one I take very personally - so many of these teen girls are my Autistic sisters and I want them to thrive as Autistic women. I don't want them to self-destruct - although I understand it is not the same type of personally that parents feel.
Despite this, I feel that the phrase "trans people" is very useful for describing a specific group of people who have very specific needs - as an example, the medical care that is necessary for anyone who opts for "gender affirming" surgery or who screws up their hormones is going to be different than most people who do not do this. That this is in many (but not all) cases self-inflicted doesn't make it less true. Therefore, having a term for them that is recognizable is important. It has nothing to do with authentic interior selves.
One of the my greatest frustrations in my quest to protect my son from making the huge mistake of taking hormones and making other permanent changes to his body due to the social contagion that is the "trans rights" movement is that the bulk of the opposition comes from the right. As a women civil rights lawyer, I am disgusted by how the "trans rights" movement has twisted this good work and undermined successes such as Title IX requiring equal funding for women's sports. When I first saw a sign that said "protect trans kids" - I thought it meant helping to ensure they are not bullied and beat up - I had no idea it meant enabling puberty blockers, cross sex hormones and mutilating surgeries for children and young adults. Now that I am understand what it is and it's impacted my family - I do not support these so-called "trans rights." That said, I do not believe that single payer health care, worker safety laws and government regulation of banking lead to communism and I support same sex marriage and a woman's right to choose. The vast majority (something like 80%) of young people consider themselves left and Democrats, so they laugh off opposition to the "trans rights" movement coming from the right. The only way to do something about this atrocity is to wake up the woke to the fact that opposing permanent medical changes for young people is not reserved for the right.
Trans rights are human rights alright. How about the medical community stop subjecting them to violation of article 5 of human rights through barbaric amputation of healthy body parts?
“ I am not entitled to happiness, but I am entitled to its pursuit.”
Same here in my house, we don’t talk about it because it was two separated conversations all the time. So, why we fight if we Can love each other? She is not going to change her views because for her is a reality, and myself was completely unhappy, I didn’t change what I think but I make peace her thinking.
The most important thing right now is to keep her close
As the holidays have finally passed and with them, perhaps, an easing the pain of loss and disconnection I came back to your words Redford. How do we go forward in pursuit? Learning, somehow, to go forward with the hole in my heart? Trying not to own the blaming arrows that have been thrown at me. It is excruciating for me to be cast in this oppressor role, but I try daily to remind myself that just because he says it doesn’t make it true. Our goal in this new year is to begin pursuit in whatever form that takes. New territory for parents who imagined a live interconnected to their adult children.
Ah, dearest Redford, you did it again. Gave me comfort, and reminded me to stand firm in my faith, where my strength comes from. A friend said to me the other day, " But, if she/he/they are happy?" (Talking about my 3 grandchildren.) It gave me pause, I must admit, always and forever doubting myself. Then I caught myself, knowing my friend does not really understand. How could she? Her grandchildren are not caught in the cult. She has escaped, so far. Though my grandchildren refuse to see me or let me see my great grandchildren; nothing will change the fact I know them. I helped raise them. I wiped snotty noses, I cleaned dirty little butts, I fed them, I read to them, I comforted them when they were sad or broken hearted. I helped them until I couldn't help them anymore. They grew up. They did not grow out of their hurts; the abuses were too deep, the illnesses too strong. The scars became overwhelming, and instead of healing, their scars became gaping wounds. Instead of turning to health, to recovery, to faith in a loving God, they fell. They are still falling. Someday the free-fall will end. Reality will someday happen, but the love and care my late husband and I gave them will never go away. They are facts in their lives. You said, dear Redford, "I am not entitled to happiness, only to the pursuit of happiness." Herein lies that huge key to our survival as family members. We can only pursue our own happiness. Yes, you will do everything in your power to protect and help your Carly and are currently doing that with all your heart. My heart goes to you, your family, all the children and the loving parents locked in the daily, hourly, minute by minute battle. I am praying that all who read your writings will heed what you say, "To help my daughter, I must help myself." We have to do this, to survive. Jesus says, "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." When I listen, I have peace. Love always, Indio
Wonderful, insightful, and brilliant… Thank you
“Trans identities drive a knife into the heart of mothers who know and love their children better than the state ever can.” No truer words spoken. The level of anger and vitriol towards the family and particularly the mother is off the charts. The crime is for one who expresses any concern about the potential downsides of medical “transition” or that there may be any inconsistencies in their beliefs. Everything you say becomes twisted and relabeled as transphobia, abuse, cis ignorance, insensitivity and on and on. Everything is your fault and the child takes no responsibility. The expectation is for you to beg for forgiveness for your crimes but it is never enough. It almost feels like you will only and always be seen as the enemy just by your very existance as a “cis”, white mother who knows who you were and who you really are.
Or check out the episode on Ayn Rand, who wrote books on selfishness. People are taught not to think of themselves and to place the interest of others above their own. When there is a lack of sense of self, people manipulate them to all sorts of ends. Listen to this episode on building up your own necessary, sense of self and then it is much easier to find all sorts of insane communist ideology. https://open.substack.com/pub/justingaffneysamuels/p/read-ayn-rand-to-build-up-your-selfishness?r=6512g&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
bookmarking your links, thank you!
Well, socialism and communism are really forms of codependency that strip away any individuality and any individual desire for the so called vague masses of people. Free speech is a powerful antidote to codependency. There are all sorts of problems in the world, and though we can have empathy/understanding of these problems, it doesn't mean we must take on the emotional burden of these problems/sympathy. Sympathy is exhausting and your daughter's sympathy has been manipulated to this end.
https://open.substack.com/pub/justingaffneysamuels/p/free-speech-the-antidote-to-codependency?r=6512g&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Beautifully stated, thank you. I embrace a similar approach and I feel as though it is the best I can do at the moment. I watch and I wait and I love. I deeply, deeply love.
Thank you. ❤️
Amen to that sister!
✊🏼❤️
Yes. My 34 year old son sees himself as a transgender anarchist/socialist/Marxist. This is a common move for many adolescents but continue with it into adult hood is strange. He is white, privileged and 6'7". He has struggled to be in the world and chooses to destroy the world we offer him because he doesn't seem to be able to function in it. We don't care what he does for work....or how much money he ever makes. We have offered him a comfortable life with want for nothing. Now we are the enemy. There is nothing we can do or say now. If he comes back I will hold my seat and stand for myself and my right to be treated with love and respect no matter what you think of my politics. This Mama is angry.
Carly has executive functioning issues, takes Adderall and sees a (GETA) therapist. It's part and parcel for sure.
Yes, many of them are.
https://statsforgender.org/mental-health/
Yes, and many of them probably have undiagnosed issues too. However, it’s sometimes hard to tell which issues are real and which are brought on by social contagion, a desire to label oneself, and a desire to be viewed as a victim who isn’t responsible for any of their own problems or future.
100%
Regardless of the reason, we are powerless to do anything about it.
Yes, I am in the same situation with my daughter, and there is truly nothing we can do.
Definitely.
yes! thank you! ❤️
I’m with ya 🙏❤️
Loved and agreed with this soooo much! Bravo! To the Trannies, I am so sorry we all created such a wonderful society where anyone (and I mean anyone) could thrive if they pursued a proper path. You are taking a road that is known to lead to destruction, it is not new. Best of luck! We all await your return to sanity and will help you as much as we can. Love Dad.
Love this! 😂
I so needed that first line of yours! The victim Olympics is ruining the lives of a generation of young women, with many young men being pulled into the maelstrom as well.
My sister and I required our daughters to do volunteer work and get jobs. A year of tutoring at a Catholic grade school gave my daughter a distaste for people who would rather reorganize society than volunteer an hour a week. A few months of working at Starbucks taught my socialist-leaning niece that maybe there should be extra rewards for people who show up on time and do the most work.
I am praying for everyone on this site, every day. God bless you all!
Well this is an interesting philosophy here and I agree with you that isolating her would not be productive in helping her realize that you get the body you get and not the one you wish you had, but I don't at all agree with the thesis that the pursuit of happiness is helpful or productive. To quote Viktor Frankl, "Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.”
Also - and this is a comment on the entire substack more generally - it is really fascinating to see the way trans people and their parents utilize the same ways of thinking even when they're completely at odds over literally every topic under the sun. If nothing else, y'all have clearly taught your trans children how to behave when they have a belief system, even if they rejected your particular one.
TarMiriel, And you have an interesting philosophy, as well. I'm not a PITT parent, but the children of PITT parents aren't "trans people". They are children and young adults vacuumed into an institutionally well-designed half-step toward cyberhumanism. These children were deliberately drawn into the globalist-funded gender cult.
Other people (adults) who present as the other sex whether full-time or part-time – people who YOU would call "trans people" – are comprised of a few other categories of people that aren't the purview of PITT.
I won't be back to argue. Be well.
I almost included a disclaimer in my original post that I believe sex is a material, observable reality that can't be changed. I suppose I ought to have left that in, and since you seem to have misunderstood me then I'll assume other people have, as well and reply even though you said you won't be back. So clarification:
I disagree, very specifically, with the idea that happiness is to be pursued. I think people need goals and direction, because goals and direction give us a sense of purpose and worth, which is not the same as happiness. Happiness is nice, but it is temporary and generally situational. I cared so much about happiness as a teenager and young adult and the result was depression. Deciding to care about goals and direction instead made a tremendous difference in my mental health although as you will see if you read further down it has not cured me of all ridiculous mental issues lol. I **agree* that trans is an ideology and not an inherent, authentic state of being for anyone. I agree that many vulnerable people in distress are sold the lie that this will solve their problems and that some of the people responsible are causing deliberate harm and this is bad and should not stand.
I disagree that the adults are necessarily different than the children - I have read the accounts of people who transitioned as teenagers. I have read the posts on this substack. So many of these kids have the same motivations (and hobbies and interests and psychiatric disorders....) as the middle aged people in my life who have taken the same path. And all those motivations and hobbies and interests and the Autism (but not the other frequently associated disorders) apply to me, also a middle aged adult. I am profoundly sad knowing that teen girls who are so very, very similar to my teen self are being sold this lie. If I were a teen today I would have been one of them - I remember wishing I could be a boy when I was in high school. Fantasizing that I could magically change. I did some hard work on my beliefs that women are inferior and then suddenly all my adult friends say "oh, we're not women anymore, haha" and it all came crashing back because....well, you know, it feels like they're confirming all those latent fears. They're escaping womanhood, rejecting it, because who wouldn't want to? Of course they would.
A part of me wishes that I did believe in gender, because it is such a **comforting** lie. That I could escape me as I am and become someone different and better (or, so my brain tries to tell me.) It would be so much easier than continuing to actively challenge myself when I find myself for the billionth time thinking "but men are simply BETTER, women are subhuman, I am subhuman" But gender is simply not true, and wishing for something impossible is a waste of time. And I think....I feel this way! As a middle aged woman who has spent time actively trying to work on those feelings. How could these teens stand a chance? It is a tragedy, and one I take very personally - so many of these teen girls are my Autistic sisters and I want them to thrive as Autistic women. I don't want them to self-destruct - although I understand it is not the same type of personally that parents feel.
Despite this, I feel that the phrase "trans people" is very useful for describing a specific group of people who have very specific needs - as an example, the medical care that is necessary for anyone who opts for "gender affirming" surgery or who screws up their hormones is going to be different than most people who do not do this. That this is in many (but not all) cases self-inflicted doesn't make it less true. Therefore, having a term for them that is recognizable is important. It has nothing to do with authentic interior selves.
I hope this makes my position clearer.
One of the my greatest frustrations in my quest to protect my son from making the huge mistake of taking hormones and making other permanent changes to his body due to the social contagion that is the "trans rights" movement is that the bulk of the opposition comes from the right. As a women civil rights lawyer, I am disgusted by how the "trans rights" movement has twisted this good work and undermined successes such as Title IX requiring equal funding for women's sports. When I first saw a sign that said "protect trans kids" - I thought it meant helping to ensure they are not bullied and beat up - I had no idea it meant enabling puberty blockers, cross sex hormones and mutilating surgeries for children and young adults. Now that I am understand what it is and it's impacted my family - I do not support these so-called "trans rights." That said, I do not believe that single payer health care, worker safety laws and government regulation of banking lead to communism and I support same sex marriage and a woman's right to choose. The vast majority (something like 80%) of young people consider themselves left and Democrats, so they laugh off opposition to the "trans rights" movement coming from the right. The only way to do something about this atrocity is to wake up the woke to the fact that opposing permanent medical changes for young people is not reserved for the right.
You should read, "The Law" by Frederick Bastiat.
Trans rights are human rights alright. How about the medical community stop subjecting them to violation of article 5 of human rights through barbaric amputation of healthy body parts?
https://www.un.org/en/about-us/universal-declaration-of-human-rights
“ I am not entitled to happiness, but I am entitled to its pursuit.”
Same here in my house, we don’t talk about it because it was two separated conversations all the time. So, why we fight if we Can love each other? She is not going to change her views because for her is a reality, and myself was completely unhappy, I didn’t change what I think but I make peace her thinking.
The most important thing right now is to keep her close