When I first wake up, I live a few moments in the before, but this amnesia always fades and I remember that my son is slipping away. It’s approaching two years since my then-19 year old son rejected his parents’ guidance and chose instead to dive into the trans agenda: the wrong sex hormones, the awful stereotyped wardrobe, and, in another kick in the gut, changing his name to an anime female character's.
This is so raw and so real. And I"m so sorry this is your life (and the life of all of us going through this).
No parent deserves to have their child literally stolen from them by morally bankrupt activists while we are expected to cheer it on -- but that is what is happening. Sending good thoughts your way that your son turns it around in time.
Oh my goodness! I read your opening paragraph and I had to do a double take wondering if I submitted this to PITT last year and forgot about it. I could have written this last year, verbatim. Same age, same actions… The anime female character name… Same as mine. Proof # 100 that this is a cult.
Gender ideology and critical race theory often involved ILLEGAL discrimination! Here are some recent victories I had against critical race theory in education and employment. The NYC film fund, a 7-million-dollar film fund which only helped upcoming artists if they wish to live as women, is now open to both sexes regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity because I complained to NYSDHR and they were found to have done illegal discrimination. I gathered evidence and filed complaints with NYSDHR and other FEPAs in other states, as well as OCR. Read my article to learn what my some of my victories are. https://open.substack.com/pub/justingaffneysamuels/p/using-factual-evidence-and-the-law?r=6512g&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
I feel like you wrote this just for, except in my case I’m the dad and it’s my daughter who’s been stolen. Thank you so much for expressing what this nightmare feels like. And if you pray at all, our daughter has been on testosterone for 6 months and told us recently she’s scheduled to have top surgery in January. Helpless isn’t even close to adequate to describe how we’re feeling.
Nothing anyone can write can mend the broken thing. I’m so filled with rage that this is happening whilst everyone sleeps. I am a mother and a mother’s heart knows best the cruelty and depravity of this movement. I’m sorry.
My husband and I are on a lovely trip….in order to avoid the upcoming holiday……we are traveling with others, strangers who could be friends. I feel so detached, what do I say when people ask about my children? I can be having an ok day, enjoying what is in front of me when someone asks about my kids. Instantly transported to pain and grief….my husband, and sometimes I, hates what this has done to our lives. He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore and I get it I totally get it. I wish it weren’t on my mind all the time, but every day I wake up I remember…..😢
Poignant, touching, heartrending. Thank you for your honesty and openness. It was difficult to read because it brought back so many memories of my son who is no longer with us. My thoughts are with you and your family. I wish the very best outcome for you all. Sincerely, Frederick
I feel every single one of these points. What is striking is how similar your description is with my experiences with my son and in my family. My son was older when he decided to transition, and it felt like it came out of the blue, but there had been many years of challenges before that-depression, undiagnosed and untreated neuroatypicality etc. When this first came into my family, it was so lonely and disorienting. There was so much cultural noise (What is the root of all of this? How did we get here?) and personal noise (The pools and puddles of guilt/hope that you dip and drown in as a parent) to sort through. Hearing other people talk about like this has helped immensely. Now three years in, I know more and I understand more. I am grateful to every single person that has contributed to that-including writing like this. But, I still have moments of deep, deep emotion-the moments you described so well. Those rage, grief, fear and sorrow moments that tumble me head over heels. The reality is that the person I love is hurting the person that I love-and where can your anger go then? For a while my anger went to the institutions and organizations that are allowing this madness to float unchecked in their currents and eddies-or worse actively promoting it without counting the cost to bodies and minds. Having a place to focus my anger felt good, but, I don't want to get stuck in anger or sadness. Ultimately, I know I need to focus on the things that are in my control, in my sphere of influence-everybody's is different and I think it changes over time. I have my role as a parent of an adult, my role in the institutions that I inhabit, my role as a consumer of social and cultural artifacts-media, internet, movies and television. I can tell you that this experience has made me think more deeply about all of those roles. As much as it is painful, that is one positive thing.
My heart breaks for you and the other parents in this maelstrom. I mentor youth, and I am very aware of the currents that pull them into unhealthy directions. In my interactions with them, I do my utmost to honor and affirm their personal development in ways that do not involve gender. I cannot stop this runaway train, but I can avoid adding fuel.
"The reality is that the person I love is hurting the person I love..." Yes! Mine turned 30 this year. I've been honest with him since the beginning, ten years ago, which has caused some rifts and periods of alienation. But during a recent visit, I let it all out, and told him, "you killed my son, how am I supposed to feel?" After he left, he told me he felt unsafe at my place, so... anyway my anger will always be on the mind controllers and their expert minions. My son can not hold a job more than a few months, due to mental and physical challenges, and continually self harms. I am especially angry with his first gender affirming physician, a woman my age, who works in juvenile justice, as well as in a gender clinic, prescribing taxpayer funded opposite sex hormones to confused young adults. Maybe I will suggest to him, desisting and filing lawsuits against all of these trusted professionals who took his youth and his health.
A lot of those wild thoughts and impulsivity can be the lack of B12 and other critical nutrients. A couple weeks on a quality multivitamin might really help him calm his inner headspace and think from his frontal lobe rather than from a place of emotion.
Also, if he is into thinking and philosophizing, ask him "What is the end of man?"
By the "end of man" we mean the purpose for which he was created: namely, to know, love, and serve God.
Any deviation from this will, in the end, lead to destruction.
The Catholic Catechism is beautiful in that it is the truth. The truth can defend itself. Get him a copy of the Catechism which explains the nature of reality explained in the Bible. He can rage against it all day long or his inner logic and reasoning (God given) will kick in and he will start to "see".
Society is designed to pull people away from the truth and the truth is that we were made to know, serve and love God. We are made to love. God made us with a particular sexual design and it produces families and the family is a microcosm of the Trinity, which is infinitely loving.
The homosexual and transgender community have had their minds warped and they do not know the answer to "What is the end of man?" therefore how could they ever come to a place of peace and rest in their mind? You cannot. You have to know your purpose. That's what fills that "I think I was born in the wrong body" gap. It isn't a gender or sex issue, it's a failure to understand his purpose as a human being. His purpose is to KNOW, SERVE and LOVE God. Part of loving God is recognizing God's design of reality and the way nature works. The Catechism is reeeeally good. I cannot recommend it enough.
Yes, yes, yes. Total identification. You named some stings and rages that I, too, feel, but hadn't yet articulated. Like rage at Planned Parenthood (I used to make donations to them!), and gladness that my late mother and father never saw my daughter pretending to be a runty little man . . .
That blessed moment of waking up and thinking, even for a second, that all was right with the world? It reminds me of the weeks after my dad died after struggling for years with Alzheimers. The parallels aren't exact, of course. My dad went when it was his time, and we who survived him all felt some relief. Should my child decide to proceed with transition in some form, it won't be a death - though I understand why so many parents feel it as such. But I wonder if I will ever be able to wake up without the crush of grief and fear that is now the prelude to my coffee every day. You spoke to that so well.
Dear mama, I hope you can stay connected to your child. I hope he will find his way back to his actual authentic self, not this simulacrum. Hold fast to your love, as much as it hurts.
Oh, Mama, God Bless you - even if religion is not a part of your life. I just feel the pain of the universe in which you are living. This insidious cult is so sick. It is wrong. YOU are right. I do believe that our society has done a great job of convincing our youth, especially if they are white, that they are bad, they are racist, they are privileged - and that the only way to make it right is to become a 'minority'. To come one of the oppressed. Only then can they lead a life worthy of living. This is SO off kilter. What ARE we doing?!! Please know that you are heard.
Just befote this cukt took a hold of our daughter i got a call from her, still in college at the time. During the BLM protests... She asked if my husband's family ever had slaves? I had to remind her that her dad and his family are card carrying native Americans!
I am so sorry for what you are going through; I will keep you in my prayers; and I will continue to do what I can along with others to enable people to see the damage done by this ideology.
"dive into the trans agenda: the wrong sex hormones, the awful stereotyped wardrobe, and, in another kick in the gut, changing his name to an anime female character's." - Sounds like a middle-aged man I'm acquainted with, only he chose the wardrobe and name of a main character from The Hunger Games franchise. It's literally cringeworthy to view. He looks nothing like a woman and his chosen last name makes me feel bad for his family.
This is so raw and so real. And I"m so sorry this is your life (and the life of all of us going through this).
No parent deserves to have their child literally stolen from them by morally bankrupt activists while we are expected to cheer it on -- but that is what is happening. Sending good thoughts your way that your son turns it around in time.
Oh my goodness! I read your opening paragraph and I had to do a double take wondering if I submitted this to PITT last year and forgot about it. I could have written this last year, verbatim. Same age, same actions… The anime female character name… Same as mine. Proof # 100 that this is a cult.
Gender ideology and critical race theory often involved ILLEGAL discrimination! Here are some recent victories I had against critical race theory in education and employment. The NYC film fund, a 7-million-dollar film fund which only helped upcoming artists if they wish to live as women, is now open to both sexes regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity because I complained to NYSDHR and they were found to have done illegal discrimination. I gathered evidence and filed complaints with NYSDHR and other FEPAs in other states, as well as OCR. Read my article to learn what my some of my victories are. https://open.substack.com/pub/justingaffneysamuels/p/using-factual-evidence-and-the-law?r=6512g&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
I feel like you wrote this just for, except in my case I’m the dad and it’s my daughter who’s been stolen. Thank you so much for expressing what this nightmare feels like. And if you pray at all, our daughter has been on testosterone for 6 months and told us recently she’s scheduled to have top surgery in January. Helpless isn’t even close to adequate to describe how we’re feeling.
Nothing anyone can write can mend the broken thing. I’m so filled with rage that this is happening whilst everyone sleeps. I am a mother and a mother’s heart knows best the cruelty and depravity of this movement. I’m sorry.
You hit many familiar notes for me. It's all so tragic, this unique and constant state of loss. I hope the light shines through for you eventually.
My husband and I are on a lovely trip….in order to avoid the upcoming holiday……we are traveling with others, strangers who could be friends. I feel so detached, what do I say when people ask about my children? I can be having an ok day, enjoying what is in front of me when someone asks about my kids. Instantly transported to pain and grief….my husband, and sometimes I, hates what this has done to our lives. He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore and I get it I totally get it. I wish it weren’t on my mind all the time, but every day I wake up I remember…..😢
Poignant, touching, heartrending. Thank you for your honesty and openness. It was difficult to read because it brought back so many memories of my son who is no longer with us. My thoughts are with you and your family. I wish the very best outcome for you all. Sincerely, Frederick
I feel every single one of these points. What is striking is how similar your description is with my experiences with my son and in my family. My son was older when he decided to transition, and it felt like it came out of the blue, but there had been many years of challenges before that-depression, undiagnosed and untreated neuroatypicality etc. When this first came into my family, it was so lonely and disorienting. There was so much cultural noise (What is the root of all of this? How did we get here?) and personal noise (The pools and puddles of guilt/hope that you dip and drown in as a parent) to sort through. Hearing other people talk about like this has helped immensely. Now three years in, I know more and I understand more. I am grateful to every single person that has contributed to that-including writing like this. But, I still have moments of deep, deep emotion-the moments you described so well. Those rage, grief, fear and sorrow moments that tumble me head over heels. The reality is that the person I love is hurting the person that I love-and where can your anger go then? For a while my anger went to the institutions and organizations that are allowing this madness to float unchecked in their currents and eddies-or worse actively promoting it without counting the cost to bodies and minds. Having a place to focus my anger felt good, but, I don't want to get stuck in anger or sadness. Ultimately, I know I need to focus on the things that are in my control, in my sphere of influence-everybody's is different and I think it changes over time. I have my role as a parent of an adult, my role in the institutions that I inhabit, my role as a consumer of social and cultural artifacts-media, internet, movies and television. I can tell you that this experience has made me think more deeply about all of those roles. As much as it is painful, that is one positive thing.
My heart breaks for you and the other parents in this maelstrom. I mentor youth, and I am very aware of the currents that pull them into unhealthy directions. In my interactions with them, I do my utmost to honor and affirm their personal development in ways that do not involve gender. I cannot stop this runaway train, but I can avoid adding fuel.
"The reality is that the person I love is hurting the person I love..." Yes! Mine turned 30 this year. I've been honest with him since the beginning, ten years ago, which has caused some rifts and periods of alienation. But during a recent visit, I let it all out, and told him, "you killed my son, how am I supposed to feel?" After he left, he told me he felt unsafe at my place, so... anyway my anger will always be on the mind controllers and their expert minions. My son can not hold a job more than a few months, due to mental and physical challenges, and continually self harms. I am especially angry with his first gender affirming physician, a woman my age, who works in juvenile justice, as well as in a gender clinic, prescribing taxpayer funded opposite sex hormones to confused young adults. Maybe I will suggest to him, desisting and filing lawsuits against all of these trusted professionals who took his youth and his health.
A lot of those wild thoughts and impulsivity can be the lack of B12 and other critical nutrients. A couple weeks on a quality multivitamin might really help him calm his inner headspace and think from his frontal lobe rather than from a place of emotion.
Also, if he is into thinking and philosophizing, ask him "What is the end of man?"
https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/resource/55440/lesson-1-on-the-end-of-man
By the "end of man" we mean the purpose for which he was created: namely, to know, love, and serve God.
Any deviation from this will, in the end, lead to destruction.
The Catholic Catechism is beautiful in that it is the truth. The truth can defend itself. Get him a copy of the Catechism which explains the nature of reality explained in the Bible. He can rage against it all day long or his inner logic and reasoning (God given) will kick in and he will start to "see".
Society is designed to pull people away from the truth and the truth is that we were made to know, serve and love God. We are made to love. God made us with a particular sexual design and it produces families and the family is a microcosm of the Trinity, which is infinitely loving.
The homosexual and transgender community have had their minds warped and they do not know the answer to "What is the end of man?" therefore how could they ever come to a place of peace and rest in their mind? You cannot. You have to know your purpose. That's what fills that "I think I was born in the wrong body" gap. It isn't a gender or sex issue, it's a failure to understand his purpose as a human being. His purpose is to KNOW, SERVE and LOVE God. Part of loving God is recognizing God's design of reality and the way nature works. The Catechism is reeeeally good. I cannot recommend it enough.
"How did we get here?"
https://americanprinciplesproject.org/media/new-app-report-exposes-origins-influence-transgender-leviathan/
Yes, yes, yes. Total identification. You named some stings and rages that I, too, feel, but hadn't yet articulated. Like rage at Planned Parenthood (I used to make donations to them!), and gladness that my late mother and father never saw my daughter pretending to be a runty little man . . .
That blessed moment of waking up and thinking, even for a second, that all was right with the world? It reminds me of the weeks after my dad died after struggling for years with Alzheimers. The parallels aren't exact, of course. My dad went when it was his time, and we who survived him all felt some relief. Should my child decide to proceed with transition in some form, it won't be a death - though I understand why so many parents feel it as such. But I wonder if I will ever be able to wake up without the crush of grief and fear that is now the prelude to my coffee every day. You spoke to that so well.
Dear mama, I hope you can stay connected to your child. I hope he will find his way back to his actual authentic self, not this simulacrum. Hold fast to your love, as much as it hurts.
Oh, Mama, God Bless you - even if religion is not a part of your life. I just feel the pain of the universe in which you are living. This insidious cult is so sick. It is wrong. YOU are right. I do believe that our society has done a great job of convincing our youth, especially if they are white, that they are bad, they are racist, they are privileged - and that the only way to make it right is to become a 'minority'. To come one of the oppressed. Only then can they lead a life worthy of living. This is SO off kilter. What ARE we doing?!! Please know that you are heard.
Just befote this cukt took a hold of our daughter i got a call from her, still in college at the time. During the BLM protests... She asked if my husband's family ever had slaves? I had to remind her that her dad and his family are card carrying native Americans!
And there you have it. Point the finger, name names, guilty.
Find a way out of this ‘tainted’ connection, ….. ah, I’ll find a way to be one of the oppressed. Nowwww, I can live an ‘honest’ , ‘worthy’ life.
I'm so very sorry.
I am so sorry for what you are going through; I will keep you in my prayers; and I will continue to do what I can along with others to enable people to see the damage done by this ideology.
"dive into the trans agenda: the wrong sex hormones, the awful stereotyped wardrobe, and, in another kick in the gut, changing his name to an anime female character's." - Sounds like a middle-aged man I'm acquainted with, only he chose the wardrobe and name of a main character from The Hunger Games franchise. It's literally cringeworthy to view. He looks nothing like a woman and his chosen last name makes me feel bad for his family.
I wish I could say otherwise, but this is such a sad story.
I'm so very sorry for your family's challenges and loss.
But your family's story is very instructive for others - thanks so much for sharing it.