Note: I’m not a therapist. My parenting experience is limited to children and teens with no significant mental health issues or spectrum disorders. As a mom of a newly 18 year old son, who has been questioning his gender identity for the last twenty months, I’m no stranger to the ups and downs of this terrifying and depressing journey. My recent hobby, called “Helping My Son Accept Biological Reality,” led me both to research and rumination, and lately to an attempt of some kind of personal growth. When I randomly picked up a book at a used bookstore, titled “The Spirit of Happiness: The Monks of New Skete,” I was simply attracted to its tattered cover and soothing title. The very first chapter, however, gave me an insight into deprogramming the cult-captured teens which I haven’t encountered before.
Thank you. Well written and insightful. It is hard to not put myself on the roller coaster. Looking for every little sign of possible distance. It is a long game. Not a sprint. Thank you for sharing.
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How do you deprogram a 22 year old that has moved away. I am at such a loss! I am angry and worried and this is destroying me. I have a good relationship with my child. I am doing everything I can to keep the communication open. I do that mostly by keeping my mouth shut as there’s never seems to be enough time with him now that he’s moved away to have any conversation. Any help would be greatly appreciated from anyone that has older kids. He never displayed anything as child and I know I’m not missing the signs. This is a crazy time in our life and I just wanted to go away. I’m just waiting for the day that he will wake up! And yes, I’m still calling my male born child he. He has given us permission to do that and I’m grateful for this small win.
Same here but with a daughter. We never asked permission and still use her birth name though İ found out she has a boy name she uses socially. Her supportive 21 year old sister got into it with me over Christmas break and İ told her that her dad & i will be the ones at her sisters hospital bed to authorize to "unplug" due to her taking T. She said"so you know better than her endocrinologist?" İ said yes and asked for research. İ was shaking. İ wanted her to tattletale to her sister... Going for shock value... So far that did not do anything :(
All of yall believers or not, I LOVE YOU AND OUR CHILDREN, this is not about My daughter My fight is for all our children. Unfortunatelly no one close will stand with me. But God.
So I stand in the gap and pray for and over All the children in the world! Stay strong, they are going to need us.
Same situation here with our grown son not at home. I'm hurt and devastated by this cult's grip on him. He knows I'm not ok with it but I've agreed no talk or debate on the issue. I send him almost daily texts on light things going on like our weather, the local stores might be changing etc. I listened to many episodes of the podcast "Gender through a wider lens" and it's kind of helping. I keep looking for hope everywhere. Billboard Chris sees the spell is breaking. Elon is helping by buying Twitter and not letting our voices be suppressed. Tavistock, the gender clinic in the UK, has shut down. Finland and Sweden see the error of this. A doctor who has over 1000 trans patients is seeing an uptick in detrans people now. So to you I say keep the lines of communication open and keep it neutral so he has a place to return to if and when his eyes open to this. Maybe some of his friends will leave the cult and he'll feel he should too.
Lynn, something that religious parents often say: "you are responsible for transmission; reception is up to God." I think a similar metaphor might help you with this. You have done your job. You are still doing your job. You will continue to love your son -- that's transmission. But holding yourself responsible for his reception (and his behavior) is a recipe for disaster... for you!
Religious families whose children have walked away have the same shame and anger and fear.
But a 22 year old has to make his own choices, even major ones like turning his back on his sex or on his parents' God. The one consolation is the knowledge that you are not the same person today you were at 22 -- you grew up and matured. For some people though, the only way to learn to make good choices is to make some colossally bad ones first. When he's ready to make better ones, he's fortunate to have a mom ready to help him do so.
If you don't have an account with The Epoch Times yet, you will automatically receive another email with a link that gives you free access to read the article.
This piece actually made me feel better for the path I am taking with my son, thank you for that. I am typically wracked with guilt, and am walking a tightrope in the context of our relationship. I am aware of the consequences of just telling him outright how I feel, and I can't survive that outcome. I recently had to calm him from hysterics, telling him there is no "trans genocide"! He is really in the grips of it! I am so angry at the people who tell him to feel frightened, and persecuted for no reason. He should be living a happy, free, young life. Instead he is paranoid and terrified about non-existent things. He did listen to me, and calm down, but I'm not sure he truly believed me. I really don't understand what the appeal is of this victimhood complex, and genocide talk, when his life is good by pretty much every measure. I am determined to still be there when the delusions begin to break.
Yes, I agree with that completely. I am always amazed that he can believe such tall tales, and never look up actual stats as to how many trans people have truly died. The majority of trans deaths are related to prostitution and domestic violence. The portion of hate crimes is extremely small! It makes me realize he does enjoy being dramatic, which really sucks. I hoped he was more down to earth than that.
This is indeed very spot-on, all of this has been observed and put into practice since the existence of the Scientology Church (& Co). I would like to add to this: pack this process with 1) prolonged exposure to nature. Whether long walks along the river, playing with dogs or horses, a camping weekend... 2) Arts and music. All forms of being creative. Poetry. Dancing. Creating a flower garden. Redoing the house. Cooking, ceramics work, fabric dying... Whatever you can do and get the person to do. One of the most underestimated and most powerful healing acts for any sort of disappointment, emotional and mental breakdown is creativity, being creative.
Thanks for reminding us of nature's wisdom. As someone born intersex, nature reveals the truth of my identity and place in the world to my intuition. And Creativity expresses it - as in my public intersex journal sarisimpapers.substack.com
IIRC cult deprogramming is most successful on the downslope from the inductee's peak of euphoria. As you say, the gloss has to come off the shiny thing first, and only then will the child want to be led out of error. Past efforts to kidnap and deprogram cultists were least successful while the inductee was still in the honeymoon phase. "Rescue" and deprogramming of cultists who are ready to leave the cult has a far higher rate of success.
“instead of the focusing on the “signs of desistance” which are invariably followed by our own despair and disappointment. “
That is me!!! He is wearing less make up today?, he has taken his she/her badges off his bag?, he called me mum! (Very unusual these days) just go put the badges back on, put in more make up than ever, wearing a skirt out to dinner for the first time. Such a roller coaster.
Is transing rebellion against the sexful deplorable places humans have taken sexuality? Like finding a new low? Proving that hell is indeed bottomless? That hell can always be made worse? Transing is the new way to rebel against what we have created and allowed? God help us all!
I would agree. I am reminded of something my husband points out from time to time: vice is easier than virtue, but it is less creative. Its easier to go down a mountain than up (although you have to watch your feet more on the way down because the momentum can lead you to slip.) Hell can always be made worse, but its the same playbook over and over. Acts of virtue, no matter how hard, resonate with life, light, and originality. Virtue takes us forward (the true "progress".)
yes, we all know it is way easier to destroy something than to build or create something. America was very hard to get to where we are today, destroying it is going pretty fast comparatively speaking.
For many, trans is all about sexuality and it's used to feed fantasies. So I don't think it's really rebellion against sexuality - I think it's just looking for the next "exciting" thing to continue to create euphoria.
Also we are at an over all low in young people having sex and I know several young adults under 30 who claim virgin hood. Marriage at an all time low Young people swim in an ocean of pornography and way worse. And this trans movement. It’s all related.
There is nothing wrong with recognizing or celebrating autistic people. Your insistence on conflating this with the trans issue is just ridiculous.
Do you have a trans identifying child? If not, please consider moving on from this substack. Your comments do more harm than good to those of us in the thick of it.
She mentions that there are Millions of children in this trafficking business. She metions a garbage bag as a suitcase. She mentions MK, she mentions, so many horrible truths that they dont want exposed.
With all respect, I think you're misunderstanding a few things. Unfortunately, both issues ARE connected because there is an overwhelming percentage of autistic youth being seduced into the trans cult. Why is that so? For once, autism is still something that neither professionals let alone "the common people" understand fully and correctly. Example: Chloe Cole, who was correctly diagnosed only AFTER having to go through a myriad of other diagnoses, among them "being trans". Especially in girls and women autism often is not recognized – but these girls and women KNOW inherently that they are, often profoundly, different from their peers. And when you know that, as a young person, you will hold on to every straw that presents itself as *the answer* to not only all your questions, but all your problems and suffering. Another reason why autism often is not recognized is that it is still VERY stigmatized. Many, very many females will rather "diagnose" themselves as "HSP" (Highly Sensitive Person) or other, medically not always accepted concepts – including trans, and this has been moved into medical acceptance although it doesn't belong there, but because of this it is so easy for someone to grab this "explanation". In this aspect, we find strong correlations with homosexuality which, although seemingly "accepted" nowadays in many countries, actually is just barely tolerated. But the deep seated rejection is still there, in the psyche of many people, it just had moved to a quieter place in the minds. But this is an entire discussion topic for itself. So, these two issues ARE "conflated", whether you like it or not.
Yes, I have observed that too, already years ago I have connected these two dots when there was a discussion about a meme that showed an adult male dressed "trans identified" and talking about his desire to be seen as an object, to be *abused*. This, in my opinion, points to a psychological aspect in both male and female "transgender" persons that to me is as obvious as daylight, the same wound causing 2 differing reactional patterns.
She didn't say there is anything wrong with recognizing them. The issue is celebrating and making a huge deal of it instead of just recognizing them as another normal human being. They should be treated like we would treat anyone else. Not turned into a sideshow. This is the issue with Pride parades.
Oh my!... I never really know what to think of this kind of thing... my gutt reaction is strong dislike. For me personally, this, like "Pride", kind of goes quite against the actual thing we want as autistic people, and/or gay people: to be just an accepted member of society. To simply be seen as just another kid at school, neighbour, coworker. Sure, there needs to be more education in many ways, there are still a lot of myths around. But this kind of event... it's more like a promotion event. But a promotion for who? That said, however, many people participate with just this intent, so I don't want to disrespect that... 🤷🏻♀️🙏🏼
Thank you for this thoughtful and gentle article.
Thank you. Well written and insightful. It is hard to not put myself on the roller coaster. Looking for every little sign of possible distance. It is a long game. Not a sprint. Thank you for sharing.
And one more, Good night and God Bless. US ALL! Mountains Are moving have faith. Stay strong Our chikdren and adults are going to need us.
https://www.theepochtimes.com/stephanie-winn-the-trans-industry-is-creating-a-sterilized-generation-and-medical-patients-for-life_5070804.html?utm_source=share-btn-copylink
Since When Do Teachers Have An Urge to kill your children! Hmmm
Transgender Teacher Fired After Allegedly Threatening to Shoot Students https://www.theepochtimes.com/transgender-teacher-fired-after-allegedly-threatening-to-shoot-students_5198180.html?utm_source=ref_share&utm_campaign=navigator&rs=SHRCVJXXW&
Praise God for your witness to His glory!
Free Watch Party Today on Epoch Times!
https://www.theepochtimes.com/the-medical-profession-has-been-destroyed-dr-richard-amerling-on-following-the-guidelines-research-malpractice-and-the-medical-school-paradigm_4822549.html?utm_source=ref_share&utm_campaign=web-cc-epochtv&utm_content=x&rs=SHRCVJXXW&
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How do you deprogram a 22 year old that has moved away. I am at such a loss! I am angry and worried and this is destroying me. I have a good relationship with my child. I am doing everything I can to keep the communication open. I do that mostly by keeping my mouth shut as there’s never seems to be enough time with him now that he’s moved away to have any conversation. Any help would be greatly appreciated from anyone that has older kids. He never displayed anything as child and I know I’m not missing the signs. This is a crazy time in our life and I just wanted to go away. I’m just waiting for the day that he will wake up! And yes, I’m still calling my male born child he. He has given us permission to do that and I’m grateful for this small win.
Same here but with a daughter. We never asked permission and still use her birth name though İ found out she has a boy name she uses socially. Her supportive 21 year old sister got into it with me over Christmas break and İ told her that her dad & i will be the ones at her sisters hospital bed to authorize to "unplug" due to her taking T. She said"so you know better than her endocrinologist?" İ said yes and asked for research. İ was shaking. İ wanted her to tattletale to her sister... Going for shock value... So far that did not do anything :(
I feel your Pain Deeply.
All of yall believers or not, I LOVE YOU AND OUR CHILDREN, this is not about My daughter My fight is for all our children. Unfortunatelly no one close will stand with me. But God.
So I stand in the gap and pray for and over All the children in the world! Stay strong, they are going to need us.
☹️
Same situation here with our grown son not at home. I'm hurt and devastated by this cult's grip on him. He knows I'm not ok with it but I've agreed no talk or debate on the issue. I send him almost daily texts on light things going on like our weather, the local stores might be changing etc. I listened to many episodes of the podcast "Gender through a wider lens" and it's kind of helping. I keep looking for hope everywhere. Billboard Chris sees the spell is breaking. Elon is helping by buying Twitter and not letting our voices be suppressed. Tavistock, the gender clinic in the UK, has shut down. Finland and Sweden see the error of this. A doctor who has over 1000 trans patients is seeing an uptick in detrans people now. So to you I say keep the lines of communication open and keep it neutral so he has a place to return to if and when his eyes open to this. Maybe some of his friends will leave the cult and he'll feel he should too.
Lynn, something that religious parents often say: "you are responsible for transmission; reception is up to God." I think a similar metaphor might help you with this. You have done your job. You are still doing your job. You will continue to love your son -- that's transmission. But holding yourself responsible for his reception (and his behavior) is a recipe for disaster... for you!
Religious families whose children have walked away have the same shame and anger and fear.
But a 22 year old has to make his own choices, even major ones like turning his back on his sex or on his parents' God. The one consolation is the knowledge that you are not the same person today you were at 22 -- you grew up and matured. For some people though, the only way to learn to make good choices is to make some colossally bad ones first. When he's ready to make better ones, he's fortunate to have a mom ready to help him do so.
Thank you. Your words are kind and thoughtful.
Think they Dont Create Autism,
Elon Musk in Interview With Tucker Carlson Warns AI Could Cause ‘Civilizational Destruction’
Read more:
https://www.theepochtimes.com/ai-could-cause-civilizational-destruction-musk-warns_5195736.html?utm_source=ref_share&utm_campaign=web-cc-eet&utm_content=x&rs=SHRCVJXXW&
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THE STORY OF THE DAY! FROM THE EPOCH TIMES!
Elon Musk Speaks Out Against Child Sex Changes https://www.theepochtimes.com/musk-recommends-life-in-prison-for-parents-who-sterilize-children_5194967.html?utm_source=ref_share&utm_campaign=navigator&rs=SHRCVJXXW&
This piece actually made me feel better for the path I am taking with my son, thank you for that. I am typically wracked with guilt, and am walking a tightrope in the context of our relationship. I am aware of the consequences of just telling him outright how I feel, and I can't survive that outcome. I recently had to calm him from hysterics, telling him there is no "trans genocide"! He is really in the grips of it! I am so angry at the people who tell him to feel frightened, and persecuted for no reason. He should be living a happy, free, young life. Instead he is paranoid and terrified about non-existent things. He did listen to me, and calm down, but I'm not sure he truly believed me. I really don't understand what the appeal is of this victimhood complex, and genocide talk, when his life is good by pretty much every measure. I am determined to still be there when the delusions begin to break.
They have to give them something to be angry about. Something that will make them want to fight. To be an activist. To eventually be militant.
Yes, I agree with that completely. I am always amazed that he can believe such tall tales, and never look up actual stats as to how many trans people have truly died. The majority of trans deaths are related to prostitution and domestic violence. The portion of hate crimes is extremely small! It makes me realize he does enjoy being dramatic, which really sucks. I hoped he was more down to earth than that.
He probably was before the cult got him. They get them all riled up. Everything they tell them is so over the top.
It's a genocide!
You're gonna commit suicide!
This is indeed very spot-on, all of this has been observed and put into practice since the existence of the Scientology Church (& Co). I would like to add to this: pack this process with 1) prolonged exposure to nature. Whether long walks along the river, playing with dogs or horses, a camping weekend... 2) Arts and music. All forms of being creative. Poetry. Dancing. Creating a flower garden. Redoing the house. Cooking, ceramics work, fabric dying... Whatever you can do and get the person to do. One of the most underestimated and most powerful healing acts for any sort of disappointment, emotional and mental breakdown is creativity, being creative.
Thanks for reminding us of nature's wisdom. As someone born intersex, nature reveals the truth of my identity and place in the world to my intuition. And Creativity expresses it - as in my public intersex journal sarisimpapers.substack.com
❤️
Mirrium Grossman's webpage link has AMMO! Share Please
https://www.miriamgrossmanmd.com/
Interview with Dr. Jordan Peterson
https://youtu.be/Su2Z4_iQHz4
IIRC cult deprogramming is most successful on the downslope from the inductee's peak of euphoria. As you say, the gloss has to come off the shiny thing first, and only then will the child want to be led out of error. Past efforts to kidnap and deprogram cultists were least successful while the inductee was still in the honeymoon phase. "Rescue" and deprogramming of cultists who are ready to leave the cult has a far higher rate of success.
“instead of the focusing on the “signs of desistance” which are invariably followed by our own despair and disappointment. “
That is me!!! He is wearing less make up today?, he has taken his she/her badges off his bag?, he called me mum! (Very unusual these days) just go put the badges back on, put in more make up than ever, wearing a skirt out to dinner for the first time. Such a roller coaster.
Is transing rebellion against the sexful deplorable places humans have taken sexuality? Like finding a new low? Proving that hell is indeed bottomless? That hell can always be made worse? Transing is the new way to rebel against what we have created and allowed? God help us all!
I would agree. I am reminded of something my husband points out from time to time: vice is easier than virtue, but it is less creative. Its easier to go down a mountain than up (although you have to watch your feet more on the way down because the momentum can lead you to slip.) Hell can always be made worse, but its the same playbook over and over. Acts of virtue, no matter how hard, resonate with life, light, and originality. Virtue takes us forward (the true "progress".)
yes, we all know it is way easier to destroy something than to build or create something. America was very hard to get to where we are today, destroying it is going pretty fast comparatively speaking.
For many, trans is all about sexuality and it's used to feed fantasies. So I don't think it's really rebellion against sexuality - I think it's just looking for the next "exciting" thing to continue to create euphoria.
Yes. And isn’t that what’s all about? The next thing needed to satisfy my dopamine fix at some point in time?
Also we are at an over all low in young people having sex and I know several young adults under 30 who claim virgin hood. Marriage at an all time low Young people swim in an ocean of pornography and way worse. And this trans movement. It’s all related.
I think that it has a great deal to do with a life largely mediated through screens rather than experienced face-to-face, yes.
Is it a coincidence That We Celebrate Autism. HOW much more will we take!
https://www.fox44news.com/news/local-news/coryell-county/cove-isd-to-host-annual-autism-awareness-walk/?email=89930add1905c0f5095ee951400c5a9e57f4b07a&emaila=fc9a0956b7c38b8fd0a44c7ae7d76661&emailb=f9c4d6682f437529567ac956ba5fc24d4e88541645b4c779114d488eaf6fc268&utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Curated%20Daily%20News%202023-04-14
There is nothing wrong with recognizing or celebrating autistic people. Your insistence on conflating this with the trans issue is just ridiculous.
Do you have a trans identifying child? If not, please consider moving on from this substack. Your comments do more harm than good to those of us in the thick of it.
Again, need more proff?
https://www.theepochtimes.com/in-depth-experts-link-transgender-ideology-to-elevated-risk-of-violent-radicalization_5204395.html
More Facts!
IN-DEPTH: Researchers Find Explosion of Youth Gender Dysphoria Over the Last Decade https://www.theepochtimes.com/researchers-find-explosion-of-youth-gender-dysphoria-over-the-last-decade_5180193.html?utm_source=ref_share&utm_campaign=navigator&rs=SHRCVJXXW&
Try this one, Maybe you will see the dots!
https://frankspeech.com/video/stew-peters-show-joined-ally-carter-trafficking-rape-victim
She mentions that there are Millions of children in this trafficking business. She metions a garbage bag as a suitcase. She mentions MK, she mentions, so many horrible truths that they dont want exposed.
With all respect, I think you're misunderstanding a few things. Unfortunately, both issues ARE connected because there is an overwhelming percentage of autistic youth being seduced into the trans cult. Why is that so? For once, autism is still something that neither professionals let alone "the common people" understand fully and correctly. Example: Chloe Cole, who was correctly diagnosed only AFTER having to go through a myriad of other diagnoses, among them "being trans". Especially in girls and women autism often is not recognized – but these girls and women KNOW inherently that they are, often profoundly, different from their peers. And when you know that, as a young person, you will hold on to every straw that presents itself as *the answer* to not only all your questions, but all your problems and suffering. Another reason why autism often is not recognized is that it is still VERY stigmatized. Many, very many females will rather "diagnose" themselves as "HSP" (Highly Sensitive Person) or other, medically not always accepted concepts – including trans, and this has been moved into medical acceptance although it doesn't belong there, but because of this it is so easy for someone to grab this "explanation". In this aspect, we find strong correlations with homosexuality which, although seemingly "accepted" nowadays in many countries, actually is just barely tolerated. But the deep seated rejection is still there, in the psyche of many people, it just had moved to a quieter place in the minds. But this is an entire discussion topic for itself. So, these two issues ARE "conflated", whether you like it or not.
Could it be That these children have an intelligence that exceeds all their peers?
Another coincidence?
I think Not.
Even if you might not know about it, another coincidence in Many cases is underlying SEXUAL ABUSE!
BUT no one wants to connect that Dot!
Yes, I have observed that too, already years ago I have connected these two dots when there was a discussion about a meme that showed an adult male dressed "trans identified" and talking about his desire to be seen as an object, to be *abused*. This, in my opinion, points to a psychological aspect in both male and female "transgender" persons that to me is as obvious as daylight, the same wound causing 2 differing reactional patterns.
She didn't say there is anything wrong with recognizing them. The issue is celebrating and making a huge deal of it instead of just recognizing them as another normal human being. They should be treated like we would treat anyone else. Not turned into a sideshow. This is the issue with Pride parades.
When was the last time you researched this topic?
Look at the numbers because 2+2=4
Lillian, God bless you for speaking truth and honoring Him! I just read your story you had posted and will keep you and Mia in prayer.
God is Sovereign!
Yes He Is and in Control.
I am His vessel, broken a million times, and a million times He put me back together. Something this world tried but failed ME EVERY TIME!
Since you're so knowlageable, Did YOU READ EVERY STORY!
HERES MINE in case you missed it!
https://open.substack.com/pub/pitt/p/tick-tick-boom?utm_source=direct&r=1jpqjs&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Hmmm Well. I dont argue with fools
Oh my!... I never really know what to think of this kind of thing... my gutt reaction is strong dislike. For me personally, this, like "Pride", kind of goes quite against the actual thing we want as autistic people, and/or gay people: to be just an accepted member of society. To simply be seen as just another kid at school, neighbour, coworker. Sure, there needs to be more education in many ways, there are still a lot of myths around. But this kind of event... it's more like a promotion event. But a promotion for who? That said, however, many people participate with just this intent, so I don't want to disrespect that... 🤷🏻♀️🙏🏼