I realized after spending two years of my life being turned upside down by my son declaring he was “trans” that I’m not ok. I’ve spent all my time reading and listening to everything I could get my hands on to educate myself. I did not believe my son was “trans” but I wanted to verify this belief. I found an abundance of proof but I also realized that there were people actually pushing the trans narrative for profit. These people are so engrossed in their ideology that they really did not care that they were harming children. Not just my own but thousands of children. Once you know, you cannot look away or unlearn.
What you went through after learning your son's identity has a few names. According to Positive Disintegration Theory, you experienced a disintegration and it sounds like yours might be of the positive variety! The anomie (what happens when a person's foundational beliefs are shattered and they lose their guidance system) is a common experience that accompanies disintegration and has the power to transform a person into a more aligned version of themselves with a strong inner compass. May more parents rise from the ashes to model this for our children! The world is better with you in it--and your kid needs you. Glad you made it. <3 https://stoicmom.substack.com/p/testimony-and-confessions?s=w
Are you me? 💜 3yrs in and I thought we had reached a comfortable plateau but in reality it's just me trying desperately not to rock the boat or say anything too attacking but today all sorts of upset came out from unrelated upset.....an outpouring at my 13yr old and her binder and the damage physically and mentally and I realise I am not OK either.
This came to my mailbox at the perfect time. I am on vacation. So I am going to put "the gender war" on the back burner for a few days. Please take care of yourself.
Thank you so very much, you have encouraged me. Please do remember that you are not alone in this journey. In writing this wonderful article you have helped countless other parents, grandparents, family members and loving friends. Someday the world will wake up and see what has been perpetrated upon these children, young people and vulnerable people and those of us who love them. Speaking out, you have helped our cause. Prayers are being prayed, and please do take care of yourself.
So much of this sounds familiar. In my family’s case, it is my brother who has fallen down the rabbit hole, and he is an adult so the prevailing view seems to be no matter how vulnerable and easily influenced he may be, he is an adult and can do what he likes. Well yes he can, but he is still being let down by the same affirmation-only policy that is applied to children, and pushed along by the same ideology that has aligned itself with (in his view) the political ‘good guys’. My mother is heartbroken and elderly, my siblings and I are all at odds over it. It is painful to have memories of childhood when he was just him and not the stranger who has inserted themselves in our lives. I want my brother back.
Thank you so much for posting your story. It sounds like exactly what I have been through with my daughter. I just want the gender ideology to go away . It damages children, young adults and families. My daughter has autism and so called "friends " were pushing her into this. I also have become aware that her school were teaching gender ideology and outside organisations coming in to talk about "being in the wrong body " and all the different genders and flags. So disturbing. Also this ideology tramples on wonens rights and I regularly meet up with women to fight this ideology. I know I have to speak out now to protect women and children's rights. I have met some amazing women in the group I go to. I feel more empowered with the other women who are understanding and supportive. They understand what I'm going through and know how harmful this ideology is. We have to be strong, speak out when possible. People are waking up now and this gives me hope.
It has been 5 year since this concept hijacked my world. I am negative all the time, quick to fly off the handle, and just want to punch something all the time (I'm 115lb., 55 yo mom) Everything angers me. I was never like this before. I realize that my daughter may never grow out of this and that I can't spend the rest of my life holding my breath in hopes she does. I know that my husband is tired of my attitude and snarky remarks. Essentially I am "allowing" this to ruin whatever time I have left but I can't let it go though.
I've been so not ok, too. Thank you for sharing this and for inspiring us all to get through it. So that we can help our children and because we deserve to be happy and healthy, too.
I also feel I could have written this. I was a wreck and it took years for me to get better. I like the description of “sexual genocide” because that’s what’s happening. Way too many don’t understand until it hits home.
So many reasons to love this!! Becoming the change that we want to see in our children is essential to our own growth and the main tenet of my coaching moms of ROGD kids. Kudos to you mama!!
Your story is so familiar. I’ve only been thrust into this upside down world for a couple of months, but it feels like years. I’ve read everything I can, watched videos, called authors of papers I admire, hunted and hunted for a therapist who doesn’t say “do you want a live son or a dead daughter?” I want curtain #3… A LIVE DAUGHTER! But I am also seeing more parents like this group who are getting stronger and learning more. Caring for ourselves has to be on the list of priorities. Thank you for sharing!!!
I am at the 1.5 years mark of perseverance on the unfairness of what’s happening to our youth snd my daughter. It is so hard to find s balance without ferling as if I’m abandoning g the fight. Unfortunately, my daughter has suffered ( adding to the already existing body dysphoria) by watching me stay in this funk.
100% agree with you! I have been feeling this same way for the past few weeks. I am also trying to find myself again and be happy to help my son. I’m trying to not look too much into this trans/gender ideology because it changes my mood. When I do, I become depressed and don’t want to do anything. I can’t let this ruin me or my family. I pray for all of us. One day this will all come down, hopefully soon and hopefully our kids won’t be badly affected as some kids have already been.
What you went through after learning your son's identity has a few names. According to Positive Disintegration Theory, you experienced a disintegration and it sounds like yours might be of the positive variety! The anomie (what happens when a person's foundational beliefs are shattered and they lose their guidance system) is a common experience that accompanies disintegration and has the power to transform a person into a more aligned version of themselves with a strong inner compass. May more parents rise from the ashes to model this for our children! The world is better with you in it--and your kid needs you. Glad you made it. <3 https://stoicmom.substack.com/p/testimony-and-confessions?s=w
I desperately needed to read this today. Thank you for sharing! Hugs to you from OR!!
Are you me? 💜 3yrs in and I thought we had reached a comfortable plateau but in reality it's just me trying desperately not to rock the boat or say anything too attacking but today all sorts of upset came out from unrelated upset.....an outpouring at my 13yr old and her binder and the damage physically and mentally and I realise I am not OK either.
This came to my mailbox at the perfect time. I am on vacation. So I am going to put "the gender war" on the back burner for a few days. Please take care of yourself.
Thank you so very much, you have encouraged me. Please do remember that you are not alone in this journey. In writing this wonderful article you have helped countless other parents, grandparents, family members and loving friends. Someday the world will wake up and see what has been perpetrated upon these children, young people and vulnerable people and those of us who love them. Speaking out, you have helped our cause. Prayers are being prayed, and please do take care of yourself.
So much of this sounds familiar. In my family’s case, it is my brother who has fallen down the rabbit hole, and he is an adult so the prevailing view seems to be no matter how vulnerable and easily influenced he may be, he is an adult and can do what he likes. Well yes he can, but he is still being let down by the same affirmation-only policy that is applied to children, and pushed along by the same ideology that has aligned itself with (in his view) the political ‘good guys’. My mother is heartbroken and elderly, my siblings and I are all at odds over it. It is painful to have memories of childhood when he was just him and not the stranger who has inserted themselves in our lives. I want my brother back.
Thank you so much for posting your story. It sounds like exactly what I have been through with my daughter. I just want the gender ideology to go away . It damages children, young adults and families. My daughter has autism and so called "friends " were pushing her into this. I also have become aware that her school were teaching gender ideology and outside organisations coming in to talk about "being in the wrong body " and all the different genders and flags. So disturbing. Also this ideology tramples on wonens rights and I regularly meet up with women to fight this ideology. I know I have to speak out now to protect women and children's rights. I have met some amazing women in the group I go to. I feel more empowered with the other women who are understanding and supportive. They understand what I'm going through and know how harmful this ideology is. We have to be strong, speak out when possible. People are waking up now and this gives me hope.
It has been 5 year since this concept hijacked my world. I am negative all the time, quick to fly off the handle, and just want to punch something all the time (I'm 115lb., 55 yo mom) Everything angers me. I was never like this before. I realize that my daughter may never grow out of this and that I can't spend the rest of my life holding my breath in hopes she does. I know that my husband is tired of my attitude and snarky remarks. Essentially I am "allowing" this to ruin whatever time I have left but I can't let it go though.
I've been so not ok, too. Thank you for sharing this and for inspiring us all to get through it. So that we can help our children and because we deserve to be happy and healthy, too.
I also feel I could have written this. I was a wreck and it took years for me to get better. I like the description of “sexual genocide” because that’s what’s happening. Way too many don’t understand until it hits home.
Thank you for not giving up. The plan of the enemy is that parents do. Always follow the money. https://thefederalist.com/2018/02/20/rich-white-men-institutionalizing-transgender-ideology/
So many reasons to love this!! Becoming the change that we want to see in our children is essential to our own growth and the main tenet of my coaching moms of ROGD kids. Kudos to you mama!!
I love this!
Your story is so familiar. I’ve only been thrust into this upside down world for a couple of months, but it feels like years. I’ve read everything I can, watched videos, called authors of papers I admire, hunted and hunted for a therapist who doesn’t say “do you want a live son or a dead daughter?” I want curtain #3… A LIVE DAUGHTER! But I am also seeing more parents like this group who are getting stronger and learning more. Caring for ourselves has to be on the list of priorities. Thank you for sharing!!!
I am at the 1.5 years mark of perseverance on the unfairness of what’s happening to our youth snd my daughter. It is so hard to find s balance without ferling as if I’m abandoning g the fight. Unfortunately, my daughter has suffered ( adding to the already existing body dysphoria) by watching me stay in this funk.
100% agree with you! I have been feeling this same way for the past few weeks. I am also trying to find myself again and be happy to help my son. I’m trying to not look too much into this trans/gender ideology because it changes my mood. When I do, I become depressed and don’t want to do anything. I can’t let this ruin me or my family. I pray for all of us. One day this will all come down, hopefully soon and hopefully our kids won’t be badly affected as some kids have already been.