This is so sad. I’m sorry. 😞 I face this as well but it’s in my own home (my step daughter’s best friend is trans and lives with us) and in my immediate family (my son is trans and estranged from me). It’s the most horrible pain and separation I’ve ever felt. I’m unwell over it and it’s all for the sake of a fantasy people believe is true - that someone can be born the “wrong” sex.
I am a transgender man. I'm not going to debate you about the validity of my identity, because I doubt I can change your mind that somehow chromosomal DNA is the only identifier of sex (when, after gestation, the genes within the X and Y that relate to sex are not really expressed, and controlled by hormones). Still, I wonder why you all don't particularly think about us. Is it because you believe us to be women, and women to not be important to talk about? The truth is, I've had what you would call a "sex change". I have a penis, and that penis is capable of sexual penetration. Not that I ever would, but I have the same ability to commit sexual assault as a cis man. Do you want me in your women's restrooms? By passing laws forcing people into their "restrooms assigned at birth", you would put me in the stall next to you or the locker room, with a beard, broad shoulders, higher muscle mass, and a penis. Even if you argue that I am somehow still a woman because of my chromosomal DNA (that, again, is not currently being accessed by my body in any way), how would that functionally be any different than a cis man in the stall? If you don't want men in women's spaces, why do you advocate for laws that would remove people who really pose much less of a threat due to HRT decreasing muscle mass and even ability to achieve an erection, only to replace them with those that do? If the idea is that women don't want to see penises, you would see mine. If the idea is that men are more likely to assault you, how would a trans woman that has been functionally nerfed as a "man" pose more of a threat than someone like me?
I forget if it was Kara or Helen who pointed it out, but in any analogy that attempts to compare trans rights to civil rights, its the women who are the blacks.
If it is coercion to force someone else's beliefs upon you, it is also coercion for you to force your beliefs upon others. You are not the supreme being who is always right, and people with differing views are always wrong. Trans persons are a fact of life. If you are obsessed about genitalia being in the wrong space, in your opinion; then find common cause with other human beings to get a third, gender neutral bathroom, in places next to men and women ones. Public buildings, schools, anywhere there are separate men or women bathrooms, not just one bathroom for all. If you are as passionate about finding a common solution as you are about never sharing public bathrooms with trans persons, that is one solution. Human beings who believe their genitals do not reflect their true gender deserve dignity, not shaming. Trans people are not a modern fad. They are not that way because they were "groomed". It is a real condition.
Are you sitting down Rain. Make sure you're sitting down. I'm not kidding. Sit down before you read any further. The number one reason that men dress like women is because it gives them a big fat... Wait, I'm being crude It causes arousal. Am i setting off your BS detector?? This should come as just as much as shock to you as if I just told you that some men get off on looking at pictures of women's feet. If you want to convince me that transvestites are people too, I'm all ears. But no you want to convince me that transvestites are actually women on the inside in every way that matters to which all I have to say is pull the other leg it's got bells on it
I was upset when Trump was elected - but ONE good thing that is happening is that the mainstream media is being forced to cover the Trans Issues more and more. And the pro Trans propaganda is starting to be challenged more and more with DeTransition lawsuits getting coverage as well. I see the public opinion will inevitably shift away from the madness. Hopefully within the next 4 years! But as Helen Joyce has mentioned many times in interviews - parents of Trans ID kids will be the last to give up on Gender Idiotology - because to admit it AFTER their child has had irreparable physical/mental/emotional harm done to them - may be too large an assault on their psyches. They would be unable to accept that their gullible and naive support coerced by fear-mongering healthcare practitioners led to horrific circumstances. It is truly a sad state of affairs for all.
Needless to say - whether these parents wake up from the Pink Fog of their own accord or not - once the public wakes up - these parents will be on the chopping block of Public opinion which is getting more and more brutal every day regarding every popular public opinion.
My situation is not as bad as many, but our adult sons, neither of whom are trans, are nonetheless politically and emotionally opposed on this issue. They have been alienated from each other for years. Just recently, they have - thank heavens - buried the hatchet.
To push back against the "this is no different than racial segregation" argument: there is no place where forced racial segregation is valid or right. Racial separation is totally different in that there are numerous valid reasons for separating sexes. Also women of any color, race, religion, sexuality, age (etc.) are allowed in women-only spaces.
Great piece! I love this. Thank you. That sounds like a really hard situation. Clearly, you really care about these friends and want to maintain a friendship, but one based on honesty and biological reality. They have moved in the opposite direction regarding biological reality, as so many have nowadays.
They're also probably caught between hanging onto reality, and a son who might be having a fit or threatening no contact if they ever question his "identity."
I am just beginning to talk with people around me about sex-role identity (gender identity), with mixed success. One thing I've been telling people, as gently and with as much compassion, yet confidence and conviction in my voice as I can, is that "I refer to people by their biology." They can't argue with that, because it shares that those are the words I choose to have come out of my mouth.* It has grounded a few conversations in reality. One mother teared up, and said she felt relieved to hear that, because her daughter had bullied her and her husband to much to use wrong-sex pronouns. But she started using female pronouns in our conversation, and refer to her daughter as such, partly because it's too difficult to converse if one person is using accurate language, and the other is using inaccurate language.
*If they do argue or call me "transphobic," I tell them "I refer to people by their biology because I'm not willing to gaslight myself or other people." And that using wrong-sex pronouns is bio-phobic and sexist. And that bio-phobia is an irrational fear of nature, including of one's own biological sex.
I also tell people it's not ok for males to use female bathrooms (except for little boys with their mom, for safety) because it's sexist, male entitlement. When someone tries to accuse me of bigotry, I point out that what they're advocating is sexism.
Women around the world have fought darn hard to have women's out houses and then bathrooms, in order to have access to the workplace, jobs, business districts, school, college, government halls of power, and other public spaces. We aren't about to start letting men in and taking them over, pushing us out.
If anyone asks where the proof is that men are dangerous to us in our spaces, I open up TerfIsASlur.com, and Reduxx on my phone for them.
Your essay is powerful, because it bolsters our courage to speak up as you did, and gives us practical ideas about how to navigate such conversations and relationships. We need more such sharing of specifics, because these situations are darn hard, and we all face them eventually.
We have always had delusional people, but we did not think we were helping them by going along with their delusions. Maybe we humored them, but we did not change societal norms to accommodate their delusions.
Very well said and done. Perhaps we need a Terfgiving Day where we appreciate all that Terfs do for our women and children knowing they/we will be hated by many for it. 🤗
In times when lies are rampant, saying the truth is a heroic act.
Expect to be vilified and ghosted at first and when Lisa wakes up to the reality that he indeed is Paul, you might be the one they ask for help to sort it out.
Unfortunately that conversation WAS inevitable. I’d personally have a very hard time maintaining a relationship with any family who expected my belief in two sexes/genders to become subservient to their belief. I feel like I’d be able to refer to their child by whatever name he/she chose, but I wouldn’t be able to use that kid’s preferred pronouns, or allow a biologically male kid in the bathroom with my daughter.
Your belief in the binary of sex is supported by billions of years of evolution! Your belief is fact. Their belief is based on a house of cards ..on “ feelings” , which is why they get so angry when you counter their claims that sex is a “spectrum “,. Deep down they know they’re wrong. Ask them if they had parents…one male and one female.
Good for you. Even though attempts to bridge the ideological divide on this issue don't work, at least in the short run, it's still worth it to express yourself in the compassionate, forthright way that you've done here. Some day your friends might change their opinion on the trans issue, and you'll be glad that you didn't burn your bridges. You'll be glad anyway, because you took the high ground and told them the truth without malice.
What an utterly narcissistic fucking tool you are.
This is so sad. I’m sorry. 😞 I face this as well but it’s in my own home (my step daughter’s best friend is trans and lives with us) and in my immediate family (my son is trans and estranged from me). It’s the most horrible pain and separation I’ve ever felt. I’m unwell over it and it’s all for the sake of a fantasy people believe is true - that someone can be born the “wrong” sex.
I am a transgender man. I'm not going to debate you about the validity of my identity, because I doubt I can change your mind that somehow chromosomal DNA is the only identifier of sex (when, after gestation, the genes within the X and Y that relate to sex are not really expressed, and controlled by hormones). Still, I wonder why you all don't particularly think about us. Is it because you believe us to be women, and women to not be important to talk about? The truth is, I've had what you would call a "sex change". I have a penis, and that penis is capable of sexual penetration. Not that I ever would, but I have the same ability to commit sexual assault as a cis man. Do you want me in your women's restrooms? By passing laws forcing people into their "restrooms assigned at birth", you would put me in the stall next to you or the locker room, with a beard, broad shoulders, higher muscle mass, and a penis. Even if you argue that I am somehow still a woman because of my chromosomal DNA (that, again, is not currently being accessed by my body in any way), how would that functionally be any different than a cis man in the stall? If you don't want men in women's spaces, why do you advocate for laws that would remove people who really pose much less of a threat due to HRT decreasing muscle mass and even ability to achieve an erection, only to replace them with those that do? If the idea is that women don't want to see penises, you would see mine. If the idea is that men are more likely to assault you, how would a trans woman that has been functionally nerfed as a "man" pose more of a threat than someone like me?
I forget if it was Kara or Helen who pointed it out, but in any analogy that attempts to compare trans rights to civil rights, its the women who are the blacks.
If it is coercion to force someone else's beliefs upon you, it is also coercion for you to force your beliefs upon others. You are not the supreme being who is always right, and people with differing views are always wrong. Trans persons are a fact of life. If you are obsessed about genitalia being in the wrong space, in your opinion; then find common cause with other human beings to get a third, gender neutral bathroom, in places next to men and women ones. Public buildings, schools, anywhere there are separate men or women bathrooms, not just one bathroom for all. If you are as passionate about finding a common solution as you are about never sharing public bathrooms with trans persons, that is one solution. Human beings who believe their genitals do not reflect their true gender deserve dignity, not shaming. Trans people are not a modern fad. They are not that way because they were "groomed". It is a real condition.
Are you sitting down Rain. Make sure you're sitting down. I'm not kidding. Sit down before you read any further. The number one reason that men dress like women is because it gives them a big fat... Wait, I'm being crude It causes arousal. Am i setting off your BS detector?? This should come as just as much as shock to you as if I just told you that some men get off on looking at pictures of women's feet. If you want to convince me that transvestites are people too, I'm all ears. But no you want to convince me that transvestites are actually women on the inside in every way that matters to which all I have to say is pull the other leg it's got bells on it
SMFH
https://kingrayvet.substack.com/p/trans-and-the-bathroom-issue
I was upset when Trump was elected - but ONE good thing that is happening is that the mainstream media is being forced to cover the Trans Issues more and more. And the pro Trans propaganda is starting to be challenged more and more with DeTransition lawsuits getting coverage as well. I see the public opinion will inevitably shift away from the madness. Hopefully within the next 4 years! But as Helen Joyce has mentioned many times in interviews - parents of Trans ID kids will be the last to give up on Gender Idiotology - because to admit it AFTER their child has had irreparable physical/mental/emotional harm done to them - may be too large an assault on their psyches. They would be unable to accept that their gullible and naive support coerced by fear-mongering healthcare practitioners led to horrific circumstances. It is truly a sad state of affairs for all.
Needless to say - whether these parents wake up from the Pink Fog of their own accord or not - once the public wakes up - these parents will be on the chopping block of Public opinion which is getting more and more brutal every day regarding every popular public opinion.
My situation is not as bad as many, but our adult sons, neither of whom are trans, are nonetheless politically and emotionally opposed on this issue. They have been alienated from each other for years. Just recently, they have - thank heavens - buried the hatchet.
P.S. Libertarian here; no Democrat or traditional Republican!
To push back against the "this is no different than racial segregation" argument: there is no place where forced racial segregation is valid or right. Racial separation is totally different in that there are numerous valid reasons for separating sexes. Also women of any color, race, religion, sexuality, age (etc.) are allowed in women-only spaces.
Any comparison between this and the civil Rights movement, the women are the blacks. Not the men who think they're women.
Yes, the country is currently very divided and no one has suggested we keep either democrat women or republican women out of the ladies room.
Great piece! I love this. Thank you. That sounds like a really hard situation. Clearly, you really care about these friends and want to maintain a friendship, but one based on honesty and biological reality. They have moved in the opposite direction regarding biological reality, as so many have nowadays.
They're also probably caught between hanging onto reality, and a son who might be having a fit or threatening no contact if they ever question his "identity."
I am just beginning to talk with people around me about sex-role identity (gender identity), with mixed success. One thing I've been telling people, as gently and with as much compassion, yet confidence and conviction in my voice as I can, is that "I refer to people by their biology." They can't argue with that, because it shares that those are the words I choose to have come out of my mouth.* It has grounded a few conversations in reality. One mother teared up, and said she felt relieved to hear that, because her daughter had bullied her and her husband to much to use wrong-sex pronouns. But she started using female pronouns in our conversation, and refer to her daughter as such, partly because it's too difficult to converse if one person is using accurate language, and the other is using inaccurate language.
*If they do argue or call me "transphobic," I tell them "I refer to people by their biology because I'm not willing to gaslight myself or other people." And that using wrong-sex pronouns is bio-phobic and sexist. And that bio-phobia is an irrational fear of nature, including of one's own biological sex.
I also tell people it's not ok for males to use female bathrooms (except for little boys with their mom, for safety) because it's sexist, male entitlement. When someone tries to accuse me of bigotry, I point out that what they're advocating is sexism.
Women around the world have fought darn hard to have women's out houses and then bathrooms, in order to have access to the workplace, jobs, business districts, school, college, government halls of power, and other public spaces. We aren't about to start letting men in and taking them over, pushing us out.
If anyone asks where the proof is that men are dangerous to us in our spaces, I open up TerfIsASlur.com, and Reduxx on my phone for them.
Your essay is powerful, because it bolsters our courage to speak up as you did, and gives us practical ideas about how to navigate such conversations and relationships. We need more such sharing of specifics, because these situations are darn hard, and we all face them eventually.
Thank you.
We have always had delusional people, but we did not think we were helping them by going along with their delusions. Maybe we humored them, but we did not change societal norms to accommodate their delusions.
Very well said and done. Perhaps we need a Terfgiving Day where we appreciate all that Terfs do for our women and children knowing they/we will be hated by many for it. 🤗
Thanks for being your true self.
In times when lies are rampant, saying the truth is a heroic act.
Expect to be vilified and ghosted at first and when Lisa wakes up to the reality that he indeed is Paul, you might be the one they ask for help to sort it out.
Unfortunately that conversation WAS inevitable. I’d personally have a very hard time maintaining a relationship with any family who expected my belief in two sexes/genders to become subservient to their belief. I feel like I’d be able to refer to their child by whatever name he/she chose, but I wouldn’t be able to use that kid’s preferred pronouns, or allow a biologically male kid in the bathroom with my daughter.
Your belief in the binary of sex is supported by billions of years of evolution! Your belief is fact. Their belief is based on a house of cards ..on “ feelings” , which is why they get so angry when you counter their claims that sex is a “spectrum “,. Deep down they know they’re wrong. Ask them if they had parents…one male and one female.
Good for you. Even though attempts to bridge the ideological divide on this issue don't work, at least in the short run, it's still worth it to express yourself in the compassionate, forthright way that you've done here. Some day your friends might change their opinion on the trans issue, and you'll be glad that you didn't burn your bridges. You'll be glad anyway, because you took the high ground and told them the truth without malice.