To the Parents of PITT

From Kara Dansky, author of The TERF Report

To the Parents of PITT

I am writing this on the afternoon of August 28, the day after the Minneapolis shooting, and I am writing to say that I am furious on your behalf, and at everything that is being done to your families.

Writing on Substack earlier today, I expressed condolences to those who have been affected by the shooting. Most of the post is unrelated to the shooting and behind a paywall, but the pertinent part is above the paywall. About the shooting, I said:

Some people are blaming his parents for this. I’m not prepared to go there. I know too many parents whose children (whether minors or young adults) are caught up in this and I read their stories. I read nearly every story I receive from Parents with Inconvenient Truths About Trans (PITT). They’re struggling to figure out how to navigate this. Here is their post from this morning.

I understand that the shooter’s mother signed his legal documents changing his name when he was 17. I have no idea what her thinking was when she did so; how could I? Regardless, now, her child is dead, along with two other dead children. I take no solace in blaming her.

And we now know from reporting in the New York Post that even though she signed that paperwork, she was completely against the idea and told him he would come to regret it. Parents of young people like this young man are forced to make countless impossible decisions along the way.

Then, a friend sent me the following X post by Ben Appel:

A heartbroken mom writes a letter to @WaPo's "Ask Sahaj" about her high-achieving lesbian daughter with T1 diabetes who went to college, started dating a trans-ID'd girl, lost her scholarship, began IDing as male, had a breakdown, dropped out, started hormones through Medicaid, and is now without a job and moving across the country. The mom asks what she can do to improve her daughter's situation.

Sahaj says, 'I can hear how much you are grieving and struggling to accept how much your child has changed over the years. I imagine that is difficult, but you can mourn the loss of who your kid used to be without invalidating who they are today.

'You say your “daughter has become an entirely different person these past two years,” but what I am hearing is your son is becoming who he has always been and is now feeling confident enough to emerge more fully as himself. Your question should be less “How do I get my old child back?” and should move toward “How do I show up for the adult child I have now, so he wants to stay connected to me?” That’s ultimately the only sustainable way to “improve” your situation.'

Ben provides a link to the advice column itself.

There is a lot to be upset about regarding the industry that is coming after your children. But one of the things that galls me the most is the sheer cruelty of it all.

Imagine being an advice columnist, receiving this message from a mother grieving the loss of her daughter, and telling her to just accept her daughter as a man.

I often say that nothing with respect to this topic can shock me and, for the most part, that’s true. Nothing about men in women’s sports or prisons, or the links between “trans” and porn, or about the ridiculous manner in which Congressional Democrats behave when talking about the issue, shocks me any more. But the abject cruelty to which anyone who questions “trans” is subjected continues to shock me. I don’t know if it ever won’t.

People often ask me how long it’s going to take to end this. I recently asked that question of Jamie Reed and Lauren Leggieri from the LGB Courage Coalition and Jamie’s response was that she knew she was signing up for a 30-year-fight. Because once we end the destruction, we’re going to have to put everything back together again. We’re going to have to find ways to heal, from whatever ways we have been harmed.

I dedicated my 2021 book, The Abolition of Sex: How the ‘Transgender’ Agenda Harms Women and Girls to “the parents who watch in silent agony while a vicious industry works relentlessly to annihilate their children’s bodies and lives.” I stand by that today.

I don’t have answers as to how we’re going to get to where we need to be, but for now, please know you have allies, even if the Washington Post is not one of them.

Kara Dansky

The TERF Report