On January 22 the New York Times published “When Student Change Gender Identity, and Parents Don’t Know,” at last acknowledging that secret gender transitions were happing in schools. It featured a 16-year-old teen with autism whose parent discovered the teen had socially transitioned at school and accepted the high schooler’s sudden trans identification, to a point. At the time of publication, the Bradford teen continued to persist in a transgender identification. The article dared to report what many parents of ROGD kids have known: our kids often have psychological issues, and many of us skeptical parents are liberals. It even alluded to the danger of schools socially transitioning distressed youth. It did not, however, delve into whether schools who facilitate secret gender transitions actually cause the identify to persist longer or how in the world school staff are qualified to implement such apowerful intervention.
Yes, but listening doesn't mean automatically agreeing. If a boy says he's Batman, do you automatically affirm him as being Batman? Is he just having fun pretending to be Batman? Does he wish he was Batman because he's being bullied and he'd like to be a superhero? Or does he genuinely believe he is Batman?
I realize it's a little more complex with the issue of gender dysphoria, but rather than immediately affirming a child or adolescent as "being born in the wrong body," the adults need to dig deeper. For a young person, sometimes it's just a matter of feeling listened to. Well, these days everyone stops their grinnin' and drops their linen the instant anyone peeps out the word "trans." Maybe it's the first time some of these kids have felt anyone is listening to them so they keep on with the ruse, eventually believing the hype themselves.
A young person may be struggling to come to terms with their sexual orientation in a world that by and large remains homophobic. Or they may simply not be interested in performing prescriptive sex roles. Immediately affirming a kid as "trans" doesn't help them "become their authentic self" any more than grafting scales onto someone who believes themself to be a fish actually turns them into a fish. Trans is an oversimplified solution for complex problems that run much deeper than indivudual expression. I'd say it's like putting a band-aid on a gushing wound, except it's more like putting an orange peel on a gushing wound. At least a band-aid is in the right realm of treatment even if it's too small to handle the job.
"Trans" is not the right treatment for unhappy, confused adolescents who might be suffering from bullying, might be struggling with their sexual orientation, or might be on the autism spectrum. I'd go one step further and say that "trans" is the wrong treatment for most people. I say most because there are some people who transitioned as adults who seem to be happy with the choice to do so.
Why is something that was once a vanishingly rare phenomenon now a common occurrence? Hardly anyone in a position to do something that would make a real difference seems to be asking this question.
Thank you for posting. I wish schools would invite people like your son to speak at school conferences. Not to sway anyone, but to allow him to simply share his experience. Much like a war veteran invited to speak at a school assembly. His life might be a beacon for others.
Thank you for sharing. It does sound a lot like waiting for an alcoholic, drug addict, adulterous spouse, run-away teen to fall back into that trap. Your post shows there are many, many people who do not have any idea what the transgender issue is about. Experiences shared on PITT gives us a unique resource to help educate. Thanks to you all.
You were extremely lucky. I phoned the school and cancelled the new name. They had no problem. But my child had cut the connection to the family afterwards.
It is fascinating to see how many commenters think that it is easy to find a school that doesn't affirm. We are living in an affirmation jungle over here. The private schools are just as bad--so you can pay lots of money to have your kid indoctrinated! Higher ed is bad, too. The "Get a new school" recommendation is naive, and I am pleasantly surprised at the results the author got in her son's school. I would love to send my kid to THAT school. I know I will get well-meaning homeschool recommendations now...sigh. Yes, I am looking into that, too, but finding it is more difficult to do that at the high school level. I wish I could just send my kid to school for a good old-fashioned education.
you have hit on and described something huge here. My daughter has taken her trans flag down and speaks ill of the whole thing, but still insists that she is trans. Still goes by the new name with friends, school, etc. I believe it is because of the deep embarrassment you speak of. Damn these “allies.”
I'm happy for you. The path was difficult, but you walked it together. Unfortunately for my son, we never did find out from his high school (which secretly affirmed & never told us parents a word about it). In college he dove in the deep end and then quickly dropped out and fled home (within a matter of months).
I have deep rage against the authority figures that led my kid into this nightmare.
I have such a similar story - with my now-desisted daughter. I wrote to her head of school at the beginning of this year, explaining my daughter's situation (an ROGD kid whose mental health issues were not related to gender, that we were not abusive parents who did not accept our child, that our her mental health had progressively worsened when gender was a main focus, etc, etc.). We asked that her given name and pronouns be used by teachers. And we asked that teachers stop asking for children's pronouns upon introduction, because this is asking them to label themselves in front of their peers on the very first day of class, putting socially anxious and vulnerable teens on the spot to choose an identity.
To my surprise, the head of school replied with a resounding yes. She said the school's policy is to let the parents do the parenting - the school's job is to provide education. They CHANGED SCHOOL POLICY to prohibit teachers from asking for pronoun IDs in class introductions (children may still request other names and pronouns independently, but parent requests can override this). I literally cried tears of relief.
My child's school is a small regional charter, focused on life skills and early college opportunities. There are no sports, and they don't allow religious or political clubs - only academic or purely recreational activities. So they were already sort of set up to maintain a relative neutrality on this issue. Still, after all the horror stories I have read, I was shocked at such a positive and respectful response. I've since had similar conversations and correspondences with a summer camp director, a teen performing arts organization, youth group directors, and parents of children my daughter spends time with. Occasionally I've been met with anger and rejection. But I've found that many people, when they hear our story and realize we aren't hateful LGBT-bashers, but are in fact loving, conscientious, and deeply concerned parents of troubled children, a thread of common sense often begins to link us.
Sterilization that leads to Suicide are now “Health Care”
Funny how this “Life Saving” and “Gender Affirming” becomes Life-Altering and ends up in so many suicides... even after all the drugs, medications, and surgeries have been done ...and paid for!
Physical and psychological well-being should be a grave concern, given that 42 percent of transgender people will attempt suicide at some point in their lives, and people who have had “sex reassignment surgery” are approximately 20 times more likely than the general population to die by suicide, and have a much better than normal chance of committing suicide, both before and after the chemical or surgical castration.
The damage being done by the Left’s war on gender is also having a devastating effect on “transgender” individuals. A recent study published by the American Academy of Pediatrics found alarmingly high rates of attempted suicide among teens suffering from the so-called “gender dysphoria”.
The most comprehensive study ever conducted on suicide by those attempting to transform their gender was a 30-year Swedish study that concluded those doing so were 20 times more likely to commit suicide and 2.8 times more likely to be hospitalized for a psychiatric illness. It should be noted that Sweden is one of the most “trans-friendly” cultures in the world, making these numbers even more alarming.
Fully half of all adolescents who are born female but instead, “self-identify” as male will attempt suicide. The rate of attempted suicide among those born male but “self-identifying” as female was 30%. And over 40% of adolescents who “identify” as gender nonconforming that is neither male nor female attempted suicide.
Leftists have passed Laws to legally prevent people from getting the help they most desperately NEED, even if they themselves desperately WANT it! They ban the ability of individuals to receive counseling or therapy to avoid unwanted feelings of same-sex attraction. Anyone rendering assistance is in violation of that Law. Leftists could not care less about the 42% suicide rate!
“There are other studies, all ignored by the ‘gender changing’ advocates. Studies from Sweden, Denmark and also a 2013 study showing 90% of transgenders have mental disorders consisting of depression and anxiety–known causes of suicide. These studies provide irrefutable evidence transgenders overwhelmingly suffer from untreated mental disorders. Gender surgery is not the required treatment for depression and anxiety or other transgender mental disorders.
“The Swedish study concludes: ‘Persons with transsexualism, after sex reassignment, have considerably higher risks for mortality, suicidal behavior.’
“The Dutch study results state in 270 (75%) of these 359 patients, cross-gender identification was interpreted as an epiphenomenon of other psychiatric illnesses, notably personality, mood, dissociative, and psychotic disorders. Major mood disorders, dissociative disorders and psychotic disorders reported in 79% of transgenders.” This should be alarming.
“The 2013 study results suggest there is a need for practitioners to focus on interventions in helping transgenders with coping skills (adaption in the world) in order to improve mental health for transgender individuals.
“But if the professionals who treat transgenders remain unwilling to ‘come out’ about the mental disorders nothing will change in their diagnosis or treatment. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. They’ve got the insanity going on.”
Lost in all this outrage-generating, ‘politically correct’ insanity is that actual people are suffering from our collective trip down the gender-identity rabbit hole. Sex/gender is not “assigned” at birth; it is determined by the DNA of the newly created life at conception. And if every cell in a person’s body carries the XY chromosome, then that person is male, period, and indulging the fiction that a male can become a female, or vice versa, is an exceedingly cruel and harmful.
Transgenders (those suffering from the so-called ‘gender dysphoria’) have a suicide-attempt rate of more than 40% over their lifetimes (even post-surgery), as compared to less than 5% for the general population. Treating their disorder as being ‘normal’, and even worthy of celebration, is making the problem worse.
Those suffering from ‘gender dysphoria’ should be treated kindly and aided in getting the mental health treatment they need so that their minds are not constantly at war with their bodies. To do otherwise — is to value an ideology more than life.
Congratulations! Have you asked your son if he feels he would be happier homeschooling or transferring to a private school, assuming there are good ones in your area? My greatest regret with my daughter is not transferring her out of her small, private school full of bullies to a larger one where she could make more friends and not be the focus of so much hatred. (Public school wasn't an option because she was bullied almost to death there.) She's doing well in college now, but when I see how well my son is doing at his wonderful high school, I really wish she could have had that experience.
"we need to listen to our students….”
Yes, but listening doesn't mean automatically agreeing. If a boy says he's Batman, do you automatically affirm him as being Batman? Is he just having fun pretending to be Batman? Does he wish he was Batman because he's being bullied and he'd like to be a superhero? Or does he genuinely believe he is Batman?
I realize it's a little more complex with the issue of gender dysphoria, but rather than immediately affirming a child or adolescent as "being born in the wrong body," the adults need to dig deeper. For a young person, sometimes it's just a matter of feeling listened to. Well, these days everyone stops their grinnin' and drops their linen the instant anyone peeps out the word "trans." Maybe it's the first time some of these kids have felt anyone is listening to them so they keep on with the ruse, eventually believing the hype themselves.
A young person may be struggling to come to terms with their sexual orientation in a world that by and large remains homophobic. Or they may simply not be interested in performing prescriptive sex roles. Immediately affirming a kid as "trans" doesn't help them "become their authentic self" any more than grafting scales onto someone who believes themself to be a fish actually turns them into a fish. Trans is an oversimplified solution for complex problems that run much deeper than indivudual expression. I'd say it's like putting a band-aid on a gushing wound, except it's more like putting an orange peel on a gushing wound. At least a band-aid is in the right realm of treatment even if it's too small to handle the job.
"Trans" is not the right treatment for unhappy, confused adolescents who might be suffering from bullying, might be struggling with their sexual orientation, or might be on the autism spectrum. I'd go one step further and say that "trans" is the wrong treatment for most people. I say most because there are some people who transitioned as adults who seem to be happy with the choice to do so.
Why is something that was once a vanishingly rare phenomenon now a common occurrence? Hardly anyone in a position to do something that would make a real difference seems to be asking this question.
When it's your children being educated, parents need a definite yea or nay!
Thank you for posting. I wish schools would invite people like your son to speak at school conferences. Not to sway anyone, but to allow him to simply share his experience. Much like a war veteran invited to speak at a school assembly. His life might be a beacon for others.
Thank you for sharing. It does sound a lot like waiting for an alcoholic, drug addict, adulterous spouse, run-away teen to fall back into that trap. Your post shows there are many, many people who do not have any idea what the transgender issue is about. Experiences shared on PITT gives us a unique resource to help educate. Thanks to you all.
So glad your story had a happy and positive ending - it gives the rest of us hope. Thank you for sharing.
You were extremely lucky. I phoned the school and cancelled the new name. They had no problem. But my child had cut the connection to the family afterwards.
It is fascinating to see how many commenters think that it is easy to find a school that doesn't affirm. We are living in an affirmation jungle over here. The private schools are just as bad--so you can pay lots of money to have your kid indoctrinated! Higher ed is bad, too. The "Get a new school" recommendation is naive, and I am pleasantly surprised at the results the author got in her son's school. I would love to send my kid to THAT school. I know I will get well-meaning homeschool recommendations now...sigh. Yes, I am looking into that, too, but finding it is more difficult to do that at the high school level. I wish I could just send my kid to school for a good old-fashioned education.
you have hit on and described something huge here. My daughter has taken her trans flag down and speaks ill of the whole thing, but still insists that she is trans. Still goes by the new name with friends, school, etc. I believe it is because of the deep embarrassment you speak of. Damn these “allies.”
I'm happy for you. The path was difficult, but you walked it together. Unfortunately for my son, we never did find out from his high school (which secretly affirmed & never told us parents a word about it). In college he dove in the deep end and then quickly dropped out and fled home (within a matter of months).
I have deep rage against the authority figures that led my kid into this nightmare.
I have such a similar story - with my now-desisted daughter. I wrote to her head of school at the beginning of this year, explaining my daughter's situation (an ROGD kid whose mental health issues were not related to gender, that we were not abusive parents who did not accept our child, that our her mental health had progressively worsened when gender was a main focus, etc, etc.). We asked that her given name and pronouns be used by teachers. And we asked that teachers stop asking for children's pronouns upon introduction, because this is asking them to label themselves in front of their peers on the very first day of class, putting socially anxious and vulnerable teens on the spot to choose an identity.
To my surprise, the head of school replied with a resounding yes. She said the school's policy is to let the parents do the parenting - the school's job is to provide education. They CHANGED SCHOOL POLICY to prohibit teachers from asking for pronoun IDs in class introductions (children may still request other names and pronouns independently, but parent requests can override this). I literally cried tears of relief.
My child's school is a small regional charter, focused on life skills and early college opportunities. There are no sports, and they don't allow religious or political clubs - only academic or purely recreational activities. So they were already sort of set up to maintain a relative neutrality on this issue. Still, after all the horror stories I have read, I was shocked at such a positive and respectful response. I've since had similar conversations and correspondences with a summer camp director, a teen performing arts organization, youth group directors, and parents of children my daughter spends time with. Occasionally I've been met with anger and rejection. But I've found that many people, when they hear our story and realize we aren't hateful LGBT-bashers, but are in fact loving, conscientious, and deeply concerned parents of troubled children, a thread of common sense often begins to link us.
TRANSGENDER SUICIDE
Sterilization that leads to Suicide are now “Health Care”
Funny how this “Life Saving” and “Gender Affirming” becomes Life-Altering and ends up in so many suicides... even after all the drugs, medications, and surgeries have been done ...and paid for!
Physical and psychological well-being should be a grave concern, given that 42 percent of transgender people will attempt suicide at some point in their lives, and people who have had “sex reassignment surgery” are approximately 20 times more likely than the general population to die by suicide, and have a much better than normal chance of committing suicide, both before and after the chemical or surgical castration.
http://dailysignal.com/2017/10/30/ugly-truth-sex-reassignment-transgender-lobby-doesnt-want-know
The damage being done by the Left’s war on gender is also having a devastating effect on “transgender” individuals. A recent study published by the American Academy of Pediatrics found alarmingly high rates of attempted suicide among teens suffering from the so-called “gender dysphoria”.
The most comprehensive study ever conducted on suicide by those attempting to transform their gender was a 30-year Swedish study that concluded those doing so were 20 times more likely to commit suicide and 2.8 times more likely to be hospitalized for a psychiatric illness. It should be noted that Sweden is one of the most “trans-friendly” cultures in the world, making these numbers even more alarming.
Fully half of all adolescents who are born female but instead, “self-identify” as male will attempt suicide. The rate of attempted suicide among those born male but “self-identifying” as female was 30%. And over 40% of adolescents who “identify” as gender nonconforming that is neither male nor female attempted suicide.
Leftists have passed Laws to legally prevent people from getting the help they most desperately NEED, even if they themselves desperately WANT it! They ban the ability of individuals to receive counseling or therapy to avoid unwanted feelings of same-sex attraction. Anyone rendering assistance is in violation of that Law. Leftists could not care less about the 42% suicide rate!
“There are other studies, all ignored by the ‘gender changing’ advocates. Studies from Sweden, Denmark and also a 2013 study showing 90% of transgenders have mental disorders consisting of depression and anxiety–known causes of suicide. These studies provide irrefutable evidence transgenders overwhelmingly suffer from untreated mental disorders. Gender surgery is not the required treatment for depression and anxiety or other transgender mental disorders.
“The Swedish study concludes: ‘Persons with transsexualism, after sex reassignment, have considerably higher risks for mortality, suicidal behavior.’
“The Dutch study results state in 270 (75%) of these 359 patients, cross-gender identification was interpreted as an epiphenomenon of other psychiatric illnesses, notably personality, mood, dissociative, and psychotic disorders. Major mood disorders, dissociative disorders and psychotic disorders reported in 79% of transgenders.” This should be alarming.
“The 2013 study results suggest there is a need for practitioners to focus on interventions in helping transgenders with coping skills (adaption in the world) in order to improve mental health for transgender individuals.
“But if the professionals who treat transgenders remain unwilling to ‘come out’ about the mental disorders nothing will change in their diagnosis or treatment. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. They’ve got the insanity going on.”
Lost in all this outrage-generating, ‘politically correct’ insanity is that actual people are suffering from our collective trip down the gender-identity rabbit hole. Sex/gender is not “assigned” at birth; it is determined by the DNA of the newly created life at conception. And if every cell in a person’s body carries the XY chromosome, then that person is male, period, and indulging the fiction that a male can become a female, or vice versa, is an exceedingly cruel and harmful.
Transgenders (those suffering from the so-called ‘gender dysphoria’) have a suicide-attempt rate of more than 40% over their lifetimes (even post-surgery), as compared to less than 5% for the general population. Treating their disorder as being ‘normal’, and even worthy of celebration, is making the problem worse.
Those suffering from ‘gender dysphoria’ should be treated kindly and aided in getting the mental health treatment they need so that their minds are not constantly at war with their bodies. To do otherwise — is to value an ideology more than life.
Leftist parents
Autism or other mental problems
Corrupt school administrators and teachers
Corrupt psychologists and medical doctors
Social media addiction
Obsession with anime
Control these conditions, and the trans cult would soon fade away.
Brilliant piece of writing. This needs very widespread publication.
This is an amazing and well written story. This should be in the NYTimes.
I have never understood the rush to trans children. I am appalled actually at schools in North America.
Congratulations! Have you asked your son if he feels he would be happier homeschooling or transferring to a private school, assuming there are good ones in your area? My greatest regret with my daughter is not transferring her out of her small, private school full of bullies to a larger one where she could make more friends and not be the focus of so much hatred. (Public school wasn't an option because she was bullied almost to death there.) She's doing well in college now, but when I see how well my son is doing at his wonderful high school, I really wish she could have had that experience.
Prayers for your son!